BFP awaiting scan

[cowgirlclass]

Believebaby- I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing! When is your next scan? I will be praying that everyting comes out good for you and baby!

Ophee, I am looking forward to gettting your good news on Thursday! I hope you hopes and dreams come true!

Yogi, I am glad everything is okay now!

For the rest of you ladies, hope everything is going well and you are enjoying your pregnancy!!!!

Take care all,
Cowgirl

[Believebaby]

All,

I'm afraid I have some pretty devastating news. We went back for another scan yesterday and the doctor could not find the heartbeat. Being I am 7w2d, that is definitely not good. I went for more bw and the count only went up a couple thousand so not a good increase. He is going to have me come back on Thurs. to do a final count and confirm the pregnancy is not viable and then I will go in for a D&C on Friday. It's been emotionally and physically exhausing and I am numb. I have been crying all night and day and don't know where to go from here.

I still have some fight left deep down inside me and am not ready to give up yet. I do need a break from all of this though so will probably take the holidays off to refocus and recharge. I'm hoping I can stay busy and start fresh in the new year.

I am so happy for those of you who are living your dream. You give me hope that one day it will happen for me too. God bless you all and those angels growing inside of you. Treasure each moment in sickness and in health! It will be worth every second in the end!

[Nance]

Believebaby,

Words can not convey how very sorry I am for your loss. I know nothing I can say will help but please know that you and your DH are in my prayers and thoughts and if there is anything we can do to bring some comfort to you please let us know. Take care of yourself.

All my best,
Nance

[cowgirlclass]

Believebaby, I am so very sorry! My heart hurts for you. It is heart wrentching to come so far to be sent back to square one. I hope in time all your dreams come true and charish the time because of what it took to get there.

You and DH take care and God Bless.
Cowgirl

[souris]

Hello Ladies,

I finally have the courage to join a thread. I still cannot bring myself to post on the pregnant side, I guess I will start slowly...Until now , I still could not believe that I am pregnant, and I went for a scan today, and we saw the HB, so I told myself that I need to relax a bit now. IVF has been so hard, and I tried my possible not to get attached to my lil one, so if this pregnancy was taken away from me, I would survived. I am now nearly 12 weeks, so I guess I can start beleiving that all is going ok.

I did not get to see the lil one a lot today, I was not suppose to have a scan done but I was so nervous that I begged them to do one, just to see the HB.
My proper scan is on the 20th, it is the nuchal scan

Beleivebaby, I am so so sorry to read your news. I am sure a break will do you good to come back full of PMA for the new year. It seems so unfair, after what we have all been through. I dont know what to so to ease your pain.
Take care of yourself and DH

xxx
souris

[cowgirlclass]

Big Congrats souris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The 12 week mark is magical, you should sit back and relax and know that you have made it through the most dangerous time successfully! I am so happy for you and I bet all of us can not wait to join you!

Congrats,
Cowgirl

[thook]

Aimee- I started to cry this morning when I read your post... I'm so so sorry for you & DH. I know that there is nothing that I can say that will ease your pain, but please know that you are both in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the best of luck in everything. Please keep us posted as to what you are doing....

My dearest regret
Tasha

[cmoscar]

My heart is breaking fr the sad news all around. There is sad news on the old Oct Bubbies as well as here. Believebaby I feel for you. You are in a lonely place right now, but there are others, like Jeck, you can rely on for support. Miscarriages are a tough loss and often there is no good explaination. I am sending you lots of love to wrap around both you and DH.

All, My news from my scan was good. The baby is right on target and the heartbeat came in at 176 bpm. There are no sign of my infamous blood clots and I am letting myself get more excited. However, my RE did not release us. My BW still shows problems with the blood clotting and my RE referred me to a Hemotologist and will consult with him before my next appointment on Dec 1st. My appointment with the Hemotologist is on Monday and I am hoping for better news. I don't think I can give myself two shots every day for the next 9 months (and beyond from what the RE was saying). He also told me that my sister should get tested because she is risk of having strokes and other blood clot related issues.

Anyway, I am trying not to worry too much about that and rather I am working on school and the baby's room and work and scouting. Every night I plop into bed late and exhausted only to get up too soon and start again. I keep saying I will stop, but my company is offering me a promotion if I promise to only take a 3 month maternity leave instead of leaving the company. I am unsure of what to do yet, but I have to think long term.

Hope all are feeling well today.

[jstrandlund]

Aimee, I am praying for you to find comfort and peace right now. I too went in today for an ultrasound and was told it was not a viable pregnancy so now we wait to see if it will resolve itself or if I will need a d&c. This is definately the most heartbreaking feeling. I too feel so numb that I don't really think it has completely sunk in yet. We have also decided to take some time off and let our minds and hearts heal along with my body. We just need to continue to have faith and believe that someday our dreams will come true! You are in my prayers!

