The Over 40 Crowd

[children]

Hi LuAnne,

Any chance of checking out Fertility Center at San Antonio: http://www.fertilitysa.com/? I know it is not the best in the country, but it has high rate of pregnancy - higher than national avg. It doesn't have rules that are not reasonable, Dr. Neal was trained in Cornell and Dr. Pool was one of the inventors for the "embryo glue", a special kind of embryo transfer medium to make embros implant better, and he goes around the country to teach others how to make his "glue". I trust my clinic after working with them for a while - it took several interviews with other clinics inluding the medical center where I worked as a faculty member. Later, I met many girls who are quite happy about their experiences also with my clinic - they went there mostly because of referals. It charges very reasonable compared to other clinics ($8000/cycle, meds excluded) but it provides the best service one can hope for. The professionalisms of all the nurses impress me a lot!

Oh, I have a girlfriend who is using the Advanced Fertility Center in Chicago. She likes it very much also, and she is just starting the treatment now and I will let you know how her precedure is working out, if by chance you are going there in the near future.

Best luck in finding a good place! By the way, I like your positive spirit!

Yasmina

[teachertam]

LuAnne:

I'm glad that you are looking into other clinics. My RE, Dr. Donald Cline, does not like to transfer more than 3 embies, but my embryologist and I talked him into doing 5 last time, since I'm over 40. Women over 40 have a very slim chance of becoming pregnant with multiples greater than twins. The embryologist that I used is one of the best in the country, Dr. Jeffrey Boldt. He watches the fertilization process. If necessary he would perform ICSI. However, in my cases, ICSI was not necessary. He called me very morning to inform me about the progress of my embies. My doctors only do 5 day transfers. I have included the link to Dr. Cline's website. He is located in Indianapolis, IN. Dr. Cline and Dr. Boldt developed the procedure for freezing eggs. Dr. Cline does not believe in freezing embies. I still have 4 eggs in the freezer. Good luck.

http://www.reproductivehope.com/

Lisa: It is so good to hear from you. I'm glad you and DH are doing well. My DH and I love to travel. I even thought of taking a trip to Hawaii this summer, after the baby was born. However, I dread the 9.5 hour flight with an infant.

Yasmina: I hope everything is good with you.

Hello to everyone else.

Take care all,
Tammy

[Kat]

Just what I really didn’t need right now – a happy baby news announcement emailed to the whole company from someone who has only been married for 1½ years. I had to go and cry in the loo and go to my meeting with a shiny red nose minus half my mascara – v attractive! ''A lovely summer baby'' she put on her email, probably planned it to be that way. Witch.
This announcement was closely followed by another from a father-to-be which I knew about already - the last time I was in the loo in tears a while back was when I heard about that one.

Does this mean I really am not AT ALL ready to give this all up? I don’t feel jealous as such, I just hate these people for being pg. Perhaps I really am losing it (can I just say I don’t hate any of you for being pg, that’s different). I know that if I got pg naturally it would be the best ever thing so is it just the thought of tmt that is holding me back?

I met a friend in the loos and when she saw the state I was in she said ''I thought you were over all of that by now''. Just goes to show you have to have been there to understand. She is the same age as me but never wanted children so has never really understood.

Some days I want to go and curl up in a hole and never come out. Most days I’m fine but then something comes up behind me and smacks me on the back of the head when you’re least expecting it.

Sorry about being depressing.

It's lovely to hear from you Lisa, glad to hear things are going OK for you, you seem to be holding it together better than I am at the moment!
I was sorry to read your news LuAnne & Wisconsingal, as Lisa says you are in the right place for support in whatever you do next.

Hi to everyone else too & sorry again for being a miserable cow.

Kat xx

PS I have finally posted the letter to the clinic to say we want to stay on the waiting list but we'll see when the time comes...

[LuAnne41]

Kat:
Oh how I know!!! I had the "honor" of hosting a baby shower about a year ago. Mommy2be & her DH's relationship was unstable when they conceived #2. They weren't even trying either. WELL, ISN'T THAT NICE?! What makes me angry is they were so cavalier about having a baby. Sometimes I wonder if she just woke up one day & decided out of the blue to get pregnant that day, w/as much thought as she gave to what she was going to wear and eat that day. Of course, the truth is she probably gave it little, if any, thought. I guess it's just that I think some people do not take parenthood seriously, while others struggle to become parents. That doesn't seem fair! Anyway, if you are a little bit crazy, then I'm totally mental. This is a difficult card to be dealt, one that you could never explain to someone like your insensitive coworker. By the way, I used the word insensitive to be nice. I had another word in mind. No one can tell you what to do about another cycle, but it sounds like your not finished yet. Whatever you decide, you have our support.

