The Sisterhood of the Blue Stilettos

[patie]

Hello all....its feels great to be back ladies...

Well Nickster ..how are you lady? sorry i missed u yesterday? btw in which state is St Louis? now that i've been to the states i feel like going to all the different cities... i loved it!

Sassy...it's very very normal to go through these feelings! as the other ladies said you do have the right to be angry at your DH...because at some point in our struggle we cant be too tolerant, its not easy to go through all that! i mean physically and emotionaly its such a draining experience at some point we feel numb! and the problem is that there is nothing or no one to blame! well since i have the highest failed IVFs on this site i can advise you not to give up! who knows...especially that you still didnt get to a point that u are ok with the "no babies" idea... i know i havent and adoption is impossible for us because our religion does not allow it!!! and needless to say that DH will never ever even consider de...he'd rather divorce me i guess! anyway enough about me...
you are in greiving and take time to recover...you owe it to yourself to come at peace with all this...shopping is a great therapy though ... i am sorry if i turned all serious and all its just to tell you that's its ok to feel what u r feeling but mainly if you can dont give up until you are ok with not having kids!

Mel how's the headache today? hope you are feeling better! i know its tricky the cost issue... in Lebanon and Dubai its not that expensive in fact the whole thing costs around 2000$ (in Dubai around 5000$)...but my sil is going to do IVF in the states and it will cost her 12K she tried it in leb last Dec and didnt succeed... and she was telling me that its not done proparly compared to what they do in the us... which made think twice about doing it again here...however we have so many success stories w these docs so i dont think i should be worried! i dont know!!!

Fee... how are you lovely lady? and how's DH? still travelling alot?

well ladies about the wedding dress... its on display since Tuesday in the Bride Show exhibition...and the final judging and fashion show is on Friday! wish me luck ladies because when i saw the other dresses I know i dont have a chance! they have done such a better job! but i dont really mind or care for winning! i am super ok with loosing in fact i am sure i am loosing! but it was a fun ride!

About my trip... it was great to bond again w DH and spend some quality time w him because lately we've been both very busy and edgy!
so we first landed in NY on a direct flight (14 hrs) from Dubai and then took another flight to DC... i loved it! we spent there 3 days DH had meetings so i explored the city and walked alot! but then one day we took the bus tour and went with DH's boss and had a great time, we saw the Smithonian meusem and all... wanted to shop in GeorgeTown...but didnt the guys were majority!
Then we went to Houston to see the family we stayed for a week there! it was fun because it was DH's bday on March 31 so we all went to San Antonio for the weekend.. it was alot of fun! went to Seaworld and i have to escort the kids on a ride...wohoo it was a rush! went to an Astros baseball game... it was the first time i attend one so had the beer and hot dog traddition and all!
mainly it was family and did some shopping... ladies from the states...you have some pretty nice bragin shops... i mean that's the best place to shop!
last but surely not least went to NY...what a city! unfortunatly it was freezing...so spent most of it in the tour bus and couldnt wait in line to see the major sites cos i get so cold.... but nevertheless we walked alot and it was really amazing... didnt go to broadway...dont want to torture DH! but its ok! went to little italy, chinatown, brooklyn and all the major places...but i promised myself to go back in a warmer weather because i love walking and exploring the small shops!

enough blabing for me... love you all...got to start work!!! hugs and kisses

[nickster]

Patie~ Wow..you're trip around the US sounds amazing. You and dh sure did cover a lot of territory didn't you? I'm sorry it was so cold though. I think its been unusually cold in most of the US the last month or two. Well, I guess you got to see it all and know exactly where you want to go next time.
We live in St. Louis, Missouri. Not a whole lot goes on here. Except as Fee pointed out...we have nice homeless men!
Good luck on your dress. You said they judge on Friday?

Angie~ Good to hear from you. Your "time is pwecious" comment cracked me up! How is the accupuncture going anyway?
Now we'll just all hope for AF to hurry it's little self up. Isn't it funny how we spend sooo long not wanting AF to come, until we're ready to move on, then it can't come soon enough!

[Melissa112]

I am so sorry for me "wo'ess me post" it must have been the head-ache talking"

Which I still have!

[jenn]

Aww Mel sorry you still have your head ache. I was sure it was gone and passed on to me. My head is screaming!

