if anyone wants to email me so we can continue a personal conversation that's fine with me- i realize this may not be a topic for everyone. but lately i've been thinking- 2nd guessing I guess (we're starting IVF next month) did anyone have doubts/ second thoughts/ i'm not sure what to call it...
ie... does God really want us to have children? is it in His plan? or is it just me being selfish and wanting a child of my own? (we had already looked into adoption and decided that was not the best thing for us at this time- with money and waiting and the desire to have a biological baby)
our pastor is very nice and approachable but I just don't know how i feel asking him about it. especially if he says he doesn't believe in it and doesn't support it, then we show up pregnant and he puts 2 and 2 together. granted pastor's aren't supposed to be judgemental but still...
we're not planning on telling many people about the IVF- not even my DH's son from previous marriage 13 yo- we have full custody. just "whoops, we got pregnant" (our parents all know and support us)
anyone else feel like me?
kandice.sage@earthlink.net
christian outlook on ivf? and other questions.
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sassynlv
- Regular
- Posts: 815
- Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2006 9:40 pm
- Location: at the end of my significantly frayed rope
Kandice: I can sympathize with your dilemma. I understand the questions re: whether or not by doing ivf i am circumventing what God has in store for me. I don't feel that i am being selfish by doing IVF (of course, as dh not interested in adoption, this is our only chance for children). I believe God wants me to be happy, and i see ivf as a beautiful gift from him (i believe that all good things come from God, and i consider ivf a "good" thing as it builds families, among other things). We did a lot of praying before deciding to go ahead with ivf and firmly believe it is the right decision for us.
My situation is different, though... my church has not taken a stand against ivf, and says such things are personal decisions. In fact, there are a few girls in my congregation that have done ivf and it is common knowledge. I am not aware of any problems they have run into, so i guess i feel that when it comes to the church leaders (my local leader is already aware we have been doing ivf, and is very supportive) and/or other congregation members, i don't have much to worry about. I can understand your hesitation to discuss this with your pastor, being unclear about what his reaction will be.
I personally don't have a problem continuing a discussion on this thread, as you have clearly marked the topic. Having said that, feel free to pm me if you are interested in discussing this more in private. Good luck with your decisions!
My situation is different, though... my church has not taken a stand against ivf, and says such things are personal decisions. In fact, there are a few girls in my congregation that have done ivf and it is common knowledge. I am not aware of any problems they have run into, so i guess i feel that when it comes to the church leaders (my local leader is already aware we have been doing ivf, and is very supportive) and/or other congregation members, i don't have much to worry about. I can understand your hesitation to discuss this with your pastor, being unclear about what his reaction will be.
I personally don't have a problem continuing a discussion on this thread, as you have clearly marked the topic. Having said that, feel free to pm me if you are interested in discussing this more in private. Good luck with your decisions!
6 fresh IVFs plus one cancelation
Last Chance FET--- Pregnant with triplets!
[img]http://b1.lilypie.com/XhKKm8/.png[/img]
Last Chance FET--- Pregnant with triplets!
[img]http://b1.lilypie.com/XhKKm8/.png[/img]
Hi -
I found this quote on THIS website awhile back when going through the same questions as you. It doesn't help to answer your question directly, but may give you some peace of mind. I felt the same as you, that maybe God didn't want me to have children. But, then I decided that of course God wants me to have children... it was just going to take me down a different road than most. I agree with sassy that IVF is a gift from God. Not to open another can of worms, but my bigger dilema came from what to do with any leftover embryos, should we be so lucky. But, again, we'll cross that road when we come to it.
"What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?
"I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.
"No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.
"Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
"While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."
I found this quote on THIS website awhile back when going through the same questions as you. It doesn't help to answer your question directly, but may give you some peace of mind. I felt the same as you, that maybe God didn't want me to have children. But, then I decided that of course God wants me to have children... it was just going to take me down a different road than most. I agree with sassy that IVF is a gift from God. Not to open another can of worms, but my bigger dilema came from what to do with any leftover embryos, should we be so lucky. But, again, we'll cross that road when we come to it.
"What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?
"I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.
"No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.
"Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
"While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."
