Question for Nina

Zed2003 · Post by **Zed2003** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 7:40 am

Hi Nina, Hope you are ok and don't mind me posting for you but I was hoping for some advice. I know that you had regular bleeding early on and wondered if you were advised to, or just felt the neeed to take time off work, and if so, how much? I have bled in some form every day since week 5 (now 12.5) and about once a week I have red bleeding for a lot of the day, often with some clots. I'm lucky in the sense that they say I have a haematoma that's attached to the sac so they say that it's not coming from the baby, but mentally I'm finding things very hard. That combined with the pain I'm constantly getting is driving me nuts. The hospital are good but just say I may have to prepare for the fact that I may just bleed - and they say working will do no harm as what will happen will happen and if it needs to come out it will, but to take time off if I want. My doctor says the days of bedrest are gone (he's not unsympathetic though), but unfortunately, when I've red bled, I've taken time off and taken it easy. The coincidence is that I've always bled heavier when actually having done something that day, like go out or go to work. I know that it is only a coincidence, but the mind plays funny tricks. My life is completely on hold and for someone who was so active, some days I seldom get off my bum which I know can't be good for me. Like many, I feel that this may be my one and only go at this and want to take no chances desite being told what will be will be. Normally I'm so sensible about these things but sense and reason have gone out the window lately. I have another scan a week on Monday but I don't always get scanned when I bleed heavier as I don't want scanned too often for fear of a radioactive baby - I've had 4 scans already! I'm aiming to be back at work on Tuesday as I feel if I don't go, I never will! My urge is to lie flat for the next 6 months!!!! Sorry for the book length, but any advice? Zoe x [Edited by Zed2003 on 14-Sep-03 00:46]

Nina1 · Post by **Nina1** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 11:50 am

Dear Zoe, You really sound just like me! My hospital and GP were both very nice, but essentially told me that some women experience bleeding and there's nothing that can be done about it. I had scans on a very regular basis but was still told that it was 'unexplained', and that, as at each stage the baby was fine and my blood pressure etc was fine, that there was nothing else to be done. HOW frustrating! I also had a few occassions of much heavier bleeds which were quite scarey. After my last one, at 16 weeks (I'm now 22 weeks), I had to have an anti-D injection as my blood group's rhesus negative. Do you know about this? I didn't, but do now, so let me know if you need more info... As far as work is concerned, I, like you, felt under such mental pressure and anxiety, dealing with both the blood and the pain, that I found working extremely hard. My GP signed me off for 2 weeks at a time for a total of about 7 weeks. At each appointment I had with her I was such an emotional wreck that I think she would've found it hard not to give me the notes. Having said that, I also felt tremendous guilt about being off work but I knew I'd always wonder, if things did end up going wrong, whether I'd given myself every possible chance. I ended up explaining my whole situation to my employers (felt this was easier than just telling them bits and pieces) who were luckliy very supportive. Mind you, I'd managed to go through 3 IVF cycles without breathing a word to a single person at the office about it! It was a weird experience, becoming so open with them about it all! I've now negotiated a couple of months of unpaid leave until maternity-leave can, hopefully, kick-in. The anxiety's still there. I'm not bleeding but am having bad stomach pains which no one seems to be able to explain to me. I know that for myself, the pain is worse when I've been busy (relatively speaking, as I'm keeping all activity to a minimum which is really unusual for me). I know my bleeding was also worse after activity. I know the blood has to come out, and was told that, as an irritant to the uterus it WILL cause pain, but being calm and quiet can only be a good thing in my opinion. For myself, I also don't know if I'll ever get another chance at this which is why I've decided not to work for the time being. It's for a very specific period of time that has an end date if all goes well. It's taken a while to adjust mentally to not working as this has been my identity for such a long time, but I'm convinced this is the right thing to be doing. I've only been able to do gentle walking as my form of exercise, although am hoping, if all stays quiet for the next couple of weeks, to be able to start doing some swimming. I've had a couple of days where I've thought 'God, this is boring', but I can tell you that compared to the days of bleeding and pain they are bliss. If the next 4 months pass in a boring way, I'll be so thrilled to bits! I don't want any more drama! I know you'll know what I mean!! I say don't work while you feel in two minds about it. It just causes more stress for you at a time when you've already got enough to deal with. This is a unique situation to be in, and you need to put yourself and your baby first. Nobody else will do it for you! Sorry for going on - I'd better stop or I'll be sending you to sleep!Let me know what your thoughts are!! Hope scan today was good! love, Nina

Zed2003 · Post by **Zed2003** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 6:56 pm

Thanks so much for your reply Nina. It's so good to speak to someone in a similar position - I was beginning to think all I do is whinge and people will start thinking that I was thinking I was the only one that had ever been pregnant or had problems. What a relief it must be not bleeding for a while - I can't remember what life was like without bleeding!!! I so understand about the pain thing. Like you, mine seems to be constant and I've just told my husband it feels like something is trying to explode from inside - alien like!

I suppose I'm 'lucky' in a way that they can explain the bleeding in terms of its a haematoma that is attached to the sac and I'm trying to tell myself that if the baby is growing and moving then it must be hitting it and irritating it further - that's my way of coping anyway. As for the pain, well, like you they don't know. We spoke to the hospital again today and they have basically said that resting/lying down probably will curb the bleeding when it starts fresh but ultimately all that is doing is prolonging the fact that if it needs to come out, it's going to. I was at the doctors again today and he is happy to sign me off but again reassured me that the train of thought these days is to take it easy but nothing I do or don't will make a difference. I ended up a weepy mess (again) - just worn out I guess. Anyway, with all that in mind, I aim to try work again tomorrow. I don't want to work full stop these days, and truly think if I don't try, I'll never go back. Again, like you, work has been a huge part of my life (I'm head of a department at a secondary school) and in the position I have I get pulled from all angles. School is good though and know the score although this term I've been off more times than in, so I'll see tomorrow! My husband has not long set up his own business, and as much as we would both like me not to work, it is not an option just now to take unpaid leave...we just aim to save like mad and take maternity leave as soon as possible, rather than work late. I don't know much about the blood group you mention, but I'm sure I'll find out next Monday - that's when the 'booking' scan is. I'll be almost 14 weeks then and just pray all is ok. I feel guilty that I'm not enjoying this pregnancy - I didn't have many pre-conceived ideas on what it would be like, but all this wasn't one of them! I really do appreciate that you replied. If you fancy a chat anytime that doesn't get publicised to the world, my email is: stevezoe@scotstownab.freeserve.co.uk. Take care of yourself and bump (do you know what you're having?) Zoe x