The Sisterhood of the Blue Stilettos

[jenn]

Hey girls

Not feeling positive today at all. I cried pretty much all last night and weepy this morning. I have had bad cramps all afternoon yesterday and into the morning. I pretty much know it didn't work. I go for more bloodwork tomorrow. We need to decide whether to do another cycle or an FET. Three cycles is my max. We said after that we would look into other options. Why me? I think at my follow up appt. I will ask for a good counselor and I think I need to be on an anti- depressant. If you can take those and cycle. They have helped in the past.

Talk to you all later.

[vicky77]

Hello Sistas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am back from Argentina, I came back yesterday morning and went straight to work, and then I had my mom's birthday at night, so I am still recuperating from the trip

I have a lot to catch up with, I read a couple of posts so far so I can do some personals....

Wanna..........wohooooooooo a boy and a girl, that's everybody's dream I think!!!!!!, congratulations, you must be in cloud 9 !!!!!!

Ange......I am sorry you are having such a rough time, but it is so good that you are going to a counselor and is doing you good. About your trip, is that something that you have to decide right now or you can wait a bit?

Jenn.........wow 3 frosties, that is amazing!!!!!!, and your test day is almost here, a couple of days and we will all know!!!!!!. How are you feeling?

Fee and Meg....how are your bellies doing??, any new scans?, Meg were you able to make up some excuse to get a new scan?

Mel....how are you doing girl?, so you had a blast with the twins apparently!!, I am so sad that I wasn't here and we couldn't meet, maybe the next time...

Sorry to all I missed, will catch up later...

About me, yes, I have been shooting up in Argentina, then in the airport (uuuuuuu creepy!!!!) and finally yesterday in the car while coming back from my mom's birthday. So I have a master in shooting up anywhere now . I am almost done with my BCP's so AF should be here anytime starting this weekend. Next Tuesday I am going to the clinic for my baseline bw and scan and then I should be starting stims!!!!!!

[Melissa112]

Jenn - I know it's tough, but you need to be tougher! You need to think positiver! I know it's hard, it's the hardest thing you have to do!!! Sweetie - cramps can be a good sign, really!!! It's hard, but you need to be harder, this is a baby we are talking about and they can sense the stress going on in your world too!!!! Take it easy... pretend you are having a cocktail and do something that makes you relax!!! We are here for you!!! 500,000 times over!!!

[vicky77]

Sorry Jen I missed your post while typing. Don't give up yet please, cramps can be a very good sign as well, as a matter of fact when I became pregnant on my first cycle I had tons of cramps, so hang in there......

[sassynlv]

Giiirrrrlllsss.... i'm feeling Sassy today!!!

Woohooo! Vicky back in 'da HOUSE! Welcome back, girl. Glad you had a fab time, and got a little "off roading" practice with the shots--- those are the ones we will remember *sigh*. D*mn... getting nostalgic. ANYWAY. Welcome back. Excited you are ready to start...

Jenn: I am so sorry you aren't feeling like this worked. Don't have much advice (never had a BFP, and never had much cramping), but sending you a virtual hug. I get that you feel it is over, and we all know there is a chance you may be right... BUT... it is never truly over until the fat lady sings, and I am keeping my d*mn mouth shut.

Angie: Anything to help, my dear. Like that song I posted eons ago... "We walk the same line". Glad to hear your counselor is helping you clarify things, especially with the decision you have coming up regarding your cycle. As for controlling negative thoughts... my counselor is really into that. Some of the principles she taught me have completely changed how I see my world. You think I am screwed up now? You should have seen me 5 years ago . There were a few books that I found helpful. So if after talking with her, you want the book info, just let me know and I will pm it to you.

Patie: d*mn good to have you back! Hey... there is a member of dh's family flying around the world (i.e., Switzerland) putting money in protected accounts (don't ask... not a pretty story), and they were talking about going to Dubai. I volunteered to be their private luggage carrier!

Wanna: i totally forgot to congrat you on the boy/girl thing. Well done! Instant family.

Mel: glad you had a fab time with nieces. To me, mine are like a breath of fresh air! And yes, you do need a new ticker... Hmmmm.... something random.... like next car wash.