Patie- You were in Houston and you didn't call me? I thought I felt a positive surge come through our city!! How was Seaworld? DH and I are planning a trip next weekend to San antonio to stay on the riverwalk and go to sea world. We say that we are going every month and it never happens. Something always comes up so I'm not holding my breath on this one!

Angie- glad to hear you are going ahead with FET. Good luck!! Doesn't it suck that even when you take a break from IVF it is on your mind 24/7? You are right to just jump back in!

Sassy- I feel for you. I agree with everyone else. You have every right to be upset and angry. Not rocking a baby to sleep or planning a wedding or teaching a child to tie thier shoe, or swim, or eat with a fork, is a HUGE thing to give up. Isn't there any way you and DH could meet in the middle? Does he know, I mean REALLY know how you feel about this, and what you feel like you are giving up? How is he dealing with all of this? My husband never wants to talk about anything. I have to pry it out of him!

Ok- really gotta go finish cleaning, company coming. We are going to see Wicked this weekend!!

[nickster]

Jenn~ So you live in Houston? DH is a HUGE Cowboys fan so he goes to Dallas a few times a year for football games. He loves it in Texas.
I loved Sea World! Dh and I went to Orlando last summer with a couple of our friends and their kids. We went a million different places but Sea World was definitely my favorite.

Ok girls....I need your opinions.
Well I have told you all about the horrible reaction I had to the Progesterone suppositories and the fact that no doctor (including the OB's I work with) have ever heard of this problem. So dh and I have been going back and forth about what we're going to do with the 2 frosties. We're scared if we go through the frozen cycle, with Progesterone, I will have the same reaction & then the same result (BFN).
So, I've been approached by my sister in law (my brother's wife). She has 3 kids and doesn't plan on having any more. She is one of those "fertile mertyl" types. One of those we all hate that just seems to look at my brother and be preganant! She absolutely loves to be pregnant. She is offering to be a surrogate for us with our frosties. We haven't actually talked to her yet but her and my brother have told everyone else. Then my brother left me a message yesterday that they wants to sit down and talk to us this weekend.
I just don't know what to think. I really, really think these frosties are going to be our last chance. I don't think I want to do another fresh cycle again. So part of me thinks I don't want to waste them with this Progesterone thing, but the other part of me feels like I'm being selfish to even consider having someone go through all that just for me. Then you think of the issue...what if she would get preganant with twins and be put on bedrest half way through the pregnancy? I would never forgive myself!

What do you guys think?

[meg12]

Nickster--My thought is, she wouldn't volunteer if she didn't want to do it. And since she's been pregnant before, she obviously knows what she's signing up for~

[jenn]

Nickster- I agree with Meg. That is a big thing to offer, so she wouldn't have done it if she didn't really want to. WOW that is very selfless and generous of her! It is a lot to ask of someone. This may sound stupid but did you try the PIO shots? Would you have the same reaction to them?

[sassynlv]

Nickster: Just curious... have you tried other forms of prog, or were the suppos the first? Just curious if you had the same problem w/pills or PIO. I concur with the other sisters. Having been preg, she understands what she is offering... and you know her, but i am assuming she would only offer if she has thought it through. So i guess it comes down to how badly YOU want to be preg v. the chance of problems with prog again. Definitely something to think about! And if she ends up on bedrest? Well, just go babysit and bring dinner!

Angie: so time pwecious? Ha! Asian wisdom at its finest lately! Glad to hear you feel ok to jump back in.

Melissa: I didn't think your last post was "wo is me", actually, I found it quite helpful . I am hoping that d**n HA is gone? I think my dh also has that peace about not having children that you expressed. He would like them, but wouldn't feel like he missed out on much if he didn't. At times i am envious of that. And at times i feel that way... but that is usually when i am in a grocery store and there is a child throwing a tantrum , so i am not thinking that counts as "peace"

Thanks girls for your validation, I needed it. I just felt like such a chump. In my family if you were angry about ANYTHING... it meant you were selfish and needed to become a stronger person. So I have "anger" issues (among others ).

