IVF HAMMERSMITH

[CarolynB]

Hi Lola

Madness has really kicked in for me today. Not sure if it is the week down, week to go situ!

Lost it with dh this morning when he was giving me a lift somewhere as he asked what is wrong!? I am like what is wrong??? By boobs hurt. My tummy is swollen. I feel knackered. My head is going mental. But apart from that I am just swell.

Must have been bad as he called to check up on me before I had chance to apologise.

I am totally seesawing like you from how could this possibly happen to how could it possibly not work with 3 and acu!!! I just wish I could switch my brain of for the next week.

Trying to get work to distact me but seem completely uninterested. Hope that you are not too busy but that it is at least giving you some distraction.

Winston programme is on 'older' ladies so better watch when I am less unhinged.......................XFactor Saturday is about the only thing that is keeping me going right now.

Hope that you are bearing up ok!
Take good care.
Carolyn xxx

[lolajones]

Hey Carolyn - just checking in quickly to see how you're going. 6 days left my love and then BFP. I have a very good feeling about your cycle - just know it will be good news for you. How exciting!!!

Are you still getting twinges? Are you going mental yet??

I feel nothing. nada. zip. I dont think its worked. Its almost like i haven't done a cycle this time, very wierd feeling.
Anyways - do not dwell!

Hope you're ok, check in and tell me all about your insanity!
Lots of love
Lola
xxxxx

[CarolynB]

Hey Lola chica

I have TOTALLY flipped. Some red spotting for me yesterday and straight off the deep end. Bloating kind of disappeared too. Feel like I am in a mirror image of last time. Knickering checking every 30 seconds today.

Tried to get myself on an even keel today but it is so bloody hard isn't it.

Sorry that you are not feeling anything but it is so impossibly hard to tell. What is in our head versus real? Plus the acu might have really chilled you out and helped you react better to the cycle? We don't know until the fat lady sings. And I feel v fat!!!!

OMG. 4 days for you and 5 days for me. Not sure how I will last. Dh worried that I might kill him............it is a possibility. We are meant to be at a party on Sunday evening - if he expects me to go.............

XFactor on Saturday may numb our pain for couple of hours. Will probably succumb to evil pee sticks over w/e too. I know what you think of them - from Satan!!!

Hang in there. We have broken the back of the 2ww now. I am behind you every step of the way!

Lots of Love
Carolyn xxx

[CarolynB]

Hey Lola

Been sneaking peeks at Oct 05 and see that you are not at all +ve. I feel the same. Breasts feel way less sore than a week ago. Not much sign of AF for me but acu has got rid of a lot of the symptoms that I used to get. So did evil pee stick this morning. No hint of a 2nd line for me. Surprise surprise.

I feel numb. Cannot even seem to be bothered to cry. I am like - here we go again.

Sorry that I cannot help pump up the PMA today. I think of you every day and really hope that you are going to end the year on a high.

I keep working on my list of things that I'll do if it does not work for me - mostly involve trying to get a last moment break for Xmas as cannot face all the family stuff, getting smashed and drinking a huge latte!!!!!!!

XFactor semi this evening to lift gloom for a little while. Guess the obvious outcome is Ray to go but think that it is really only Leona who is a sure thing.

Take care. Hang in there.
Carolyn xxx

[lolajones]

Hey buddy!!
It is far too early to test miss carolyn!! That absence of blue line? It means NADA!!! Wait until test day - not long - and you just never know!

As for last minute break - I am on same wavelength. Me and dh plan to (try) and go to New York for Christmas if this doesn't work. Going to get wasted Every Night on fizzy wine!!! And drink caffinated lattes until I get dizzy!

My folks are staying with me at the moment so I'll miss X factor (we're going 10 pin bowling...). They are an excellent distraction from looming test date. I am having odd twinges in the downstairs and yesterday had wierd dizzy spell - I am still not feeling very hopeful but hey ho.

Now - your instructions - No More HPTs, relax and enjoy Factore Equis, go to Sunday party, weather my storm on mon and by tues lunchtime - bueno news for our carolyn!!! The if you didn't hear me the first time - that test means nothing!!!!!!!!!

I'll check in later

Love, Lola
xxxxxxx

[CarolynB]

Lola

Glad that you have your folks here to take your mind of things. 10 pin bowling sounds a giggle. Dizzy spell could be a good sign. Crossing everything for you. NY for Xmas sounds like a top plan but hoping that you'll not be going there!

Am spotting exactly like I get a day or so before AF. Exactly same day and time as last cycle so not looking good for me. At least I am at home so can start to get my head around it over the weekend.

