Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[lolajones]

Littles hush up with that crazy talk!
We are all over the moon that its worked for you!!!
This is the news the thread needed!!!!

Now then, you need to look after yourself young lady - when is your scan?
And don't dare stay away that long again! You have to share your good news vibe with me n the others - getting a bfp is contagious!!!

And as you said - believe in your bfp because it is true!!!

Ok Jemla - we now have our work cut out for us - all up the duff by the end of the financial year, thinking economically.....

I'm still waiting for the genetics results on my in-laws and then we'll have a better idea of next steps for us... hoping its the news we want - will keep you informed!

LOVE
Lola
xxxxxxxx

[little R]

Thank you so much Lola and Jen....it means so much to me...
DH and I still can't really believe this...we have entered unchartered territory...am not prepared for this.

Lola, I trust that your in-laws will have "good" news for you soon and you can finally move forward. I can't imagine what you are going through.

Jen, your first adoption visit is soon I see from your ticker. I will be thinking about you and hope that it will be very positive. You still haven't told me when the results from your biopsy come in? Sorry to keep pestering you with that!

Walshy, if you are reading this...I wanted to send you a text BUT closed the window and lost your mobile info. ARGH! Please forgive me.

I am resting as much as possible..I haven't made an appointment for the scan yet as my DH doesn't seem to be around... need to find a solution as don't want to go alone. Whatever happens, want him there! Sometimes could curse his profession!

Much love...

Littles

[camilla]

Oh Little R - My heart is beating really fast!! Just read your post!!! Was just going to check in and can't believe your 2ww is over already. So, so happy for you right now, will probably shed a tear (of joy!) in a minute. Take it easy, sure you are going to and your DH will want to wrap you up in cotton wool. Well done darling.

Lots of love
Camilla xxxxx

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

So how is everyone doing?

Dont know what to say really, am having a tough time at the moment but dont want to bring the mood down.

The in-laws have been and gone. I had a difficult night last night. Over dinner they were discussing if my neice looks like the mum or dad and it went on for a while, i just sat there and felt so sad that i will never have that feeling with a child or dh. I went through to the kitchen to wash up and then burst into tears--------dont know where it came from and i was so embarassed in front of the other but i just cant help my emotions just now

We will be doing our FET in January but at this moment i am very negative, so will wait and see---hopefully this mood will go. Until then we have our meeting on Wed with the social worker but i dont know if i have the strength just now to battle with them for a baby----they keep trying to say there are none but i know differently after talking to a friend who works on the family placement team so we will just have to continually telling her its a baby we want and stick to our guns---seems like another mountain to climb

Dont know about you guys but i am finding this time of the year so hard as i keep looking at everyone with bumps and kids (more than usual) and longing for it to be me. Another Christmas without a baby

Littles - Hope you are feeling ok, let me know when you scan date is. My biopsy results should be back in about another week and a half.

Loops - Hope your results come back soon, is there a date or do they just call you? Its all going to be fine for you then you can cycle again for your bfp.

Camilla - Great to hear from you, hope you doing ok?

Steph - Thanks for you email to let me know you are still in the land of the living, you need to slow down or you will be working more than Loops.

Walshy - Sorry cant remember when you are back from your travels? Hope you are having a blast?

Love to you all, will write soon when i can snap out of this mood.

Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Oh Jemla
You've been down for a while and its not like you - you want my opinion? You have been relentless in pursuing your dream like Jana of the Jungle, you have not stopped for a minute to breathe and take in whats been going on for the past few years. Since we started this thread only 2 years ago you have had 6 cycles of ivf in one form or another and had an operation. In 2 years! No bloody wonder you feel down! You need a rest, some space to take a few deep ones and have a bit of happy. I think it is too much for you to now start the adoption road. I know you just see time ticking away but love, you are right. The adoption road is hard! Really tough and you need energy to do it. It just seems you are all out of that at the moment. Take a little more time sweetie, get your pumping Jemla reserves back to up to full. Take a break, have a holiday, even a short one. And get yourself some counselling, some additional support. You have so many things to come to terms with, so many things to just process.
Y'know it is entirely appropriate that you feel like this, its the 2 years of trauma catching up with you. Please have a rest for the rest of the year then come back fighting in 2008. xxxxx

OK then, firstly Littles - where are you now??? Come back immediately!
Steph - ????? I can't believe you'd desert us now!!! I will guilt you into posting young miss.

