advice/help needed

[rebeccaj]

hello,

anyone out there using donor eggs? I just learnt today that this will probably be the only way of conceiving a baby and my head is drowning in pain and confusion. I would love to hear from anyone who has been through this or is going through this as I know no-one and am not sure that I even want to talk about it with friends or family.

I have so many questions and would love to hear some experiences.

thank you in advance

Rebecca

[rhall00]

Hi Rebecca,

I actually found out about 3 weeks ago that this would be my only option. For some genetic reason, my eggs will not mature (my doctor is completely stumped as he's never seen this before).

It's such a betrayal by your body and you are completely helpless. I'm still feeling sorry for myself, but somehow I know we'll get through it.

I haven't told my family about any of this, but I think the next step for me is to tell my mom. I think once I start telling people, it will help me cope with the whole thing. We'll see!

Hang in there, though. Hopefully I'll find out in a few weeks if my insurance will cover any of this. Otherwise, I'm not sure how we'll afford it. Cannot believe how much donation costs!!

Rebecca H.

[schel67]

Rebeccaj,
Hey there. How are you doing and feeling about this news of needing donor eggs? I too need donor eggs due to chemotherapy at 21yrs old. My family and friends know I have to use donor eggs. The first donor I picked was nothing like me in physical traits. My husband and I picked her because she had a great health history and traits we thought would make for a cute baby/goodlooking adult. Unfortunatly, the attempts with those eggs were not in our favor. This time we (I) have picked a donor who resembles me and we will hopefully have a successful transfer in July of this year. I took a job till then so I don't get online much, but if you wanna talk to me again, I will reply as soon as I can.
Schel

[rebeccaj]

hi shel, hi Rebecca,

thank you both for replying to me. It really means alot to me. Donor eggs are the kind of thing which comes up in general conversation so I feel like I have no one to ask all my questions or anyone that could actually comprehend this.

It's been a couple of days now and I am feeling less devastated and more positive. It still hurts though. My sister has volunteered to be my donor which means that the baby (if it works) would at least be genetically related. My sister and I look a like which helps. I am so unbelievably grateful to her but I am also concerned - what if something happens and she can't have more children in teh future (she has one 10 month old baby and I know they plan on having more), i don't think I could live with myself if that happend - whether it was related to the donor procedure or not. the other thing is, would I always think about the baby being biologically hers? in some ways an anonymous donor sounds easier as you never have the answer to any of these questions. We have time to think but it feels like a massive decision.

Shel, I am so sorry that you had to go through chemo when you were younger. It does put things into perspective for me as I do still have my health. I really wish you all the very best.

Good luck to you both and thank you again

Rebecca

[BevT]

Hi girls, just thought I would reply quickly as these days I don't have much time. I too needed donor eggs to fulfill by longing to be a mother - very long story! To cut it short, I went to Kiev last May/June for DE treatment and on 23rd January I gave birth to a wonderful little baby boy we named William. Hence the reason for my short post as he is waiting to be fed as we speak! He is so gorgeous and we love him dearly. I quite often forget that he was the result of a donated egg, he is mine and there is no question of that. The donation was, as I see it, just a donation of a minute "cell" which when fertilized with my Dh's sperm I then grew on into a little miracle.

Follow your hearts and your dreams. It is so worth it in the end.

Bev xxx

[donorD]

Hi Rebecca,

I am sorry that you are going through this, I am sure you will make a good decision on what will work best for you between the anon-or known donor. If you or your sister have any questions about what a donor goes through or have questions (or need a bit of help) regarding injections, feel free to contact me. I am in Vancouver, WA and would be more then willing to give some support or let you guys know of a few good fertility clinics in the area.

Take care
D

[rebeccaj]

Hi D,

that's kind thank you - I've just swapped RE's as I wasn't happy with the first one - they did teh same protocol twice and expected a different result!! I did my research at now at a different clinic. Did you cycle in Portland or in Vancouver. Would love to hear more from you.

Thanks again

rebecca

PS Rebecca, how are you doing?

