Do you feel like everyone is getting pregnant except you?

Angie65 · Post by **Angie65** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:06 pm

Morning ladies from a sweltering hot Melbourne - heading for 38 degrees today yuk!

The pity question is one I relate too. I think that is why we haven't told most people. I don't want alot of people esp those with kids feeling sorry for us. But I worry about myself sometimes when I put up a defence mechanism - s/times me and DH ***** about people's kids if they are badly behaved or I talk to my single friends about how boring our friends' live are if they are stay at home mums. Try and convince ourselves that we are fine as we are - more money, no ties.

Oh god - so confusing ! when/if we have a child I am sure I will go the opposite way but at the moment it's like I have 2 sides to me - one that wants a child and one that's happy with our life as it is, if that's the way it's going to be.

God - hope that makes sense - what a ramble!

Sassy - your "IWDGPT" to the Reef sounds great. We snorkelled off Port DOuglas last year - beautiful - near the area where poor old Steve Irwin came to grief. Our "IWDGPT" will be to somewhere like Colorade to ski - as there is no snow these days in Oz.

Have great days girls.
A

sassynlv · Post by **sassynlv** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:23 pm

Angie:
oooo, thanks for your post. You expressed what i have been feeling for quite some time... that is that there now seems to be 2 parts of me. Before, i could only think about having children. Now, i can see that my life could also be fulfilling without, just in different ways. There are even days that i think i would be happier without (oh, i feel like i am being blasphemous

). I would say that i feel guilty about feeling this way... but as i declared this a guilt-free zone... i will refrain from saying that (although technically, i just did

). I have wondered sometimes if that means i shouldn't have kids... but it isn't that i don't want them, i think it is survival when you want something so badly, that despite all your effort, you may never achieve. I believe it is just a result (at least for me) of multiple failures and complications. I probably took it a little further than you were thinking, but it is nice to know other people feel similarly. Thanks

Nictor: I pm'ed you. Hope you are doing well.

meg: heeheehee. I was kind of on a roll this morning (you should have seen the one i wrote initially before i lost it... it was much better.... a masterpiece!

).

FionaA · Post by **FionaA** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:37 am

Ladies,

Had a bit of a sleepless night last night. I am starting to feel
a bit overwelmed by the process....it seems to have taken over my
every waking minute! My performance at work is abysmal (not looking
forward to explaining that to the partners at my next performance review).

I find that I am thinking about this whole IF/iVF thing ALL the time and it
is all consuming. I have heard ladies in the waiting room of my clinic
saying the same thing.

Not sure what I can do about it really... Any suggestions would be
gratefully recieved??

Fee

sassynlv · Post by **sassynlv** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:17 am

Fee: Oh, I am sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed. There was a point a few months ago when i was feeling consumed by the whole IVF process. It was all i could seem to think about. Everything around me seemed to have some connection to IVF/TTC, etc. It seemed to me like i had given up most everything else in my life. It sounds like the same sort of thing you are describing.

Aren't you getting ready for a FET right now? I could be wrong, but i think it is soon, no? I think that makes it so much more difficult! I found that time period to be a very painful one for me, always preoccupied w/IVF and finding it really hard to focus on anything else... i.e., work. I wrote you the things that had helped me... but am rethinking it all, so i edited it out. i have become a bit self-conscious about what i post. So let me rethink it, then i will pm you. Hang in there though. I am less obsessed (but obviously not cured as i am here on the forums again!!) Wishing you peace!

Angie: oooo, forgot to mention the "IWDGPT"--- love the abbreviation! Lived in colorado for 4 yrs-- did grad school there... and after each big snow, 1/2 the people in my class would miss lecture days because of skiing. wooohoo!!

Angie65 · Post by **Angie65** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:21 am

hi Fee - as you can see I am no better! Should be working but always distracted by the board. Does your clinic offer a counsellor? - mine does and I have had a couple of mtgs with her and have another next week. They are really useful to off load on and have come up with some strategies.

Other than that - keep busy - obvious really but easier said than done! At least it is summer here so I am trying plan some nice activities.

Good to have someone on the same timezone as me.

FionaA · Post by **FionaA** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:35 am

Gosh Sassy

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response!

I am going to do FET this month (hopefully). I'm glad that I can get on with the next round quickly because I find the waiting quite hard.

I think I am exactly where you were a while back. I have become an obssessive lurker on this forum and have been googling all sorts of IVF related topics. All since my BFN. I was thinking I may have to give myself some time out from the internet (and be strict with myself on that) just to re-gain some perspective. Hobby sounds good, I used to do B & W photograpy so could always reassemble the dark room!

At this stage I think it would be too hard to contemplate life without children, but have already given adoption some thought (always wanted to adopt anyway...).

