bad news too

[AMBER77]

I HAD TO GO TO THE ER LAST NIGHT WITH SEVERE ABDOMINAL PAIN TURNS OUT I HAD COLON SPASMS AND ARE NOT SURE WHAT CAUSED THEM. I'M STILL FEELING THE EFFECTS TODAY. I HAD STARTED MY PERIOD THE DAY BEFORE AND WAS PRETTY UPSET BY THAT THEN THE ER WHAT A NIGHT. THE HOSPITAL DID A TEST THERE AND IT CAME BACK NEGATIVE WHICH MADE ME FEEL WORSE!!! I KNEW ONCE I GOT MY MONTHLY HEADACHE THAT I WOULD BE NEG JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT.
NOW MY HUSBAND AND I NOW HAVE THE GRUELING TASK OF WHEN TO DO THE FET OR JUST WAIT AWHILE AND START AGAIN LATER. WE DID NOT DO THE SHARED PROGRAM LOOKING BACK I WISHED I HAD! THEY WERE ONLY ABLE TO FREEZE 2 EMBIES-THEN I HEAR HOW UNSTABLE THE UNFREEZING PROCESS CAN BE AND THEY MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SURVIVE THE PROCESS- WHICH AS GREAT AS MY DOCTOR IS THEY FAILED TO MENTION THAT! OR WE WOULD HAVE GONE WITH THE SHARED. TOO LATE NOW.
ANY WAY COULD REALLY USE SOME ADVICE AND SUPPORT. AND HOW HARD IS IT TO LOOK AT THE PICS OF THE EMBIES THEY ARE GOING TO TRANSFER AFTER YOU GET A NEG TEST? I KNOW THEY MEAN WELL BUT IT BECOMES NOT JUST HOPE ANYMORE BUT IT BECOMES REAL. AND WHEN YOU GET BFN IT CRUSHES YOU EVEN MORE. SORRY TO RAMBLE JUST REALLY MISERABLE TODAY.

[ICSI GIRL]

so very sorry for your BFN nothing that i say is really going to make you feel any better.....so just know that i'm thinking of you --- and sending ~~~ HUGS ~~~ your way........

take care....

[shantala]

amber - so sorry to hear about your BFN!!! it's so hard and there's nothing anybody can say to make you feel better. all i can say is, it will get easier and take your time to grieve!!

dont say sorry about coming on here, thats what we're all here for.

i'm also sorry about your clinic misleading you and hope that your 2 frosties thaw out ok.

oh, about that picture of your embies, my clinic used to give you pics but they stopped that. and i think its for that reason exactly. i think it makes a BFN worse.

anyway, chin up, we're all here for you!!!

xxxx

[AMBER77]

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT I NEED TO KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE GOING THRU IT WITH ME AND THEY CAN TRULY UNDERSTAND AND NOT JUST SAY THEY DO. I HOPE THE BEST FOR THE BOTH OF YOU AND I WILL BE THINK OF YOU AS WELL. MAYBE IT JUST WASN'T MY TIME AND SOON I WILL PICK MYSELF OFF THE FLOOR AND I WILL TRY AGAIN THATS ALL ANY OF US CAN DO YOU KNOW.
GOOD LUCK TO U ALL.
MUCH LOVE AMBER

[shantala]

amber - yes, thats what is so invaluable about this forum - people TRULY understand what you are going through. the thought of "everything happens for a reason" and it just wasnt my time helped me get over things. and i truly believe things happen for a reason. even if those reasons arent apparent straight away. you have to just keep going but let yourself grieve.

do come on here and chat, moan, cry, laugh, whatever!!

xxxx

[shantala]

ah, was meant to say it the first time and then the second time and still forgot - hope you feel better soon with regards to your spasms!!

xxx

[kellym]

I am so sorry for your bfn. It really sucks! I can totally relate to how you are feeling as I have now been through 5. It doesn't get any easier but hopefully you won't have to experience anymore than your one.

