I'm back too gals

BelB · Post by **BelB** » Sun Dec 28, 2003 11:12 am

Hi all, Not sure if you remember me, I was an OCB gal, and got a fabulous positive result. I've been off-line of late, we had a "missed abortion", what a horrible bloody term, basically our seven week scan showed that our little bub had stopped growing at six weeks,she still had a heartbeat, and then that stopped over the next week. I had a D&C the following day and ended up with a horrid infection and have been on oral antibiotics for the past five weeks. DH and I are devstated, I've hardly spoken to anyone, and feel quite alone. I've been the counselling and that seems to help. Not sure if others have experienced this overwhelming sense of guilt and responsibility that comes with this. I tripped over on my way to the bank and skinned my knees when I was 6 weeks pregnant, am convinced that this was what killed our baby. Our doctor has been wonderful, very supportive and kind, she keeps reasuuring me that "it's natures way", and that babies stop growing because they're sick babies, not because of what the mother did or didn't do..Like all you girls on this site, I was sooooooo careful, I even showered backwards 'cause I read that hot water on your tum would be damaging for the baby. I had no caffeine, no chocolate, no sex (poor dh), so have no idea what I could have done differently. We've had all the tests done, my doctor (like Becky's) said that its considered normal to miscarry three times before they even think about testing, but I convinced my doctor that I wanted some answers. Well, we got none, our baby was a little girl, and showed a normal chromosome pattern. What the doctor also told me, was tyhat the testing on "tissue" of this type is quite "gross", ie, it potentially misses a lot, and a normal screen isn't necessarily a normal screen. My tests for phospholipid antibodies was normal, as was every other bloody test, so god knows why this happens.. Have raved enough, Just wanted to say sorry for losing touch, I've found this site a godsend over the past year, and just needed to gather some strength before logging on. Look forward to hearing where everyones up to. I should do another FET in Feb, any potential cycle buddies for me? Belinda

JULES K · Post by **JULES K** » Sun Dec 28, 2003 1:11 pm

hi Belinda, I too was an OCB but i think you had already tested when I was just starting treatment. So sorry to hear your horrible news, life is just so cruel sometimes Don't really know what else to say to you as no words will make you feel any better. It's good that you are considering trying again. Take care and I hope that 2004 brings your dreams to you and dh Love Julie xx

Traci · Post by **Traci** » Sun Dec 28, 2003 3:48 pm

Belinda I am also an OCB and received donated eggs by my cousin but ended up with a negative result , this was my 3rd icsi . I am so sorry that your cycle has ended this way , to get the idea that you have fineally cracked it to be taken away again, I feel for you both and hope that 2004 will be a more possitive year. Try and keep your pecker up . {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Trace x

jen · Post by **jen** » Sun Dec 28, 2003 6:08 pm

Hi Bel Really sorry to hear your bad news, it's such a horrible thing to go through. Thanks for your support on my other post, it means a lot. I know what you mean about trying to work out what went wrong, I tried to do everything right as well. I haven't been sleeping well and thought it was that, or not eating enough veggies but I think deep down we know it just wasn't meant to be this time. I really hope you start feeling a little bit better soon. Take care, love Jen xx

Grace · Post by **Grace** » Sun Dec 28, 2003 7:18 pm

Hello Bel I was a fellow OCB too. Just wanted to say how sorry I am. Sending you a big cyber hug. Love Gracexxx

Lisa Ch · Post by **Lisa Ch** » Sun Dec 28, 2003 8:41 pm

Hi Bel from another OCB, sending a big hug and lots of love to you and dh at this horrible time. Hope your next treatment is successful, take care. Love Lisa xx

Dawn V · Post by **Dawn V** » Sun Dec 28, 2003 9:14 pm

Hi Bel Am really sorry to read your news, I'm only now on 1st tmt so can only begin to imagine what it must be like for you and dh. Life can be so cruel for no reason. Look after yourself and dh and heres to a better 2004 for you both. Dawn xxx

