Baby S and thank you

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 8:18 am

Dear All Today's task is to get on here and respond to all my personal e mails you have sent home and all those on the board. Baby S was born at 4pm on wednesay in Nottingham - very much like it's mother as it came into this world when it felt like and and bloody well was not going to stick to anyone else's timetable. Baby looks very much like IAn which was extra special in a sad way and he stroked it's perfect left hand (the right was fine but not as accessible) and said goodbye. No-one expected this not even the specialists as all was fine with the nuchal and all was fine with the heartbeat at 17 weeks. The baby stopped growing at 16 weeks and must have died sometime after the 17 week heartbeat monitor. They told us and we saw for ouselves that there was a big build up of fluid in the abdomen and by the time baby was born in the head too. Otherwise quite normal and peaceful. As it was young they are reluctant to tell us the sex as genitals all look the same at this stage and we now have to wait 12 weeks for a post mortem not 6 as they are short of perinatal bods to perform it -this is horrendous as we want closure and answers. WE have a special phot and baby will live on. In the meantime life is shit and I have Ian to cling on to and realize as I have always done he is the most wonderful husband in the world and I will fight on another day at some stage so this is not in vain (if I can medically and it is not chromosomal). At 37 I feel I have still so much to offer and at times I feel in the last year I have gone through too much with 4 IVF attemtps - one ectopic just two weeks short of a year ago and now this. Life is not fair but you can't change it - what does change it for me and Ian is the support we have received and continue to receive from family and you. I would I am sure get through it but words cannot convey how much you all help me and at times I will need you all again just to chivvy me along. Without this you would not be a part of my life and I cannot imagine life without you lot so in that respect I am luck. One last thing - For all those pregnant please do something else for me - go on and not worry - this like Scorry's and Elaines and Becky's is rare - despite you all no doubt saying "But Tracey look that is 4"- yes it is - over three countries ( I count Scotland is this Caroline) and over two continents (becky) Go on and enjoy your pregnancies and make us all proud of you. I enjoyed every day of mine and I am grateful I did as the next one will be mentally harder. I know you already do but be thankful for what you have and don't dwell on our problems - that is for us to do and it affects enough lives without you lot getting affected too. There will be times when I am very sad as It would have been me posting on the board about baby kicking too much and no sleep but please go on and post your experiences as like me you truly deserve to be there. For those of you going through tmt and on the 2ww etc - don't lose heart - I have been through some truly shit times that are unlucky so they say and they are. Dig deep and fight the fight - I will be back to do so and will be honoured to go through the trials and tribulations with you. With much love and thanks Tracey xxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 8:57 am

Ive posted a reply on the other side so on this side I'll just send you a very big (((((((((( HUG )))))))))))))) Jo. XX

KirstyC · Post by **KirstyC** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 9:50 am

Dear Tracey, You truly are the most wonderful person. Even at a time this this you remain unselfish and thoughful of everyone else. If I was half the person you are I would be happy. You are in all our thoughts and prayers All my love, Kirsty x

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 10:25 am

Dear Tracey, I have just logged on after being away for a few days. I'd just like to say how deeply sorry I am to hear your news - I cannot imagine what you and your husband are going through at the moment - life is just so cruel sometimes. It was so nice sharing experiences with you on this site for the past few weeks and I sincerely hope that things will get better for you and your husband in the future. I really don't know how to make this any easier for you - however, you know that we are all sending you both our love, Alison xx

fiona_lk · Post by **fiona_lk** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 11:01 am

Dear Tracey, I am truely at a loss to know what to say - your posts show such strength and you are a true inspiration. I hope life gets slightly easier to live for you both day by day and the three of you remain in my thoughts. I for one, although your news saddens me deeply, will do as you tell me and not worry unduly and someday hope to see you back on this side. Love Fiona xxx

Mags529 · Post by **Mags529** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 11:41 am

Tracey I just want to add that you are an inspiration to us all, and you are in my thoughts. Lots of love and hugs Mags xx

Susi · Post by **Susi** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 1:51 pm

Dear Tracey, Your moving post, your strength and generosity in this difficult time made me cry this morning. Although I don't 'know' you, you must be an amazing person and we are lucky to have you here with us. A big hug to both you and your husband Susi

Lizzy7 · Post by **Lizzy7** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 4:12 pm

Oh Tracey - at the best of times i'm not the most articulate person and at times like these words can be so hard to find. Your post is so brave and kind - thank you for sharing such moments with us and i hope you can find answers soon. Baby S will always be such a special part of you. It was a privelege to share the good bits with you and i look forward to the day you are back on this side with all your support, encouragement and humour. You and Ian take the best care of eachother, Much love, Lizzy xxx

suzanne · Post by **suzanne** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 7:23 pm

Tracey, I really don't know what to say to you, other than I think about you every day, and hope that you and Ian are keeping each going and giving each other strength at this really horrible time. I'm so sorry that this tragedy happened to you, but hope that you have success in the future, as you both so deserve to have the baby that you yearn for. Take care of each other, and don't disappear. Suzanne.x

beck · Post by **beck** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 10:32 am

im sooo sorry tracy. take time out now for yourself. dont worry the girls on here will be looked after. xx

bubblymichelle · Post by **bubblymichelle** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 5:30 am

Hi Tracey When I got your text I felt so much for you, and reading your post brought a tear to my eye. You are so caring Tracey and I like you think that life is not fair at times. I am truly sorry to hear your bad news and my thoughts are with you and Ian and this sad time. With the help from each other I am sure you will become stronger. If you ever need to talk I am always just a phone call away you have my number. Please take as much time as you need and we will always be here for you. Take Care Love Shell. xx

Sarah30 · Post by **Sarah30** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 10:20 am

Tracey You are the strongest person I know and have such a great outlook and attitude to life - you are truely and inspiration to us all. Take care of you both Love Sarah x

ogr1 · Post by **ogr1** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 7:55 pm

tracey i am so sorry that i havent been able to get on my computer. it isnt working right. please dont think that i have left you. i just came over to my friends house so i could check on you... you will need to e-mail me at ogr2004@yahoo.com . hopefuly i will be back on line by thursday... but i will come here everyday until i get back online.. i hope you know that i love you and that i am here for you.. i do wish that i was there.. you hang in there give dh a hug from us.. love becky

fi · Post by fi » Tue Sep 16, 2003 3:47 pm

tracey, your posting made me weep, cant believe you can think rationally and so much strength for now, hope you are getting through it all and looking after each other, lots of love and hugs, fi XXX

GB · Post by GB » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:04 pm

Dear Tracey Your strength and determination at a time like this is amazing and a real source of inspiration. May you and your DH only know good times from now on. When you are ready to go through it all again, we'll be here for you! Take care. Lots of luv Thinking of you. Gila x-x-x

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