February Has My Heart - February Cycle Buddies Wanted

[Charity]

Sorry...Hit the Submit button one too many times...

[souris]

No, Charity, you sent your post only once, dont worry!!

As for the Feb buddies, dont worry , there will be more!! I am not leaving for the Dec/Jan because I will most probably be a late Feb buddy!

Snow!!! I dont usually like the cold (and It rarely snow where I live) but it is my first "hot " x mas, and it doesnt feel like one!! I think snow for xmas makes it more real!

Oh well, for once I 'll try something different, maybe celebrating the new year in my bikini!!

Ok, better go
dont let your thread disappear!

xxx
souris

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

So the guests are away and we had a great time. Its starting to get really cold here but the sun is shining and we took the kids on the beach to fly the kite. They were so well behavied---lucky people.

Anyway haven't had much time to think about our situation, just wishing my life away again until Feb when we can try another round of ivf.

Is it just me and dh or does anyone else want Chrimbo to be over? I feel there is nothing to celebrate and it's not the same if you have no kids. Sorry am being a bit of an old Scrooge.

Am away back to work today for another sleepover and i need to sort my Keychld out or he is going to end up in the secure unit for his Chrimbo

Will catch up with you all soon

Love Jen x

[REACH-AEJ]

Hi guys,

Charity told me about your group for the Jan/Feb cycle. We will more than likely be February for our 3rd try...

I had a similar situation as Charity back in June (no fertilization with ICSI) and we were hopeless for an future success. However, we had another cycle in November and had great fertilization rates and 2 day 5 blasts transferred. Unfortunately, I just found out yesterday that we are not pregnant.

I am very depressed right now and trying to be positive about why it could possibly work in the future. I hope to join your thread and hopefully gain back my positive attitude. I sometimes wander how we were so positive after the horrible news from our last go 'round...at least we know we can get good quality embryos! I guess it's just still so fresh right now.

We are going to speak with our doctor next week about combining a fresh cycle with a frozen - we only had one frozen blast from last time...does anyone have any experience?

Well, thanks for any positive thoughts and all of your vacations sound like the right idea!!!

Wishing you all the best!

[AuntyPebbles]

AWWWWW ok that broke my heart no your not a memory i promise i just thought it would get too much for you i dont care what you say im sticking you back on and you will have to flitt between us we are sharing you....

im sorry your not alone i wanted to stop by today to say thank you so much your an angel thank you for the prayers and all you have done these last few days so much support

the Dec Jan ladys love you very much your a wonderful woman

lots of love Aunty

[nimble]

hey charity you weren't abandoned, how could you think that we would do that to you!! I've been so busy at work getting ready for today that my feet haven't touched the ground (we had new bits & bobs being implementated at heathrow) - had to get up at some un godly hour this morning

I guess we are all waiting and waiting for chrimbo to be over and start to get excited for feb!!

Thanks for all your myspace comments and messages - love them. Your site is looking good.

Our weather here is awful at the mo, the wind is howling so much that it is waking me up at night and then the rain...just doesn;t stop!

Souris - so sad about leaving your cat - can you not send for her but I think it is good that you are keeping yourself occupied. I can't believe you had rain in dubai - wow so unheard of. I love dubai but find its really getting built up now and this year we went to Muscat instead - they have just built a new resort which was fantastic.

How are things for you - are your symptons starting to cease yet?

Jen - I completely understand where you are coming from - I want chrimbo as just love the atmosphere and the parties, which is more like it, but I have said that I want it to just be us and not have to spend it loads of kids (mean I know) I do love them honest!!

Reach-Aej. so sorry to hear about your BFN - it is always hard and you're in the right place for lots of support. Your time is soon and lets hope its february, the month of love!!

Hey auntie - thanks for popping and saying hi, just read your good news on the dec/jan thread - great that your clinic will open for you on 1jan.

I'm off out now, so enjoy your evenings - back to the accu tomorrow to try and jeer on AF - still no sign and over 4 weeks since d/c...the old witch!!

Big hugs
nimble

[Charity]

Thank you all...I was feeling so lonely, and now I know that you actually have lives, which means I am a boring old hag that spends her weekends on the computer instead of getting one of my own!! LOL!!

