Totally gutted over miscarriage.

[fijibabie]

Hi Girls

Well we got some very sad news on Friday. We began miscarrying at 10weeks and 5 days.

The day started with some light brown spotting and after a frantic call to the midwife who told me to keep an eye on it and if it turned red to go to the emergency department. Well about 10pm that night our worst nightmare came true. We made a dash to the ED who did a scan on a very old portable scanner. They could not see the fetus and it was very very clear to DH and I that there was nothing there - we knew what to look for. They told us the scanner was not a good one and there was still a possibility the baby was okay but told us it was a probable miscarriage. The uterus was a pregnant uterus but the baby was too small for one that was 10wks 5 days.
It was like being in some kind of very bad horror film or a terrible nightmare when the doctor told us this. I didn't know how to act - I was just very very numb.
As it was a weekend the early pregnancy clinic was not open until Monday so we had to wait.
On Monday we were scanned on a proper scanner. The fetus was there with no heartbeat and only measured at 6 weeks which was the same as our last scan four weeks ago. They said the baby probably stopped growing just after our last scan.
At this stage we realised my boobs had gone back down to size and I could fit into my jeans without a struggle.

When I look back to our first scan - I realise it might have been going astray then. I was positive that the baby should have been 7 weeks and 5 days then - but the scan said only 6 weeks and 1 day and the heartbeat corresponded with this. With IVF we KNOW the dates of implantation etc so I believe I was correct and this has nagged in my mind since then. If my dates were correct then the baby was too small and the heartbeat too slow.

I am back at work today - I am trying to get back to normality as soon as possible. There have been lots of tears and small things set me off all the time - we just want our precious little baby back. It is very difficult when you have a confirmed pregnancy and have seen a heartbeat to accept this - this is a promise of a baby and all of a sudden it is taken away from you. This type of thing happens to other people, not you.

So, a horrible horrible time for us - sorry to write such a depressing post. We are trying again as soon as our clinic will allow us. We so want a family and were really looking forward to January. We only have two embryos frozen - anyone had success on frozen embryos?

I will be hanging around from time to time and hopefully will be back in full force in September or October for our next crack at having a family.

Hoping everyone elses treatment is going well and all those little ones snuggling are doing well.

Barbs

[mulligan]

Barbs-

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for you and your dh. The same thing happened to me at 9 weeks so I know how absolutely heartbreaking a miscarriage is. The sense of disappointment, of loss, the sadness are hard to take. I remember the moment the nurse told me that there wasn't a heartbeat like it was yesterday, I'll never forget it. I want you to know that you will heal and you will eventually feel better. You will get pregnant again and you will have a baby. Try to picture your life a few years down the road and how happy you will be then with your family. This is just a dark cloud that will soon pass- the skies will be blue for you once again. I'll keep you in my prayers...

Lauren

[Angie65]

Really sorry to hear that Barbs. It must be a horrible experience to endure. When you are feeling better, take comfort from the fact you have been pregnant and can be again. Take care.

[kholtan]

Dear Barbs~ So, so sorry for your heartbreaking news. What a horrid day for you and Dh. We also lost a baby around that time frame only to an ectopic preganancy. Felt like I cried for months and maybe I did but I never gave up hope and niether should you.
Take care of each other and know that you will have your baby one day. We never know what we are made of until we are tested! Take care and you will be in my prayers. Take care~
Kimberly

[Mybaby]

Barbs, Ur story brought tears into my eyes, I am sooo sorry to hear ur loss, there r no words that can replace ur precious one, y does it has to happen to us ladies, who yearn soooo much for a child, its just sooo unfair.... Hope ur next try would be successfull & make u forget ur loss. Hugs...

[MamaCardenas]

Barbs I am so sorry to hear your news, I recognize your screen name and I think we went through our cycles around the same time, anyway the same thing happened to me we went to the 12 week apt thinking everything was fine and come to find out the baby died at 11weeks, it's devestating, heartbreaking just unexplainable, I go back to work tomorrow and am not looking foward to it, but I know someday I will have a family and that is what keeps me going . good luck to you we might be going through our next cycles together as well so I will look for you on the boards!!

[arizonakiwi]

Barb's,

I just saw your post - I am so sorry!!! I know nothing I type here will make things any better or easier but know you are in my thoughts as the 2 of you go through this very difficult time.

