afraid of multiples

[summer1969]

I know it is possible to reduce triplets or high order multiples, but has another ever had the experience of or asked their doctor if reducing twins to a singleton is an option?

[Kabillion]

If you are afraid of multiples then only implant 1 embryo. Aborting 1 twin is horrific especially to us women on these boards since we all want children so badly. It is a very touchy subject especially when one is talking about it for the wrong reasons. If your health is jeopardy that is one thing, but if you don't want the extra work it is just plain wrong. I don't mean to sound evil but I think we all would suggest to only impant what you can handle.

[alittlegrace]

I agree with Kabillion. It is my personal opinion, that anyone who makes a decision to go through fertility, should be aware of the risks (including multiple birth) and weigh them accordingly before deciding to proceed. So many of us would be thrilled to get a bfp ,multiple or single.
If this is something you are worried about, you should only get one embryo transferred.
I recently saw an episode of Good Morning America; Diane Sawyer was interviewing a couple that had multiples. She asked the question "Why did you decide to have all the babies, instead of choosing selective abortion as an option?" The fathers reply was..."look at all these beautiful children and you choose which one to not have here with us."

alittlegrace

[ICSI GIRL]

i agree w/ kabillion 100%.........is the wrong place to come for support of reducing a twin bfp

that being said.......it isn't that we don't want you out here and that we won't be supportive of whatever situation you end up in ---- but i'm pretty sure that MOST ladies out here wouldn't care if they ended up with a LITTER if it meant HAVING a child ...........is the tone of this forum.....

good luck to you........in whatever path you decide to take.

[kholtan]

Perhaps I am biast being the mother of an amazing set of twins but I agree that if one is all you can handle, then implant only one. Also, remember that reduction can cause you to lose all the babies. Imagine the feeling of losing them all? It is probably safe to say you would be so regretfull.
Women on here are very supportive but not many will understand the reduction of twins including myself. I know it's a challenge but it's also the most rewarding thing on earth.
Good luck to you and dh. I hope a clear answer comes to you an that your dreams are a reality soon.
Take care,
Kimberly

[Rotobay]

Due to my age, history and high fsh my RE implanted 5 embryos in my last ivf cycle. However he did make me sign a paper that said I agreed to do 'selective reduction' if I ended up with 3 or more. Due to my size (small boned) he was worried that carrying 3+ babies would be dangerous to both me and the babies and would have wanted me to reduce down to 2 or 1.

I did sign the paperwork, but my husband is a lawyer and says that it is not legally enforceable (in other words, if I had become pregnant with 3 or more no one could force me to abort any of them). The 'reduction' can jeopardize the other developing fetuses so I think it would be a very difficult decision. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I never had to make such a decision since I got a BFN.

On a side note, ladies: has anyone ever judged you for doing IVF? I didnt realize it was ethically controversial but I told a neighbor I was going thru it and she was totally harsh about it. She didn't understand why I thought I could 'play God' and then further added that there are lots of babies who need homes and I should adopt. I was totally taken aback and decided never to mention it to anyone else. Has anyone else experienced that?

[Kabillion]

Excuse my French but your neighbor sounds like a B****. How is it that we are playing God? And what if you didn't believe in God, would you have to live by her standards? So if she gets cancer she should just let it run it's course, refuse chemo because that would be playing God? I mean if God wanted her to get cancer than I guess she shouldn't fight it right? I can't stand meddling people like that. So because we were dealt this terrible hand of infertility then I guess it means were aren't meant to have our own children. That was sarcasm of course. Tell her to mind her business. And on a lighter note Rotobay......keep on trying and don't give up. My cousin just got a BFP on her 4th try at IVF. It doesn't always happen the first few tries but eventually it will. Good luck!!!!!!

[Gracielope2]

It’s a shame that your neighbor said something so “harsh” to you. People don’t have a clue what we go through with the whole IVF process. It is a very difficult thing to do. I actually asked my Pastor at Church for his thoughts on IVF. He said that God gave all of us different gifts, and that goes for Dr’s too. The fact that Dr’s are able to do something as amazing as IVF is a miracle in itself. God put the desire in our hearts to have a baby for a reason? Don’t listen to people who truly don’t know what they are talking about. You keep trying if that is the desire of your heart, God would take that desire away if it weren’t meant to be, I truly believe that. I know miracles happen, and yes IVF can be one of them. God answers us in different ways even through people, like Drs who can help us with our dream of being a mom one day.

[keddie]

I totally agree with the other girls. That is ridiculous for someone to be so judgemental!! I haven't had anyone say something quite so harsh but I did have a guy I work with say to me that doing IVF isn't a necessary and God will have it happen when he wants it to happen...in other words he was telling me to just wait. Needless to say I haven't spoken to him since!

On other note a girl I work with told me that God wouldn't have given our doctors and embryologists the special gifts they have of helping us cursed with infertility if they weren't truely meant to help us. That made me feel so much better.

After the first comment I got I was afraid to mention us doing IVF to anyone else but then I figured if someone was so stupid to say something negative to me again I would just tell them like it was and not let them get the last word like that again!