Souris…If you own a bikini that must mean you can wear one…Heck! If I could wear one, my butt would be in it during the coldest blizzard known to man…In fact, you couldn’t get me out of it…

Jen…I know what you mean about the cold, but we haven’t been getting much sun that last few days…There’s talk of more snow, but no more has shown up since our blizzard on Friday. I’m glad you had a good time with your guests…And, no you’re not the only one who wants Xmas to get the show on the road and for the new year to bring our new opportunity for motherhood. I was so hopeful this one would be the year we would really have something to start celebrating. Start to plan for our baby’s first Christmas…In womb, but still their first…I’m getting myself more depressed now…I think I’ll move onto the thoughts of our next Christmas, which we’ll all have our new babies in our arms…PMA PMA PMA…

AEJ…I am so glad to see you…I’ve been thinking of you the last couple of days…I was telling dh about the new hope that you & your dh have brought to us, and our next round. I could see the relief in his face to hear that there was some hope for us to focus on. I think he worries about us not having a family, but more so about me…And of course there’s the money factor. I know you’ll find a ton of support on this site, and the ladies here are Godsends…They help keep me sane. I wasn’t completely sane to begin with, so that’s quite a feat… I know it probably doesn’t feel like it at the moment, but you have come so far, and there’s just this last hurdle to get over. You’re young, and have had awesome results. That baby is waiting for you, so hang in there. You’ve got us to help you hang-on, too…I was thinking about your situation with having only one blast, & I think I remember another person having a similar situation. I’m not sure, but I think they did a fresh cycle and were going to wait to see what their results were from the fresh embies. If I am remembering correctly, they put back a couple from the fresh, and had a couple more snow babies to add to their brother or sister…Not sure if that’s an option you’ve already thought about, or what your financial situation is, as far as if you’re limited to how many cycles you can do, but thought I’d mention…You have been such a light of hope for me, I just hope I can do something for you over the next few months…So, if you ever need to hear a little PMA, you just let me know, and I’m there!!

Aunty…I didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad…I do love to “flit” though…By the way, if my wishes for you and dh were heard, it’s only a small fraction of what you’ve given to me and so many others. I’m glad you liked that movie clip on myspace…I saw that and was rolling…It was so funny…For any of you who haven’t seen it, my address is http://www.myspace.com/charitybollenbeck. I have it set as private, so just request an invitation, and I’ll add you to my friends list…Otherwise, you can view it from YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vS10iEz3 ... ed&search= It really is too funny…You might want to save it until you’re having a bad day and need a good laugh, though…See if this looks familiar Aunty...

Thank you, Aunty, for all your messages and comments, too…You’re going to be the bestest mommy every! This is your turn…It is it is it is…I can just tell!

Nims…It’s good to see you…Thank you for the snowball fight…Not fair that I couldn’t return the favor, though…lol…I’m going to say a special little prayer tonight for the witch to visit you…It’s time to get the past behind, and start a new…I’ll also mention they can improve the weather, but will make the witch the priority…I do have to see about acu…I keep putting off making an appointment…My dh works with a guy whose wife has a practice here in town, so I know who to go to, I just need to get the show on the road. We’re entering our busy season at work, so now is probably not the best time to be taking off, and I should save it for when I really need it for the IVF. I’ll have to call regardless…She may have some evening appointments...Just asked dh if she works nights…He doesn’t want me to go to her in case she’ll say something to his coworker about our IVF situation. Guys are so strange…He doesn’t ask much of me, so I guess I can indulge his few idiosyncrasies in return…

(If you've watched South Park, this is Aunt Flo )

Babbled on long enough…Sorry for such a long one again…Probably won't be on until Thursday. My anniversary (#3...And they said it wouldn't last ) tomorrow, so trying to talk the dh into taking me out for dindin...We'll see...I love you all, and hope you all have a great evening and hump day…

[WISCONSINGAL]

HI EVERYONE...MAN, IT'S SO COOL TO BE ABLE TO READ/VENT WITH PEOPLE GOING THROUGH SIMILAR SITUATIONS. I'M HEADING TO THE DR. TOMORROW TO SEE IF WE SHOULD TRY AGAIN, OR IF HE THINKS I SHOULD THROW IN THE TOWEL........??? MY DH DOESN'T WANT TO GO WITH, I DON'T THINK HE COULD HANDLE HEARING THOSE DREADED WORDS AGAIN..."I DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG"......AND THAT IT'S UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY.

CHARITY, ANSWERS TO SOME OF YOUR QUESTIONS....I AM OVER WEIGHT, AND I'D LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT PHENTERMINE...OR WHATEVER IT IS YOUR TAKING......LOOSING WEIGHT IS ALWAYS A PICK ME UP AND GOD KNOWS AFTER THE LAST BAD NEWS ANY TYPE OF PICK ME UPS WOULD BE A PLUS......HOW DO I CONVICE MY DR. THAT I HAVE TO HAVE SOME????