Tammy:
Donald Cline is actually the RE that suggested IVF to me way back when. At that time, he said he would implant all the embryos as they do not freeze them. I was concerned about high order multiple pregnancy. HA! Anyway, I went to a different clinic. I actually did like him though, as I felt he was meticulous. I also would prefer a 5 day transfer since I know the embies that make it to the blastocyct stage are way more likely to implant. It seems like a more feasible approach. I will most likely be using an egg donor. I assume they do that?

Yasmina:
Thanks for the info. I might as well check them out too. I assume that is your clinic? I realize I may have to do multiple cycles to maximize the chance of success. I'll just sort of have to start all over with the new clinic, if I change clinics, and I probably will. Definitely keep me posted on your friend's progress. I was impressed by the clinics I have chosen to check into based on their high success rates and cutting edge technology. The clinic in San Francisco boasts success rates of 79% per attempt on ET with DE. That's extraordinary, but they are very very good, and also very expensive. (As if this isn't expensive elsewhere! )

Thanks everyone! I go to the doctor tomorrow for my BFN consult, and I plan to ask plenty of ??? so I'll let you know what I learn.

LuAnne

[teachertam]

LuAnne,

Dr. Cline and Dr. Boldt will only fertilize the eggs that they plan on transferring. For my last IVF cycle, they fertilized 8 eggs and 5 made it to transfer. Three of them stopped progressing and were discarded. The remaining 4 eggs were (and still are) frozen. Those eggs can then be thawed and fertilized for future use. Dr. Cline does deal with donor eggs.
You don't have to worry about high order multiples, since you are over 40. Women over 40 using their own eggs just do not have multiples greater than twins. That is why I went ahead and transferred 5 embies last time. I was ok with having twins.

Keep in mind that the clinics posting very high success rates hand pick their clients. If you are over a certain age, they will probably not treat you unless you use donor eggs. Some clinics with lower success rates are more willing to treat older clients.

Kat:

I'm so sorry that you are still dealing with emotions relating to co-workers' pregnancies. This only bothered me once, this past January. DH and I were at Borders on New Year's Day, just after a failed IVF. We ran into my ex-boyfriend and his new very pregnant wife. It was obvious that they got married due to her unexpected pregnancy. She already had 2 kids and he had 3 kids!!!!!!! I felt that DH and I were much more deserving of a baby than they were. I think that you and DH should go ahead with the donor cycle, when a donor becomes available in the UK. You have obviously not given up your dream to become a mother and why should you. You are still young. I'm hoping that a donor becomes available very soon for you!!

Hello to Lisa, Bev, Yasmina, Anna, Wisconsingal, Randa and anyone else that I have missed.

Take care all,
Tammy

[LuAnne41]

Tammy:
Thanks for the info. It was some years back when I went to Dr. Cline, & egg freezing was not an option back then. I didn't understand that they wait to fertilize the egg until they plan to use it. You cleared that up for me. I like Dr. Cline, and am definitely close enough to Indianapolis to use him easily. Thanks again.

I realize clinics do things to tweak their results, but the statistics I was referring to actually were for donor egg use. It always seems to be considerably higher than conventional IVF, and I almost certainly will use donor eggs.

Oh yeah, I know this is so "Second grade", but I hope you run into your ex-boyfriend again real soon.

Kat:
I do hope a donor becomes available to you soon, and that you & your DH decide to do another cycle.

All:
As for the results of my post cycle consult, the doctor said that both she and the embryologist felt the embryos were of "below average" quality, because the eggs were of poor quality. Then they offered me a different donor that is 34 years old. The first donor that was a "poor responder" with "poor egg quality" was 33. I think they are going in the wrong direction! Anyway, I am waiting to hear back from Pacific Fertility in San Francisco to schedule a telephone consultation, and I have an appointment scheduled at the clinic in Louisville for December 15th. As soon as I receive my medical records, I will be scheduling more appointments. I plan to gather opinions, hear what they all have to say, go over it all w/DH and hopefully be ready to jump back in right after the holidays. I hope you all are all doing well.

LuAnne

[Kat]

I think I want to try again

I don't think I can go through my whole life hating people who are pg and being scared of going to things like weddings or parties (or the supermarket!) incase there might be a pg lady there. I don't think I can carry on surreptitiously studing co-workers' bellies to see if they are pg or not or worrying about whether at some time in the future they might be pg.

Can I just say this is by no means a final decision so don't all get too excited. I still have to convince DH that this is the right thing to do and that I really can cope with another go.

