Checking back in

[Claire C]

Hi all,<br><br>I'm back from holiday and trying to get back to some semblance of normality. I have been looking through all the posts to find out how everyone is doing - its amazing that you can be away for a couple of weeks and for everything to change so much. These 2ww's seem like a lifetime and here I am 2 weeks after a -ive and it seems like no time at all?<br><br>I feel a bit of an intruder reading the posts as we had already decided that it was to be our last treatment and so I can't promise to be anyone's cycle buddy or mention the next step for me. Its sad to say goodbye to all of this as this site has been a god send during all the traumatic times as you all really understand what we go thru in pursuit of our own little angels. Sadly not to be for me, I keep thinking that I'm coping pretty well, I'm back at work and looking normal again - but then I pass a pram in the street or I see a teenager with a baby and I just feel that its so unfair. I'm almost 37 and I won't be like one of the mum's in the adverts washing their babies with baby soft wash or using pampers pull ups. There are constant reminders and not least on holiday when I always feel that people think you are either selfish for not having a family ie. you don't want to ruin your lifestyle or figure or you have just met? I wish I didn't feel like I have to explain or justify my childless state. I work in a large open plan office and when I look round I am the oldest married woman who doesn't have a family? I am surrounded by grandparents and new mum's with their photos and baby stories and its so hard not to break down at times.<br><br>Sorry I started this feeling quite ++ive and upbeat and its just degenerated. These are the sorts of feelings that other people don't understand. DH hasn't said much i don't think he wants to talk about it just yet, but he has been a tower of strength for me.<br><br>I will look in on you all from time to time but for the moment I want to get back into my exercise regime, drop a dress size for xmas and pamper myself a bit - sounds like a magazine front cover!! I'm going out for a girly nite on friday so I will have a drink for all you 2ww's and pg ladies! <br><br>Thanks for all your support esp Nikola, congrats on your twins - what wonderful news!<br><br>Love <br><br>Claire C<br>-x-

[fi]

hi claire,<br><br>glad you had good holiday, sorry to read you r post though about being final one, could you handle one given some time off? i am reeling from our 3rd attempt giving a positive result then an ectopic, but we are going to go again and again until we get the result we soooooo wish for . just wanted to say i know EXACTLY how you feel, it doesnt get any easier does it. i am at the stage where EVERYONE we know is preggers/has children but we have to hang in there!!!<br><br>so hope you enjoy getting your life back together, but dont close the door completely....????<br><br>much love,<br>fi

[Nikola]

hi Claire<br><br>Did you managed to relax and enjoy your holiday? I'm sure the time away together will have been invaluable to you both. I think sometimes when we are engrossed in the whole IVF rollercoaster its so easy to forget that there is other stuff going on too. Time out helps you tune back into reality.<br><br>I think you are so brave making the decision to finish the ivf and try to find a sense of normality. I don't think I could have done that, I'd have probably driven myself into the ground before I stopped (which is NOT good!!) Have you considered other options eg adoption/fostering? Not being able to conceive does not mean it has to be the end of you having a family altogether.<br><br>One thing you should remember is that 37 is not old!! You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. You can do whatever you want.<br><br>I suspect your dh doesn't want to talk about it for fear of uspsetting you. I'm sure when you are both ready you'll be able to sit down together and discuss things. Just keep taking each day as it comes and don't try to do too much too soon.<br><br>Thinking about you lots, and here if ever you need someone to talk to - just email me!<br><br>lots of love<br>nikola.xxxxx