Fee: matchmaker, huh? Well done. Coworker definitely owes you. BUT, she is culling the work waters... i smell a soap opera brewing here... this could be good for intrigue. At my dh's office a similar scenario ended with one of them in jail and the other one so humiliated that they left town. Good stuff. As for scorpions... not real dangerous (the stings would be painful but o/w shouldn't be a problem). BUT gross! I was blow drying my hair and all the sudden looked down to find one near my feet. EEEEWWWWW!

Robbo: How are the shots???

To our Aussie sistas: I love the "Aussieisms"! In fact, when cajoling dh to take out the trash a few days ago... i told him "hurry or you will miss the garbo!". He turned to me with this odd, blank look. Then all the sudden the light went on.... "you must have gotten that from those Aussies on your forum!". You guys are famous!

btw... you must have all been nasty ladies... tried to read our thread from my office computer and it said you had exceeded the nasty limit. Bad, bad girls ! Good thing I talked dh into getting me a wireless card so that i can get onto the forum wherever i am in the country....

All right... so it turns out dh got himself bit by a black widow spider. Yes, you did read that right... a BLACK F*&#%IN' WIDOW. That is what we get for living out in the middle of the freakin' desert. Bug man came yesterday, and after hearing me rant for 30 minutes I do believe he put enough magic juice around my house to kill the entire population of bugs here in sin city. APPARENTLY, though, scorpions don't care much about his magic juice. Something about their slow metabolism and heart rate blah, blah, blah (yes, I smiled and nodded like I gave a d*mn---- just KILL THEM, bug man!), so it may take a few months before we get no more of those lovely visitors. I have taken to wearing shoes in the house at all times and EVERYTHING is up off the floors. I am embarassed to tell anyone... we sound so ghetto... black widows and scorpions. D*mn you'd think I live in a trash pit

Oh, and dh... his arm is still attached (bonus considering he will need it for climbing rocks in Iceland ... and, I suppose for making me dinner while on princess status next). Actually it has improved significantly after massive doses of steroids. So much so that we made a sushi run last night. Yipee!!!

[Angie65]

Hi Jenn - sorry you are feeling low, but as everyone has said cramps are not necessarily bad. We all have signs - for me it's always spotting tells me it hasn't worked but then for others spotting is fine and can still be BFP. So the only definitive test is the blood test. Hang on in there. GOOD LUCK!

Welcome back Vicky - glad you had a great time. We may be cycling together.

Sassy - counsellor is going to teach us "Mindfulness" next time. Have you heard of it? DH is coming along quite willingly these days too - amazing. Last night he kept referring back to our session "Susan said this, Susan said that...." Also good work on introducing "garbo" into your vocabulary. And one for the list, if you need to fill up your car, you must go to the "servo"

Well today I scammed a scan (another good expression Fee - thanks). Scamming a scan is what all good sistas must do. Dr D was surprised to see a follicle developing all on its own. So now we have to go back on Sat. Not sure what the significance of this is, all I know is I have to roll with it. Had I not scammed a scan, I would have had to start estrogen pills tomorrow and not known about this pioneering follicle.

So I am rolling with it - feeling more mellow today.

And I am going to start planning my trip - it will take a while to make contacts at the universities, set up meetings etc. If the treatment fails then I will have something to look forward to, if it works then I will be happy and will make a decision about whether I go at a later date. Simple really.

Have a good day/night sistas.

[Angie65]

Hi Jenn again - just found this post from the very helpful Ghost on the other thread - migh reassure you??


"But my statement still stands. Cramps are common side effects from progesterone, and cannot indicate pregnancy in IVF cycles. So absence of cramps does not indicate absence of pregnancy. Using cramps as an indicator can give wrong impressions in either direction.

Don't take my word for it. Here's the page on drugs.com that describes the side effects of Crinone, a common progesterone supplement FDA-approved for use in assisted reproduction:

http://www.drugs.com/mtm/crinone.html

"Other, less serious side effects are more likely to occur, such as:

* mild nausea, vomiting, bloating, stomach cramps..."

There's a long list.