One thing my mom said to me that actually helped was that when you finally get your baby in your arms, you will look at him or her and know that he or she was the child you were supposed to have. All this agony we are going through now will disappear and it'll all seem worth it because that little bundle will be worth it all!! It doesn't help at the time of the loss but it helps to keep you going!

Hang in there, cry as much as you need to cry and then move on to your next cycle when you are ready!

Kelly

[AMBER77]

THANK YOU THAT REALLY IS TRUE AND I MUST SAY THAT REALLY OPENED UP THE FLOOD GATES. WHEN GOD SEES FIT FIT TO GIVE ME THAT MIRACLE THATS WHEN I'LL BE READY. HOPEFULLY HE WON'T MAKE ME WAIT TOO LONG. AND I KNOW I HAVE MANY TEARFUL DAYS AHEAD OF ME. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT. MUCH LOVE

[shantala]

hi amber/kelly

just to clarify, i wasnt saying that this process gets easier but i was trying to say that the hurt of a BFN gets easier with time, easier to deal with.

hugs

xx

[kellym]

Shantala,

Absolutely, I knew what you meant. That each day seems less and less painful. As opposed to what I was saying - each bfn is so upsetting and after my five I don't deal with them any better than I did at the beginning.

But I do agree, the pain does subside with each day. I always feel that once I have my next steps planned out, I am able to move on much easier. But everyone is different.

Part of the pain is the loss and part of the pain is knowing that you have to wait and do the whole process again which takes up valuable time that you'd rather be enjoying with your baby...

[twc]

Amber, i'm so sorry. I know how you feel. I'm suppose to test tomorrow, but got af last night. I cried myself to sleep last night. My dh is so great! I'm lucky to have the support at home as well as on the boards. Today was a little easier. I went to work and could actually talk about it without crying. I know everyone deals with grief differently but after i allow myself a good long cry, it helps me to talk about it. I have already started my loan work for my next ivf cycle. I hope you feel better and will be my cycle buddy maybe next month! I will post back tomorrow after my beta.

Traci

[Kristin1112]

I'm so, so sorry, Amber.
Hang in there, girl!

[shantala]

kelly

glad we're on the same page. it's so true, the pain does ease but i'm sure each BFN gets harder. i'm already dreading test day and cant bear to think what may be. but we have to stay positive and imagine that bundle at the end of it, which will make it all worth it!

i so agree that planning the next step helps but that everyone is different. i booked a consultation with a "natural" IVF clinic the other day and they asked why the heck i have a consultation with them when i'm currently cycling at another clinic! but i explained i need a backup plan because it makes me feel better.

best of luck for you in the future!!!

amber - hope you're starting to feel a bit better!!

xxx

[AMBER77]

HI, I AM DOING BETTER TODAY AND I'M SCHEDULING MY CONSULT SOON FOR MY NEXT CYCLE. AND PLANNING THE NEXT STEP DOES SOMEHOW EASE THE PAIN.
HOPE THINGS ARE GOING WELL WITH EVERYONE AND HOPEFULLY I'LL BE BACK IN THE SADDLE IN A FEW MONTHS. NOT SURE HOW LONG THEY MAKE YOU WAIT TO DO THE FET AFTER FAILED FRESH CYCLE- BUT HOPEFULLY NOT TOO LONG!!
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITH OUT YOU GUYS!!!

[shantala]

hi amber

glad you're feeling a bit more up today and are starting to plan things (only if it helps you though!). make sure you dont rush into things though to let yourself grieve!

at my clinic i had to wait 3 months before the next cycle (because of all the drugs in your system) but that was for another fresh cycle. not sure how long they make you wait for an FET. but i know every clinic is different. at first, when i heard 3 months, it made everything worse as i wanted to go again straight away but looking at it retrospectively, i think 3 months is the right length for you to gather yourself physically, emotionally and financially!!!

good luck!!

xxx