The Sisterhood of the Blue Stilettos

[patie]

Hey Angie.... sorry for the confusion and mess ur going through! i can relate to u i mean after all the failures now i dont think i am ready for any cycle because i am so afraid of getting another negative result...and between us...i am not getting this "stay positive" talk....i am not a negative person at all...but when it came to this i am not that posi anymore....
and seriously everyone around me is popping...i love them all and they are all very sensitive and understanding but AAAAHHHHH...

So Angie babe....try not to think of IVF for some time...go and do something else...no more accupunture...no more treatments....this is my personal advise...and go back to cycling only when u feel like ur 100% ready...the whole thing costs much more then money ....its our sanity at stake here...

sorry if i am being blunt or maybe a bit bitter but i trying to be realistic!!!

Hugs lady and again sorry if i was ....

[meg12]

Patie--I think that's the best advice I've read on these boards in a long time!

[Angie65]

Thanks Patie - you are not blunt or bitter at all - I totally get you. As I 've said before, I am normally a happy enthusiastic person - it' s just this crazy process which seems to be sucking the life out of me.

Feeling slightly better today - hope everyone else is well and had good weekends - hope I haven't scared you all off with my mega rant.

[FionaA]

Hey Angie, just a quick one before I rush off to an appointment. You are abso-freaking-lutely entitled to feel pissed off about the whole process. There's uncertainty at every damned turn and it feels like you are living on a knife's edge. It's hard to sustain that sort of stress level without cracking!

Have you thought about chaning clinics at any stage? I know that I get this sick feeling every time I go near my clinic, just has too many bad associations for me. Maybe a fresh start somewhere else would be the ticket??

Fee

[Angie65]

Hi fee - you may be right . The location of our clinic really suits but you've all heard me talk about my "relationship" with Dr D - it's really not a good one alot of the time. I am tempted to get a fresh face but then is it better the devil you know than the devil you don't?

In any case I have appmt with someone at the clinic in July (had a 3mth wait list) who is more of an expert in PCO. Even if I could u/stand my condition a bit better, that would help. It 's SO frustrating not being able to u/stand my cycle/symptons - know what the hell is going on in there.

Update is that AF is sort of here. Well a couple of spots. Does that count as Day 1 - who knows? I have phoned the clinic to find out. Hope your meeting went well.

[FionaA]

Yeah, I know what you mean, I would find it difficult to change clinics just because of the familiarity aspect of it. Plus I don't like to offend anyone! As far as AF goes, I always understood Day 1 to mean the first day of heavyish flow....but I guess your clinic will enlighten you. At least you are on your way!

As far as PCOS goes, In my researchings on it it seems like a very common condition about which not an awful lot is known..Sounds like the person you are seeing in July is a good one if the waiting list is anything to go by.

Luckily for us it is one of the more treatable causes of IF, so although you may have a few but cycles under your belt there does not appear to be any biological reason for not getting preg, as your beloved Dr keeps saying it's a numbers game and the fact is most people don't get preg on each cycle.

Meeting was OK, at least it killed the first two hours of a Monday morning...

Fee

[jenn]

Angie- I agree with Fee, sometimes a fresh face can bring a whole new perspective on your treatment options. But I understand that it is comfortable to stay with the Dr. who knows you. It's a hard decision. Anyway, sorry you are feeling down. I think AF Day 1 is when you have "full flow" that is what my nurse always asks me when I call to tell them I am on Day 1.

How is everyone else doing? Any Memorial Day plans?

[Angie65]

Hi Jenn - good to read you . How is the 2ww going - you sound very calm. Do you know when test date is ? Good luck.

Well an AF of sorts arrived - light and almost non-existant - which means I start pumping estrogen on Day 5. However I have insisted on a scan with Dr D on Thursday as want to be sure there are no nasty fibroids popping up. Can't believe I have voluntarily put myself forward for a dildo cam appointment....!

How are the rest of the sistas? Anyone out there? I'm off to eat my tomato soup for lunch - told you I would be eating it for days .!

[wannababyIVF]

HI Ladies,
Back from a long weekend. I missed you guys.

Ange—Sorry to hear you are so down in the dumps. But this is the perfect place to rant. I know I’m a little late but I think the girls have already given you the best advice. There is nothing wrong with taking a break and not even thinking about the whole IVF ordeal. You could switch clinics also, but I know what you mean about dealing with people you already know instead of starting all over with someone else and having to explain your condition and treatments to them.

Jenn—How are you holding up on the 2ww?

Well not much of an eventful weekend. All plans were cancelled. I did however make it to the pool and to one BBQ. Other than that I relaxed and helped DH paint the kitchen. Sorry Robbo, I didn’t see your response about the paint until this morning. Hope everything is okay. I wore one of those industrial strength masks. I could not smell a thing and we had the air on and the windows open. The only bad part was the former owners of our house had this awful border around the kitchen walls. WE had to remove it to paint. The border must have been put on with cement because it was so hard to get off. It was so hard to get off that DH put holes in the walls trying to get it off. So he had to calk the walls and then sand it down and then put kilz paint over it before he could paint that. So I saw all of that to say that my kitchen looks like one big sand storm. There is dust everywhere. I put on the mask and tried to clean it but it’s still a mess. I don’t even want to go back in there. Plus, the walls still need another coat of paint. So, DH will probably finish all that up while I’m out getting my hair done. I’ve banned myself from the wreck that I use to call a kitchen.