Me 36, DH 34 - Creating our family since 2002
wow- that's great- i copied and printed that out to bring home.
any leftover embryos for us we're keeping. we're going to a baptist hospital (wake forest in Winston, NC) and they straight out told us at our initial consult that they do not destroy any embryos so you pay a storage fee or donate them to another couple. we'll make that decision when that happens.
any leftover embryos for us we're keeping. we're going to a baptist hospital (wake forest in Winston, NC) and they straight out told us at our initial consult that they do not destroy any embryos so you pay a storage fee or donate them to another couple. we'll make that decision when that happens.
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sassynlv
- Regular
- Posts: 815
- Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2006 9:40 pm
- Location: at the end of my significantly frayed rope
EYCI: Thanks a ton for the quote. It expresses how i feel, but i could never write beautifully enough to explain. I also copied it for later use.
As for left over embryos... as it is my #3 cycle and have yet to have a single good quality embryo, i am thinking that won't be an issue i will have to deal with
. but you never know! I expect we will donate, but as eyci said, will cross that bridge if we get there.
As for left over embryos... as it is my #3 cycle and have yet to have a single good quality embryo, i am thinking that won't be an issue i will have to deal with
. but you never know! I expect we will donate, but as eyci said, will cross that bridge if we get there.6 fresh IVFs plus one cancelation
Last Chance FET--- Pregnant with triplets!
[img]http://b1.lilypie.com/XhKKm8/.png[/img]
Last Chance FET--- Pregnant with triplets!
[img]http://b1.lilypie.com/XhKKm8/.png[/img]
I understand your frame of thought and this is a discussion that my best friend and I sometimes get into. Her and her husband have no children and since he does not want to pursue testing, dr's. etc., she has taken the stance that she is trusting in God. Now she has gotten some testing done but since her DH doesn't want to do his part she rather not even deal with the issue. I believe in God and have faith that he will meet my heart's desire but I believe that he has opened the door for me to pursue treatment. I have had one failed IVF and going again for the second round.
Sometimes, I think that she has taken the easier route in a sense, I'm not saying that I want to be a mother more than her, but when you go through treatment you set yourself up for all your emotions and it really hurts. She's not going through the physical task of being poked and than all the feelings. You just don't open yourself up so much. I think God helps all of us to deal with this because I sure know if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be able to make it.
Sometimes, I think that she has taken the easier route in a sense, I'm not saying that I want to be a mother more than her, but when you go through treatment you set yourself up for all your emotions and it really hurts. She's not going through the physical task of being poked and than all the feelings. You just don't open yourself up so much. I think God helps all of us to deal with this because I sure know if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be able to make it.
Me 35
DH 36
Trying to conceive almost 6 years!
Unexplained Infertility
Lots of IUI's
1st IVF - Nov 2006 BFN
2nd IVF - Feb 2007 BFN
DH 36
Trying to conceive almost 6 years!
Unexplained Infertility
Lots of IUI's
1st IVF - Nov 2006 BFN
2nd IVF - Feb 2007 BFN
My parents are devoted Christians. Everything in their life is in the "Christian" light. When we first started having problems ttc and were told the only way to conceive was going to be through IVF, my parents told us to do what we wanted, but they would not support us at all. They said this was not God's way for a woman to get pregnant.
However, they are very involved n Focus on the Family with James Dobson. They brought it up to him, and he opened their eyes differently. He said God absolutely wanted those of us who could not get pregnant on our own to go down this path. He told my parents to pray about it and make their own decision.
They now support us 100%. I believe it was through the prayers from Focus on the Family, and our family, friends, and parents that helped us conceived with our first IVF treatment.
However, they are very involved n Focus on the Family with James Dobson. They brought it up to him, and he opened their eyes differently. He said God absolutely wanted those of us who could not get pregnant on our own to go down this path. He told my parents to pray about it and make their own decision.
They now support us 100%. I believe it was through the prayers from Focus on the Family, and our family, friends, and parents that helped us conceived with our first IVF treatment.
God's Gifted Hands
I truely understand you contemplation with IVF. I too questioned the christian belief and aspect of the whole process. Then DH and I prayed and sought guidance from God.
