The Sisterhood of the Blue Stilettos

[meg12]

Okay---here's my 2 cents (and then I really am leaving...)

I think of myself as a positive person. I'm usually happy, friendly and all and all glad to be who I am and where I am. That being said, I am at times sad. I am at times angry. And I honestly believe that for me, it helps to vent those feelings off. I try to do it in a constructive way, but if that's not possible at least try to find an audience that can understand where I'm coming from and why I'm feeling the way I am. (Poor Dh, it's usually him, but you guys have definetly helped him out lately!)

Honestly, I think it's only human--I don't know anyone who can be positive all the time. (And think how annoying that would be, truly!)

To top it off, IVF is the craziest experience ever. Infertility in general is pretty sucky, but IVF just has you go through every emotion possible.

And I think it's very realistic to have both positive and negative reactions--it's a balancing act and the important thing is to find that medium (in my opionion!) You don't want to be too over-confident that it will work, because then if it doesn't your heart is unprotected and it's even more devastating. And you don't want to be too under-confident because there are lots of women on these boards that are proof that IVF does work.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on that subject. Honestly, this thread is a perfect balance between the two extremes (in my mind) and that's why I've been unable to leave even though I'm not really going through IVF anymore. In my heart, I'm right there with you guys and really, no one else gets it!

[sassynlv]

Hey meg: just in case you were lying and haven't really left yet...
Them were some pretty 2 cents you had there! Thanks my dear, i can always count on you to lay it out so it all makes sense and sounds so "normal". See, what the h*ll would i do with out you? This is EXACTLY why you can't leave... even if your child (a girl i think we decided?) is two years old... if i am still here cycling away like a lunatic, i will be dragging you along with me . Have fun with those cows.... as it is SNOWING here in vegas (yep, snow on the car as i went to grab lunch!) i can only imagine how it will be in Nebraska!

[vicky77]

I wrote a huge post and then got interrupted, went to lunch and when I came back I closed the page by mistake and of course is all gone!!!!!!!!

Well, lets try to recapitulate......

Sassy.....first of great rant!!!, then going to what you were saying, I know, it is hard to draw a line sometimes, I also sometimes get pessimistic and my DH is the one who tries to give me some PMA. Mostly after a failed treatment, it is even tougher to try to be totally optimistic, but at the same time one has that inner voice that tells you that if we don't believe in it then it won't work so we try to think positive just to cheat our minds (I think I am making it too confusing, I am just writing as it comes out of my head, plus the language barrier ). But it's true, the line is very blurry sometimes, I guess it depends on the day, our mood, experiences, DH's (whether they are supportive or not, which yours seem to be very supportive and that is great)....so, that is what I think.....

Meg...have a great time in Nebraska!!!!, hope you lil one gives you a break at least for the weekend

Coco.....as a peasant here I also give you a warm welcome!!!!, your rant was fab by the way!!!!. Now it is upto HRH Fee to decide, guess she is sleeping right now, so we don't want to bother her.... . I am also going to be low key on this cycle, in the last one I told everybody and it was such a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig mistake, I am not doing that ever again......

Aunty.....it is so great to have you here with us!!!!, so your in-laws, hummmmmm, I think Sassy's "smile and nod" tactic is just perfect for this kind of events. Hope everything goes well....

Ange.....so you want ot dognap Sanson???...be careful he is trained...(trained to bring his tennis ball to any thief that comes to my house... )

Wanna...one more day girl, oooooooooooooooooo, I am soo excited for you!!!. I admire you for not doing an HPT, I don't think I can be that strong.....please let us know as soon as you can!!!

Patie....loved your idea of getting a T-shirt for Sanson!!, I couldn't stop laughing at the idea!!

Talking about the t-shirts, Sassy, I don't really care about the color, so whatever you decide is fine for me. I just want to have my Sisterhood shirt ASAP ........let us know when you give us the "go" to buy them....

Well...I guess I have to work...

