IVF HAMMERSMITH

[poochie]

Dear Carolyn

I so so sorry I dont know what to say, I cant imgaine how hard it must have been for you and your DH this morning. Good for you for having transfer and going to ac you were right to do both, dont give up.

IVF seems to test us in every way, big hugs thinking of you.

Love Vicki X

[lolajones]

Carolyn my lovely girl, I'm so sorry about how your day turned out. I know you feel sick to the stomach awful but please look after yourself and dare to hope. You've read all the things your friends on these boards have said - positive stories of miracles. You just never know in this crazy lark what'll happen, you just never know. You are a strong lady and so your embies must be pretty feisty too. We're all still rooting for them and you and dh - GO LITTLE ONES!!!
Take care sweetie
Lola
xxxxxx

[CarolynB]

Hey Vicki and Lola

Thanks for your support. Sorry that I have been MIA since Tuesday.

Please don't read further if you are after good news..........

Just needed to process what had happened. Guess that it came as a shock as all seemed to be going so well. Plus you can see in their faces what they know will happen. I hate the fact that they all look so sorry for us.

Tried to pull myself together from Wednesday. Stay buzy but not manic. Out a couple of times with dh. Quite buzy with work. Just kinda keeping going as we all have to.

Spotting today. D10. Just like past two times. I am sure that I'll bleed tomorrow on D11. Even same days of the week as cycle 1. It is like watching a movie that you saw before with a sad ending - you know the way that it is going to turn out but you just hope that maybe the end will alter this time.

So test is Wednesday but know that I'll know the result before then. I am going to the Cheltenham Festival with mates that day so may just go back on the booze and have an absolute hooley!!!!!

Guess that we'll go to see Trewster to see what he has to say. May be they can tell something from the stage that the embryos stopped growing? We'll have to go as we want to ask for copies of all our notes for new clinic. Vicki - did you take your notes with you to your new clinic? Were Hammersmith ok? Who did you ask about this?

Plus we shall get an appointment with our gp and see whether she'll take pity on us and run some of the blood tests for argc to save a fortune with argc before we even get started.

Would love to take some time away from all this after a year of 3 fresh cycles, 2 ops. But age is not on my side. Figure that summer would be best time to do an 'intensive' cycle at argc as will be easier to take some time off from work. Think that I will be using 2 weeks of holiday at the argc waiting room

Enjoy the weekends all. We will get some good news soon. Lola - not long til you start. Am I allowed in the 4th time life raft with you & Jen???

Thanks for being there. It does really help.

Lots of Love
Carolyn
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[CarolynB]

Lola - very best of luck with your cycle hun. Not sure how much I am going to come here over the next couple of weeks so just wanted to say that I shall be thinking of you and so hoping that this is going to happen for you & the Hammersmith girls

Vicki - any info that you can give me on if you got your notes transfered from Hammersmith and how you did this would be mch appreciated

AF here for me on D11. Carbon copy of failures 1 & 2 for me. Sure that we have to move if we are to have any hope. Quite upset today as having to tell my parents but guess that I got through some of the pain on Tuesday. We will see Trew a final time to see if he can shed any light at all on our failures. Plus start getting the tests down for argc. Should keep me busy given the number to get done.

3 goes. 3 negatives. It is gutting. I am going to Cheltenham and think that I shall treat myself to some booze after being dry for almost a year. Drown my sorrows.

Love and baby dust to you both. All the luck in the world for your next cycles.
Carolyn
xxxxx

[poochie]

Carolyn

Big hugs for you it such a shitty thing, life can be so unfair.

I sure the change of clinic will do you good it did me, the first time I went there the atmosphere was calm and the staff were friendly and warm, they also treat you as an individual and tailor the cycle to your needs which is what I wanted.

Regarding notes you phone up medical records and request copies of your notes, there is a change which is billed per page mine cost £27.40 it takes 40 working days.

Have a good day at the races enjoy a drink.