At implantation embryos are smaller than salt grains. You cannot sense them. The tiny amount of hCG they make at that stage also cannot be sensed, unless you are having OHSS. Worsening OHSS is the only sign of pregnancy you can have on the 2WW.

In a natural pregnancy, you might sense the effect of the hCG as it signals the corpus luteum (CL) to continue making progesterone, because you can sense the effects of that progesterone. But in IVF you are getting progesterone anyway, so you can't tell whether that progesterone is coming from a CL stimulated by hCG or from the supplements.

If patients could sense their pregnancies, we would not need the tests."

[FionaA]

Hellooo I'm here because the boss has gone to get his car from the servo (good one Ang).

So, I'm here to say cheer up Jenn. I know it's not easy and I had more than one melt down on my 2ww for my FET (in fact as I recall I spent the good part of a weekend crying under my bed clothes. I was also set off by cramping and twinges that made me certain that it hadn't worked....I am really crossing my fingers that your blood work turns up a BFP, as Sass said it's not over till the fat lady sings and I'm also keeping my gob shut.

Sass, a black widow, aren't they incredibly dangerous? I think they're from the same family as our redback spiders which are very nasty....I would sure like to have the book details on controlling negative thoughts. I'm really struggling with negativity at the moment and would like some tips on how to think positive! Congrats on the use of garbo and I second the use of "servo". If you are particularly busy you can complain that you've been "running around like a blue arsed fly." As far as my co-worker goes I can sense potential trouble already. The partner told her he only wanted a casual fling and that he is seeing other people. I can tell she wants more than that....lets hope it doesn't end as badly as your dh's co-worker thing, that sounded "special"....mind you I love the intrigue...

Vicky, great to have you back and I'm kinda jealous of all of your exotic injecting locations....my gut is getting out there now and is actually quite painful today. probably all the stretching that is going on. Of course I think the worst and imagine some terrible things. Great that you will be stimming again, looks like you will indeed be cycling with Angie!

Angie, your DH sounds so cute the way that he has taken to the counselling. Not that I've ever tried but I think it would be most difficult for me to get my DH to see a counsellor....he is so not in tune with himself... Congrats on the pioneering follicle....could this be, dare I say it, a natural ovulation cylcle???? If so does this mean that you won't need hormones for your FET cycle??? Or does it mean that you could, dare I say it, have sex and maybe get preg??? So many questions...If you like I can call Dr D and get the answers for you....As far as the trip thing goes, you've got it sussed, you can always change plans if need be but keep it in place as something to look forward do....have you been to the US??? I can't wait to go back..

Well I'd best be off, this blue arsed fly has a lot of work to do. Hello my other sistas.

Fee

[jenn]

Hey girls-

Just a quickie- I've got a hair appointment.

DH and I found great rates on tickets to Ft. Lauderdale- Vicky and Mel- do you live close?

Thank you for all your positive thoughts. The Dr. has moved my test to next Monday since I had the HCG booster. That is ok with me b/c tomorrow is out anniversary and told them I didn't want bad news on that day. I only question why they moved it this time. Last cycle I had Transfer on Monday, booster on Friday, and by the next Friday they were like "yeah, you're not pregnant" So why do they think they won't be able to tell tomorrow? This cycle was transfer Tuesday, booster Friday, so I would think they could tell me. I don't know.

Does anyone know how long a booster lasts??

[sassynlv]

Hey girls...

Angie and Fee: wrote this big long post, then managed to delete it. So here is the shorter version... I googled "mindfulness" and it sounds similar to one of the techniques my counselor taught me. Learning to live in the moment and therefore being able to make decisions based on now (and the wisdom that comes in the moment).. instead of based on the past, or worries about the future. I used to kind of be a "depressive" person... and totally stuck in a rut. My counselor also had me read two books by R.ichard C.arlson and then used those concepts in our sessions(they have goofy titles.. so be prepared ) 1) You Can Be Happy No Matter What 2) You Can Feel Good Again. (don't say I didn't warn you!).. and to read them in that order. The titles are cheesy... but the concepts within them aren't. He talks about how our thoughts aren't real... they are just our thoughts. And what we give our attention to, will grow. So he teaches you how to choose which thoughts to react to, and which to let slide on by. NOW... at times of low or moderate stress, I have gotten very good at doing this and it has made an amazing difference for me. I can get my thinking turned around before it gets out of control. As you all may remember, though... when faced with stimming or the 2ww-- all this is apparently goes out the window!!!