[jenn]

Hey girls, I have been lurking for weeks and have not posted. I didn't feel I had a rant worthy of a post. I still don't really have a good one. I did however, find out earlier this week that a friend of mine is... (sorry I have to say it...) PREGNANT. Another friend called to tell me. Because the pregnant one was SCARED to tell me. I am slowly now finding out through the grapevine that everyone else has known for a couple of weeks. So hold on...here comes my attempt at a rant-

WHY??? I'm not someone to be scared of. I'm rather large and can be obnoxious at times, yes, and I like to say what I feel. But no one should be scared! So then I realized that I was going to have to call HER and tell her that I know she is pregnant and then what? pretend to be okay with it and happy for her and blah blah blah. It's not fair that I had to go to her. As if I don't have to deal with my infertility every day. Now I have to deal with what I think is her guilt for getting pregnant. I guess I understand a little, but it just sucks that I had to be all "I'm so happy for you" when inside I just wanted to crawl into a hole.

So then when I saw her today and told her I knew and congrats, and blahbety freakin blah she tells me it only took 1 month and she just "didn't think it would happen that fast, but God has a plan for everyone, I mean... well...I guess you would know that better than anyone." What the h*ll is that supposed to mean? I tried to use the just nod and smile technique. I had to walk away pretty quick, I felt the rage and tears coming!

Ok- I hope that made sense. I do want to say that I AM happy for the people on this board to get pregnant after dealing with infertility. Yes, even you Mrs. natural pg. Meg!! I was thrilled for you. It gives me hope that even after my failed attempt it could still happen the old fashoined way for me and the rest of us!!

Aunty I was gutted to read of your BFN. I was glad to see you back though and full of fight!

Sassy- LOVE the shirt and I soooo want one. I repeat the quote you have under your signature to myself often.

Wanna- I'm praying hard for you girl. Go get em' tomorrow.

Well gotta go! If you will have me, I would love to be a regular. My signature says IVF again in Feb/Mar. but i chickened out and now it is a definite June...i think.

[FionaA]

Crickey, this place is action packed!

Welcome to Coco and Jen. Just so you know I am only a ceremonial figurehead and this place is a democracy so, thanks for asking my permission to join and all but I can only add my vote to the others and say come on in!

Now Coco (or can i call you "Wild Potato" ) I applaud you for keeping the IVF thing underground. I have done much the same only telling family and I am grateful every day for that decision. Having lived in a small town myself it would only be a matter of time before seven people became 49 then 1000 etc....Feel free to come in here and blast away any time. I like your style.

And the same goes for you Jen, you've earned your stripes with a great opening rant. As we've all said in one form or another, hearing people effortlessly getting knocked up is like a punch in the guts. Come in and vent any time.

Patie, your new venture with DH sounds exciting, sounds like you will have lots to keep you occupied in the next couple of months. Am really crossing my fingers for your Kayro testing. I'm sure you will be fine!!

Meggo, have a great time in the middle of nowhere. Well done on your u/s...but why does your Dr ditch you after 3 months, is that because he/she is a fertility specialist and you are now knocked up so you get moved along????

Aunty, that trip to the in-laws sounds like it's going to be an ordeal but probably best to get it over and done with. Hope your jaw muscles don't seize up from clenching your teeth and excessive forced smiling.

Wanna, am really feeling your pain. In the days leading up to my test I went to see a Bollywood movie, that took up about 3 to 4 hours, I also tried to sleep to make time go by and unthinkably cleaned the house (not that you'd know it by the state of it now...). I can hardly wait for tomorrow myself.

Sass, Vicky and Mego are all so eloquent with your description of IVF. I must say I struggle to explain and rationalise the process even to myself. Sass I think that you are bang on in that it is a day to day proposition. We all have our good days and our bad days and some of those are exacerbated by the drugs that we have to take. I would have thought that anyone one who has gone through IVF should know better than to chide a fellow IVFer about their feelings. Damn Ms Fluffy Optimism she is obviously a dumba$$.

Ange, how goes the stimming, and how are you feeling, hopefully nothing like last time!

Amy, hope you still have your job...

Well I have to be off. Like Mego I'm going away to a wedding, it's in Sydney and I'm taking a couple of weeks off. I will have to persuade DH to bring his beloved laptop with us so that i can check in, otherwise I will have to find some internet cafe to get my Sisters fix...

I also have to work out how I'm gonna do my blood tests in the Eastern States and get them back to my clinic, that's my next job for the morning.

Fee

[sassynlv]

Ha! we have had a rash of delurkings in the last 24 hrs! Very cool!