went to sushi last night w/dh (we have our best talks over sushi . And told him how badly the whole "adoption/ds debacle" hurt and why. Told him i had accepted that we wouldn't be having kids unless IVF worked, and i was trying to work through it. I told him that he needed to let me grieve this (he keeps telling me all the good things about not having children), blah, blah, blah. Really poured my heart out to him. So you can imagine what he said next caught me off guard... he says "ok, i've heard how you felt... but you don't seem to realize that i am thinking adoption would be ok for us.... I just can't do ds, but I have been thinking a lot about it, though, and i think adoption would be ok." What? He says he just can't do the ds thing, but adoption would mean that we both have a "lack" of dna connection to the child, so he would be better with that (w/ds he felt i was having a baby with some other guy and he would just be raising it). In fact, he was ok getting the paperwork and looking into it now while working through the mega-cycle. He just doesn't want to tell family/friends yet until we see whether or not the ivf works. As you can imagine, i was excited but very guarded. Don't worry... i am not getting my hopes up (much). Next month (after our trip), i will start looking into it... then we will see what happens.

Ha! And i thought the IVF part was the only crazy rollercoaster! Whatever.

Have a good wkend everyone! Visiting my parents, so may be MIA for a few days.

[Melissa112]

Good Morning Ladies!

So I am eagerly awaiting AF so that I can partake in the long anticipated Clomid Challenge... she's due today - I am sure because I am waiting for her she's be fashionable late.

DH's very elderly grandfather is coming to visit on Saturday, he's coming for lunch - he lives 300 miles away so DH's aunt is picking him up and he's spending the week with her and they are taking a day to visit us. That will be nice. DH and I went to breakfast this morning and we are both excited but a bit saddened as it might be the last time we see him.

So at Breakfast I asked DH how he would feel if we never had kids. And he sort of made this face and said honestly he'd like to give it shot. He was shocked to hear me say that - he feels like we'll be 40 soon, and we'll regret not having tried. I was shocked and just plain, well shocked to hear him say that. I feel that I love my husband, he's my best friend, we've been together since High School, we've known each other since 1991 - we are very happy together we have a great house, a wonderful dog... I can only imagine our lives getting better together.

He feels that he doesn't want us to be "the friends that don't have kids" forever - LOL! Which is funny because last night we were over our friends house, the one's that went through 4 IVF's and have the sweetest dearest 2 year old ever. And they mentioned going to Ireland next year! And DH said yes!!! So we are going to Ireland... YIPEEE!!! But anyways... they are going to have the in-laws come over to their place for a week and take care of Harrison so that mommy and daddy can go away with their friends that don't have kids... honestly I don't remember them making that comment, but DH does and it sort of stuck with him.

Here's the immediate plan, Clomid Challenge in about 22 days... find out if I have Rotten or Viable eggs... if they are rotten (and they could be the treatment for the cancer could have very well of rotten'ized my eggs) if so, we live life happily ever after, together -maybe foster a child? If they are viable we'll IVF it. (after I continue my fundraising on Ebay... which was a great idea!!!)

So today is the day Patie, right, with the dress??? Please let us know! I am sort of sad we didn't get to hook up when you did your whirlwind tour of the US! But I understand!

Nicki - I was going to ask you if you had tried any other forms of the Prog, it could have been the sup's??? But your sister is a dear, dear soul! What an amazing gift she is offering you! I agree whole heartedly with the other sisters, if knows what she is getting into, and you dont' want to risk your health, and if she says she'll so this, I'd hug her for 24 hours and say YES!

Angie - I love the time is pwecious!!! It's funny you and I both had some Asian fortune cookie remarks this week! Except mine was more about uglyness... Confusious says "Time is Pwecious" Hee hee! I am so happy to hear that you are going to do the FET!!! That is fantastic!!! Bestest of lucks to you with it!!! I will be praying for you!

Sassy- I am glad you didn't take my post as a woe is me! I am glad you found it helpful, that is good to hear, phew!!! I was worried when I read it again, I almost deleted it!!! I am so glad that you and DH had a great talk over Sushi!! If you ever come and visit there is this amazing Sushi place near us, called DragonFly, it is amazing!!! They have the best Sushi!!! It's delish!!! We'd have to go! And you are NOT, I repeat ARE NOT being selfish!!! These things are called grieving, just like if you lost someone that was dear to your heart, you'd go through a grieivng process, first sadness, then anger, than hurt... etc... same thing you silly goose! And I am glad, so glad, so glad that DH said he'd be open to adoption again! Sounds like you need to go out for sushi more often!