But that must make your chances even better. Someone on here must get a +ve soon!!!!!!

Hugs for Monday.
Carolyn xxxx

[lolajones]

Hey Carolyn - I'm so sorry about your news. Let me know what you're plans are both fertility-wise and emergency trip with dh.
I did hpt today as was getting period pain and this should have been my test date - negative. Going for blood test tomorrow for completion and the chance to do some pre Christmas graffiti! This has been such a wierd cycle - I'm not even upset. Yet. I'll probably go again in january (another FET).
Man, we so deserved this to be better. But we are strong women! 2007 will bring us the goods!
I see from other thread that you're going to have a break from these boards - I understand - its been quite a year. Sending you lots of love and hugs and hope you feel better soon.

Love, Lola
xxxxxxx

[CarolynB]

Hey Lola

Only read this too late. Was looking on your own thread rather than here for the latest from you. Thicko!

It really does suck. I was so hopeful for you this time with the acu etc Are you & dh off to NY? Do have a latte - I had a Starbucks this morning after 6 months off the tea/coffee. A Xmas one with cream - was bloody lovely!!! Been thinking of you all day and wondering what we have to do to make it work.............????

So I visit sofa city tomorrow as u well know. Bleeding has abated today just enough to give me a vague glimmer of hope but just prolonging the agony I fear. After I spent all Saturday and Sunday knowing that it was over. I shall look out for signs that you have left me to spot.

We are going to a nice quiet spa hotel in Tenerife. Out Xmas Eve back New Years Eve. Have held off on booking as my dh has just told me to wait until tomorrow. Looks very nice but quiet. Just what we need. Dh will play a couple of rounds of golf and I can take in some spa tmts. Give me something to do tomorrow after I get the call.

Dh will not really talk about tmt for now. Will call Trewsters assistant tomorrow and book follow up for New Year. Think that Trewie will make me wait 3 AFs so guess that we might go for FET in Feb. Just to try a different protocol. Have 6 snow babies from cycle 1.

After that I may think of different clinic - you?

Will be around still just going to try to wean myself off loads of posts every single day!

Sending you huge hugs. Look after yourself & allow yourself some treats.
Love
Carolyn xxx

[CarolynB]

Hey Lola

No nice Xmas pressie for me either.

Thanks for the support. You have been great.

As expected, it is another BFN for me. Just took the call from the clinic. Have spoken to dh and my Mum. Neither were easy calls but helped as everyone was prepared for what I had to say already.

Dh & I are going to go on holiday and forgetting about 2006. Feel just completely numb.

Review just scheduled for Jan 10th with Trewster so with Xmas hopefully not too far away. Will see then whether we go for another Fresh cycle or use the snow babies from cycle 1.

Let me know how you are doing hun. What plans for Xmas?

Hugs
Carolyn xxxx

[lolajones]

Hey Carolyn

Not a bueno december for us so far but will improve!!!
We are made of tough stuff and will sashay into 2007 with aplomb and pride knowing that (come on karma!) this will be the year of the baby for us.
So Spa break for you then - sounds great! I always talk about doing that but we always end up somewhere frantic or cheap (or both). Hope you're taking lots of slutty novellas and intend to drink the bar dry of fizzy wine! I got so drunk last night on an ocean of bellinis - its been too long my slender stemmed and bubbly friend.

Me n Dh are off to New York on Boxing Day - intend to make the most of the weak dollar!!! SHOPPPPPPP!!! Plan to start every day with a mimosa and finish every day with an expensive brandy, beyond that, apart from spending a sh*t load of cash - we have no plans. We come back New Years Day - fresh (?) and ready for attacking 07 cowboy style.

I hope you're ok sweety and not feeling too unhappy. I just felt emptied out on Monday and a bit tearful tuesday but since then I'm having some rebound near hysterical positivity rush - its the progesterone/oestrogen come down - not smooth. Hope you're having same!!!

Pop in soon for a chat
Lots of love
Lola
xxxxxx

[CarolynB]

Hey Lola

Your NY drinking and shopping spree sounds totally fab. Have been very up and down as well, just like you. Got a lot of it out my system thankfully over the weekend.

The bellinis sound great too. Have had a couple of lattes but resisted the fizzy stuff so far as worried that I might go completely out of control........

Was quite calm on test day other than a few tears after the clinic call confirming. Even managed quite a sensible meeting in the afternoon.

I was really up yesterday. Went to Manchester with a colleague in my new business. Mtg went better than we could have possibly hoped & will hopefully lead to a load of work/£. Took my mind off everything. Long day so was shattered by time that I got home so slept better.

