I spent the wkend w/my 9 mo old twin nieces. Love them like you wouldn’t believe, but kept wishing even just one of them was mine. I am tired of waiting for “my time”. Haven’t I been through enough over the last five years, and w/ivf complications (I nearly freakin’ died for goodness sake!!!) that I have “earned” a child?? I know it doesn’t work that way, but I wish it did, and i am sad that it doesn't
I went to church today, sitting in the general mtg has become very difficult for me as there are young children everywhere. I am not mad or upset about it right now, like i have been at times in the past, just sad. I don’t like that I feel this way, as church has always given me great comfort, but the last few weeks, I leak tears the whole time. Sunday school today was on Elizabeth in the bible and how she was barren and then had a child. Maybe I should have been encouraged by that, but strangely this time, it seemed to make things worse. So I guess my point is, that I am sad. Sad that we go through IVF time after time with nothing to show for it, and sad that my dream may never actually be mine. Sounds very self-absorbed, doesn’t it???
Anyway, sitting there I kept reminding myself about you guys, and that there really are people who could relate to what I have been feeling. So here I am, heartbroken… again, hoping I am not alone.I am a bit (ok, maybe a lot) scared that this cycle won’t work. Because if this doesn’t work, I don’t know that it is worth continuing to cycle. Sorry to be such a downer, just scared, and heartbroken.
) jealous about her......the worst part is that in my last IVF in November I became pregnant and m/c at 7wks, so while I was still pregnant we were planning together the arrival of our babies, and now seeing her reminds me all the time of the baby I lost.....and if some rant is allowed, her husband, who I don't like much (I thought it was fair for me to make that clear 
), when we went yesterday to have dinner all together, they were sitting in front of DH and me, and he would rub her belly all night long........IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY????, I mean, he knows I just lost a baby, not to mention the IVF thing............I don't know, maybe I am too sensitive about it......... 
Well done you for coping. I have a protective wall around me and I don't often go near preggie ladies or people with kids - it is fairly easy for me as we have quite alot single friends/couples w/o kids still - but it concerens me a bit too - surely we should be spending time with babies and small children - so that I absorb some of the preggy/maternal vibes ....
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. That is what this thread is for! Second of all, i am very impressed by how you handled yourself w/your friend and her dh. I can only imagine that the constant reminder about the baby you lost must have been very difficult. And to top it off, the belly rubbing 
, WTF? What was your friend doing at the time?(i expect men to be oblivious, but your friend???). He sounds a bit...um... unusual.
i hope you had great weekend skiing, even tho you were sad with your nieces. it's shit isn't it when you have nieces who you love so much but you have to leave em, my niece is having magoer tants (she's two!) but it doesn't hep because i think her parents make her worse. my dh is fab with her.
).....About going out with non pregnant friends, I have a hard time doing that, only one of my friends have no kids or is not pregnant, all the rest are even starting the second round already!!.....