We lost our first daughter to a auto fatality in 97 (still have joy). God guided and delivered us from that tragedy with strength and endurance. There was no bitterness on my part, because the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. We do not hold life in our hands, He does. Then he showed us all the signs that this was in His plan for character and integrity building as well as faith and strength building. We never lost hope. We still at the time had a 8 year old son, who witness the accident, to raise. But we felt a void in our life. To fill that void, we had no alternative but to go through IVF process. We had a tubal in 94. Repair was ruled out.
But because of my faith and belief, we first prayed before entering the facility for gifted hands from God, because we know that satan is a crafty little devil and can reek hevic in lives, we questioned the overseeing physician of his belief. We didn't proceed until we were satisfied, because the process is costly. Our first attempt we went in blind. We were completely oblivious to the whole process. But when we allowed God to oversee it, we had success through the others. Although, we didn't conceive the first several times, our faith is that God instructs us to be faithful and multiply. Now not to frustrate women who has attempted the process to no avail. We all have our season, and God has in place comfort tools for us all. It may or may not be your season. But be prayful that God will give you healing, comfort, guidance and understanding to satisfy every void.
We now have a wonderful vibrant, ENERGITIC two year old. We are now on our 2ww testing (2/7) for our claimed victory again. We are given the power through faith and belief. God grants our hearts desires when we are faithly and just to keep His commands. Don't doubt that God has this blessing of parenthood in store for you and your hubby. And although it can be stressful, not telling that you were blessed after conception through the process is an injustice to others who may feel the same way. Give God all the Glory. Nothing happens or come to past without coming from Him. Do all things in accordance to His purpose and will and not your own.
Under God's covering all this is perfect and just. We are all different and God or our life choices travels road to prepare us for Kingdom building.
Now clonning is another topic and issue that I am totally against. That is trying to a god. But I don't feel it is of our God. That is like saying I want my first daughter back. NEVER. God gave me joy through my second daughter, who does resemble my first daughter, but that is because of our gen/dna. Not because we were playing god.
Prayers and hopes through your travels and if you desire further private talks. email: Michell.Jackson@verizon.net
We lost our first daughter to a auto fatality in 97 (still have joy). God guided and delivered us from that tragedy with strength and endurance. There was no bitterness on my part, because the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. We do not hold life in our hands, He does. Then he showed us all the signs that this was in His plan for character and integrity building as well as faith and strength building. We never lost hope. We still at the time had a 8 year old son, who witness the accident, to raise. But we felt a void in our life. To fill that void, we had no alternative but to go through IVF process. We had a tubal in 94. Repair was ruled out.
But because of my faith and belief, we first prayed before entering the facility for gifted hands from God, because we know that satan is a crafty little devil and can reek hevic in lives, we questioned the overseeing physician of his belief. We didn't proceed until we were satisfied, because the process is costly. Our first attempt we went in blind. We were completely oblivious to the whole process. But when we allowed God to oversee it, we had success through the others. Although, we didn't conceive the first several times, our faith is that God instructs us to be faithful and multiply. Now not to frustrate women who has attempted the process to no avail. We all have our season, and God has in place comfort tools for us all. It may or may not be your season. But be prayful that God will give you healing, comfort, guidance and understanding to satisfy every void.
We now have a wonderful vibrant, ENERGITIC two year old. We are now on our 2ww testing (2/7) for our claimed victory again. We are given the power through faith and belief. God grants our hearts desires when we are faithly and just to keep His commands. Don't doubt that God has this blessing of parenthood in store for you and your hubby. And although it can be stressful, not telling that you were blessed after conception through the process is an injustice to others who may feel the same way. Give God all the Glory. Nothing happens or come to past without coming from Him. Do all things in accordance to His purpose and will and not your own.
Under God's covering all this is perfect and just. We are all different and God or our life choices travels road to prepare us for Kingdom building.
Now clonning is another topic and issue that I am totally against. That is trying to a god. But I don't feel it is of our God. That is like saying I want my first daughter back. NEVER. God gave me joy through my second daughter, who does resemble my first daughter, but that is because of our gen/dna. Not because we were playing god.
Prayers and hopes through your travels and if you desire further private talks. email: Michell.Jackson@verizon.net