[Believebaby]

Jeck, Nance, Cowgirl, Souris, Tasha, Rachael, Jill......

Thank you! I really appreciate your words of comfort, it really does help to know I have my buddies here to keep me strong. I haven't been able to check in since Tuesday because I needed to let all this sink in. I am feeling a little better today. I actually go in to have my blood drawn in about an hour to confirm my counts aren't increasing and basically confirm this pregnancy is ending. I have mixed feeling about today, a part of me is still holding on to that sliver of hope that maybe I will receive a miracle and find out I'm back on track. However, my defenses have kicked in and I'm totally prepared to hear that this round is coming to an end. I'm mostly just dreading tomorrow if I have to go in for the D&C. I've never had one and it's the final leg of this journey so makes it difficult emotionally.

On a positive note, I've contacted a new fertility clinic and have an appt. in 2 weeks to go in and discuss the next steps. I love the doc I have know but after 2 rounds, I think I need to approach this will a fresh perspective and a different protocol. I figure we will maybe start again in January. The other Oct. girls that have had to deal with our BFP turning into a BFN have inspired me to keep fighting and not give up. The strength I find from all you is such a blessing. I can't thank you all enough.

Jill, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this as well. You have such a fighting spirit and PMA, I'm taking your lead in not giving up. Jeck, you are our fearless leader also and I draw so much strength from your attitude. We are fighters and it's taken so much to get to where we are now and we've come so far, it would be against our nature to give up. I pray that all our dreams will become a reality one day.

I've had enough time now to deal with this and think it through and I feel now that the highest mountains to climb, have the best view so we must keep climbing so we eventually reach the top.

All the best to those of you who have made it! We're hoping you can give us a helping hand until we've made it to the top with you!

[Jen J]

BelieveBaby and jstrandlund-I am so sorry to hear of your losses and wish you both much comfort and peace as you recover. You and your DH's are all in my thoughts.

[thook]

Aimee- glad to hear your doing a little better today. I'm also so happy to hear that your going to continue until your dreams come true. That's a true fighter... Just remember that your in our thoughts and prayers for a successful cycle (whatever that may be). Please don't lose contact with us... we want to hear all about your new plan. Good luck and stay positive! It will happen one day... just keep praying.

Tasha

[Ophee]

Aimee, I feel so sorry for you and my heart hurts for you. But at the same time, I wishing a miracle for you BW. You are so strong and really moving quickly to the next step. Happy to know that you are doing better.

Jill, I am so sorry for you too. It's just so difficult to be lifted high and let down. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Nance, sorry for your second beanie. You are so positive, which is very good. It's very nice that your other beanie is doing so well.

Brit, congratulation!!! I knew that, there should be more than 1 in there. I am glad that both your beanies are doing well. It's such a long wait, it must be a good relief.

There is a reason why I have been missing again for a couple of days. I started spotting on Monday night, and then turned into bleeding on Tuesday morning. I called my doc and he sent me in his clinic immediately. It was fresh blood, so it was not a good sign. He quickly gave me a checkup of the bleeding and then did a scan to check the beanies. One of the beanie didn't look good, but still around, but can't see the heartbeat yet. The other 2 beanies are doing OK with heartbeat. Then, a very shocking sign shown on the scan when the doctor move a little to the right. You really need to hold on tight for this one ... there is actually the 4th beanie. No way, the doctor can't believe this. My DH was there with me, and he was shocked. The doctor told me that he was in this business for more than 25 years and it's the first time he actually see 4 beanies. I am sure you next question is how many we actually transferred ... in the hospital record, it's 3 embies ... in fact, it's 3 just OK quality embies and 1 poor quality embie. Can you believe this??? I still can't believe this. When I did my 3rd scan and found out we had 3 beanies, my DH actually said, '1st scan 1 beanie, 2nd scan 2 beanies, 3rd scan 3 beanies, how about 4th scan?'. Wow! 4th scan actually shown 4 beanies. It's so scary!!

Since 1 of the beanie was not doing good, the doctor is hoping that we will lose it naturally. It's really a very confusing thought, we wish the beanies doing well and also ...

So, my doctor gave me a strong shot to make sure we can keep the other beanies. And then sent me to hospital. I was hopitalized for 3 days and was just released last evening. But I need to be on bed-rest for these next couple of days before my next appointment next Tuesday.

[thook]

Ophee- OMG... 4 beanies! You must be in shock right now. However, sorry to hear about your one beanie, but maybe it is for the best like the doctor says (however something you never want to happen). Good luck and take it easy... you know have 5 people to watch out for (yikes).

Tasha

[Ophee]

Tasha, thanks for your kind words. I started again with some spotting yesterday, this time, it's brown. May be one of the beanie really didn't make it. I am so worry about the others ... I am going in for my next appointment today. Will let you know what happen when I return.