Good morning again!
I had a strange reaction yesterday... I usually never get an IBS crisis after I go to bed or early in the morning... but as I was just spooning with my DH and trying to fall asleep, bwllll... I had to get up. Then had a small crisis again in the morning... felt strange on the bus... a bit weird. Might be the emotions I went through yesterday evening or just IBS having fun.
About the emotions, well... everybody is SO positive here, and I've encouraged so many of the lovely ladies here that I'm afraid I lost a bit of realism and some people on another thread made me get it back quite all at once. Everyone is different, depending on what got them here and how old they are, how many attempts they made, and so on. But with so many people insisting on the PMA and how it's
vital (heck, some people treat the BFN possibility almost as if it were taboo!), and other people insisting about how having
very cautious hopes prevents your world from falling apart if you get a BFN... it's hard to find your place in the middle. Anybody had that impression too? How did you cope with it?
I try to tell myself that, even if I get a BFN the first time, things won't be so bad if at least I have frozen embies. At least I won't totally have the impression that we did all this, and paid all this, for nothing. And if I get a BFN AND don't have frozen embies, I'll tell myself that my chances are automatically better next time anyway because my doctor will have gained from the experience of my first try and the test results I get, if only to dose the meds better, as he said.
One thing I should really stop doing is project myself in the future with a baby belly, or imagine how, because my first trimester would end just before Easter, we will tell my family then and then wait till we see his family in France at the end of April to break the news to them face to face with the pictures from the first trimester ultrasound. I must stop imagining that I'll be on maternity leave this fall and that next Christmas we'll bring one or two babies with us to Quebec. Must stop checking maternity websites. I think that's too borderline
assuming that it will work. There's nothing wrong with daydreaming, I know, there's nothing wrong with hoping, but with all the PMA spirit here that got to me, I wonder if that kind of daydreaming is not planning for a stronger emotional reaction if I do get that BFN.
Anyway, any thoughts are welcome. I'm still trying to find my place in the grey zone there...
AF is definitely over; I only have small spotting left. Oh blessings!
Okay... gotta run! Lab meeting! Take care and I'll see you around!
Sophie
