Unimportant whinge

Annie · Post by **Annie** » Sun Nov 23, 2003 7:05 pm

Dear all, Just had to get something off my chest! I have grown accustomed to the ivf unit being directly next door to the delivery suite in my hospital( sharing a lift with a bloke describing how gorgeous his new born was on his mobile just just after having been told your cycle may be cancelled was terrific fun) and dont get so ruffled when bumping in to the numerous pregnant bumps/ adorable babies that must be hurdled inorder to reach the ivf unit (the far end of a corridor lined with normal pregnant people type of places) I dont whince so much when looking for miscarriage/ infertitlity books in the Womens health section of bookshops to find them wedged between "babies name" and "pilates in pregnancy" tomes. BUT... when I went for my gynae out-patients pre- op check up ( giving tubal surgery a bash!!) I was a bit dismayed to find that it was mingled in with an ANTENATAL clinic!!! Despite walking directly to the sign on the bit of the reception that said Gynae I was still asked if I was here for the antenatal (I didnt say well yes if they take people who have just had 2 miscarriages)I can only imagine the fun time the other selection of ladies whowere attending the gynae bit were having ( maybe the parade of motherhood was distracting them from the thoughts of their iminent hysterectomies/ cancers!!) Im just wondering where the recurrent miscarriage clinic that Im attending in January will be held..... in the creche maybe??? Sorry to be mrs angry I did try this tirade out on a relative and they got that glazed over look in their eyes. I also know that all these things pale into insignificance compared with the real issues but it sure doesnt help! I love to hear ivf success stories its just that hanging out with those weird fertile types isnt my thing at the mo. Good luck to all those mid cycle (will be back at it in FEB if no luck with surgery) love Mrs sorry for herself (ANNIE)

helenlouise · Post by **helenlouise** » Sun Nov 23, 2003 7:52 pm

Hi, all I can say is that is totally outrageous and unsympathetic. I realise some places do have a lack of space, but really! I guess this sort of thing is inevitable but just makes the whole process even harder and insensitive. Hope things work out with the surgery. Are you generally happy with the clinic otherwise or are you tempted to go else where? all the best helenx

fi · Post by fi » Sun Nov 23, 2003 8:47 pm

i whole heartedly agree and i think a lot of us put up with a lot of s**t. after ectopic, i had the worst night of my life in hospital where i was next to delivery and someone was screaming all night, then to see my gp afterwards i too had to go in an antenatal slot...argh...i put in a complaint at the hospital and suggest we all do the same whenever we encounter this, it is totally distressing and adds to our emotional grief, annie you can winge as much as you like honey!! i am an FET jan/feb so may be going same time aas you??? see how you get on with your tubes.... love fi

beckym · Post by **beckym** » Mon Nov 24, 2003 8:59 am

Hi You have had a really unfortunate experience and I can totally understand tyour reaction. i would be hopping mad too. I even avoid going to my gym when there is an antenatal class on!! I was quite lucky in Feb/March when my first cycle failed and I had to be admitted to Maidstone NHS with severe OHSS - they deliberately put me into my own room on the hysterectomy wing (not the maternity wing) so that I wouldn't have to answer questions from people who cos of the size of my stomach might otherwise have thought I was pregnant. I thought that was really thoughtful of them - apparently it is standard procedure there as they had had quite a few in before me with ohss so I gues not all primary care trusts are this insensitive. Had fantastic care there too - the nurses where super!! beckym xx

Amanda A · Post by **Amanda A** » Mon Nov 24, 2003 9:33 am

Annie, You have every right to have a whinge! Following our miscarriage in July, we decided that we would take up the free counselling available at our local NHS hospital (we had been told about this at the very start of our fertility treatment with them and were told that we could still attend even though we now do private ICSI elsewhere). When I phoned they couldn't see us until October (really helpful when you are going through your trauma in July!), the session was held in the antenatal clinic, the room was full of pictures of babies and pregnant women and when we arrived they told us that they had double booked and so instead of an hour, we could only have 30mins! Needless to say, we found the whole experience only made us feel worse!! I really don't understand why they put fertility clinics (and especially any counselling facilties) so near in proximity to antenatal clinics. Anyone with a brain should be able to understand how distressing this will be for infertile couples! Hope it helps to know you are not the only one! Good Luck, RachX

Annie · Post by **Annie** » Tue Nov 25, 2003 6:14 pm

Dear All, Thanks alot for listening. Its hard to know when you are being hyper sensitive due to hormones/crappy events and its all in your head. I cant believe the same old insensitivty goes on over and over. I was also initially knocked back for a session of councilling following my first mc and had to speak to a totally unsympathetic/unhelpful guy who was apparently the head over the councilling bit!! This is despite a page tacked on to my ivf units blurb detailing the benefits of the freely available councilling which was my "right" to have(with ivf). He told me that crisis councilling had to be booked in advance!!! (I did see a sub-fertility nurse councillor in a couple of days who was brilliant). Generally I think my clinic is ok but its hard when you dont have any direct experience of any other set up.I did get a bit fed up about seeing a different doc each time especially when they contradict each other. We were fee-paying NHS ivfers but became private patients in the same clinic so that we only see one of two consultants now (for the same price!!! the councillor suggested that trick)I have also looked at other clinics but none are quite as convenient travel wise. Although Im hoping the surgery might possibly work I suspect I might be cycling again in FEB, (see you there Fi)I did get a complaints form to fill in about the antenatal/gynae clinic proximity but havent passed it on yet. I too had OHS and fondly remember the days at school ( where I teach) when I had to deny pregnancy to several eagle eyed students . Mind you I expect them to be insensitive gits its just the rest of the adult world that pisses me off at times Before I let rip with further moaning Ill just say thanks again helen, fi , becky and rach youve cheered me up and Ill see you back here with good news soon I hope Ta Ta Annie [Edited by Annie on 25-Nov-03 10:15]

helenlouise · Post by **helenlouise** » Tue Nov 25, 2003 6:55 pm

Annie, make sure that you send in that complaints form because you will feel better for writing it down, and maybe the clinic isn't even aware of its gaping insensitivities. The only counselling i have experience of was the compulsory counselling i had before becoming an egg donor. I have to say she spent more time looking out of the window trying to think up questions than i did, but i'm sure for some people she is essential, and who knows i may need her in the future. good luck helen

Clara 1 · Post by **Clara 1** » Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:47 am

Hi Annie I thought that was a fantastic whinge!! I'm having tubal surgery at the end of January - either clipping or removing of the one I have left. We can compare notes! All the best, Claire

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