Babies from DI

[Polly12]

Hi All,
Hubby and i are on the waiting list for a donor at the moment. I would love to hear from anyone who has gone on to get pregnant from an unknown donor (sperm) and how your pregnanacy is going, how your hubby/partner is, how you feel etc. I would love to hear from you. Just any information at all really would be very much appreciated.

[deepa100]

Hi there,
We have not done it but I have a friend that is single that opted for donor sperm. She just did 1 cycle of clomid and boom! she was pregnant. Now she has an active 2 yr. old boy.

[Lucyluna]

Hi Polly,

My hubby and I used donor sperm. It was a terribly difficult decision for us, but we ended up going that way and we are so excited to be expecting our first child! We suffered from Male Factor Infertility, and were told that we could do ICSI with IVF. We began the process and then were told to consider a donor backup. We said no originally because we knew we wanted a baby made up of the two of us.

As things went on, we began to think we should get a donor backup, just in case. To us, it was the only opportunity to have a baby. This process is so expensive and we knew we would not be able to have children for years if we didn't conceive through this cycle. Sure enough, the day came and they were not able to get any sperm from my hubby. We used the backup sperm and two weeks later, we were pregnant!

My husband and I were very conflicted over whether or not to use donor sperm. All I can say is that when you are faced with this decision you need to go with your gut. For us, we began to have this gut instinct that we needed a backup, and we were right. He and I discuss it from time to time, but for the most part we don't talk about it because we know that this is his daughter. Occasionally we feel sad because we know that she won't have his DNA, but it passes quickly and is replaced by excitement because we are so thrilled to be going through this process together. We may adopt one day as well, but pregnancy is a full experience from conception through birth that we can go through together. Each step of our process has been difficult, but to us they were the right steps. When we think about all we went through, it is obvious to us that each decision was the right one and this baby is here because she is supposed to be our daughter.

I hope that things go well for you! Whatever you and your hubby decide will be the right thing. Just try to respect each other's feelings, no matter how crazy or irrational they may seem. Good luck!

[Polly12]

Hi lucyluna,
Thanks for posting.
Conrats you your sucess, i can only imagine myself in your shoes. We are on the donor waiting list here in NZ and every day im excited as i know that some "angel" is going to make us parents (if everything works out) through their gift of sperm. You are so lucky to fall pregnant first go, i have my fingers and toes crossed that i am as lucky. We couldnt' get any sperm from hubby's biopsy so that was very very sad and difficult to accept. I have been to hell and back over the past few months but have healed so much - especially recently with a new year starting and a fresh start with trying for a baby.

Thanks for sharing your story, do you mind if i ask you a couple of questions? How old is your daughter now? Have you considered telling her about it?

many thanks
Polly.

[Lucyluna]

Hi Polly, I can definitely relate with the difficult time you have been having. Not that any of this is ideal, but the fact that you and your hubby know in advance that they couldn't get any sperm is good. It allows you more time to digest the info and plan. My hubby and I were told that he had sperm, and then when we went back to do the next biopsy for IVF they found none. We had very little time to decide that we wanted to use the donor backup. Because of that we very briefly discussed the idea of how, when and if we tell the baby about the donor. We have discussed it a few times, but want to wait to decide how we will handle it until we get to know our daughter and see how the rest of our family comes. We aren't sure if we will adopt next or if we will do DI, but eventually our children will be old enough to know where they came from. Chances are high that we will have a nice mixed family from all ways and we will be honest with them about how they were made. We are just trying to take it one day at a time, you know? Oh, and in answer to your question, we are pregnant right now and are due May 2nd.

I know that you will decide what is right for you and your family and I hope you are as lucky as us! The great thing about DI is that it is less expensive and less invasive, so you can try more often than you could with IVF. When we were considering our options we had some trouble finding others that had been through similar situations. I am happy to answer any other questions you may have and hope I have been at least a little helpful. Take Care!

[Polly12]

Hi Lucyluna,
Thanks for your prompt and helpful reply.

That is good point about us having some time to accept using the donor sperm. I was just thinking yesterday that being on a waiting list is a blessing in disguise as it has given us heaps of time to really come to terms with what we are facing. I can't imagine the dissapointment of being told you have sperm and then when it comes to the crunch - finding that you can't get any. That must have been very hard for you both.

Sorry, from the way you spoke i assumed you had had your baby girl, i now see that you are pregnant and that must be very exciting for you. I can't wait to be in your shoes, its a day ive been dreaming of for quite some time now.

I understand what you are saying about telling your daughter etc, its a real tough one. I had been feeling very shocked when i found out that it is law in New Zealand that you must tell your children, and couldnt' get my head around accepting it. Ive since read a brilliant book called "Building a family with donor insemination" by Ken Daniels, sold all over the world and its helped me accept a lot of things, maybe one being that i felt a wee bit "ashamed" of how we have had try to have a family and that was my issue, im so glad i can process that, so i don't pass that onto any future children we may have. I guess i have a fear of peoples reactions when i should realise that it doesn't matter what others think.