Big hugs Vicki x

[lolajones]

oh Carolyn, I'm so sorry. I totally understand where you are. Its difficult to find hope at the bottom of the box sometimes. You must be exhausted, its been such a year for you and dh. But you are a positive, strong lady. You already have a fall back. I think a change of clinic will be a big boost for you, new positivity. As for the 4th time lucky life raft - of course! I've settled down into its harsh but practical rustic goodness and have cleared out a spot next to the picnic hamper for you. We can abuse Demetrio and make him feed us cocktail weiners - no euphemism intended
maybe iti'll be 4th time lucky for the pair of us - we deserve a bit of good news!!!
Now go and enjoy your naughty self at races - champagne is the only cure for this size of hurt, though gin martinis with a twist do the trick in the absence of bubbles - I did a randomised double blind trial on it.
Pop in from time to time - thats an order. I'll miss you otherwise.
Thinking of you and your lovely dh xxxx

Hola vicki - are you gearing up for next cycle??? When will you start?

How're the other hammers?

I just got back from 4 days in a spa - man! feel so much more relaxed, assume this new zen filled skippy will disappear at about 8 am tomorrow on the 38 to work... but until then, all is serene. my down reg scan on thursday and if all goes to plan ET will be in 2 weeks. Hmmm. I know a few people who (selfishly) have gotten up the duff lately - surely there is only enough baby thingy to go around? Like oxygen? they got my share? You guys know what I mean. Anyway. We shall see. Carolyn it'll be 5th time life raft for me next time.... there must be a badge or something?

OK warriors, take care
love, Lola
xxxxxxx

[poochie]

Hello

Carolyn - hope you OK, thinking of you.

Lola - good luck for scan tomorrow, the spa sounded like just what you needed, what a great thing to do before transfer. I start 3rd April so not long now.

Vicki X

[CarolynB]

Hi Hammers

Hope that you are all having good weekends.

Lola - Hope that you are taking it in your stride so far. Only 4 days to your next scan. Why is it that it always seems to fly along when it is someone elses cycle rather than your own??? So hope that this is going to be your turn hun and the life raft will be empty by the time that I get into it! Hope that your scan is all hunky dorey

Vicki - Not long now until you get started. Sounds like you are really happy with your new clinic which is great

I have been having a good laugh this week. Lots of winners and champagne at Cheltenham - not that it took much to get me drunk after nearly a year of being tea total! Was a bad girl and did not even go to test as had been bleeding for like 3 days just like two previous attempts. Could not face taking a -ve call in the middle of the race course and then having to explain why I was in floods of tears. So just ducked it completely and got drunk!

I have booked to see my gp a week on Thursday to see if she'll help us get some of the tests that we need done for free. She does not have to do this for us but I hope that she might have some sympathy given that we have paid already for three private cycles. Otherwise we will have to stump up more cash for them. We see Trewster the same day for our -ve review. Just interested to see whether he thinks that we should try again or whether we should look at donor eggs. We will also let him know that we plan to move on to a new clinic. Spoke to his secretary the other day and she was moaning about how mad busy he was so don't think that he is going to have any issue at all getting a duffer like me off his stats!!

Vicki - Thanks for the info aboiut how to get the notes. Really helpful. Called medical records on Thursday and they are sending me some forms. 21-40 days as you say to turn it around. Hopefully will have in time for cycle at argc.

Have to call argc at start of next AF and they will do a monitored cycle. As we have seen them already, I just have to call when AF arrives which should be around 16th April.

Feels like we have done all we can and now just having a chill out/laugh for next 10 days before we have to think about it all again. At the start I wanted everything to move so quickly, now I am happy to have some breathing space. It is weird how things alter.

Any other Hammers news?

Love to you all.
Carolyn
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[margaretgo]

Hi All,

Just caught up on reading posts - holding my breath - so sorry Carolyn for all the crap stuff - so unfair after such a brilliant start. Hope you got completely plastered and it helped.

Well done Lola for hopping back into the IVF saddle again.

