The Over 40 Crowd

[sunseeker]

Hi all
Sonia - sounds like you had a really good, informative trip to Warsaw, at least they have checked everything before they even think about starting your treatment, that seems to make really good sense. Don't worry August will be here before you know it!
Bev T - it must be a difficult decision to make, knowing you "could" have another baby but as you say there is so much to take into account - I'm sure you and DH will make the right decision and I'm sure the chubster will be happy whatever you decide!
We went back to our clinic last week and saw a different specialist this time - he was really nice, very understanding and genuinely seemed to care. We have two frozen embies (Blast), 1 is grade A and 1 is grade B which he said is pretty good and thinks we should proceed as soon as possible. He would like to do a test transfer beforehand so he can take a look for himself as the last time I had the transfer the specialist found it a little tricky. Everything he said gave us confidence to have another go so we just need to decide when we start. It will either mean having the first injection in a couple of weeks or leaving it until July. I think we may leave it until July as it gives us time to get ourselves ready to give it another go both physically and emotionally.
Have a good weekend (bh in UK),
Take care
Ali xx

[Kat]

Hi all
What a miserable day it is here, cold and wet. Need some sun. Still, 2 weeks 'til Singapore
DH is away mountain biking in Italy, I am here in the rain with a cat who has got the hump 1. because DH is away and 2. because I got my suitcase out. Very intuitive, that puss.
Nice to hear fom you Anna, the secret behind my slimming success is Slimming World. If you can get past the Little Britain image (sorry US girls, you won't know what I mean) then it's quite good fun going to the weekly meetings & it works so I'll keep at it.
I really don't know what to do about our frosties. On the one hand I think this is everything we ever wanted and we can't possibly not do it, on the other hand I think we should just move on. When we decide, it will be the right decision for us but it's not easy. I just can't imagine having a baby anymore. Some days I get sad, some days I think que sera sera, and think about all the good things in my life without having had a child. I hate seeing pregnant women but is it some kind of sour grapes thing, just because it's something I can't do? I don't like other people's children but is that because they have them and I don't? Maybe I'm just scared.

Sorry, got a bit heavy there! Time for sausage, mash, peas & gravy. Comfort food for a wet day
Love
Kat xx

[geckogirl]

Hi Everyone,

I am slowly surfacing from my depression from our last negative cycle. I have been spending time with friends, going to the coast (we live in northern California very near the beach) and sitting in the hot tub (something I haven't been able to do for over a year) with a vodka martini. I am reading books and trying to enjoy my summer break. I don't have to teach again until late August so that is a blessing.

BevT, sunseeker and Kat - It sure sounds like you have some decisions to make but whatever you decide it is good to know that you have some frosties in reserve. At least you have a choice, something that so many of us just don't have. I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

Auntie- How is the new house? Are you settling in ok? I hate moving and DH and I decided that when we moved into the house where we are now that we would be staying for quite awhile! Hope all is going well for you.

Have a great weekend!

[Kat]

Hi all
Geckogirl - good to see you are keeping yourself occupied and enjoying being a lady of leisure for a bit.
Ali hope you're doing OK too
Hi to all you mummies and to everyone else.

My friend at work (who was pg after coming off the pill only 3 months ago) had a scan this morning and there was an empty sac. No baby. Same as happened to me. Now how bad do I feel being evil about her being pg. It just goes to show you never can tell what will happen, ivf or not. I feel really guilty because secretly I am glad I don't have to watch her grow, please don't get me wrong I wouldn't wish a mc on anyone and I am in no way at all glad she has to go through it but it makes my life easier. Does that make me a really selfish horrible person?

Kat x

[Kat]

Hi all
Geckogirl - good to see you are keeping yourself occupied and enjoying being a lady of leisure for a bit.
Ali hope you're doing OK too
Hi to all you mummies and to everyone else.

My friend at work (who was pg after coming off the pill only 3 months ago) had a scan this morning and there was an empty sac. No baby. Same as happened to me. Now how bad do I feel being evil about her being pg. It just goes to show you never can tell what will happen, ivf or not. I feel really guilty because secretly I am glad I don't have to watch her grow, please don't get me wrong I wouldn't wish a mc on anyone and I am in no way at all glad she has to go through it but it makes my life easier. Does that make me a really selfish horrible person?

Kat x

[babyblue]

Hello Ladies,

I hope you don't mind me dropping back in. I was keeping up with you all in March, but after a BFN on the 2nd IVF I had to let it all go for a while.

