Good morning guys,
I've had quite an adventure these past few days. If you remember, my ovaries are a bit slow to react. Well, after my first u/s on Thursday, they upped my meds again to 300 units of Puregon. Long story short, I checked my Pen closely and found that I was able to inject myself with the same old "bottle" of Puregon, meaning that I gave myself a total of 1100 units of Puregon from a bottle that was labelled 900 units. Called the clinic... called the pharmacist... the company always leaves 100 supplemental units in each bottle, but the pharmacist checked my Pen and could never figure out how I could have injected myself with 1100 units and still have some left in the bottle, in addition! It remains a mystery, but he had me come to the drugstore yesterday (yet another trip) because he felt too uncomfortable with me keeping the same Pen till today. We suspect that somehow, I didn't get all the meds I should have gotten.
Yesterday morning, I was in severe pain. I was bent in two and Tylenol did nothing whatsoever. It's rare that the pain is so intense that I cry, but this was the case. I was very bloated and very worried and I almost had to cancel my workday. But after lying on my stomach for some 15 minutes, I was able to de-bloat enough to go to work. However, I think I paid for that at the end of the day. The walk to my acupuncturist was pure torture; we're in the middle of a cold wave here, and it was about minus 20C outside (my acupuncturist told me that cold, especially on the legs, can cause more abdominal spasms). The accu apt was very painful; the cramps just didn't go away and I shed quite a few tears; I could clearly feel pain in my ovaries and also in my whole abdomen. I had to call my DH to drive all the way downtown through traffic and pick me up because I was barely able to walk.
It lasted till bedtime and then suddenly, when I woke up... the pain was completely gone! Of course I didn't like that too much... some crazy irrational thoughts whispered me that I might have ovulated and that's why I didn't have pain anymore.

Fortunately, I had my scan this morning. My DH came with me, it was nice to have him.
It's my doc who was there this morning. He made a very tactless declaration at the very beginning of the check. He had not even begun the ultrasound and he checked my file... "Uh-oh, two cysts, huh? That's not very good... you see, sometimes ovarian cysts like that absorb all the effects of the meds and because of that, the follicles grow very slowly and never mature enough. In those instances we have to cancel the cycle and start over."
The tone, the tone! So matter-of-factly! Hey, buddy, you're talking about thousands of dollars thrown out the window here! Can't you show a little sympathy? Can't you just shut the f*** up and wait until you've checked the ultrasound before you make that kind of hypothesis??? Ugh!

Oh, experience makes them lose SO much empathy! They up your meds and up the costs by shots of 100$, 200$
a day and don't even wince! I know he's probably seen thousands of IVF-ers (he started the first clinic in Montreal), and I know he probably earns a whole cycle's worth of money each DAY. But that should never be a reason! My DH found his remark tactless, too. He said it was not nice to scare me like that right from the start. Because of that, I wasn't able to enjoy the good news that came after.
So he checked my ovaries... the cysts are bigger. Some 33mm on the right and 32 on the left. But right away when he checked my right ovary, he made a satisfied exclamation and said something like, "I really like what I'm seeing here! see? You have lots of nice follicles here; it looks like they have been reacting for the past 2-3 days now, so they are growing all the same. Ah, this is exactly what I wanted to see! I'm reassured!"
Speak for you, a**h***!!!!
*shakes the bitterness off*
Becleo, I understood exactly what you meant by "my ovaries turned into grapes". It's really what it looks like. My follicles are around 12mm now. Still small, but definitely growing. He did not count them all, but it looks like I have about a dozen of them on my right side. My left ovary did not react too well, though. There are something like 2-3 good follicles that are growing. But it's better than nothing. As long as I have my babies, twins or 2 years apart, I won't complain.
We discussed my pain and he said it was perfectly normal. He reminded me that my 2003 sceptic shock/infection and my surgery left adherences that touch my ovaries and my intestines. He said that the stretching of my ovaries, as they are growing bigger and bigger, might be what explains the severe pain. It would not be the cysts anymore. My ovaries probably just re-arranged themselves in another position and that's why I don't feel pain anymore. And I'm not as bloated as I was yesterday.
Either way, I cancelled today's patients yesterday evening. My DH really encourages me to stop feeling guilty about it (because I'm not in pain anymore) and just take some time to rest because I do need that rest. And I hear him; he's doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. Awwww I LOVE him! (and no,
Aunty, he didn't start doing that when I told him about your prep-him-for-EC protocol, LOL But he likes the idea!) I guess he's right. Today will be strictly about catching up on phone calls, emails,
lots of knitting, reading and watching TV. Tomorrow afternoon, I have a wine and cheese for the baby shower of my acquaintance who is pregnant with IVF. Given that she is a walking and talking ray of hope for me, it will be okay for me to be there. I want to have fun, look at her belly and tell myself that my turn is just around the corner.
I'm feeling okay, but I feel like this whole cycle is standing on the edge of a knife now. Because of my doc's tactless remark, I can't help but fear that the cysts might indeed absorb most of the meds' effect and keep my follies from growing some more. Those two days till the next scan (Monday) will be long, but I'll keep myself busy. There's nothing I can do but pray anyway. And that I'll do. Can't wait to be triggered.
Sassy: this is GREAT news! I'm so happy that your little bugger made it back home! woohooooo! Poor you, you're passing from a killer waiting to... a killer longer waiting but I'll keep hoping with you for a BFP!
mom: going through the sickness and loss of a pet is different than grieving a fellow human being, but it is no less painful at times. I'm very sorry for you, but I think you guys have made the best decision. I'm sure your dog had a very fulfilling and happy life; from the way you described he/she, it looked like one happy camper! *hugs*
js: I am SO sorry for you! It is so upsetting to have your hope snatched away from you just at the end of the process! Poor thing! I hope the people around you give you support and love. When do you plan to have your post-cycle appointment? I'm sure there are solutions hun, and one of them will give you your dream of becoming a mommy.
Raintree: I'm very sorry about your BFN... especially that it was your last trial. I hope your doc will give you some explanations for this. We're right there for you if you need us. *hugs*
Denise, Mia : sending you tons of sticky baby dust! I hope your embies find a good position for their 9 months nap!
Charlie: sweetie, we are in the same situation. I started stimming on the 19th and have been rescheduled for another us... my doc said I would keep stimming for 2-3 days more, which means about 11-12 days of stimming. Yeah, it's above average, but contrary to what I thought before, it doesn't necessarily mean that there's a problem with us. We might just be reacting more slowly to the meds. As I keep saying, hehe, our ovaries take it slow because they want to aim for extra quality!
Fed: your fert rate is AMAZING! Five beautiful embies! Congratulations! I'm SO happy for you dear! Transfer tomorrow? I bet you can't wait!

I'm sending good vibes your way!
Denise: hehehe glad that the magical meds are working for you!
Cinny: congrats on starting the simming! Welcome to the club!
Shantala: how are you sweetie? I just wanted to say hi!
Take care ladies!
Sophie