Ang, great to have you in the time zone! Summer is good and I have been going to the beach in the first time in years. This weekend we will be getting some of that hot weather you guys have been having so, will have to close the curtains and stock up on the DVDs I think. We do have a counsellor at our clinic, went once but before my BFN (so before I went nuts so to speak). May have to book myself in again. I think I have persuaded myself to take a day off tomorrow and do fun stuff, a good start I reckon.

Thanks for your input it has helped a lot to know I'm not the only one who has been taken over by this curse! (IVF i mean)

Fee

sassynlv · Post by **sassynlv** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:47 am

Fee:
So i guess you saw my post before i edited it

. Well, glad to hear it was helpful at some level. You sound quite a bit like me (the waiting inbtwn cycles very hard, addicted to lurking on the forums, wanting to adopt). So much for me not being obsessive... here i am back on the forum (but i was just worried i may have said something wrong). If you take a little time off the boards, know i am thinking of you, and hope it helps you gain perspective as it did me. Actually... i think i will be joining you in leaving the forums for at least a few days. We will both come back healthier and stronger! I think that Angie's idea about the clinic counselor is a fantastic one. Wishing you all the best!

FionaA · Post by **FionaA** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:57 am

Sassy

everything you said helped! I think we might be the impatient types with maybe some control issues thrown in for good measure. I think time out will be good and hope you enjoy yours if you take it. I reckon we'll be going for FET at about the same time (i think me a few days later). I spose I have to focus on the fact that I am very luck to have some blasts to transfer in the first place and that I've made it this far. Sometimes I lose sight of that fact. And what about you? 12 on ice? That's excellent really. I know someone who has just got prego on her second FET so it takes a while, in fact most IVF people have taken a few goes...just gotta keep remembering that and be patient! ...Thanks again Fee

meg12 · Post by **meg12** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:10 am

You guys are bumming me out...You can't leave me---who can I crab to if you're gone?

Just teasing---I understand what you mean about it becoming soooo all-consuming. I've found that I've been better about talking about it, but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it all the time. And even like making future plans---I'm so bad about that. My family is planning a trip in April to Vegas (your neck of the woods, eh sassy?) and I'm thinking the whole time, "Okay, should I book the flight? Will I be pregnant? Will I be mid-cycle?" Just crap--it's like your life is in "freeze" mode. But I suppose there's always something in life that overwhelms everything else---that's human nature. And there's always going to be some next plateau that we're trying to acheive--pregnancy, healthy delivery, potty training, retirement

--It's just that it's so easy to get caught in the moment and forget about the future.

We will get through this. Things will change. And hey, one day we might look back at this period, with our babies in hand, and think " Geez, what a lot of wasted tears!"

Sassy---please don't feel that you have to edit yourself. From what I've read of your posts you are always thoughtful and helpful. Plus, you have a great sense of humor that always makes me laugh. Remember--no guilt!

FionaA · Post by **FionaA** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:36 am

Hey Meg, As you can see I haven't gone cold turkey yet! May just take a few days out...but will be back and grumpy as ever no doubt (and I'm not even on hormones yet..)

I know exactly what you mean about making plans. DH and I are going to Melbourne for the Grand Prix in a few months, I haven't bought a ticket because I may be pregnant and the noise would be too loud. DH rolled his eyes at that one! I guess we can't help ourselves....

What time is it in your part of the world anyway? I know I am on similar time to Ang and it is mid-afternoon here, but isn't it the middle of the night or something over where you are???

Fee

meg12 · Post by **meg12** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 6:19 am

Fee--Yep, it's a little after midnight here. Just got down walking on the elliptical machine--I'm a major night owl. Luckily, I don't go into work until late morning, so it all works out. My mom said when I was a baby she used to keep me up late night and then we'd both sleep in all morning--so I blame her for my love of the night and hatred of the am.

I would love go to Australia sometime---can't even imagine it. I'm about 6 hours away from Colorado, so we do get there sometimes. I'm not much of a skier, though--but man it is beautiful. My brother lives there, so it's fun to go see him. Nebraska doesn't have a ton to offer in terms of landscape---it's just flat land and cornfields for the most part. I live in a fairly large city, though, so don't get the idea that I'm a farm girl. If I can't go buy a diet coke within 5 minutes 24 hours a day, I'm not happy! But anyway, the people here are great and I suppose that's all that really matters!

Well, enough yacking. Have a great afternoon. Hope it's nice there--we're supposedly going to get 10 to 12 inches of snow starting tomorrow evening. I'm kind of excited because we really haven't had any snow this year. Feels weird.