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

wow Charity, i love all your pictures they really cheer me up.
Just back from work and feel whacked.

Reach-Aej-So sorry hunny, we are here for you anytime you need a chat.

The weight issue is always with me but i've started my running again and feel better for it but he, its Chrimbo so will lose more when thats over.

So how am i feeling------not sure really, just sad its Chrismas without a child again and feel like i want it to be over. Even my dh said he can't be bothered to put the tree up and thats not like him. His attitude was "there's nothing to celebrate". Shame i feel so awful for him.
Did i tell you about our friends who visited, the guy was adopted, which i knew but had never spoken to him about it. He has never wanted to look for his birth parents and said it has never affected a day of his life as he has been loved. Made me think of adoption in a different light but thats a long way down the road i hope. First No 4 then if eggs are not up to scratch then its off to Barcelona for a donor but hopefully we still have the chance of having our own.

Will catch up with you all over the next few days.

[souris]

Hey Jen

it is also my IVF number 4. I got a BFP with the last one but I lost my baby at 12 weeks, 2 weeks ago.
And as you, xmas does not feel like a happy time at all. I just want it to be over. I told Dh yesterday how I felt; scared to to get pregnant again, scared to get pregnant and lose another baby, scared that it will be too late soon (I am going to be 25 (OMG, i cant believe I have been doing this for nearly 3 years now!) but Dh is 53... Scared of everything basically, and sad...
He said we should look again into adoption (which is something I really want to do)
but life doesnt make it easy for us, because in france you need to be 27 (which i am not) or married for more than 2 years (which we are not) just to start passing the adoption panel (and it takes about 9 months to get your "ok to adopt" paper) then you obviously need to find a child ( for a french child the waiting list is between 2 and 4 years).

So I guess we will stick to IVF for a while, because for now, it is our only hope...

SO i would say that this x mas sucks.

Charity, your pics are fabs! thank you, it makes the thread so nice and bright!

WISONCSINGAL, good luck with your appointment tomorrow.

Nimble, hoping that AF arrives soon! I am 2 weeks since D&C and the bleeding has finally stopped (still spotting though) . Yesterday I took some meds for my milk, as I was getting more and more and could not cope with it anymore...


Reach, so sorry about your BFN. But it is good news that you had a lot of fertilisation on your second attempt! i hope that 3rd time is the lucky one!

bisous to all
xxx
souris

[souris]

Hey Jen

it is also my IVF number 4. I got a BFP with the last one but I lost my baby at 12 weeks, 2 weeks ago.
And as you, xmas does not feel like a happy time at all. I just want it to be over. I told Dh yesterday how I felt; scared to to get pregnant again, scared to get pregnant and lose another baby, scared that it will be too late soon (I am going to be 25 (OMG, i cant believe I have been doing this for nearly 3 years now!) but Dh is 53... Scared of everything basically, and sad...
He said we should look again into adoption (which is something I really want to do)
but life doesnt make it easy for us, because in france you need to be 27 (which i am not) or married for more than 2 years (which we are not) just to start passing the adoption panel (and it takes about 9 months to get your "ok to adopt" paper) then you obviously need to find a child ( for a french child the waiting list is between 2 and 4 years).

So I guess we will stick to IVF for a while, because for now, it is our only hope...

SO i would say that this x mas sucks.

Charity, your pics are fabs! thank you, it makes the thread so nice and bright!

WISONCSINGAL, good luck with your appointment tomorrow.

Nimble, hoping that AF arrives soon! I am 2 weeks since D&C and the bleeding has finally stopped (still spotting though) . Yesterday I took some meds for my milk, as I was getting more and more and could not cope with it anymore...


Reach, so sorry about your BFN. But it is good news that you had a lot of fertilisation on your second attempt! i hope that 3rd time is the lucky one!

bisous to all
xxx
souris

[Haylie]

Hi Charity

I hope you don't mind me droppin in to say hi. I hope you are okay. I'm fine bearing up under the lovely strain of this IVF rollercoaster!! Been a bit down cos yet another friend is pregnant - not that I'm not delighted for her- it just hi-lights what I'm going through! But I'm sure I'll get there one day or that's what I have to keep telling myself anyway! I'm just waiting for the lovely AF to arrive so I can start the next round but as usual when you want her she doesn't want to come on time!!!!