Thats interesting you are discussing adoption as well, hearing from you its brilliant, it has made me think of other things as well, its amazing how when all your plans are taken from you and you have to think "outside the square" how it can take time to learn to do that and be accepting of new ideas that you come across.

You are right about DI being less invasive, i had mixed emotions leading up to our biopsy, i wanted desperately to have sperm but a little part of me was thinking about how much easier it would be not to have to face IVF, i now try to think of those previous feelings when i feel a little bit down about not having hubbys dna.

You are very blessed, i really can't wait for my turn.
Can i ask where you live? Did you have to wait long for a donor? How many did you get to choose from? Which factors where important to you when choosing your donor? (eg similar looks, interests, family history etc), can you please tell me what info the clinic wil give you once baby is born on your donor to keep if you wish to give your daughter the informtion?

Many thanks
Polly.
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[Lucyluna]

Hi there,

I live in the States and laws are pretty different here. I can't believe they require you to tell there! I mean, we plan to tell, but I can imagine that some families want to choose the other way. Thank you for the book suggestion, we will definitely check that out.

We were just given some suggestions from our clinic of sperm banks and they gave us some flyers and packets of information. We went online and were able to get all of the information we needed, but often it cost us money for details. We chose a donor that has similarities to my husband, and seemed smart, well traveled, and kind. We chose a place that showed baby pictures of the donors, and there was a small essay written from the donor as well. There are questionaires as well, and we liked a lot of the answers. It just seemed that he had a lot of the qualities my husband has: smart, good sense of humor, similar height/weight/skin tone, and even left handed. Oh, and his baby picture was so cute! It was strange though, almost like online dating with your spouse.

Here the banks have a variety of options. Some donors don't mind disclosing their info, while others don't want to. The info after she is born for me is not different than the info I already have. So, in other words, I get nothing else. We chose a donor that did not want to be identified. We did not have to wait because we could pick donors with previous deposits. It was crazy how easy it was really!

Hope I didn't miss any questions and I wasn't too confusing. I had a very long day and may be rambling now. Take care!

[princess]

Just wanted to pop in and say good luck,
My Dh and I have a beautiful son from donor sperm.
He just turned 10 months today. I know the decisions are hard but once you and your dh hold your child you know it was the right decision to make.

[Lis]

Princes congrats on your baby son Joey you must so thrilled seeing him grow up - hope motherhood is everything you wished for and more.

Polly and Lucyluna - I am 6 wks pregnant having conceived using donor sperm through DI treatment. dh and I are / were in the exactly same position as you Polly in that dh had the biopsy and they found nothing. We were devastated and I mirror your feelings exactly when you said you had been through hell and back. Last year was the year from Hell for us. Like you both, dh and I really wanted to have a child that had OUR genes not just MY genes but when we were forced to make the decision it was actually dh who said having 50% genes was better than no genes at all (as in adoption).

Because of the changes to the donor laws in Britain, donors are not anonymous (since April 2005) - your child has the right to find out who there are biological father is when they are 18 altho we are only given characteristics ie height, build, eye and hair colour etc and no photographs. Due to this we couldn't get treatment straight away after dh's negative biopsy. We had to wait 5 months before a donor became available. When I look back now I am glad because it gave us some breathing space to come to terms with our decision.

Lucyluna - congrats on your BFP, hope pregnancy is treating you well.

Polly having DI is great because it is non invasive although I have to warn you the rollercoaster ride is every bit as emotional and hard. My clinic only do natural cycles so every month from around day 10 I would have daily bloods leading up to ovulation then insemination just prior to that. It took us 6 goes to get the BFP - I had just about given up, believing that it wouldn't work. You feel as if you are on constant treatment - I had about one week clear each month after AF disappeared and before bloods started again. It was really tough but so worth it to get the result!

I wish you all the very best and hope I can keep in touch with you on this site.

[Lucyluna]

Princess, thank you for comment. I am so happy for you and your husband and son!

Lis, congrats on the BFP! After all of the stress, it feels so good doesn't it?

We had a 3d ultrasound the other day and have some wonderful pictures of our little girl. We can't wait to meet her and see her in person.

Hope you all are doing well. Polly, I hope things are going smoothly for you!

[Lis]

Lucyluna that's wonderful! In my area you don't get any more scans after12 weeks It must be so wonderful to see your precious daughter - no wonder you can't wait to meet her! All the best xxx

Its so nice to talk to others in the same position. I am going for my 7 wk heart beat scan tomorrow - we are both nervous andexcited!