(I hope you are finding a way to survive at work today – only a few more hours to go !!)

Sending you and your DH lots of hugs and love

Love Angela

[Anie2007]

Barbs,

I just saw your post and recognized your screen name..I am so sorry for your lost... Your in our thought and prayers...

Good luck to you and your DH on your FET cycle. FET is much easier and less stressfull than fresh cycle. We have success on our first FET.

Take care and God Bless you both....

[kia1973]

Barbs

Honey i'm so so sorry this has happened to you, life is so unfair. there are no words that can make right whats happened but i do hope with time you and DH will find some kind of peace. i have just cryed for you sweetie and youll be in my thoughts and prays. you know where to find us if you need anything.

lots of hugs and love.

sha xxxx

[jomae]

Hi Barbs
I've just checked in and seen your post and just wanted to say how sorry i am that things havent worked out for you this time. We've M/c twice so I know nothing will make you and dh feel better right now but i think it's important to know it was nothing you've done to cause this it was just not meant to be right now. i hope your taking some time out for yourself and you know where i am if you want to chat .
take care JOMAEXXXX

[fijibabie]

Thanks guys for all your supportive messages. This has got to be one of the worst things I have ever been through and knowing that you have all left messages of support really does help.

I am feeling okay - I am back at work trying to be normal but it is hard to be normal when you never were in the first place (Ha! My first attempt at a joke since this has happened!). Still feeling pretty crap though and am really really looking forward to getting back on the IVF rollercoaster. We just want a baby - it is a simple as that.

Hope everyone is well.
Barbs

[Xrayem]

Hi Barbs,

I am so sorry. What a terrible thing to happen. I admire your determination and courage to carry on though...its so positive that you know your mind and will try again. As everyone else has said, you got pregnant on your first go, now you know it is possible, focus on that.

You are a strong determined person and you will get there, sometimes you just have to take the long way around.

Much love and support,
Em

[Dexter]

Dear Barbs,

Don't believe we have ever spoken but remember reading some of your posts. Just wanted to say how sorry I am and that I am sending you all my strength from Australia. God it's hard. I miscarried at just 6 weeks from a natural conception after 2 failed IVF attemps and ttc for 5 years. I found out I was pg whilst on my holiday overseas and I'm still not over it, but you look fwd to the future and take comfort in the fact that it can and will happen again. Nature is so cruel sometimes.

I've heard a lot of success stories from FETs and chances are if your first one was strong, there are bound to be some more beauties in there. Good luck Barb.

Look forwards and take time to heal.

Love and thoughts,
Dexter xx

[taylorjools]

Hi Barbs

just feeling for you and with you, it's such a tragedy after all we go through to get pg that we then face the risks of any pregnancy, and m/c is such a cruel thing. We went through it too, but the light at the end of the tunnel was that through my determination to find out why we uncovered lots of unknown problems like dh with antibodies and me with thyroid and immune issues, so it meant we were much better armed on our next attempt (we also changed clinics as we'd had such poor results even with DE) so there was a "purpose" if you cvan call it that. I found a lot of support on the little ones lost section of this site, you will find you are not alone, and your little ngel will be with you always.

big hugs to you and dh

BigJ

[nimble]

Hi Barbs,

We cycled together back in March/April although I was much earlier than you - I just wanted to say how sorry I am and so know how you are feeling right at this minute.

Similiar to Dexter, had 2 IVF attempts and then managed a successfully pregnancy literally after the last IVF BFN however last weekend, I too started bleeding and after a scan was informed that the baby had died around 8wks. I had a ERPC on Wednesday.

I'm still in total shock and feel extremely numb that such a miracle was taken away. I had a m/c last Oct but because we had a heartbeat and were nearing the 12wk mark we were starting to think positive and look to a happy future this time round. The smallest of things set me off, for example this morning my pregnancy certificate came through the post

I'm the same as you that now when I look back I saw all the signs - my symptons had gone and I had questioned it with the midwife but was told it can be normal. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it as I know that there would have been nothing they could have done.

I pray that you;ll have success with your frosties and perhaps we shall cycle together in Sept/Oct.

You're not alone and please PM if you want to chat/rant/ or whatever. I haven't yet gone back to work so admire you for that, it must have taken some strength which at the moment I can't seem to find.

Take care and sending you big hugs across the ocean

love Jackie