Red wine talking

becky · Post by **becky** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:13 pm

Hi guys It has been months since I posted on this site..have spent alot of time coming to terms with the fact that dh and I have reached the end of the IVF route..and we have 100% decided (Caz would have a laugh at this one!) to go for adoption..but we had the dreaded phone call tonight..that we haven't been selected on the next group because there are only the 8 places..so the feeling of failure is back again! On a more positive note..I have given up my well paid stressful office job to become a trainee nursery nurse..to gain experience with kiddies and help with our adoption application (hasn't helped much though has it!) On of the girls there has just had her 2nd IVF and today found out that she is pregnant..I am so pleased for her (as we all feel when another one of 'us' gets pregnant..but just wish that dh and I had also had good news and been selected for the adoption..can't help feeling the same emotions that we had when we had ICSI 1 and 2 fail. Sorry if I sound down..but just a bit fed up..red wine doesn't help either! Love Becky B

SBROWN · Post by **SBROWN** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 9:26 pm

Hi Becky You have every right to feel down......I cant imagine how you are feeling, after the roller coaster of IVF & then coming to the difficult decision to adopt & then to get this news....... I dont know much about adoption but have they given you any indication when you can go to the next stage??.......it seems so unfair Please dont feel a failure because you are not, there must be reason you have not been selected this time, maybe a little miracle will happen(I really pray it will) or maybe there is a little one being conceived at the moment who will need you to love him/her one day but he/she needs you to hang on a little longer so that when he/she is born you will be at the right stage of the process to find each other...... Anyway, chin up, sorry I cant be of much help but am thinking of you Sarah xx [Edited by SBROWN on 15-Oct-03 14:28]

ogr1 · Post by **ogr1** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 4:23 am

the one thing that i have told myself is to hang on. i never thought i would get this far in lfe. who knows what will be ahead. have you ever though about being a foster parent. it is very hard at times ,but it will prepare you for anything. we have 8 and adopted 2. good luck becky (ogr)

july ann · Post by **july ann** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 9:28 am

hi becky my best friend had three goes at ivf. they decided to go down the adoption route. well they tried to get on the course and the same thing happened to them, she wrote a letter to her mp about how she had done everything the goverment had asked of her i.e worked hard, got married,paid for ivf.she explained how she felt about all those children in care and her waiting... well one week later she had a letter back from her mp saying he was looking into her case. well she had a phone call that day to say someone had drop out would she like to go on the course. I would write to your mp it can do no harm and who knows. it took a year to get approved but they have just got a boy of 5 and a little girl of 3. they are really happy.. i wish you luck and hope all goes well for you. from july ann

fiona_lk · Post by **fiona_lk** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 9:59 am

Hi Becky, Although we don't speak much, I do think of you often and watch out for any news. I feel so much for you that you've made the difficult decision to close the IVF part of your life only to be faced with the same sort of feelings - its not what should happen, you deserve more. Well Becky(ogr) and July Ann seem to have given some ideas for thought - wow, fostering, I guess that once you have them in your care and it feels right to adopt then things may go slightly smoother, if not quicker(?). I'd love to see an update on your thoughts on both these good ideas. I hope for your sake that things get easier, but am confident you will get your dream in the end, so you must hold onto it. Like Sarah says, maybe old Fate is holding you back for a purpose - Les is a great believer in Fate but I find it hard to see when bad things are happening, but when musing on the events with hindsight, can often agree with his thoughts. I've still got my angel - I don't rub it at all for myself but you always spring to mind when I see it in my jewellry box. It got you through to e/c so wonder if it'll get you over this nasty hurdle. Good luck and take care mate and remember, you still have friends here who care about you. Lots of love and hugs Fiona xxxx

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 10:20 am

Hiya Becky B, good to hear from you again. We cycled more or less together erm, getting on for a year ago now - gosh how time flies when you're on a never ending cycle of treatments and tests!!! Sorry you've had the set-back with the adoption, but really inspired to read other people's stories about fostering and adoption. Don't worry, your time will come and you will have a family of your own, one way or another. (And at least on the adoption route you don't have to give up the red wine!! - I had a slightly embarrassing argument with my clinic the other week when I said I wasn't prepared to cycle in December cos I didn't want to give up alcohol at that time - sounded like a right bloody alcoholic but anyway...!) Sorry, rambling and should get back to working, but you take care and keep in touch, love Alison x

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 10:32 am

Becky How wonderful to hear from you - you are often in my thoughts - especially at the moment as we try to come to terms with losing our precious baby at 20 weeks and wonder where to go from here - treatment number 5 or adoption. The decision having been made it must be hard to not get the place - this happened to a friend of mine and she saw it as a massive hurdle - she battled through and they now have 2 children of 7 and 4 - life can be hard and the boy is very naughty but she wouldn't swap it - they could never afford IVF so that was their choice. I suppose life has taught me that it is never predicatable and that we have to learn to play the cards we are dealt with. you are a very special person and I hope you find your dreams as soon as possible. Love Tracey xxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 10:57 am

Hi Becky - another setback for you seems so unfair, I'm really sorry. I'm sure you'll be fine next time and will get your dream. The idea that a child is "waiting in the wings" for you and your DH to be his/her parents is right I'm sure. lots of love - Jo. XXXX

july ann · Post by **july ann** » Thu Oct 16, 2003 3:30 pm

hi sorry to but in again but it was great to see you are back tracey, I hope they get everything sorted for you soon. I have been thinking about you and you sound so much stronger, but i'm sure you have good and bad days. good to hear from you july ann

Nicky Dean · Post by **Nicky Dean** » Sun Oct 19, 2003 10:03 pm

Hi Becky I havent posted to you before but I wanted to say how strong you must be to keep going on and trying and hopefully you wont stop and you and DH will succeed. I am at the very beginning and am just waiting for my next period to begin treatment, this is my 1st go at IVF and have been on a 3yr waiting list. Feeling very nervous and the more I think about it the worse I get, i have had a kidney transplant so am worried that it will upset that even though i know of transplant patients succeed and even go on and have twins, triplets.But its been a bad year for me, we should of started in may but i was ill on holiday in portugal should of only gone for a week to prepare us for IVF but ended being out there nearly a month, cant tell you what kind of a rollercoaster that was, thought i had lost the transplant, which ive had for 20yrs. Anyway i luckily was put back for 3 mths as i had lost a lot of weight so now after moving into mcdonalds im ready to begin, but i'm so scared how will the treatment affect me and how far will i get, i know i'm starting on a very low dose and then if i get that far 1 will only go back. But you know i dont think it will work for me but i suppose i have got this far and its an opportunity that maybe i thought i would never have, i am thinking strongly about adoption but with my background maybe i wont be suitable, who know's what these people want or look for, why cant things be more straight forward. I hope you get the luck you so richly deserve. Take care and keep drinking the wine........... Love Nicky xx

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