Tammy and Yasmine, the babies are absolutely beautiful!! Thanks for posting the pictures - it always gives me hope.

We received a call about a month ago wanting to know if we were interested in adoption. A 16 yr old from out of state was looking for adoptive parents. We hadn't even given this thought before, but said we were interested, made a portfolio, took it to the attorney, and haven't heard a word since. In the meantime, we have met w/RE and have decided to go with DE next round. We have picked the donor, and waiting to see if we can do a shared cycle since she was already reserved for the next cycle. They will let us know the end of June. I've got to find something to keep me busy for the next month.

Guess I thought DE was an ALMOST guarantee, but then I read up on here and noticed several of you have done several rounds of DE with no success. What kind of percentages are your Dr.'s telling you for DE?

Kat - hang in there, one of these days you are going to the the one on the other side of the coin. You will be the one pregnant and someone else will be very jealous of you. I understand how it hurts! I have a good friend that was going through infertility treatments and visits and got pregnant. I even crocheted a baby blanket for her beautiful little girl. We see her every week at church, but it is the picture post cards she sends to us periodically that breaks my heart in half. Then last night my housekeeper tells me she is pregnant (at 39) and is too scared to tell her husband right now. Know what you mean by it is going to be hard to watch her grow. But, guess it is the protective woman side of me that told her last night not to lift anything or do anything streneous right now. Our time is coming - I just know it!!

Kim

[Kat]

Hi Kim, good to see you back here

My first DE cycle I was given 60% chance of success and yes I did get pg but only for such a short time. This last time round they didn't give me a % but the embryos were good quality, the transfer went really smoothly, everything looked so good and then still BFN. I always thought it was pretty much guaranteed that I would be successful with DE but it seems you really never can tell.

Keep us posted on how things are going with you

Hi to everyone else
Kat xx

[teachertam]

Good evening Ladies:

Anna: Yes, we had a good time at the cook out. The weather has been good here, but rained this evening.

Kim: It is good to hear from you. Thanks for the compliment on my little "chunky monkey". He is growing like a weed. The end of June will be hear before you know it. Good luck on this upcoming cycle.

Geckogirl: It is good to hear that you are doing better. You are on summer break so enjoy your time off!! I have one week before I start my online course and 3 weeks before I start teaching face-to-face courses.

Kat: Good to hear from you. Just because you had a difficult time dealing with your friend's pregnancy does not make you a bad person. It is normal after all that you have been through.

Ali: It is a good idea to wait until you and DH are both physically and emotionally rested. July will be here soon.

Hello to Bev, Yasmina, Sonia and anyone that I may have missed.

Regards,
Tammy

[geckogirl]

Hi,

DH and I went to our post IVF consult yesterday and our doctor told us that we "gave it our best shot" and if we wanted to proceed we would need donor eggs or try adoption. My DH was surprised as he thought that she would let us try again with our own eggs but I pretty much knew she wouldn't. We did decide to try the donor route. It is expensive but our doctor screens our donor picks and she frequently will reject a chosen donor and make us start over if the donor isn't up to her standards. We asked her for specific odds and she said that ALL of her donor recipients have become pregnant. She currently has a 43 year old pregnant with a single and a 47 year old pregnant with twins. We trust her so I am going to talk to the liason today to get the ball rolling. I will need a hysteroscopy in the meantime just to make sure there is no uterine issues and she wants me to lose 30lbs (guess it's back to the gym for me). She said the wait for a donor is about 4 months which works out fine for us. She will try to schedule us for November and if there is no room then we will do it in January.

I am very excited and a lot scared. This will exhaust our savings and I know that there is a chance it won't work but I feel we have to try. If it doesn't work then I will have to accept the fact that it wasn't meant to be....

[babyblue]

Geckogirl, I am in the very same situation, except I am 46 years old. We have done 2 IVFs and our Dr. said the chances of getting preg. on 3rd try with my age was very slim. He did however have a 47 year old preg with her own eggs. We are going the donor route this next time. I really would like to have had babies with my genes, but will be more than happy with our baby that I can carry and love. We are also in the beginnings of private adoption. We have not heard anything on that however. I felt like I had so many positive traits and history to pass along. At 46 I have 3 of my 4 grandparents still living and in their 90s. Longevity is very hard to select from donors. Eye color, height, and hair is easy, but a very healthy family history is very hard to find. I know that if we adopt, none of those is an option. My son (now 7, and from previous marriage) has some of my features but is not a "mini-me."