[sassynlv]

Angie: Oh girl. Sorry I have been MIA. Although I am late, I am going to chime in anyway b/c this topic has been a big one for me lately. I totally agree w/Patie. After my #4 didn't look so hot in March, I lost it. As far as I was concerned... I was done. Couldn't take anymore. I had reached my limit of what I could take in order to get preg. But, seeing as we had already paid for these last 2 fresh, I decided to give it some time. It has taken a few months, but I have regained my balance a bit... I had decided not to cycle until I could do it without hating every minute. Now, I don't DREAD doing the cycles... but I don't think I will ever be as positive and idealistic (if you can call it that ) as i was before. I think it is important to honor these feelings. They are real, and valid. IVF can be an excruciating process that consumes us, especially after multiple failiures (i know, I am not telling you anything you don't already know... maybe now i am saying it for myself?). For my sanity, it has been important for there to be an "ending" to all of this... I will do 2 more fresh... then I am throwing in the towel. Anyway... sounds like you may be feeling a bit better. So go easy on yourself. Good on you for seeing Dr. D in a few days. I hope things look good so you can get started if you want.

Jenn: you sound like you are doing well! As for the embryo reports...that bites! I love that my clinic calls me every day with reports... although i get totally anxious waiting everyday, it is better than having to wait THREE days. You are more patient than I!

Ladies... it has been quite a weekend! Found 2 live scorpions in the house (yuck!!!), and a nest of them outside. To boot, dh got bit by spider (we think) last night while roasting marshmallows in our fire pit with the nieces and nephews. His arm swelled up and was tingly from his shoulder to fingers. He was in the ER since 3 am... they put him on high doses of steroids and a bunch of other meds. *sigh*. Wouldn't you know it... just as his toe was finally healing... Anyway... will be begging a bug man to get out to my house today!

Hey to the rest of y'all. Will be back to chat later... just got called in to work. Ahhhhhh! And today was going to be my laundry/catchup/get the bug man here day. Such is life.

Ciao!

[jenn]

Hey Girls!!

I finally found out today that I have 3 FROSTIES!!! Three out of four made it to blast and were frozen. So at least I know if this doesn't work I have a frozen cycle next. I just got back from bloodwork, I don't know what they are looking for. I have no symptoms, so I don't know what to think.

I have to go sign paperwork this afternoon for my job. Yuck! Going back to work sucks! At least school doesn't start until Aug. 27th.

Gotta go eat and iron my outfit for this afternoon. Take care ladies!!

[Melissa112]

Okay, I have alot to catch up on and alot of good news it looks like!

First off, a girl and a boy!!!!! HOORAY!!!! And 3 frosties, this is all great news!!

I am still at work, it's after 7PM - and I am waiting on DH, so I'll get as far as I can but being gone for 5 days really puts a hurtin' on my catching up!

Jenn- 3 Frosties is great news!!! I an still holding up hope for a BFP in a few days!!! So you might need those Frosties in quite some time! I am still praying for you!!! What's up with your out-laws? That's just strange!

Sassy- I am lovin' your blog!!! What a weekend, full of bugs and spider bites taboot! Holy moly! I am so sorry for that, I hope he's okay! So funny, my sister looked at my toe this wekeend, and said ya know I agree "you toe ugly" I burst out laughing all i could think of was you guys!

Angie- This process is a lifesucking hell of a jouney and it's not fair by any means!! I am feelin' for you sweetie! I totally agree with what everyone has said, you are so right to feel the way you do, this doesn't just play with our bodies it totally f*ck's with our minds, bodies, and it's just not fair! I am so relieved that AF has arrived! I wonder what took her so darned long! And ya know, Dr's never agree on things - I have a chronic constipation problem, and I just don't go, I have gone 6 weeks without a BM! And I finally found an herb that makes me go, but we found out that it makes my colon turn black... not good - so the Dr asks me what I've tried and I started my list... so she says well try "this" and I did for 5 days with no BM so I went back to the herbs... Dr's just don't get it sometimes! Happy Dildocamming!!! (and you know we are here to vent to at anytime)

Wanna- Happy Twins, Happy Boy and Girl twins!!! This made my day, actually my week! I am totally head over heals excited for you! Love that you made it to the pool and BBQ'ed!!! Sorry you had to paint and get rid of a godawful border with a sander, that is the pits!!! To say the least! I wish you could have gone to WPB, it was beautiful, although windy so the currents in the ocean were tough... actually a couple of people died, but the weather was wonderful! And I got some great pictures of the twins...

Patie - I've missed you sweetie!!!!