Take carexx

[Charity]

WIGal (Tammy)...Phentermine is not a magic cure-all, but for me it did give me that push to get started, and kept my metabolism working a little faster than the slug that it is normally. It does have side effects that you should investigate before going on it, too. As you see that Janice is experiencing some of them…That said, I didn’t really have to “convince” my Dr. to get on it…I actually had been referred to him back when I was 18. He’s an Internist that specializes in Weight Mgmt…I’ve been seeing him as my GP since…I am the one that asked for it, and basically, he trusts I know what I’m doing. I go in educated and through conversation, he knows that I’m realistic with any of the drugs I might suggest. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I tell him what drugs I want to try, and he writes the scripts…Obviously, within reason, and he knows that I’m not wanting to be on every drug known to man, so I’m reasonable with my requests. He also is still the primary Weight Mgmt Dr. at this particular clinic, so he sometimes tells me of studies or new drugs available. He suggests, I listen, and we decide what’s best for me…Kind of nice having a Dr. trust the patient for once. Hard to find…Most don’t even take the time to listen, let alone build a relationship. I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life, this isn’t as a result of overeating, and he is well aware of that. I don’t have Thyroid issues, but just a genetic predisposition. He used a really good metaphor for it one time. He said that my body is like an extremely fuel-efficient automobile. It pulls every calorie out of the foods I consume and uses that energy judiciously. So, it’s actually working more efficiently than those people, we all know, that can eat anything they want and not gain any weight. He compares their bodies to gas-guzzling automobiles that are not running as efficiently as possible. It put things in perspective for me. Anyway, I’m not sure if that helped you at all, but that’s been my experience. I asked, I received…

Which reminds me… BWHD (Janice), how are you doing..? Are the drugs still disturbing your sleep? I haven’t heard from you in a bit, so just wanting to make sure you still with us..? I nearly lost my mind after those first weeks of disturbed sleep. I did get my sanity back, but hadn’t realized how much it had been affecting my sleep until I went off of them about 5/6 months ago…I actually can sleep 8 to 9 hours straight! Not as productive, but it’s good restful sleep…I don’t wake-up feeling as un-rested as I had while on it…

Jen…You are right about still having a chance. Adoption is so great, but I also have this need to experience carrying a child in my body. Not necessarily my genetic offspring (although I would prefer, as we all would), but to just be able to experience the physical part of having that baby grow inside us and to be able to give birth and breast feed. The bonding I guess is what I’m talking about. Hopefully that’s a bridge we won’t have to cross, but it’s good to start thinking about it now in case it is our destiny. There may be a baby out there that is intended for us, although not born to us. The future holds so many blasted mysteries…I just wish I knew what it held for us all…Gotta get out that crystal ball again…

Nims…How was your acu session? Hope it helped bring the witch on… Has she reared her ugly head yet? If not, I hope the acu at least relaxed you some. We have enough stress. It would be kinda nice to be able to find something to help take some away…I hope work has slowed some for you. I doubt it with the holidays, but maybe the majority of the chaos from the new implementation has subsided. You get yourself some rest, too…Gotta take care of your body (and mind) for that baby-to-be…

Souris…I understand the feelings you described…Afraid of success, afraid of loss, afraid of failure…Now, at your age, you’re having to worry about being too old for this whole process, but too young for the adoption process. This whole thing just sucks! IF plays with us so much…If I think about it too much I start to get almost angry. Especially when I see these inept parents having boatloads of kids and not caring properly for them. How can life be so backwards? Those who are deserving should receive. Right?! Here again, maybe this is all a part of someone’s master plan…I guess we’ll find out someday, but in the meantime, it’s so very painful…I am glad to hear that your body is cooperating and giving you the opportunity to move ahead. I hate that you & Jen are both having to go through this…But the future has plans for all of us...

Jemma…Haven’t heard from you lately. How are you holding up kiddo? Would love to hear from you if you’re up to it or have the time…Thinking of you…

AEJ…How are you doing?? I know this has got to be such a blow. I was out of sorts for at least 2 weeks after the first cycle’s outcome. You’ve made it one step further, though. Keep focusing on the baby-steps, no pun intended…How’s dh holding up? I think about you both daily…Come back when you’re ready. We’ll be here waiting when the timing is right for you…

Haylie…You are always welcome…We love the company. We’re all so wanting time to fly by for our turn, but as usual, it’s not cooperating…Just as you’re experiencing with the old witch…She’s such a pain in the you-know-what! I’ll do the witch dance for both you and Nims…She’s having a go of it with her af too…Pop over anytime Haylie…Let us know when she visits…Isn’t that odd…I felt weird even typing it, but heck, at this point, I don’t care…I want to know! Two weeks and your turn is here!! I’m getting so excited for all the ladies on the Dec/Jan board…So much action, and the first beta is only in a matter of 4 days! Hope the weather improves for you…and your doggy, too…He misses his walks with his mom…

Aunty…How are you holding up with all the postings…That’s quite a job! Your updates look awesome, but you’re head must be spinning…It’s sooo busy…Again, you’re a saint for keeping everyone in check. It’s not an easy task…Not long before you start seeing some action…It’s about time…You’ve been sitting on the sidelines long enough, lady!