As for me, had my follow up with Lavery. Cycle went well - and he said that if we can replicate it we'd be on for 25 - 30% chance (hydrosalpynx is dragging me down a bit). He also said success rates at Hammersmith for under 38s had been running at 45% for the previous 2 months (being 38 that doesn't apply anyway but still) - which is pretty good going I reckon, considering they take all sorts of cases.

I was concerned about the high dose Puregon 350iu. He actually said I was right to be worried - and that it may mean I have a reduced ovarian reserve. Sorta knocked me back a bit that one. But was helped by a friend who had been told the same - and now has 2 kids. Still worries me though...

Anyways - long time till I start again. Nurses appointment 10th May - should start injecting in June - with ET around 3rd week of July.

Have had my second period - couple of days late(ish) - seem to be having spotting over the last couple weeks - suppose that might be normal??

Working till about 6th July - but having some time off over the summer - looking forwards to my IVF holiday. Even feeling nostalgic for the injection ritual (I must be nuts!). It was stressful and scary at times but strangely satisfying to be doing something positive - the phrase 'you've gotta be in it to win it' comes to mind. I know it will be easier second time - all more familiar. They will start me off on high dose too - so I stand a chance of getting more than the 4 eggs we got last time.


Keep positive everyone - we should be proud of ourselves for every step we have completed/complete of this thang.

Lots of love

M xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lolajones]

Hello ladies on this cloudy london sunday.
How're you all?

M you sound pretty chilled about the whole thing - I like your style. Thats good stats the Lav quoted - we'll just ignore the age bit... Any plans for your ivf holiday? Alcohol must be in there somewhere? Keep in touch... if this cycle doesn't work for me I'll be cycling again with you in pastel hell lounge.

Vicki - whats kickin sweetcheeks? Is your new clinic a hassle to get to? When are you starting again?

Miss carolynly - how're you?? Hope you got s-faced at the races and let out a bit of stress. You've got your appointment with Trewster and GP this Thursday is that right? Hope the GP stumps up and does the tests for you - every little bit helps. I will be following your cycle at the argc avidly - you are my guinea pig, a decidedly brave and foxy one but a guinea pig all the same. This being the case...please feed me with as much info as possible, I will be sitting comfortably and hanging on every word.

Me - final buserelin injection today and scan tomorrow to decided whether ET wednesday or thursday then the dreaded 2ww.... can't believe this is the 4th time already. Was feeling positive but then reality and logic kick in with the cold hard facts. Damn you reality and your inability to sugar the pill! Ah well, need to think of distraction techniques for the wait - for the first time I'm taking the whole thing off work - the thing that makes the diff or fatal flaw??? Will try to use time to get my protocol ready for dissertation, in truth will spend time googling "twinge" and "benecio del toro". Ah well, just give in to it, right?

Take care buds
love
lola
xxxxxx

[margaretgo]

Hi Lola, Hi All,

You know what, alocohol has been figuring lately - feel like a might as well before I get too close to close to IVF. Three months to go until I start injecting - seems a long way off when I write it down. Oh well. I have a strange hankering to be where you are and injecting!

I had time off work - just as well as I felt the need to sleep alot whilst making the eggs - totally knackered me - but did get a bit obsessed. I'd really recommend deliberate business - but nice things. I actually had to do my accounts during 2 week wait - accountant made huge mistake and I had large bill which was wrong - kept me awake with worry - can't help thinking it might have affected my chances??

Would be nice to have some company on my cycle - but would rather hear read about your success this time!

Planning to start some acupunture soon - maseuse at work has recommended www.chaimcentre.com in Willesden. She says it's better for acupuncture than www.oeuf.org.uk - but I wouldn't know a good acupuncturist if they stuck a needle in my forehead. Will just have to give it a go...

By for now all,

M xxxx

[CarolynB]

Hope that you are all having a good weekend. Shame it is nearly over

Hi Margaret - Good to hear from you. Sounds like Lavery was balanced in his feedback to you. No point them dressing it up for us I guess?? We may be cycling around the same sort of time - just at different clinics next time. Sure that the time will fly by until you are injecting again before you know it. I found the second time much easier - although that in part was because I was on short rather than long protocol. As you say, at least we know what to expect. I have found that acu has helped me - although done nothing to change the outcome......cannot do any harm and at least it feels like another thing that we are doing to help things along. Am on May-June thread if you fancy joining?