Fee- I aggree with the other sisters, I am thinking we need to take your computer away, except give you access to this site only, Google is going to drive you to drink and you can't even do that!!! You are going to make yourself sick with all this research!

Vicky - I know you are back, did you miss us? Did have fun shooting up in Argentina?

Robbo - Hooray for you now being in your Summer! I hope your needle went okay today!

Okay so Dh is almost done... lemme try to fill you in... my time with the Twins was amazing! Seriously! My sister and I went to the mall and we brought the girls and Kim (my sister) let me push around the stoller, and all of these people came up to me and told me how beautiful my babies were - hee hee! My sister said I could claim them as my own she doesn't like attention, so it was fun for me to play mommy - Wanna you are going to have a blast!!! We did some shopping, I got some great bargins! So overall that was a great trip and Friday night I got to babysit the girls, they are awesome!!!

I also go to hang out with a friend of mine in Boca for a night and we got bombed! And I mean abliterately drunk, I haven't got that drunk in 15 years! We had a blast!!!!

And my hung over drive was awful, but I made it!

Today my trainer came to the office and I did good, then he wanted me to do Stair Steps on the evil chair, and I got up to the top of the chair and then on the way back down, I fell right on my bum! Nice! Just what my arse needed!!!!

Okay, I know I missed stuff, please forgive me... DH is staring at me...

(I"ll tell him ya'll say hi!)

Love and Kisses!

Mel

(I need to come up with a new ticker...)

[Angie65]

Hi ladies - thanks so much for your support - I do really appreciate it.

Sassy - you have an amazing knack of putting down exactly how I feel. You are very gifted in the writing department - did anyone ever tell you that? Thanks.

Jenn your embie reports are fantastic - well done.

Mel - welcome back from Florida - sounds like a wonderful trip -a nice blend of mixing with the twins and getting off your rocker with your friend. Good on you.

I am still a bit confused. My potential work trip to the States/Canada is looking promising for Aug/Sept but I have to start planning meetings. It will be hard to do that at the same time as going through a thaw cycle. I don't think I would want to go if I was preggers. But at the same time it is an important career move for me to go - I don't HAVE to go, but I WANT to go. Especially if this treatment doesn't work, then my career will become more important to me.

Was ready to postpone treatment today then me and DH had a session with the counsellor - she is very good. We worked through a few scenarios - me and DH will talk a bit more tonight and decide what to do. Next session she is going to teach us a technique to manage our (neg) thoughts more. I'll try anything these days....!

Hello to all the other sistas.
Must try and get stuck into some work this arvo - very distracted though.

[FionaA]

Geez Angie, a voluntary dildo appt??? I think that tomato soup may have gone to your head. I am very confident that you will be able to conquer the Wildcat tomorrow. I'm giving a big F*ck off gesutre to any fibroids which might be lurking. That goes for Wanna's ones as well. Good luck with the appt and enjoy your special time with Dr D.

Patie, great to hear from you, I was getting worried. Damn all of that work, but I understand being nervous about getting everything right! Especially for a new venture. When will the pressure be off???

Wanna, congrats on the boy and the girl. Most excellent. Ummm don't google your symtoms it's addictive and it is really scary, I think there is a term for that kind of behaviour it's called cyberchondria. It's debilitating. As far as my Noggin scan went , I had eaten chocolate (stress eating caused me to shove it into my face in a very unladylike manner), that may explain Noggin's antics.

Robbo, you're onto me, yes I have scammed a scan. I'm proud of that. I think we IVFers should have access to whatever medical devices we want 24/7. Your needle story made me absolutely cringe. I hope subsequent shots have been a bit more "pleasant" if they ever could be???

Jenn well done on the 3 frosties, you have done exceptionally well this cycle. Almost 100% success rate! When do we test??? You seem very calm!

Mel, your time with the nieces sounds fantastic. They sound so cute! I'm glad you had a good time and managed to booze it up. I know I can't hold my liquor like I used to. I was horribly sick after my last work cocktail party. I thought I may have to go to hospital with alcohol poisoning...I promise I'll stop googling stuff, please don't take my computer...

Sass your poor DH sounds like he is is copping it bad at the moment. Poor bloke. I think he might be in competition with you for the most extenstive medical treatment award for 2007. What kind of spider was it??? And scorpions are they dangerous or just gross??

Mego, glad you like the Aussieisms. Now I'm stuggling to think of one. I think as a general rule of thumb we like to shorten or lengthen words to about two syllables, hence, Mego, Robbo etc...I'll try to think of some more good ones for ya so you can toss them around Nebraska....

Vicky are you home yet??? How are your shots going??

Right now I am providing advices to my secretary. She has recently started sleeping with one of the partners and really likes him. She is trying to get herself a date tonight. I'm not exactly qualified to give advice on these issues but that won't stop me. I just told her to stop being subtle and to more or less throw herself at the bloke. Hope I don't stuff things up for her...

Oh well best be off to continue my matchmaking efforts.

Fee

[FionaA]

well well my secretary has just scored herself a date. Subtle is obviously NOT the way to go. Fee