For me, it isn't about "thinking positively" (Ha! you all know me better than that ). It isn't about pretending everything is great. But realizing that how I FEEL about what is happening in my life is based on what I am THINKING about it (whether or not I am aware of it)... and that is a choice. Anyway.... blah blah blah. I will get off my soap box... it is just something I feel passionate about because of the changes it brought about in my life.

Jenn: Hope you are getting a coiffing befitting a Sista! As for the booster...I'm not sure since I don't get them. I know people talk about the HCG trigger being in the body for 7-10 days. Not sure if it would be the same? Hmmmmmm... also not sure why they postponed your test. Don't blame you, though for not wanting it on anniversary. SOOOOO.... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

I am off to work.
Ciao!

[vicky77]

Jenn.....about your test, I know that the HCG booster takes about 10 days to leave your system, so if they triggered you on Friday it would sound reasonable that they wouldn't test you until next Monday. Are you feeling a bit better?, did the hair appointment do you any good?. About Ft. Lauderdale, I work there!, so if you come by let me know!!!

Sass....wow your DH got bit by a black widow!!!!!!!!!!!!, only a Sista can have a story like that!! . About the books, I haven't read any of that, but DH always tells me to practice that kind of thinking, I guess I should start buying those books ASAP

Fee....don't be scared, everybody has those twinges when the belly starts expanding, it's totally normal (what nerve do I have!!, I would be a total freak with every twinge , but anyway, as a good sista I should be telling you not to worry....)

Ange.....glad to have a fellow cycler, even more if it is a sista, I will have my baseline scan and bw next tuesday aparently.......

Sorry girls, got interrupted, have to go..........will come back later!!!

[Angie65]

He he - I do like reading your posts too Fee. How's that soap opera of an office going?

Rather than a blue arsed fly I tend to "run round like a headless chicken" - a far more amusing image I think.

Well I am tired - it's Friday 5pm and time to finish up. Have some drinks to go to tonight but can't be too late as have 9am dildo cam with Dr D. Too early - I so need a lie in tomorrow too. Oh well c'est la vie.

Sassy - I will keep you posted re Mindfulness - I am quite looking forward to it. Next session is in 2 weeks.

Have great weekends girls - hang in there Jenn til Mon. good luck. Remember the cramps mean nothing.

[Melissa112]

Maybe I am just getting cranky, maybe I am PMS’ing, which is likely, maybe I am just having some selfish time, maybe I am a mess of a basketcase and there is no one in the entire world that I can talk to about my feelings. Maybe I feel like I am all alone in a big white room, maybe that room is padded. Maybe it’s just PMS…

I just feel like I am over this whole IVF thing, I know my period is on the way so Clomid starts soon, and more dildocam appointments… I just feel spent. Emotionally. Physically. Done.

[jenn]

MELLLLLL!!! NOOOOOO!!!! Don't have a sad day. Please!

We all have those where we think it is too much to handle, but don't give up. I agree this sucks bigtime!! It's not fair. But you have more in you, don't give up yet. Sending you a big hug. If I lived near you we would go shopping, or drinking, or whatever you need. Not that I can drink being in my 2ww, but that is all the better b/c I could drive your drunk @ss around town. I can see it now- radio blaring, 80's music of course, I have a sunroof you could hang out of and sing at the top of your lungs.

I'm sorry you are bummed!

[vicky77]

Mel........don't be so sad!!!!!, we are all with you in this journey, it's probably PMS, plus maybe some fear of finally starting what you have been waiting for so much!!!!, hang in there, as Jenn said, if I were near you I would join you and Jenn for some shopping to feel better!!!. Cheer up, cheer up ...

Jenn...how are you today?, did you cave into HPT or not?....

Ohh Ange I am so jealous, Friday is already over there!!, here it's just starting #@**##@ ..........I so need the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How's everybody doing?. I can't wait to start stims again and be on my 2ww already, I really hope this one works!!!!