Jecky…Where are you?? I miss you’re upbeat posts chickie…I hope all is well, and you’re just really busy. OMG!! I just checked out to see if you had been posting anywhere since I last checked!! You are going to be a MOMMY!!!! I can’t believe this!! You’re going to have to change your ticker…You may not be needing to wait until next year to have your first Christmas with your new baby boy!! Have you picked out names yet?? How old is he?? You’ll have to post his pics on your myspace…I want to see him!! Can you tell I’m ready to pee my pants!?!? I’m so happy for you Jess! I am just soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited for you!! When you can, let us know everything about him…I can’t wait!!

I better get my butt back to work…I still can’t believe that, Jeck!! I’m not going to be able to focus this last hour at work…Okay…I haven’t been able to focus anyway. That’s why I’m here, but I’m really useless now!! Have a great day everyone…(As you can see I am trying to keep my posts down in length...Proud of me?! )

[REACH-AEJ]

Hi guys, thank you all for the welcome! It looks like we are going to definitely be joining you guys for a February Cycle. I am glad to have all the support and be able to share with people that know exactly how it feels!

Charity - I am doing better - up and down as you know the feeling! We had our Doctor's appt yesterday and he had some suggestions that surprised us and we are thinking about what we want to do...
I thought I'd share since we had a similar 1st experience and I wouldn't want this to be the case with you for your next cycle.
The doctor said that he had given me such an aggressive protocol, that he thought my body may have been out of whack at the time of the transfer to move forward with a pregnancy (this is my lamens terms for how he put it). He had considered decreasing my meds towards then end of the last cycle so my body wouldn't be so "out of sorts," but he decided not to because everything looked so good and they just didn't know if we would get really good eggs again. He didn't want to chance repeating our June cycle. I understand - it's so trial and error and every individual case is different. Now, since we only have 1 frostie, he is recommending that we do a Fresh cycle in February, same protocol, and freeze everything we get (no transfer). Wait and do an FET in April so he can focus on getting my body in a position where it's ready for a transfer and possible implantation.
At first, I was upset that I'd have to wait until April for any hope of a pregnancy, but maybe this is the best in the long term picture. He told us not to make a decision - just think about it for a couple of weeks. It would be hard to go through Feb Cycle knowing it would be a long wait....but, we have to look at the BIG picture and our long term goal, right??

My DH is doing good - thanks for asking! he went right out yesterday and booked a cruise for us over New Year's. So, it looks like we will be joining everyone in the idea of trips before starting over.
How are you? You always sound so upbeat, I can't wait to get back to that place again...thanks for all your positive posts and thoughts!!

Nimble - thank you for your welcome! I look forward to getting to know you guys. I don't really know your story, but I am sorry for your loss. That's got to be very difficult. I will pray for your success on the next go 'round.

Jen - thanks for the warm thoughts as well!! I am glad to have such a great support group!

Souris - thanks for your note . I am hoping that the next one (and 1/2 maybe?) will be the right one as well. I guess hope and prayer are what we live by month to month! I am sorry you are having such a tough time as well and I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how tough that would be. And, the holidays make it especially difficult. You are in my prayers.

Wisconsgal - How did your appt go yesterday? Just thinking about you too.

Well, we are off to my "family" Christmas with extended family this weekend. I believe my lil' sis is going to announce her pregnancy. I'm a little apprehensive because they know what my dh and I are going through and I think everyone will feel sorry for us. Merry X-Mas!!

Talk soon!

[Jen1d]

Oh girls, we sound so miserable this Chrimbo eh?

Souris - It must have been awful for you. I feel terrible and so down when i get a neg but to lose a baby so far on must be unbearable. I don't know where we all get the energy to pull ourselves up and move on, we must be angels ourselves.
The great thing is we will all be here for each other and give each other the strenght t get through all our ups and down.

So have been out for lunch with my old Keychild, more like a son to me now then shopped until i dropped. I started my Chrimbo cards last night and am putting up the tree tomorrow---better be careful not to get too festive and happy eh Anyway am staying in tonight, Mum's over for tea tomorrw then out with my work buds for a few drinks on Sun at one of the girls houses.

Ok off to wrap some pressies. Have a fun weekend girls, thinking of you all.

Love Jen x