4th IVF treatment didn't work -- need to vent

[bbsb]

Hi there,

I'm one of the few males who posts on here -- anyone remember me from my last post last year sometime? I had to re-register just now, cos I forgot my precise old username and password.

Well my partner did the pregnancy test again, and it's so that our 4th IVF treatment was unsuccessful .

I have to fill you folks in with our story:

1st IUI last year -- BFN
1st IVF unfrozen (last year) -- BFN
2nd IVF FET (Feb.07) -- ectopic
3rd IVF FET (July 07) -- BFN
4th IVF FET (Sep. 07) -- BFN

She was really despondent this evening. I am really mad at why this has not worked so far. Not of course mad at her, since it's not our fault, just mad at life. The ectopic was very disheartening, too, and it seemed very unfair that it happened. Laparoscomy (excuse my spelling) was done; tubes kept though -- blockage removed then caused by the ectopic occurring in the ovaries. Was told this is unusual place for an ectopic.

The first IVF was done with 2 embryos and all the others with one. I don't know if we should be transferring 2 in future, to highten our chances of a BFP -- then again I've read other posts where they say it just takes one.

Right now, I feel left out of the whole procedure cos I'm never at the lab when the transfer to her is done at the local clinic. Here, where I live, there's only one choice of clinic. I was there for the first IUI, but not thereafter for the IVFs. I feel she doesn't want me around when she's there for the IVFs, cos she just wants it over and done with and it's stressing out our lives in many ways. Mostly the irritation feelings of why this is happening. And of course the disheartening when we get to hear about and see nearly everyone around us who's conceiving soon, or has conceived long ago.

I just turned 37, and she'll be 38 in Dec. Was hoping for good news on this my birthday month, and it hasn't happened.

Is the ectopic a sign that we can get pregnant? Is there any hope for us? We haven't discussed when, or if, we're gonna do IVF #5. I'm a dreamer, and say why not, but of course she has do go through the physical procedure. We still have one or 2 frozen embies. If that doesn't work, we'll have to undergo the expensive retrieval process once again, but we haven't discussed that. Just feeling awkward and lost. Also, I feel frequently that because we have unexplained fertility at the mo, the doctors don't seem to care whether we succeed or not -- maybe it's just me feeling ratty.

BBSB

[hopealways]

Hi BBSB,

I'm sorry to hear about the unsuccessful treatment. We all know it's hard to see everyone around us got pregnant so easily and yet what have we done wrong to deserve this. However please have strength and faith and I'm sure there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Did you check with the clinic for reasons of past failures? If the clinic is not good, go to another one even if it means travelling far. On the other hand it's good to hear that you have 2 frozen embies. Be positive and your wife needs your care and support at times like this. I'm sure things will work out great in no time!

Good luck & baby dust to you & your wife!!!!

Crystal

[2ndtimer]

BBSB,
Man oh man, can I relate. I've been through 2 ivf's & 2 fet's now without success. I was just starting to prepare for another round of IVF and now there may be a problem with my tubes, which means another month delay for testing AND if there's a real problem then laproscopic surgery before anymore ivf. It's just so discouraging, depressing, you name it. Sometimes I torture myself by reading the Pregnant After Treatment boards. I really feel stuck.
I used to go to all the IVF appts by myself. I only let my husband go to the ones that he needed to go to, the ER & ET. I just didn't want to think about it anymore than I had to and I thought we'd get pregnant on the first try. I'm sure he thought the same thing. It seemed silly to ask him to come along -he never went to regular gynecologist appts with me.
Now he goes to all except the routine labs & ultrasounds. And it's really helped our relationship & communication. I feel more "married" if that makes sense.
Whatever you're next step may be, I really suggest you just start going with her. Don't ask her whether she wants you there or not, just go and keep going. It's your potential child too. My guess is that in the long run she'll really appreciate it. Also I suggest that if your current clinic does not have any good reasons why you haven't been successful or changes in the protocal then you should seriously consider changing clinics, even if it means travel. Many women on this site traveled to a better/cheaper clinic & got pregnant. It's worth the gamble sometimes. Do some research on the most successful clinics that it's even conceivable to go to. My first clinic where I had the first IVF & FET, I did not do any research on(very naive & also in shock about infertility diagnosis). Turns out they have the lowest success rate in my state. I switched and as discouraged as I currently am, I'm still happy with the change.
Hang in there, I'm looking for that light at the end of the tunnel too!
2ndtimer

[bbsb]

Hey Crystal & 2ndtimer, I'd like to say many thanks for your words of encouragement and advice, and my apologies for not replying sooner to your kind post-replies. We have to stick with our current clinic, because wifey has just started hormone medication for IVF attempt #5. I can only leave the result to the big person in the sky who's gonna decide on this. No control over that result.

Ladies, wishing you the best in your IVF treatment and for a successful outcome! I'll keep our BB informed on any progress.

Greetings,
Bbsb