Kat xx

[children]

Hi LuAnne,

Yes, I used FCOSA and my own eggs which were produced in 2005 when I was 43. I have not known any thing about donor eggs, but I am sure they prefer using donor eggs. However, they treated old lady like me very well and they gave me a pregnancy, that IS the outcome we are looking for!!! A phone call consultation won't cost you much; I would give them a call and ask for Dr. Neal. Dr. Martin is wonderful too, but I chose Dr. Neal because he is handsomer and younger! Drs. Martin and Neal see all their patients in their clinic anyways. The good thing is that FCOSA has higher pregnancy rate in age group of >39, which is again what we are looking for! They used to have an age cut-off at 44, if use your own eggs. However, if you use donor eggs, they don't have age limit. Also, they agree to take me back if I in the future want to have another child using my own eggs, even though I will be way over their usual age limit. They said they would at least try one more fresh cycle with me, if necessary. Anyway, my best feeling about them is that they are there to help you get what you want; they are not there to make money out of you. They have large pool of poor people. I was recommended to go another RE who was the first one got test tube baby in SA, but I quitted seeing her after a year of being her "patient", not only because she charges the same procedure 2~3x more, but also because all her nurses (there are tons of them too!) are chatting and joking every time when I was in the waiting room. The lack of professionalism is a big turn off for me. They seem to be happier when you can not have a baby, so that you will be around and they can make more money!!!!

Sorry for the bitterness towards some clinics. Successes don't come easily, that is my point. We don't just land in good hands; we spend efforts to find good hands. You are trying your best to find someone you trust, that is definitely right direction to go!

Kat,

I just wanted to say that I did not go to my colleague's baby shower last time either when my ivf failed and I could not stop crying whenever people talked about babies. I was of course jealous also and could not say congratulations to her; she was only 28, for God sakes! Then I found out that she in fact spent more than 5 years to get her son and she had to remove a big fibrocyst from her uterus during her first trimester! Later on, she had blood clotting issues to deal with and she missed work for two months! It was not an easy pregnancy for her after all! I guess my point is that every one has a story of his own. I would focus on myself, I mean yourself - define what makes you, yourself, happy and go for that, whatever it takes, if it takes another cycle, another few cycles, go for that. In the end, you will never blame yourself for not trying your best!

Tammy, Bev, and Anna,

I won't see my OB until Nov. 30. My girl dances if I put music/headphone on my tummy. I have my friend's stethoscope and I can listen to her heartbeat whenever I want. My hubby feels her kicks also every night and morning and he becomes more of a father now. I feel full almost all the time which impairs my food intake. The times that I feel hungry I don't know what I would like to eat! I think the stress from new job and new city has something to do with my slow weight gain. I also fall quite often these days, I lose my balance easily. Do some of you have these clumziness? I believe and hope you all doing better. My next visit will be longer because they are going to see my glucose tolerance, will report then!

Take care, you all!

Yasmina

[children]

Kat,

I just missed your post by 6 min. I am happy for your semi-final decision, good luck in convincing your dh and yourself!

Yasmina

[WISCONSINGAL]

HI

I JUST WANTED TO SAY "KAT" YOUR NOT ALONE. DON'T FEEL BAD FOR CRYING OR VENTING. THERE'S TONS MORE WOMEN OTHER THAN US THAT ARE DEALING WITH THIS ISSUE THAN JUST THE ONES REPLYING TO THIS BOARD. IF YOU DIDN'T FEEL THESE EMOTIONS YOU WOULDN'T BE HUMAN. AS FAR AS THE LADY THAT REPLIED "I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER THAT" MAN, DO I HAVE A FEW CHOICE WORDS FOR HER......AND I HOPE I PITTY THE FOOL THAT WOULD EVER SAY THAT TO ME WHEN I WAS HAVING A REFLECTIVE MOMENT.

YOU GUYS I STILL HAVEN'T MADE MY APPOINTMENT WITH DR. SEVERINO ....I'M SO SCARED TO HEAR HIM SAY "WE DONT' KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG." AGAIN!!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M SUPPORTING THIS DAM NEW CLINIC THEY JUST BUILT AND THAT I'M JUST AND EXPERIMENT FOR PETE SAKE! MY DH WAS SO CONFIDENT THIS TIME, AND HE SAID HE WAS SO PROUD OF ME FOR THE STRICT REGIMENT AND ALL THE STOMACH SHOTS.....AND BRUISES......AND EMOTIONS YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH WHEN YOUR GOING THROUGH THIS. I GUESS I'M JUST SCARED OF HAVING TO CALL IT QUITS AND THROWING IN THE TOWEL. I'M NOT SURE WHAT SAYING "I'M DONE WILL MEAN IF THE DR. TELLS ME HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG". WE DON'T HAVE ANOTHER $20,000.00 TO PUT OUT THERE.....IT TOOK US 3 YEARS TO SAVE UP FOR THIS LAST TRY.