Rotobay, you keep trying! The other girls were right, follow your heart.

[woodcliff]

I do believe that if you want one baby, only transfer one embryo. Twins are 'doable' ... that said, I'm always surprised that IVF docs still transfer more than 2 embryos, which I thought was the limit advised by ASRM...I'd hate to have to deselect if pregnant with 4 or 5, but women must do what they must do for their health and the babies' health. Nothing in IVF is simple!

As to the neighbor, how cruel of her. I guess it's a lesson learned, to be protective of such personal information. People have asked me "is it natural? or science?"

My answer, best one I have so far (if you have others PLEASE post them!)
"Who cares? I'm pregnant with Twins!"

So far, it's worked!

My crazy sister in law is Religious to a Freaky Point...not in the Walk the Talk way...but in the Judge People way...and she has only said cruel things about my pregnancy (not to me, too chicken, but to her mom)...we will have nothing to do with her. I don't know if it's the IVF thing, but she is a very jealous person and we have a wonderful life she envies...

Why can't people focus on the fact babies are coming into the world, thanks to IVF and courageous women and husbands/boyfriends/partners?

Luck to all of you...

[Rotobay]

Thank you, ladies for the support. Kabillion- I wish I had thought of that cancer comment on the spot!!!....but I'll save it for down the road in case she has any health issues. I was so shocked at her comment--and for some reason hurt. I'm not one to get upset by comments made by morons, but for some reason that one about made me cry. I guess only those who go thru ivf can really understand. It just never occurred to me that anyone would be a total judgemental b*#@$ about me trying to have a baby.

I have a beautiful delightful 3 year old daughter from my last successful ivf who is the light of our lives. If there IS a God, then only He could have produced someone so wonderful as her!! Just hoping to give her a sibling (or two!). I am seeing another RE for a second opinion tomorrow and plan to go for it again after the holidays.

Thanks again to all you lovely ladies for your continued support throughout this ordeal. I really feel like you're the only ones who can really understand the heartache. Baby dust to all of you!

[LostGirl]

Summer 1969,
I just wanted to offer you some support. I, too, when I first started thinking about IVF was terrified of triplets, and in some way, twins, too. It was just that I was overwhelmed by something new and foreign, and now that I know more about IVF I realize that the odds of getting triplets are pretty darn slim.
Every baby is a miracle - I don't mean this in a God-divined way since I am not religious - I mean literally it takes a lot, for you to have good embryos, little fragmentation, that your lining is nice, and that they all implant, and make it through to the 3rd month of pregnancy (the danger zone for any pregnancy). Any embryo that makes it through all that is truly miraculous.
Maybe your choice will become clear as you get closer to the day you and your dh decide how many to implant - then you both will have more info, too.
In my case, I am now gunning for twins, a singleton, any baby that comes my way, and only two weeks ago, I was tearful at the thought of twins.
Hang in there... this is a process. LostGirl

[baobao]

Rotobay, so sorry to hear about that ugly episode with the neighbour! I once asked a friend if he would consider IVF since he has problems with his sperm and chances of conceiving naturally are almost close to zero. Him being religious, replied me that he doesn't wanna go against the natural course of things that God has planned for him, that we shouldn't play God etc. I've not heard from him for a few years now, so Im not sure if he's changed tack. I am not religious so naturally I don't buy his line of argument (no offence to anyone who is religious). I just feel that if you want to have children and don't do anything possible to make it happen, then I think it's something you have got to live with for the rest of your life, that the means were there but that you didn't use them to make it happen.

Summer1969, I too have thought about questions regarding multiples etc. Well in my case, my RE has recommended that I transfer nothing more than 2 since I'm very small-built and hence even twins are a risk to the pregnancy and myself. DH and I have discussed thoroughly, so although putting 3 would give us a better chance, we are not prepared to risk my health and the pregnancy. Two is the maximum we will go and if they are twins, we will be very happy parents-to-be. I told DH about your question, and his reply was "how do you decide which to let go?!" My sentiments exactly. So, come tomorrow, we will be transferring two embies and hope for the best!

Of course we are all entitled to make our own choices. I agree with Kabillion that if you are not prepared to handle triplets or even twins, dont transfer more than 1. The life down the guilt trip is the hardest to live with.

[keddie]

I agree with the girls. I thought of the same thing , a bit worried if I could handle twins but then after we thought about it we really wanted to have two. Our doctor wouldn't let us transfer more than two but actually recommended we transfer two. We agreed and then were hoping for twins, but only one embryo made it and I'm 7 weeks pregnant.

I think if you truely don't think you want more than one, only transfer one.

I also go both sides of the fence and I believe in God and religion but I also believe IVF is NOT playing God, it's only helping your own situation move along. If you know something is wrong with you or your partner, it makes no sense to just wait around hoping God will give you what you want. God will help things along at the right time whether if you conceive naturally or thru IVF, IUI, adoption, whatever. That's just my opion.

Good luck to you in whatever decision you make.