Angela37 Testing 5th...praying for a BFP for you

[AuntyPebbles]

love Aunty

[geckogirl]

I wish you the very best today! I hope you are celebrating a giant BFP!!!!!!

[jemima]

Wishing you a strong BFP. Best of luck

Luv, Jemma

[Angela37firsttimeivf]

Well folks, I'm afraid the silence does mean a BFN and that was definitely, without a doubt, one of the worst moments in my life and I really dont understand how you can all keep on repeating it. I said to DH I dont know how i can carry on now, especially as everyone around me had been building up all the hope with me. I guess experiencing the moment you dread most actually makes you stronger though. I basically spent all night crying and yelling at DH to stop saying "chin up girl" and suchlikes (how bad is that when you feel like your world has just caved in?). I think what made it worse is that i spent 10 minutes trying to get through, got told off by someone at reception that i was ringing the wrong number, although i was constantly being diverted back to her, then finally getting through and just a short, sharp "I'm sorry, its negative, goodbye." Obviously she was wanting to get off home... I keep thinking how stupid I've been, having all that hope, and how hard it will be again to avoid all the pregnant women / mothers around me, basically going back to isolation. I know others have experienced a lot worse than me and that what is important is thinking of all the other good stuff in my life, but its just so heartbreaking isnt it? I keep thinking that it might have been to do with something I did / didnt do and that the next stage (working on the nine frosties) will be even worse, as the chances with frozen are a lot lower. Anyway my mum is coming round soon to give me a bit of tlc while DH is at work. So bye for now and thanks for all the support. I guess at least having got the first time out of the way, I'm no longer a newbie and officially a member of the club, so to speak...

[Pat19]

Angela37firsttimeivf - Here's a gurl that knows where your coming from and how your feeling, all I can say give it time it get easier, as you know I got my BFN on Monday, had a good cry and now I'm feeling much better.

Thinking of u.............(((( BIG Hugs ))))

Pat
X

[beachbaby]

Angela, I am so sorry, i just had to write to say time does make it easier. Also frozen cycles are much easier on you and your body and just as successeful if not more so, those embies are strong to survive the thaw and to keep growing. I have had 2 FET's ang got positives both times, unfortunately they didn't stick around. Please take some time to recover, we all think its going to work first time and are bitterly dissapointed when it doesn't even though our chance is only 1 in 4 approx. take care.
J

[Angela37firsttimeivf]

Thank you Pat and Beachbaby for your consolation messages! Pain is not as bad now, just kind of quietly depressed. I plucked up the courage to make another appointment to talk about starting work on the frosties. I know it usually takes a few gos so will persevere, but cant help being jealous of all those who got + first time. Oh well, i guess we cant all be that lucky. Good luck both of you for your continuing journies towards happiness...

[arizonakiwi]

Hi Angela,

I hope you are feeling a little better today, I got a BFN on Tuesday also, I'm still feel sad and down but much better than Tuesday night. Little things catch me unexpectedly, I was driving alone in the the car yesterday and the tears started running down my face, today a programme came on TV and the introduction was all about mothers and new babies and I just burst into tears..... so I guess it is all rather raw at present. I hope as each day passes you will feel a little stronger and look forward to the opportunity to try with a couple of your little frosties transfered. 9 is a great number to be working with and I am sure there is a little fighter in there.

Stay strong, I'm sending you lots of hugs and I hope you start seeing a little sunshine in your day and look forward to one of your little frosties giving you that 2nd chance

Love Angela

[Angela37firsttimeivf]

Hi kiwi, thanks for your message. Its so helpful to have someone going through the same thing, and at exactly the same too. I've been feeling similar to you. Inconsolable on Tuesday night, pretty raw on Wednesday, depressed yesterday, but starting to see hope again today! I guess you cant give up. But its a lot harder than I thought it would be. All the feelings of failure and envy for pregnant women / mothers have come back, and I'm so scared of it never happening that I'm thinking about adoption already (pretty stupid, I know), although my DH wont talk about that. I guess if you think about it, its just like trying naturally, it doesnt happen straight away then either, just that you get mega obsessed with it and it costs a lot of money! Anyway I'm wishing you all the best for your next go. Lets keep in touch. Love from Angela x