Welcome, welcome jenn! There is ALWAYS room for another sista! So June, huh? Nice to know i will have some company... yep, i will STILL be cycling!!! My 3rd part of my "mega cycle" is scheduled for the end of May. Yeah... i have a cycling buddy! (oooo, and if that is too early for you... my ET will be at the end of July!)

As for your friend... i often laugh when these things come up. I mean, how long do they think they will be able to keep it secret? 6 months... like i won't notice the bulge? 8 months... like i won't notice the now protruding belly and the baby-talk going on around them? Or will i not notice when they are running around with a newborn?heeheehee. I mean really... i would rather hear it sooner instead of later if i see them often..and would prefer to hear it from them if they are really a friend of mine. I think fertiles are just at a complete loss as to what to say.... but i suppose i should give some of them credit for at least being sensitive enough to realize that their pregnancy may bring up in us some self-pitying emotions. Yeah, again, don't know what she was thinking with the whole "god has a plan... but you would know that better than anyone" thing. I am at a loss with that one.

Now, as for the tshirts. I am making an executive decision (although i don't think i ACTUALLY have any executive authority ). If we want to order them separately, we need to do digital printing... which means they need to be light pink, yellow, light blue or white. o/w we have to do screen printing which requires a minimum of 12 ordered at once. And i gotta say, i am really hip on the whole... everyone in the us ordering their own instead of me shipping them to everyone. I REALLY wish i could find a way to do sparkly ink... but i may have to take a trip to the craft store and add that post-factory! I am not a pink person, but personally, cannot take another white t-shirt. So, my plan is to get a pink one by the end of the wk. Ummmm, i may also get a big blue one to lounge around the house in. I will leave the design up there, and won't have any idea what people order... so no one will know if you take a walk on the wild side and order a yellow . As for our sisters across the waters... just pm me what you want, and your address you want me to send it to if you haven't already, and i will beam it over to you . So ladies... on your mark, get set.... "go"!

[sassynlv]

Fee: oops, you appeared whilst i was posting. So let me get this right.. you will be away for a few WEEKS? Oh bloody h*ll tell your dh if he doesn't take his laptop he will have me knocking on his door in Sydney... and i WON'T be wearing a "happy face" . oooo, to add a little drama, make sure he knows i start stims in a few days... tsk tsk tsk, not a good idea to mess with a stimming woman's thread! Anyway, if we don't hear from you, have a fab time. Will you be getting the cupping done so that you can copy Angie's trendy wedding appearance???

[FionaA]

Thanks for that Sass, I will add your threat to the one that I was planning to issue. I think we will have him cowering in the corner where he belongs....Don't worry I won't be able to stay away for weeks anyway, If all else fails I will find an internet cafe - there is no way I'm missing out on your stimming, am hoping for some great rants from you. And cupping, well it is the new black. I wonder if I can get the dots to match the red skirt I'm planning on wearing...Fee

[wannababyIVF]

Vicky—I think people are trying to give your pup away. First he was Sassy’s and now he’s mine. Lol

Meg—Whew, I am so nervous. I was ok up until now. The butterflies in the tummy come and go. I am hoping the feeling I am getting is my embryos in my tummy growing. lol BTW…Sanson is Vicky’s not mine. Although I do have a furbaby. But mine is white and much much smaller than Sanson. But I’ll claim Sanson. He can be my Goddog. Glad to hear that little girl is growing nicely inside of you. She’s already advanced for her age. Have a great trip!

Jenn—Welcome! Welcome! Great rant! Wow, I’m not sure I would have been able to call her. So proud of you. I might have just kept playing dumb about it. lol But yeah, I guess the fertiles don’t know how to talk to us like we are normal. Maybe they are afraid we’re going to break or something? I mean just dealing with IF alone makes us stronger than them..in my opinion.

Sassy—It’s be a grueling feat to stay away from the evil HPT. I’m afraid to take it. I did last time and it was –itve and I got a BFN. I’m trying to do things a little differently this time and resist. If I were going to take it, it would be tomorrow morning to soften the blow. But I figured I waited this long, I might as well continue to wait. Besides, DH doesn’t want me to get all upset about it…which I agree. Even though I know HPT can be wrong, I would still be so distraught if it said negative. Sassy, LET IT OUT! DON’T HOLD BACK. Be that keeping a positive perspective or being negative, you are still entitled to complain. You can’t hold it in, because then you might slap someone….like Aunty said.