Lola - just dropped in to wish you well for your scan tomorrow. Hope all is well. Hope that legs are shaved and toe nails painted a nice colour!!!! I did get plastered at Cheltenham and even won some money. Beat going to clinic for a blood test and getting the dreaded call. They then called me a week later to tell me off a little. Said I should have tested as could not know the outcome Then when I told her what had happened (embies slowing down, 2 X -ve already, AF D11 AGAIN, etc etc), she backed off and agreed to just mark it down as a -ve. Happy to be an argc guinea pig and pass you all the info re-argc although hoping from the bottom of my heart that you will not be needing it. Have been there already which I think that you know. They run about 3 month waiting list so glad that we booked it some time ago as a back up plan (£150 for initial mtg). They will monitor my next cycle - naturally - with a whole range of tests including the controversial bloods to Chicago for immunology testing (natural killer cells etc). They try to work with your natural cycle. As I am a 31day + girl, they already think that they'll do the long protocol. As I got the best number of eggs using that too. More to come...........have to call them just before my next AF which I reckon will be around 15th/16th April to figure out what I need to do in monitored cycle. Daunted my cost and intensity but have to have 1 go there before we give up with my own eggs. Donor probably comes after that.........

Vicki - hope that you are enjoying your break from ivf. Seem to re-call that you are starting early April so guess it must be getting pretty close for you now. How are you feeling - excited and nervous all at the same time?

So off to gp to see if i can get some tests done for free on Thursday am and then Trewster in the afternoon. See what he has to say for himself.

Have filled in forms to get all my records. Thanks for your help Vicki. Not much more that I can do right now.

Have given the councelling service at Hammersmith a call. Has anyone been - any feedback would be much appreciated?? Thought that it might help to go and have a chat. About when to call it a day - when to move to a donor - when to just figure that I am too old............rather surprisingly when I said to dh that I was thinking of going that he said that he would come too. I was staggered. I'll let you know if we do get an appointment and if any good.

Lots of Luck to you all.
Carolyn
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[lolajones]

Hi guys

Just got back after my scan. All ok, they're going to ring this afternoon with ET day - wed or thurs.

Carolyn, can't believe they gave you a telling off! Your rock chic persona will get you into trouble my girl The argc work up sounds intense but I totally agree with you, have to have a go there before thinking of other options. I've pm'ed you about the counselling.

M - I know its weird not injecting every morning... 3 months will fly past and the next thing you know you'll be sitting in floral sofa haven clutching your blood sample bottle. Acupuncture is great - very relaxing. Don't know how you find a good one...

ok then sweetbeans, I'll post later with my ET date. I hope its wednesday - that means I'll miss this chod "development day" at work.... sigh

take it easy
love
Lola
xxxxxx

[lolajones]

so my ET will be thursday of course that means I have to particpate in the charade that is "development day" on wednesday at work, bummer. hey, unless... maybe I could pretend that ET is on wednesday.......?
better not, may ruin my karma which is already a bit tattered.

Lola
xxxxx

[CarolynB]

Hi Lola

You know that if you wished for Wednesday, ET would of course be Thursday. That is how it works Glad all is well and you are very close now. So we shall be on site on the same day yet again. However, agent Bresh will not be in sofa city but the other dreadful upstairs hang out. Weird to think that it might be my last trip there.

Thanks very much for the pm. Will reply separately.

Good Luck for Thursday if I am not here again before then. Will cross everything for you. Hope all goes really well. Drift off to the beach!!! And remember no running around like a loony afterwards. Take it easy. Are you on for the acu before and after routine again?

Take good care. Hugs to all other hammers.

Will let you know how I get on after Thursday too.
Love Carolyn
xxxxxx