looking for friends who understand

[green]

HELLO
I haven't been on this message board for ages so i thought i'd update my story. I would love to speak to anyone with similar experience, I feel really alone right now although df is really supportive.
I am 33 and ttc for just over 3 years, about 2 yrs ago we had all the tests and after a laporoscopy discovered i have endometriosis all over ovaries and tubes. We were refered for treatment on the nhs and told wait would be 8-9 mths. We didn't want to wait so went to a private clinic in april 06 Our doctor wanted to treat endo with prostap injections for a few months before starting, I remember being really upset as I was deperate to start. In november 06 we finally did start ivf , I was so excited and tried to stay as positive as I could. After injecting for a week my scan didn't show much was happening and our dose was increased but after a few more days the treatment was cancelled.
We started for the second time a few weeks ago this time on the strongest dose of injections but after second scan and bloods we were cancelled again. It's so disappointing not to get to the end of the treatment but i coped better this time. On the bright side the day i was cancelled and a year and a half after being refered I received my nhs appointment for next month so at least we have one more try.
At the moment I feel completely flat and useless and like i'm letting df down.
I look forward to speaking to anyone who understands how I feel.
Green

[Henrietta]

Green, sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. I know how that can take a toll on you. I have not done IVF yet. I am on my 4th IUI with injectables. The doctor inseminated on April 29th so I am on my 2ww and it is driving me crazy. Today is 15dpiui. I am so glad that nhs has got your appointment all worked out. Hang in there it will happen for both of us. I will pray for us and send you lots of baby dust. You can pm me anytime or e-mail me directly if you would like. My e-mail at work is mikkijdmco@sbcglobal.net. Please feel free if you want to talk. Good luck

[green]

Hi Henrietta
I'm feeling better now I've had a few days to think about things. It's a bit easier than last time as I didn't get my hopes up as much. On the other hand you try and stay positive it's difficult to balance your emotions! Hope your 2ww is going ok, when is it over? Do you think you will do iui again or go on to ivf? Hopefully you won't need either and you'll have a bfp soon. keeping everything crossed for you. good luck.
Green

[unexplained infertility]

hell-o to all going through hell and pretending it is OK
let me introduce myself (it is funny how we acctualy introduce on this forum- we do not use names, but age, number of IUI's or IVFs, and reason for infertiflity )
So- I am 30, my DH is 29. Please dont make a face now "Oh, they are young..."I get it all the time from doctors, as if I was not getting enough attnation, becasue I am " a baby in the infertility world"- as they say.
We were TTC for 3 yrs, 2 yrs in a clinic, 7 clomid cycles, 4 IUI's, 1 IVF last month- all BFN. I had a laparascopy done over a year ago, they found very early stage of endo and didnt think that it was the reason, so still it is unexplained. It is so frustrating that you do not know what is wrong with you. My DH is OK, so it must be me then. Anyway, I was scheduled for another IVF in July but I cancelled it, I just dont think I am ready. And I turned into Eastern Medicine now. I am starting accupunture next week. I did some reading and it seems to help, so I have hope again. But to tell you the truth, I am not in a great mental shape. The first IVF failure really hurts. I wasn even half that devasted after unsucessful insem. I started avoiding everyone, for the past 2 weeks did not call back even 1 friend (they dont know anything BTW). I dont feel like talking to my family (they know), because they know and will try to cheer me up. So basically I am avoiding everyone, the ones that know because I do not want anybody's pity, and the ones that dont know, because they can say something stupid that willl hurt, like that somebody got pregnant... My husband is kicking me out of the house, to go out, meet with sb, and all I want to do is BE AT HOME, alone preferably.
Accupunture is supposed to help with those feelings of hopelessness. we will see...

[green]

Just wanted to agree with you on the subject of not seeing anyone after a bfn. After the 1st ivf I was the same, we had told most of our freinds and family and kept them informed all the way along so everyone was dying to know how we got on. It sounds really bad now but I told everyone the bad news by text and then didn't answer the phone for a week. I knew if someone was nice or sympathetic it would make me more upset, maybe a bit selfish of me because it made them worry more. We didn't really tell anyone the second time just a couple of close friends, when we got the bad news we only had to tell them. They came over a couple of nights later with plenty of wine and a promise not to mention ivf.... totally took my mind off the whole thing.
Anyway good luck with the eastern methods I've heard good things about acupuncture reflexology is good to help you relax. I am a massage therapist and a friend of mine has given me some crystals and essential oils, I don't know if they'll have any effect but they look and smell nice. There are lots of complementary things to try and they can't do any harm the good thing is most of them are a lot more pleasurable than drugs and injections.
happy wishes
green

[unexplained infertility]

I went to my first Accupunture session. I wasn't sure what to expect and was freaked out when the accupunturist was putting needles into my head. And basicaly was not relaxed at all, because I did not lie comfortably but was scared to move an inch.
I also got a diagnose. Kidney problems! The doctor (all acupunturists from China must be doctors) checked my pulse, looked at my tongue, and told me that I have some kidney problems which have to do something with ovulation. I was shocked! My dad had a kidney transplant, but she did not know it. So I dont know if it is a coincidence or some BS, and she says the same thing to everyone, or she acctually diagnosed me. Anyway, i got some herbs, and have to eat a lot of beans, no potatoes, and cut down on coffee. I will have accupunture twice a week for 2 weeks, then once a week for 3 months. And what shocked me is that the doctor acctually told me to try naturally now and she believes it will work. It feels like I am going back in time and will start basal body temperature method next cycle. It feels strange...