As for moi, work is my saviour at the moment! Still waiting for the results or monkey gene; the sequel. I have loads of medical appointments next week, seeing a surgeon monday about my ulcer or whatever it is, scan wednesday to see whether my gallbladder lump has grown, waiting for a second opinion on the genetics via NHS.
Got my dissertation underway and hoping to finish it by February...... then I will free and clear and the proud recipient of a pay rise! woo hooo!!!

OK my princesses of power, I'm off to wash my locks - i hate washing my hair! I keep trying to get dh to do it by saying its really sexy but no go amigos, he sees through my web of lies!

Love, Lolllllllaaaaa
xxxxxxxx

[little R]

Dearest Octochicks,

Camilla - thank you for your message, much appreciated...

Jen - So very sorry you are having a hard time sweetie. No disrespect for your in-laws, but honestly, I would have told them to grow a little sensitivity. It still amazes me that people don't see sometimes how insensitive a situation can be... sorry, but I hurt for you and that type of behaviour is like salt to a wound and it's un-necessary. I agree with Lola... you've been through SO much turmoil since this thread started and you've TTC for such a long time. I understand the urgency as you feel that you are running out of time.. I feel that way and I am 33 so I can understand what thoughts are going through your head. You've never had time to digest anything you have gone through and you've constantly bounced back and shown so much strength. I think you're wonder woman personally, but you're allowed some time even if you feel that you are running out of it. I don't know what to say as your situation is so hard...but take a little time to pamper yourself. I know the thought of spending another Xmas without a BB is depressing....we've all been there. I don't want to pretend that things are different for me (I can only hope that I will have positive news because otherwise it's the end of the road for me as no frosties), but when I was doing IVF3 the thought of another Xmas without a BB was horrible, so I know what you mean. I think about you all the time and everything is crossed that if/when you decide to do the FET it WILL be your time and it WILL work.

Lola - How are those locks looking? Fabulous I bet... you're such a looker already So couldn't convince DH to do a Robert Redford to your Meryl Streep? You certainly sound very bouncy...back to your usual smiley self. You're another one with an infinite amount of strength. You certainly have a lot on your plate with non-IVF related health issues. Keep us posted about the outcome of your appointment...you've been through the ringer too, like Jen. CONGRATS on the dissertation...bring on the raise! Gosh, your DH must be so pleased with himself... he caught a CZJ (actress) and a brain You take care of yourself

Steph - hugs to you wherever you are!

Walshy, lass - I have tried to find you on MSN...but nowhere in sight. Hope you are ok...kisses to you!

Won't bore you with my news..... I'll just say that this is worse than the 2ww I think, less tears but more obsessiveness... I am plagued with horrible thoughts... I will give you my scan date tomorrow, have to go by the clinic for more yummy suppositories.

Much love to you all,

Littles

[Jen1d]

Loops and Littles

For all your support and kindness to me.

Know you are both right and everything is catching up but i am one of these individuals who like to know what the plan is and cant sit in limbo. I am having counselling but not enough as they are to full, even Dr cant help with that one. I know the adoption process is our last option and will be an uphill battle but i dont want to be 45 and then starting the process. Dh is a diamond and so supportive, we talk about everything and have decided we want to get this started. What i am struggling with is the fact that i cant have my own biological child and that is never going to change, whether i have another 10 cycles of ivf or adopt 10 kids, i will have to struggle along with that and hopefully with dh and the counselling i will get over that mountain but at this stage i just feel i will have to live with the pain of that all my life.
I think this time of year doesnt help things as i just see everyone with bumps or kids getting excited and here we have another Christmas without a baby to share it with. To be honest, this is the first year i have felt like i want it to be over with-------------fast.

To make things worse i have a bloody mole in my lovely garden----dont get me wrong i love animals but if i see it digging another mound then the spade will connect with its head

The pest control man is due out tomorrow and the neighbours will probably think we are mingers when they see the van

Hope your appointment goes ok today with the surgeon Loops and Litles try to stay nice and relaxed and enjoy this time.

Oh well, off to work soon, catch up tomorrow

Love Jen x

[Inhale, Exhale]

Hi Girls!!!!
did ya miss me? OFCOURSE you did.. how could you not miss my sunshine sparkly fun lovin?...
I must start out by apologizing for horrific length of absense. It seems that my bosses are actually expecting me to work for my money lately.. I think that is incredibly rude, but whatev. But, since I still live in the stone ages at home, with no internet, having to work seriously cuts down on my posting time. I have been checking in though!....
and can I send a big booty shake HE-LL ye-ah to Littles.. down with the BFP!! party on! and hate to burst already deflated happiness bubble, but the non stop, wait for the other shoe to drop will continue straight through until babes is out and safely in your arms. Another great irony of infertility, once you get pregnant you can't enjoy a second of it because you just know something horrible is going to happen! BUT, little love, let me tell you that sometimes our dreams do come true and you, as with all the Tubers, are due for yours! so celebrate good times!!!! congrats!