I ALSO WANT TO SAY KEEP POSTING EVERYONE........THERE IS A SENSE OF UNDERSTANDING AND RELIEF WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR TALKING TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE "BEEN THERE AND DONE THIS".

THANKS FOR THE EARS!!!

[Kat]

Well, what a week I am having. Down one minute, up the next.

I came home tonight and DH asked if I was feeling better. I said to him what I posted earlier about not being able to go through life being scared of people being pg and also other things like if we don't go for it again then we'd never know etc etc. One last try or we'd always be wondering what if.

He just looked and me and said "yes". No hesitation, just like we were talking about what to watch on tv. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have him (if a little surprised)

I have never been so sure as I am at this moment that this is right.

So ladies...watch this space.... I must be absolutely mad

Kat xx

[teachertam]

Hello Ladies:

I had my OB appt. today. It went well. The doctor said that I'm measuring about 24 weeks, which is right on. I asked about having another scan and he said that I could have one in 6 weeks. I guess my next appt. is in 4 weeks, but then I start going every 2 weeks.

Kat: That is just the most wonderful news!! I'm so glad that you have such a supportive DH. We can't wait to follow your cycle. I hope the clinic calls soon with a donor.

Wisconsingal: I understand your frustration. But you will never know, if you don't set up your post IVF conference.

Luanne: I'm so glad to hear that you have been setting up appointments with different clinics. Let me know if you have any additional questions about Dr. Cline's practice.

Yasmina: I just recently bought a new cell phone and was trying out the ring tones. Andrew was particularly active during this period.

Hello to Anna, Bev, Lisa and everyone else.

Regards,
Tammy

[032323]

Hi Kat

Just wanted to say good for you!!!

I am 44 years old and my next attempt will be my 6th icsi cycle!! Yeah I think Im mad too!!

My doctor has suggested I use a drug called DHEA before my next attempt - apparantley it has to be taken for 4 months prior to next ivf try.
Apparantley there is scientific proof after trials that DHEA can help improve egg quantity and quality!!

He gave me the web address and phone number for a centre for reproductive medicine in America and asked me to contact them for this drug. I went on to the website and found that they were giving free email consultations. I contacted them and gave them medical details and awaited a reply. I have had a reply which said that I havent given them enough info for them to comment so I should arrange a phone consultation in order to discuss further as I have to be a patient of theirs!!. I called them this evening and was told by the receptionist that this consultation would cost me $375!!! I very politely asked them NOT to book the telephone appt.!!
I have priced DHEA on the internet and it is really cheap!! So I have
emailed them back to ask what other info they require in order to let me know what dosage I would require and could I get it from them. I cannot believe all this palava!! Sorry if I have ranted on a bit!!!

[Kat]

Hi all

Caz - too late for me and the DHEA - I am due to use donor eggs - but I remember DebraP did some research on it a while ago - you could have a look back through some old posts - unless you're still keeping your eye on us Debra..! $375 is not what I would call a free consultation but I am sure you will be able to find out more info without paying that particular clinic.

It's funny, I hadn't realised the effect it was having on me not knowing what we would do but now we have decided I am feeling calm somehow, not stressed at all. Remind me of that when I am on my 2ww!

Hope everyone is OK - Anna? Bev? Haven't seen you here for a little while

Lots of love
Kat xx

[AMck]

Hello ladies, well we finally made it to Friday....it's been a long week!

Kat, so thrilled for you. It can't have been easy to make your decision. With you all the way! Will you wait for a donor in the UK or go back to Barcelona? So excited for you xx

Hi Caz, haven't seen you post for a while. Good to hear from you. Wishing you luck with this next cycle

Tammy, glad to see your appointment went well. Keep us posted with your progress.

Yasmina, what fun to have a stethoscope! Hope you are Ok and not falling too much, take care xx

LuAnne, good to see you are in high spirits. Will be watching for your progress. Good luck.

Nothing much to report from me...another week over...still feeling fine....work is really busy. We are starting with all our christmas preparations. It's such good fun in a primary school!
Oh and we sent a letter out telling all the parents at school my news. The response was overwhelming. I had a queue of mums at the gate this morning waiting to congratulate me! Their comments were so supportive and lovely I felt quite emotional! Even some of the very young pupils have been to visit me in my office to very shyly say congratulations!
Needless to say I felt very special and cared for

Hi to all other lovely ladies here
Have a great weekend everyone
Hugs
Anna x