Is it normal to feel depressed?

SallyP · Post by **SallyP** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 1:23 pm

Dear Girls, I hope that I am not as abnormal as I feel and would appreciate any guidance please! I discovered this site whilst on my 2 ww of a second IVF/ICSI cycle, had hoped and prayed so hard that the IVF would work and was totally amazed and delighted when I did a HPT and got a positive result! However after a day or so once the initial elation had passed, and ever since then I feel totally depressed and unable to cope with being pregnant. I have had the odd bout of back pain over the last few years and am now terrified of more/more serious back pain/problems through pregnancy as well as other problems that might happen. I also feel completely terrified and horrified by the thought of childbirth and really don't want to go through it! I am also really worried about how my life will change, and generally can't seem to see any positive points to being pregnant/having a baby. I had never wanted children throughout my 20's, and when I was 33 was told that I was infertile due to severe endometriosis, so then bizarrely having children became really important to me (it always had been important to my dh!). So now we are pregnant (6 weeks and 5 days), and I'm going for my first scan on the 24th, so I hope I will feel differently then, but I can't stop thinking that I have done the wrong thing, that I'll have a miscarriage, and I feel so hopeless. I've also made an appointment to see my GP but am worried that she think I am mad. Of course none of this is helped by guilt at these feelings, esp as everyone on this side is so delighted to be pregnant! has anyone been through anything similar or am I just odd? Sally

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 3:37 pm

Dear Sally - poor you. Is there a counsellor you can see at the clinic? I remember our counsellor saying that sometimes when you get pregnant you can feel negative about it, so it may be worth chatting to someone professional. I haven't felt depressed, but I do get in very emotional and bad tempered (hormones I think). I think you'll find it's perfectly normal. Hope you can get some help Alison

Jules R · Post by **Jules R** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 3:37 pm

Hi Sally You're certainly not odd. IVF is a funny old process and just the different hormones you expose your system to are bound to affect your state of mind, let alone the reality of what it's all for. I didn't feel quite the same as you but a lot of the time I almost hated being pregnant. I felt lousy all the time for weeks on end and I just wanted to get some control of my body back. I also worried myself about childbirth and about how our lives would be after our twins arrived. I repeatedly said that I would NEVER want to be pregnant again. I've always desperately wanted children and so of course I felt terribly guilty about these feelings. And of course, now that my children are growing up (14 months!), I've been finding increasingly that I'm desperate to become pregnant again, even though at the back of my mind is the fear of how much I disliked pregnancy - it all very much seems a means to an end. But the end result is well worth it, from my experience, even though I know that it's difficult at 6 weeks pregnant to be able to foresee what it will be like for you. Jules

Lizzy7 · Post by **Lizzy7** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 6:22 pm

Sally - don't feel too bad, you're going through something that's really huge. Even if you've had fertility probs and spent ages wanting to get pg - nothing prepares you for how you feel when it happens. I was so happy for a couple of weeks and then suddenly i just woke up thinking that i couldn't possibly cope with being pg or giving birth and as for looking after a baby and having such a massive responsibility - arghhh. And then of course i felt really guilty for not being happy after wanting it for so long, especially when i had been so lucky. I felt like Jules - just wanted to get control of my body back. I even watched Alien a few weeks ago and i really identified with it!!!! It's a scary thing and all your worries are completely normal. I think they say that 10% of women can get mild depression when pg anyway. Look after yourself and big hugs, Lizzy xxxx

Helen G · Post by **Helen G** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 7:32 pm

Sally I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so miserable! don't give yourself a hard time - I think any emotion you're experiencing at the moment is normal. I've found I've spent so long about actually getting pregnant that I forgot the end result was a baby!! It's gonna take a while to adjust! Why don't you go along to your doctors and have a chat with them. As Lizzy says, it's more common than we realise for women to get depressed when they're pregnant - they may be able to help you out?? In the meantime, go easy on yourself. You will adjust. LOL Helen xx

mands · Post by **mands** » Tue Jun 17, 2003 8:12 pm

Hi Sally It's been a while since I posted (currently 30 weeks pg with twins) but I've been popping in from time to time. Congrats on you positive result although I bet you wish you could just hide from the whole thing. We got preg on our first cycle and although we thought we had talked it through I felt quite devastated by the result especially with twins - I cried everytime someone mentioned it. I've hated being preg, want my baby back, I miss getting drunk on a Friday night. I'm basically a selfish cow. People keep saying it'll all be worth it but until I have the babies I have no concept of maternal love so this gives me no reassurance it just annoys me. We've been through very rare complications with the twins already where sometimes if something had happened the babies I'd have been relieved. I get moments of excitement about meeting my babies and I cherish these, I'm terrified of being a crap mum because I really, really want to do my best. I felt guilty about not being happier, alot of womam go through these emotions, few admit to them, they are completely normal and somehow if you've been through IVF you feel even less entitled to them. I hope I haven't depressed you even more but I think being preg is a bit up and down for most people and once you start talking about it you'll be amazed at the number of people that feel exactly the same way. Best of luck for your scan and the rest of your pg. Take care Mandsx

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Wed Jun 18, 2003 8:34 am

Just wanted to echo the others really - I bit ahdead of you and have been pretty happy but also so grumpy about nothing. Looked in the mirror yesterday and my waist seemed to have disappeared already - probably comfort eating! And my breasts are so sore they keep me awake. I would say all this is normal - apparently it is much more common with IVF ladies and some suffer the whole way through and awful post natal - someone I knew was like you - felt awful about it - like her life was over and was at the stage of debating a termination - it had got that bad - went to her doctor and sorted out out - had a spot of counselling and bingo she could cope again. Baby Jack is 14 months old now and life is fun again. Take care Love Tracey xxxxxxx [Edited by Tracey S on 18-Jun-03 10:47]

SallyP · Post by **SallyP** » Wed Jun 18, 2003 9:51 am

Thank you so much - I feel tons better today having seen your advice and support! I think I felt so depressed because everything is now out of my control - for the last 2 years I've been the one in control, having either having surgery/recovering from surgery to remove endometriosis or preparing for or having IVF that it's been a huge rollercoaster, and now that I've got the right result it's come as a huge shock and I don't know that I'm ready for it or the changes that I have no control over whatsoever! Last night and this morning I had no sore boobs, no nausea so got really panicky that I;d had a missed miscarriage - but I felt so pleased and relieved when I got into work and felt really nauseous again! So I have taken that as a sign that it's fear of the unknown and hormones that have been making me so down! Am deffo going to ask my GP next week re counselling, but in the meantime, thanks again for the support - don't know what I would have done without this board! SAlly xxxx

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