Hello
Our PC's been out of action for a while, but I just wanted to let you know while I can, that on Monday 30th July, I went into premature labour at 4.20pm. I'd started having contractions every 2-3 minutes lasting 20-30secs I'd gone to the loo and felt something move. I could only describe it to Steve as the same feeling like 2 of my other losses where the mucus plug fell in the loo, but it was painless this time and it wasn't the plug. Although nothing fell away, I knew that something wasn't right, and it's at that point I started having period pains, and by the time we were on the way to the hospital I started having contractions on top of that pain.
On Tues 31st I was 20 wks pregnant and still having very erratic contractions but they were still continuous. I wasn't far along enough for drugs to aid us, as the baby was only 18wks things would have to further along at least 24wks for meds to help. I'd gone into labour because of Placenta Abruption and as the contractions was so frequent and so intense, if they tried to stitch the placenta it would just tear even more, so the only things they could do were to pray things would calm down, try to ease my pain and monitor me all the time.
I had a scan, they did tests, I was on a drip, they did blood tests all to see what they could do and to help the baby and I. I was on gas and air, I was having very strong Paracetamol and Codine every 3 hrs and then Co-Codimol at some point and had a Pethadine injection.
By Tuesday afternoon the contractions eased off and then came back every 15-20 mins from the start of one to another, but they started lasting minuets and not seconds.
Sh!t this is hard to type....

the pain got so bad that I was still on Paracetamol and Codine but also having Morphine every few hours as well. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold on any longer as I'd sneezed at one point and felt something move again. I was sure it was the baby by this time, and realised it
was the baby that had moved down the day before. I was given another internal and they said that they could see the foetal sac at the neck of my vagina, so it had come down the cervix and was just there.
I asked Steve to take some pictures of my timmy as he'd happen to have his digital in his jacket, and he took the pics I wanted and I told him that I knew I was going to go into labour the next day and wanted him to prepare for that. It's been the scariest time of my entire life, and I knew I was in labour and couldn't do a thing to prevent it but try to hold on and not let things go further. I didn't even go to the loo unless it was to let out small amounts of wee, which helped with the pressure. But I thought things were better when around 11pm the contractions went to 1 every hour, and they were preparing to stitch me. Family and friends visited that day and we said things were better, but by 5am the next day the Wednesday I knew this was the day.
The contractions were lasting 2-3 mins again now and when the last one finished it was 1-2 mins before the next one. I woke Steve and said I couldn't cope with the pain and I had more morphine, he went home fed the pets and came back. I started having back to back contractions and throughout the morning things calmed down again. My dad came to visit, and it was like his presence made things better. I was having contractions every 20 mins or so and they lasted for a min and half - 2 mins each time. He left at 9pm and said he was going home to get my mom from work. She had patients to see and couldn't make it down. Steve said he was going home some more things and to feed the pets as he slept at the hospital with me in our room. I was considering going to the loo after Steve had gone and let the nurses help me use the bed pan, or do it then with Steve helping me as I was on bed rest, and something said
do it now in my mind. I started to wee and it felt like I was going to have the baby there and then

. I got up, put the maternity pad under me, and said call the nurse the babies coming.
He hit the emergency button and nurses came running in....I said, the baby's coming, I can't hold on anymore, and suddenly all the pain went away and I was suddenly very calm. Steve was balling his eyes out and kneeling in front of me, and I said I'm going to let go now, but please don't look. We'd already asked to see the baby when I gave birth from the Monday night. I asked him if he still wanted to see, and he said yes, and I just relaxed over the commode they put me onto and the baby was born still in the sac

.
I had to then birth the placenta which gave some trouble. I was sorted out, so was the baby. A beautiful boy was what we had created, and we named him Tiago (Ti-are-go) Frederick (after Steve's late dad) Lloyd (after my dad as that's his middle name, and Tiago was due on dad's birthday). He's 200grams (7 ounces) and 23cm long. He has my jaw-line, my chin, my nose, Steve's eyebrows, his mouth, his ears and his feet but his little toe on each foot is just like mine and my dads.
They said that he hadn't tried to breathe on his own yet, but his heart was still beating so we should spend the time with him, but babies this young only stay alive for 10 mins the nurse said. Tiago was born at 9.20pm and I played my musical doll to him since we got to the hospital as I always did at home after I read to him; so that's what we did. We talked to him, told him about us and the family, his brothers and sisters that were waiting for him in heaven. We shared so much with him, and expressed our love for him, and in that time he took 2 big breaths and we let him listen to us and he passed away in Steve's arms around 11pm

.
They let him stay with us right up until we left the hospital Friday evening. We'd had blessings done on the Thursday by the hospital vicar, and prayers on the Friday afternoon. The hardest thing we've had to do was leaving him and coming home, it felt so wrong, and I'm feeling so lost without him, that I don't know how to cope right now, as we're trying to sort out his service, and committal music and service cards.
But we have a beautiful boy as we always knew he would be, and always said 'he', and everything we bought was in blue. His 20wk gestational scan wasn't until 14th August and we'd intended on finding out the sex, but we'd bought a few pink things as we really didn't care if Tiago was a Freya instead, but it's funny how I always knew he'd be a he.
You're now going to see the pictures, and I hope it's not too distressing for you.

I'm not totally leaving the site, but won't be posting. Please feel to post my messages here or pm me, as I will respond to them when I'm able.
Remember you have a miracle inside you, talk and sing to your little ones every moment you get, because we're so glad we bonded with Tiago before hand. Seeing him only made that love stronger. I wish every single one of you the very best, because seeing your scan pics has just made me feel even more happy for you and can't wait to hear your happy news in December. I'll be watching out for your birth stories.
My love and best wishes to all

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Till next time
Me xx