Aunty—Good Luck with the inlaws. I think Sassy’s idea of smile and nod. I too, do that. Just smile and nod and grit my teeth! And pray that we will be leaving soon. I always use the dog as an excuse. We have to go home and let out the dog.

CoCo—Welcome!! The more the merrier! Love your intro! And the Song! LOL You’re going to fit right in.

Fi—Don’t go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melissa--where are you?


Ok, I just reread everything I wrote. Most of it didn’t make much sense. I think I’m delirious! I’m very tired and my tummy is in knots. I’m a wreck. Going to bed now. Trying to get to tomorrow as quickly as possible so the torture can stop. Maybe I’ll make more sense in the morning. Good Night Everyone!


Oh yeah, and that’s for all the Good Luck! Well wishes! PMA and BABY DUST! I pray that it does make all the difference in the world.

Now grow embies grow…stick to the wall and grow…and off to bed I go.

I think the people with the white coats will be at my door any minute now to take me away and put me in a padded room. I have completely lost it.

[sassynlv]

Wanna: "they're coming to take you away. Haha heehee hoho" Don't even remember where that song is from... but seems to fit here. Will be checking the computer all day tomorrow to see your news. Hoping you manage a restful sleep tonight! Wishing you all the luck in the world for tomorrow!

[amy]

Lands sakes!! I can't even believe the action this place is getting! I am still catching up but wanted you to know that haven't lost my job and HAD MY TAXES DONE!! We are getting about 5000 back = 1/2 IVF!!!

Coco - welcome - love the song. been humming through page 31 and 32 of forum.

jenn - welcome - can't wait to hear some more stellar rants...

I say anyone who would read through the last 32 pages is crazy - therefore perfect for us.

When can we have HRH anoint them with the dildocam??

[FionaA]

Wanna hopefully you are in bed right now and getting a good nights sleep, guess what, you got your wish!! I'm not going on holiday. My clinic rang me to tell me that they are not happy with my arrangements...Apparently I am at a high risk of blood clots on the plane (because I already have clotting issues) and they don't want me on the other side of the country if the pregancy turns out to be ectopic. Poor old DH is gonna have to go to the wedding solo...I'm a bit disappointed and now have to cancel a lot of stuff but it's OK if it means having a healthy baby to show for it.

Am really crossing everything for you tomorow. I don't know if I'm gonna get any sleep tonite.

Amy I just read your post, Woo Hoo on the taxes that's a whopping return, OK don't take your internal doors down yet, what other stock have you got for e-bay. Glad to hear that you still have your job, hanging on by the skin of your teeth? I will conduct a cereominial annointment within the next week for our new comers...I'll have to polish up the dildocam.

HRH

[sassynlv]

WAANNNNAAA: Whatcha doin'? Have they sucked your blood? when you gonna know, huh?, huh?, huh?

[amy]

Wanna - Where you at?? It is 11:33 am there and I am expecting a happy post within the hour. That is right. Attorney General says ONE HOUR. You call them and make that happen.

Fee - I am glad that clinic knocked some sense into you. You stay at home with us. We will throw you the best virtual vacation you have ever had. DH is going to be so sad going solo without his royal wife, but he will have a great time with his blokes or mates and you will have us.
Now, as for stripping the interior of the home - already in the midst. Like I said, sold ceiling fans and am putting new door hardware on, so I think I will try and sell the stuff I had on. I don't like them but there has to be someone with bad taste out there that does!

Mego - Nebraska sounds CHILLY!!! You better grab your sorels and hit the reception in style! We will miss you!

Angie - Super Stimmer! (You have to say that as though you are announcing Superman) Where are we at with the counts?

Sass - Shirts sound great. I am ready to order and I will pay for it from my overflowing paypal account

Aunty - Have fun with the inlaws!! I am very fortunate in that regard and only have a MIL who couldn't be any more disinterested in our lives... definitely for the best.

Patie - Is DH home from his worldly travels yet?

Vicky - You practicing those hand commands with Sanson? Saturday is right around the corner and we can't have him representing us in his Sisterhood shirt without knowing all his week three lessons!

I am off to defend my honor at the office!!

[shantala]

hi everyone

sorry to butt in but just wanted to say sassy - sorry youve not been feeling well and woohoo on starting stimms in 2 days. you must be getting so excited! hope you feel better soon!! (and i found ya! glad you're ok!!)

xx