Jenn- I am in Dallas all of the time! I was just there for a week for work, we were actually in Grapevine. Next convention is in Ohio, then Houston... then we are back to Dallas again - maybe we can do lunch next time?

And remember if any of you are ever in North Florida or Orlando, let me know! I'd love to catch up with you guys!

My head ache is officially gonzo!!! Thank goodness, that was terrible!


Okay I think that's it... and next weekend is PIE CONTEST!
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[Melissa112]

Guess who arrived to day with her uncanny ability to be timely!

Yup! Your very own and mine... Auntttttt Flo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nickster]

Thanks for all of your great advice!
No, I haven't tried injections, just the suppos. I'm assuming that's what they'll do next time. I guess I'm just scared to try it again but at the same time, I feel a little selfish just "pawning" it off on someone else after I've only tried it once.
I talked to my brother last night and he just wanted to make sure we knew she was perfectly willing to do this for us. She's a teacher so her only request is that we time it so she could deliver in the summer. So, if we do that we'll have until next year since she would need to get pregnant in the next few months for that to happen. So all of us have a while to think about it.
It's just such an amazing gift. I told my brother even if she doesn't end up doing it, we can't thank them enough for the offer. We are just so blessed to have so many people in our lives that want us to be pregnant as much as we do! He simply said "Family is family and she feels the same way".

Sassy~ I don't blame you for not getting your hopes up too soon but it sounds like dh is starting to really think about adoption! That's great news. He just needs to understand you want to be preganant with your child as much as he does but YOU are the one that has to keep going through this. A least he knows how you really fell now and hopefully he'll come around.
Have a good time with your parents this weekend.

Melissa~ I'm glad the HA's finally went away.
So you do the Clomid challenge in 22 days huh? I did that too a while back when they were doing all the other testing. I thought I started it earlier in the cycle though. Maybe I'm wrong. I probably am, after a while all this stuff just seems to mix together!
It sounds like you've come to peace with the thought of not having children but dh is not quite there yet. Both dh and I have been thinking a lot about that lately too. You just get so d**n tired of your life revolving around infertility! Sometimes I fell like I'm going to look back and wish I had these 5 years (and still counting) back to just enjoy. I think you're right, you get on this IVF roller coaster and it's pretty hard to get off. You get so focused on it and it seems like there is no other way but to keep going! We have so many people around us that keep telling us "It will happen when it's right" or "When you give up and decide you don't want kids anymore is when it will happen", blah, blah, blah! And maybe there is some truth to some of that but I told dh that if we are going to decide we're ok without children, we REALLY have to be ok with that decision.

Meg~ Good to hear form you. How's that baby doing in there?

Patie~ Let us know how the dress did.

Have a good weekend everyone!

[patie]

Hello ladies....hope ur all doing well!!! ....guess what!!! I WOOOOONNNNNN
yipppeee.... my dress won the "Swarovski Innovative Award"....beleive me i didnt know there was such a category in the competition i was shocked..I knew there was 4 awards but didnt know of that one...and apparently its the most important...AHHH

i am still in shock! i still dont know what i won in addition to the title! i will send u the pics once ready!

enough about me...

Sass...i am so glad for you! that was a pleasant surprise but its ok not to keep high hopes i'd have done the same! better safe then sorry....but i am sure for DH to say it then he means it!! good luck babe

Jenn...you stay in Houston??? oh i wish i knew!!! i was amazed how green its...i loved River Oak and all these fancy places! San Antonio was great we stayed at the Hayatt on riverwalk...it was just lovely...we had those super big margueritas for DH's bday!!

nickster, you have such a lovely bro and sil....that's so sweet of them and as meg said they wouldnt offer if they didnt know what they are going into...however how close are u to ur sil and do u really get along because its a big step and u need to be 100% sure that u r ready for this!
Best of luck!

Mel i am glad ur headache is over!!! big hellos to AF...but let her fly away fast so u can start prepping...

hello other ladies... wishing you a nice weekend!! hugs to all

[meg12]

Congrats, Patie! I'm so happy for you!

[patie]

as promised here's the dress...hope u'll like it! its not very clear but still waiting for better pics...hugs to all

[vicky77]

ooops, double post, read the next one.......