Then today have been quite down. Kicked off with dh before work on Xmas pressies where he was like - I cannot be bothered. And I was like nor can I be but the differences is that I need to sort out for 14 people and he has to buy me something! Then he told me off for crying. Have to remember that it is a strain for them as well as us. Dh is at Spurs game this evening so not had chance to talk about it really. He has been out at boozy work does pass 2 nights as well so we have hardly talked since Tuesday. Then get home to get a Xmas card from someone who knows the issues that we have which proudly signs card from X, Y and BUMP. Sent me completely off the edge. Do people just not think at all...........lots of swearing followed to myself.

AF being pretty horrid but know that is par for the course. Actually the whole process does not feel as bad as last time somehow. Guess you at least know a bit how you will feel.

See you have follow up with Lavery now scheduled. Pretty close to my follow up with Trewster. Undecided on Fresh vs FET. How about you?

Going to try to focus on X Factor final and then some Xmas party action plus more new business next week to keep me busy and then HOLIDAY. Going to try to spend less time thinking about whole bloody ivf lark.

Sending you hugs. Hope the high continues for you.

Lots of Love
Carolyn xxx

[poochie]

Hi Girls

Carolyn & Lola I am so so sorry to read your news I had everything crossed for you guys.

Lola - your NY trip sounds fab be good to yourself and enjoy your caffeine and wine.

Carolyn - a spa break is a great way to help you rejuvenate, IVF is such a stress physically and mentally.

Best wishes to you both and big hugs.

2007 will be our year, keep in touch and be kind to yourselves.

Love Vicki X

[AGallagher]

Hello Carolyn

It's been a few weeks since I have looked on the site as I have been going through the motions of being drained physically and then last week after a heavy period the emotions finally caught up with me. Cried on the way to work, in the bath, going to sleep. It feels like it's all out of the system now. I am going back to HH for an appointment on Friday to ask the questions that I did not ask during treatment. I feel it is important to have the follow-up appointment rather than just waitng for 2 to 3 months for a review. I have booked a 2nd cycle at HH for next year but do not want to go through this until I have spoken to the doctor. One of the doctors who I spoke to told me that I did not need to follow up as they would review treatment but I need to find out more to see if there is anything that we can do to help with the 2nd cycle as I felt very ignorant about the whole process and want to prepare myself a bit more for the next time around. Eg. time off, diet etc.

How did you get on the 2nd time?


[quote="CarolynB"]AGallagher - sorry that your 1st cycle failed. I agree with you that the staff at Hammersmith are pretty nice and freindly. I get most of my info over the net or through these boards so don;t feel the need to ask them much. However, certianly felt more abale to 'drive' the process 2nd time around, whereas 1st time we really just went with what they told us. Good Luck for your next steps. Will you cycle there again?

Lola - time so drags doesn't it. Must be week2 already!!!! Pretty Woman passed most of this afternoon. DH out with mates this evening so will lie on sofa in complete control of remote and gorging on rubbish TV! Including final of I'm A Celebrity. Going to write Xmas cards tomorrow and wrap some pressies to while away sometime. Then XFactor and pray that Scots duo go. Barry Manilow and free style tomorrow evening. Something to look forward to.

Feel physically ok but woke up in the night wondering if 0-1-2 or 3 - acu chill must have worn off! God knows what I'll be like in 10 days time. Onwards anyway............

Have good weekends all.
Carolyn xxx[/quote]

[CarolynB]

AGallaher

Sorry that you have had a rough time. Sometimes it is better when it all comes out. I bottle it up at times and then have a melt down.

You should go see them to ask all the questions if only to satisfy yourself before you put yourself through tmt again.

I had another unsuccessful attempt but I did feel more in control this time and less freaked out as I at least knew what to expect even when it did not work. Plus acupuncture seemed to control the side effects for me and also keep my stress levels under control.

We will see Trew early in Jan and go through all our questions and see what he recommends next for us.

Hope that you get the answers that you need and that you can develop a good plan for 2007. Happy Xmas.

Carolyn xx

----------------------------------------------

Vicki - Thank you. Hope that you have had some good 'time out' and will be ready to cycle with Lola and I in 2007. Happy Christmas to you sweetie

Lola - Hope that you will have a great Xmas and top time in NY. Hugs xxx

[lolajones]

Hey - just very quick one to say merry christmas hammersmithers! Hope you all have a wonderful time and lets hope 2007 is a lot kinder to us all!

carolyn - know you are up off and away tomorrow - have a fantastic time in Relax-o-ville and drink your fill of champagne cocktails for you deserve it, warrior!

take care everyone!
Love, Lola
xxxxxx