Counseling session for donor sperm

[peggysue]

Hi, my name is Susan and I am new here. I'm not sure if I'm posting on the right board or not. I'm 32 years old and I've had one ectopic pregnancy (left tube removed) and one miscarriage. I am now single and I feel that now is the right time for me to have a child so I am going down the IVF route alone.

On 5th March I have my donor sperm counseling which my father figure will be attending with me. My father figure is a dear friend do you think that this will be a problem? My dad passed away a few years ago and I have 2 brothers both of which I'm not close to and don't feel comfortable asking.

Could anyone please tell me what to expect at the counseling session.

All replies greatly appreciated

Many thanks

Susan

[Gargy]

Hi Susan,

It's a good idea to bring in someone as a support, even if it is your best friend (male or female). I'm married, but if I was going it alone I would definitely not invite any one of my three brothers. I'd much prefer to have my best friend.

Here are some of the issues that we have discussed with our known donor and our counsellor in Australia. Some of them obviously will not be relevant to you:

1) Counselling - what do we need to do to get approval
2) Legal issues: making sure you know where you stand (ie SD has no legal rights as father, however some sort of relationship with our child so that he/she knows who you are).
3) Disciplinary issues – we have the say in how to raise our child
4) Access issues to SD
5) Long term access to SD’s family
6) What happens if we move interstate/national or if you move?
7) What happens when you have a partner in the future?
How this will affect our friendship?
9) What would happen if we had a falling out?
10) What would happen if DH and I got separated/divorced?
11) What happens if we want a second child?
12) How will we feel if the child is disabled (in utero/afterwards)?
13) What if you have an issue you need to discuss with us as parents?
14) What happens if we pass away and you are still living?
15) What happens if we go through IUI and it doesn’t work?
16) What happens if we go through IVF and it doesn’t work?
17) At what point do we give up?
18) Family medical history (SD’s and Ours)?
19) Education of the child
20) What we have said to our families so far, and our plans to tell them
21) Our plans to tell the child.
22) SD’s concerns in general
24) Spiritual beliefs

HTH

Gargy

[Polly12]

Gargy, what an awesome list! you have covered every base and some!
Wish we could ask our donor all those questions:)

[Gargy]

Hey Polly,

Now you can see why it took 1 1/2 hours to just talk about it with DH alone over lunch and 2 hours with heaps of wine as help with our SD over dinner the same day! It was really stressful beforehand as I wasn't sure how either one of them was going to react. Funnily enough I feel more centred now and sure of where we're going. I'm glad we did it. Now I just have to type up the notes and send them on to our SD so he has a copy.

It's amazing how much this was like a business meeting rather than a friendly gathering. But it had to be done....

regards

Gargy