Wow--look at this long post and I didn't complain about IVF once!! Thanks!

amanda-jane · Post by **amanda-jane** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:24 pm

hey guys!
i can't keep up!
sassy thanks for those kind understanding words! and no don't edit your input, you're all funny and its great reading your stuff. everybody seems more upbeat today including me!
as for fame well we may be included on a programme about male infertility!! bloody hell my dh may have to tell the uk about his sperm analysis bless him! he said if it would make some other bloke feel better about his situation he'd do it..
as for colorado, we've just come back, my dad and nana live in the springs.
and Breckenridge... i love it sooooo much!
as for melbourne 38 degrees you lucky lucky thing! the wind and rain are totally howling here, and i mean howling, the wind has found a vent in the house it sounds like someones blowing an eerie trumpet through the house! dh's daughter is stayin tonight so she is totally gonna be freaked by it, sometimes i'd love to keep away from people with kids but my situation won't allow it, and when i'm feelin bitter and twisted that dh has a child, yeah i have to realise that i am only human, and its not her fault. when i feel like that i try to keep away, obviously it dosen't always work! but i don't always feel bitter about her either.. i don't know it sure is a lot of ups and downs. .. do you think i could use an insanity plea to commit bodily harm to my manager??!! she has to be one of the most difficult women i have the displeasure of working with, anyway hope you're all feeling good
love mandy
if not vent here cos theres plenty of friendly ears and hearts to listen
xxxxxx

sassynlv · Post by **sassynlv** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:24 pm

Hey girls...

Fee: just in case you are lurking... hope you enjoy your time off, and we will be anxious to hear from you when you return!

Meg: ooo, i get the whole worrying about planning a trip... because what if i am cycling/preg/have a baby. i have been doing that for 5 years... maybe it is time to be reckless... and maybe plan a trip IRREGARDLESS of the clinic's cycling schedule! yeah, right, i don't see myself doin' it anytime soon

amanda-jane: nice to see you back, been wonderin' about you. The Springs and Breck.... ahhhh, those were the days! a friend of dh's family lived in Breck, and when we were in Denver, spent many a wkend skiing there. LOVED IT!!!! Hoping to move back sometime in the near future... Also, glad to see you are feeling a bit better... hoping you stay on the "upside" of the rollercoaster for as long as possible. I think you are right, i also am in a better mood today!

As for me, US showed lining at 6... not bad according to them... i am assuming it will continue to grow while i am on the estrogen? I hope so... they didn't seem worried, so good news! Thanks, girls for your comments. I don't like feeling that i have to parse words, but that is how i am feeling right now. I am very concerned now when i express really how i am feeling (yes, i have been beating myself up a bit... but then again, i warned you guys i was a total hypocrite

). I feel like i need a few days completely away. I don't like it, and feel it is important to have a place to feel safe, even when it isn't all rainbows and roses.... so when i come back (in a few days), i think i will start a thread specifically where people can discuss and vent (if needed, without judgment) regarding the frustrations and fears of multiple failures, or when they aren't feeling very positive, and just need to know there are others with the same feelings and concerns.. It will be kind of like a veterans thread... but i don't think people have to be IVF "vets" to feel this way (but using that name may make the purpose clear). a place for those of us who (sometimes) aren't unflinchingly convinced that this go will work for sure, and maybe have become a little jaded. Anyone else think this is a good idea? Any ideas on a name... it would have to be clear what the purpose of the thread is so there is no misunderstanding... if anyone has any ideas... you can pm me. Will be back in a few days... hope everyone is doing well. Will check in on you all!!! (yeah, that's right, i doubt i will be able to go 3 whole days without at least lurking ONCE!)

Know this was rambling, but no time to "edit" (heeheehee) and make things clearer, so i hope i got my point across, as i am off to the airport.... knee-high powder here i come!

sassynlv · Post by **sassynlv** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:25 pm

ooo.. i forgot, amanda... you don't need the insanity defense, just meg's "IVF defense"!!! heeheehee

amanda-jane · Post by **amanda-jane** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:35 pm

sassy, have a great time and have a lovely rest, enjoy the powder!
don't leave us when you get back! this thread is great to vent or not as the case may be..

good luck with the meds, remember try an eat healthily while you're away. see you when you're lurking x anyway i think we all beat ourselves up, what we should/shouldn't be feeling, but how you feel is what it is. i want to come back as a man next life i'm sure they don't beat emselves up as much as we do.. but we have to accept that negative feelings are as normal as are positive feelings. anyway i must be feeling philosophical tonight, and we decided tonight i'm going to try and take a sabatical from work and maybe do somethin else for a while hopefully to destress durin the treatment- don't want to face comin into contact with measles, chicken pox and other nasty little viruses..! anyway speak soon x mandy

Do you feel like everyone is getting pregnant except you?

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