You might want to look into Weight Watchers. I have been going for 8 weeks and I have lost 13.5 lbs. I had put on 20 lbs from the last two cycles and wanted to get my weight down before the donor cycle because of the high probability of multiples. My husband is doing the WW thing with me and has lost 12. It is teaching me to eat better, and I can have most anything just a smaller quantity.

I hope you have really great success in finding the donor you are looking for and high hopes for success the first try.

Kim

[children]

Hi all, I am back. Had a big grant deadline yesterday. So glad to see both Kim and Geckogirl are going for donoe eggs. All the best!

Tammy, are you going to stop breastfeeding soon if you trying for another natural pg?

I wanted to have twins before pg! I am thinking about getting the second one every day. I will go for another frozen cycle as soon as I stop breastfeeding Eloise which will be this fall. If this fails, we are going to adopt a Chinese little girl as soon as possible because we like to have two similar aged kids to grow up together. I am going to investigate how to go about for international adoption. You had done that before, any suggestions?

Hi to all other ladies in this over 40 family!

[teachertam]

Good morning ladies:

Yasmina: I don't know if we are going to try again or not. I want to breast feed Andrew until at least 6 months, but I would like to go up to 8-9 months. I would still like to adopt a Chinese baby girl. We have been waiting for 1 year now and it looks like we would not go to China before summer/fall 2008. I would recommend that you chose a differenct country is you want Eloise to be close in age to your adopted baby. The current wait for China is 18 months from submittal of dossier to referral and it is supposed to go up to 3 years!!! We used an agency called FTIA. I highly recommend them. I have included their link here: www.ftia.com/

Kim: Good for you that you lost 13.5 lbs. I think that once I get back into a good workout routine, I can lose more weight. I can fully understand your feelings on longevity. The health of the child is another issue that my DH has with adoption.

Geckogirl: It is good to hear that you are proceeding with the donor route. If you do a cycle in November, maybe you will be pregnant by Christmas.

Hello to everyone else.

Regards,
Tammy

[babyblue]

Yasmina, how many FEs do you have left? Who knows you could get your twins the next time around. Someone I work with told me that China has drastically stiffened the requirements for adopting a baby from their country. A friend of our family adopted from Guatamaula (sp?) and Gabby is an adorable little girl. Good luck with whatever avenue you take.

Kim

[Literatriz]

Hi all,
I check the May/June thead regularly but at my age I enjoy reathing this thread, too. One suggestion about international adoption: check the UNICEF website to verify which countries are really following the guidelines for children's rights. I am Latino and let me tell you that some countries make this business in the worse way possible, postponing the adoption to extract a few more thousand dollars while damaging the fragile early developing brain of the baby in dull, nonresponsive foster centers. In the Latino culture, women that have minimal support from relatives won't give their children for adoption (no relatives, alcohol abuse, mental health issues, etc). The story I've heard from many parents that the biological mother was poor...just doesnt fit with what I've seen, working in orfanages for many years.
Check the Minesota Study on Adoption to make sure you are adopting from a country with good follow-up rates. That means having a high percentage of adoptees in regular education instead of special ed programs in elementary/middle school. When kids are in preschool, the problems are not that clear yet.
China has a good record because the mothers are in fact more proactive and don't want to abort their children so late into the pregnancy.
Doing research you will increase the chances of enjoying a wonderful experience. Good luck!
Literatriz

[children]

Hi all, thanks for the recommendations about international adoption. I know China tightenned regulations, one of the changes being not to allow parents over 50 to adopt! We need to act fast.

Kim, I still have 4 embryos but they had been transferred from San Antonio to Nashville, I don't know whether they will make it alive. I won't be able to find out until the end of the year.

New mothers, Eloise learnt to cry hysterically at nights again - she did that while she was 2~3 days old when my milk had not come fast enough and she lost 15 oz then! I suspect that 1) my milk is not nutritious enough because I started to lose rediculous amount of hair 2 weeks ago, 2) not enough milk, she is constantly hungry, my milk production has decreased, indeed, although I feed Eloise 2~4 OZ formula regularly (every night) since about 2 weeks ago, 3) I started to gain weight back. I try to feed hersome solid food, but all she dose is to lick it, never suck nor swallow. Has any of you started feeding your baby solids? Her 4m check up is close and I am going to ask her doctor. Please update us about your babies!

Yasmina