[donorD]

I cycled over in Portland (we do so much in Portland, I wonder why we still live over here!) at the OH-- Clinic. They seemed friendly and straightforward, but most of all they seemed to have a strict and known routine, which made me feel more comfortable. I never had to wait for long to get into my appointment and every time I had a question it was answered knowledgeably. They even gave me a demonstration on how to inject myself (although I'm sure you know the demo is not the same as actually doing it to yourself). The whole experience of donating there seemed pretty good despite the constant blood draws which got painful after a time and the heavy ovaries. As for the retrieval, it went pretty well, from what I can remember. I produced a lot of eggs and they retrieved most of them but not all of them (they stopped at around 30). So I was a bit bloated and pretty sore afterwards, but was up and moving pretty quickly and felt somewhat "normal" after about a week.
Of course this was a couple years ago so I don't know if it’s the same now.
From what I have heard the recipient has to go through much worse. With all the hormone injections and monitoring, I couldn't imagine having to go through any extra protocols! I hope you’re at a place now that has it all together.

[rebeccaj]

I did my first two cycles there too - they were really lovely people but I hated being seen by a different RE each time, I felt like RE's were making decisions about my protocols without really knowing my history (other than what was written down). It also felt like they gave up on me. After the two failed cycles I looked up the stats on sart.org (should have done this first) and they have a very high rate of cancellations. I swapped to the clinic in NW PDX and they have a much higher % pregnancy rate and an exceptional DE rate (78%). I've been there a few times now and feel a lot more comfortable there. I'm just hoping that they can get me PG somehow!

[charlie78]

Hi Rebecca

I hope you don't mind me crashing your thread, but I saw your name and thought I would pop in to wish you all the best for the future and I will keep everything crossed for a Big Baby Belly for you very soon.

LOL Charlie (April buddy)

[donorD]

Well it sounds like you made the right choice by switching. You definitely need a positive environment that will give you support. Also with a 78% success rate it sounds like they have a great track record and will have a excellent chance at getting you PG. Just stay optimistic, and don't let this rain get you down. BTW-that link you posted to sart.org had some wonderful information

[rhall00]

Just thought I'd pop in and say hi. We're going through our blood testing now so we can submit to the insurance company for approval. One of the best things about MA is that they require MA-based companies to pay for some aspects of infertility treatments. My doc is hopeful they'll pay for half of it which would be HUGE!! We'll find out in a few weeks if they'll pay or not.

Anyway, so glad we all seem to be in a better place with regards to this. Best of luck Rebecca! You'll have to keep me posted on your progress. Hopefully we'll both be on a similar cycle and can go through this together!

[rebeccaj]

Hi everyone,

Just a quick one as my DH is getting frustrated taht I've ignored him all night and been on teh computer!

Charlie, thanks for the well wishes, that's kind of you. I still follow everyone's progress on the other thread but it hurts a bit too much sometimes. How are you feeling? are you ready to go again? take care and keep in touch.

Rhall00, good luck with the money thing - that would make such a difference. I need to look into what are we covered for - we were well covered for our IVF's but I don't know if it extends to DE. Keep in touch, i would love to be cycle buddies.

Donor D, glad that you found the link useful. It was a forum friend that put me on to it and it made me switch RE's that day. I just wish I'd done teh research before my second IVF cycle.

So I had my meeting with my new RE today. he confirmed that he won't cycle me again (IVF) but spent over an hour talking through the DE option. We will move forward with that in August, before that though we will give one more IUI a try - just to make me feel we did everything. The RE said we only had a 5% chance of it working but it's still 5% and it doesn't delay the DE path.

Ok, I'm getting a look so I'll sign off, take care all X

[charlie78]

Hi Rebecca

I'm ok thanks. We are going for a fresh cycle in August - I have to say I am not looking forward to it!

Good luck with your new clinic and your decision about your DE. It must be a very tough decision to make; whether to let your sister help or go with an anonymous donor - I wish you all the very best.

Please stay in touch

Charlie x