its all over again

kathryn · Post by **kathryn** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 12:08 pm

well once again another failed cycle. feeling so upset. 4 mc's and 3 failed cycles, just feeling its not ever going to be me. feeling very sorry for myself, im sorry. i know that you will all understand how it is, but others dont. they just take it for granted that they have their little babies and its 'oh dear, she cant have kids'. feeling really angry. how do we get through these feelings and how do we all keep goingthrough tmt after tmt. I know I will keep going as I just cant imagine never holding our little baby. then I feel guilty because there are so many little children without mummys and daddys, and all I can think about is having our own, experiencing pregnancy. It sounds so selfish. , im feeling so crap. I should be grateful for having our health and each other, but I just feel so sad and cant stop crying. sorry for the self pity. but needed to get it off my chest. luckily half way through writing this my friend called and another popped round. will now pull myself together. kathryn x.

Nikola · Post by **Nikola** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 12:13 pm

Oh Kathryn I'm so sorry, its really not fair. I never know what to say when people get -ve results, I just feel so much for them and would do anything I could to help take away some of the pain and upset. One thing I do know is that you are entitled to as much self pity and anything else that helps makes you feel better! You take some time for yourself and then you'll be able to decide what you want to do next. Take care, lots of love nikola.xx

SJ BROWN · Post by **SJ BROWN** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 12:17 pm

Hi Kathryn You must be gutted. I really hoped it was your turn as you have gone through so much Please dont give up, I think it was Di who is now pregnant after her 9th attempt which proves it is definitly worth perservering if you can.. Nothing else I can say really as most of us know nothing that is said will take away the feeling of sadness.....Just remember that there are a lot of us thinking about you Take care Sarah xx

alisonb · Post by **alisonb** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 12:31 pm

Hi Kathryn, Im really sorry, and i take back what i said on the other thread about birching you !! I was really hoping that you would get a ++tive. I dont know what else to say. Take care of yourself and I'm thinking of you both. Take care Buddy, xx Alisonb xx

vickib · Post by **vickib** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 12:38 pm

Kathryn I so sorry to read your news today, you take as much time as you need and as for self pitty you are entitled to as much as you need. Thinking of you. Vicki B X

nicolam · Post by **nicolam** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 12:44 pm

Kathryn I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I posted you a message on the other side after you left a message for Dawn and Becky, to wish you luck and now I've just read this. You have been so brave - I was really surprised to see how quick you got back on with it from the JCB time. Thought it was marvellous. The fact that you've had so many positive's results in the past makes me think that you must be able to get there in the end. I had a break of 9 months after three failures close in succession. Not saying that that was why it worked for us, but maybe you could consider a well deserved break before trying again. Easier said than done I know though. You take care now, Nicola x

july ann · Post by **july ann** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:24 pm

oh i'm so sorry your tmt did not work, I know how you feel seeing normal people having children and we are still trying. I have to keep going and just hope it will happen one day, i'm sure it will for both of us. hope you feel better soon. from july ann

LORRAINE G · Post by **LORRAINE G** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:32 pm

Just wanted to ditto what everyone else has said and tell you that i am thinking of you Love Lorraine G

Becky28 · Post by **Becky28** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:41 pm

Kathryn, I'm really sorry to read your news. I really hoped this would be your time. The way you feel is completely natural, and please vent on here whenever you want to - we've all felt those feelings, and you're right, it's a rare person who had children easily who can appreciate how painful and upsetting this process is. You're strong, and with time you will feel more able to face it again I'm sure. Thinking of you (go and buy those boots you mentioned on another thread, and maybe a nice bottle of wine), love Beck xx

Dolly · Post by **Dolly** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:48 pm

Kathryn, I really was so sorry to read your post. I was really hoping that after everything you have been through you would get a + this time. Thinking of you and sending you millions of hugs Take care Dolly

beckym · Post by **beckym** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:49 pm

Kathryn, i'm so very sorry to hear your news. Please don't worry re the self pity thing. that's what this site is for - to let all the anger out in a place where people totally understand and will not judge you. Neither are you selfish. It's perfectly natural to yearn for your own child. Please pamper yourself over the next couple of weeks and don't give up believing. When I saw your post I too thought about Di and her nine attempts - proves it is possible and I know you want it badly enough. Maybe nicolam is right about taking a bit of time out. You could use it to do some more investigatory work. For instance, have you had a hysteroscopy to check there are no polyps etc on the lining of the womb which may be preventing implantation? If there are they can remove these during the procedure. Forgive me if this is all old hat to you, but I'd never heard of it until my clinic insisted on me having it done last month.please stay in touch with us all. beckym xxx

Lynned · Post by **Lynned** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 3:02 pm

Oh Kathryn, I am so so sorry to hear your news. Life is so unfair at times. You go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, your entitled to. But you must not give up hope, it will happen. A huge hug to you and dh. Thinking of you both lots of love Lynne

louli · Post by **louli** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 3:32 pm

Kathryn, well done for getting some emotion out on this site. I always just want to crawl away and hide somewhere far away. I know how wretched you feel and everyone with a baby that you know feels sorry for you and the rest of us, and that makes it worse. I guess I can only echo what the other girls have said and that is Take some time out to recover your strength mentally and physically and just keep on going for it girl. You are not selfish! Good Luck, LOU

Di · Post by Di » Wed Oct 15, 2003 3:40 pm

Hi Kathryn, So sorry to read your posting but not surprised by how you feel - been there so many times myself! This tmt makes you question everything - I even started wondering if I'd been a really horrible person in a previous life and this was payback time!!! Take as much time as you need away from tmt and each day will get easier and you'll be ready to start again. Maybe worth asking for more tests though - thats what we did for this time! Take care, Di

Grace · Post by **Grace** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 3:46 pm

Dear Kathryn I was so sorry to hear this news. As you know there is nothing anyone can say right now to make it better, it is horrible and it is unfair and of course you are angry anyone would be. My only advice is give vent to all your feelings and don't hold back from any of it including a realy good cry. I know that empty, horrible feeling only too well and am sending you a big hug. Be kind to yourself. Love Gracexx

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