Annie · Post by **Annie** » Sun Dec 28, 2003 10:37 pm

Dear Bel, Very sorry to hear whats happened to you. I too mc,d after FET this year and I think guilt is part of the grieving thing, best wishes to you and your dh love Annie Ps Im booked in for a fresh cycle in Feb but have just had my tubes surgically opened (no guarentee they,ll actually function and I do have other probs but its nice to even have a whisp of hope for a natural miracle)So I could quite possibly be joining the FEb gang too

BelB · Post by **BelB** » Mon Dec 29, 2003 4:21 am

Hey all, Was lovely to get these lovely replies! Traci - sorry to hear about your negative result, when are you cycling again? Annie - Will look forward to cycling with you in Feb, wouldn't it be wonderful though if it just happened of its own accord!! Dawn - Thanks for your support, where are you up to with your cycle? make sure you join your cycle buddies, is wonderful support. Lisa, Jules and Grace - How did your October cycles go??? Jen - Was very sorry to hear your news as well, it seems reasonably common doesn't it (not that this makes it any easier though hey?), when are you cycling again? Thanks again girls, really appreciate your support! Belinda

SJ BROWN · Post by **SJ BROWN** » Mon Dec 29, 2003 8:12 am

Hi Bel, just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. Please dont blame yourself as your Dr is right and it is down to nature. look at all the people who conceive naturally and dont know, they carry on drinking, smoking, lifting and carrying, I am sure that what happened has happened for a reason(one unfortuantly you will never know) and that things will work out for you in the New Year. I have also been told that many woman not doing the IVF thing and not subconsciously trying to conceive can have several "missed abortions" but never know, they just think they are having heavy af etc..I suppose what I am trying to say is that it is harder for us IVFers because we know at such an early stage, I had a -ve fet and because I knew the embryos had been put back grieved more than if I had been trying naturally and not known..... I will be doing a FET in about feb/March so may speak to you then. Take care and I will make a wish for us all at the stoke of midnight on wed. Sarah xxx

gem · Post by **gem** » Mon Dec 29, 2003 10:14 am

Bel I was OCB and I'm so sorry to read your terrible news,and I'm wishing you and your dh all the best for Feb we are starting a fresh ivf cycle in Jan so I wont be that far in front of you. Take Care hun Again sorry to hear your news Love Gemxx 2004 Will be our year.

Helen Reid · Post by **Helen Reid** » Mon Dec 29, 2003 11:21 am

Hi BelB So sorry to here your sad news. I too had something similar happen to me 2 years ago. I went for my scan at 10 weeks and their was no heart beat, it had stopped growing at 7 weeks a week after my first scan. I had to wait a day as they wanted to double check with a vaginal scan . I had a dc but i was fine but you here that many horror stories and you would think we all have been through enough without anything else going wrong. I was told like you that the bably was not right and its natures way. Helps a bit but not a lot. Good luck in 2004 Helen Reid

Lisa_P · Post by **Lisa_P** » Mon Dec 29, 2003 9:26 pm

Bel I too was an OCB, so sorry to read your news. I don't know what to say. PLease remain strong and take care of yourself. Love Lisa x

BelB · Post by **BelB** » Tue Dec 30, 2003 1:40 am

Hey all, Thanks gals for your kind words. Is a rotton time hey? I have very positive vibes for 2004 and beyond for all of us IVF chicks, we bloody well deserve it I say! Sarah, thanks for your support, you're right, a good friend said that lots of women who are pregnant have babies in the midst of prisons and violence and all sorts of terible circumstances, so to feel responsible, whilst normal I think, isn't entirely rational or realistic in teh face of a "missed abortion" (why do men come up with these terrible terms?) Gem, really look forward to hrearing about your progress in Jan, keep me updated please! Helen, thanks for sharing your experience, is an awful thing, have you done any further IVF cycles subsequent to this experience? Thanks Lisa, you OCB girls have been so incredibly supportive! Thanks again Belinda

alypraying · Post by **alypraying** » Tue Dec 30, 2003 1:10 pm

Hi Bel I was an OCB with you and I'm gutted for you it must really hurt especially with Christmas. I had a M/C back in Feb and I still think about it know I should move on but can't help myself. I hope you manage to have a good new year and hope to cycle with you again maybe in March. Big hugs and thoughts are with you. Aly xx

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