I just joined and saw your post. My dh and I will be donating our frozen embies after our IVF. We just tell the RE's office and they take care of things.
To get an embie donation, you have to find an RE that does that stuff or that can send you to a clinic that does. They have a list of couples and when an embies is a match for a couple then they have the donors come in and do more genetic testing. You should not be paying for the embryo, but just some of the blood testing from the donors and around $2500 for a FET. Make sure you are not paying as much as an IVF cycle would cost.
There are a lot of us that understand the pain in your heart, so there are a lot of embies out there waiting to be adopted. Just find a good dr that specializes in it.
Hugs,
Jenny