Jens- oh girl, I know you, I feel you, I am you... I could never take a break either. I had to have a plan every second heading toward my goal of being a mom. so when you say you can't take a break.. I GET IT. some of us are built to keep pluggin and breathe later. You are strong, but don't be too strong... it sounds like hubby is great and knows when to be strong one for you. one way or another you will be FAB-u mommy. Just know it.

Loops- thanks for the, what the F, e-mail.... luv that you missed me while i was away. you sound crazy sick and busy.... but still loopy, so I think you are doing fabulous. BUT MAN, more tests and more tests.. aren't you sick of tests!!! let us know how all this shakes out..... healing bubble is only an air pump away. Demetrio is always ready for a little bubble time with the Lo-la-la-la.

Walshy- miss you. are you zen from travel?
Camilla- as always sly devil.

Peace y'all
Steph

[lolajones]

well about time too missie.... but you know we all forgive our ass shakin Steph-a-nny.
Yes! I am sick to the back teeth of tests! Got the results of the in-law genetic situation - goods news, well, given the circs, dh dad has same chromosome inversion thingy so I guess that means that it is prob not that significant in terms of fertility. Anyways the geneticist, she say, NO MORE TESTS! So the plan is I start fresh cycle asap.... well, depending on my other health issues. Went to see surgeon yesterday, he say, MORE TESTS! He freaked me out by mentioning scary unmentionable disease words. Scan tomorrow will hopefully shed some light. May need gall bladder removed. Thats going to have to wait until after the baby amigos! For some reason I'm really worried about the scan, I never used to be like this. Lost my nerve after all the bad scan news in the past!

So, what we want is scan news from Littles! Come on love, give us the date!

And my Jemla - how you feeling girlfriend?

OK sweet breezes, I'm off to bed for zzzzzzzzz
Love, Lola
xxxxxxx

[Jen1d]

Hi Girls

Wow my muckers are back----------dont know if i should forgive
The Steph----oh ok, what the hell---forgiven x

So today went well, the social worker was here for an hour and a half and was lovely. After many question and explaining the proceedure she said the next step was to go over what we had completed today with her colleagues, then decide if we will get accepted to apply and a an application form would be sent out to us. However at the end she said she will be sending one out straight away as we are fine. So that was good news, no waiting on that decision---lets hope it continues this way.

She said we have to do 6 months of assessment and she will put us down for training, which will start in Jan. She wasnt so negative about babies, as we though and said there are babies but usually from 6months old. The reason for this is the Panel have to make sure their are no birth relatives who can have the child and the mum and dad can go to court and fight, which can take some months but basically she said its the social workers who are on the permanance team who take so long to complete the family assessments----told you they are idiots

So the good news is, we have to fill out the massive application form, be appointed a resourse worker, start classes in Jan then should all be finished by May/June and can then be matched with a child as long as all the checks go well. She doesnt see anything being a problems due to the amount of experience we have and my work history. Plus the fact that we looked after my ex-keychild and deallt with him, all his issues and still have contact with him, is a bonus. She actually remembered we took him over the christmas period in 05.

SO HOPEFULLY THIS WILL BE OUR LAST CHRISTMAS ALONE

Bet the bloody FET will work now-------that would be the icing on the cake.

Oh well, i feel happier after that meeting. Dont get me wrong i want my own child and want to have the experience of being pregnant and having a baby from birth but we might get a younger one, you never know.


Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Hola dudes

Jemla sounds like your adoption meeting went really well - it seems more straightforward in Scotland? You'll have 2 kids by the end of next year! You sound a bit happier, I guess thats because there's been some forward motion. Ride the wave, super-girl!

Humph, steph pops in for a moment then, poof! disappears again.

And as for Ms littles.... let us know you're ok my sweet.

Walsher - must be coming home soon??? Can't wait for all her tales.

Well, had scan and not gall bladder cancer, woo hooo! Will have gastroscopy next week or week after and hopefully get to the bottom of things. Not literally. Relieved! Can sleep tonight!
Am now counting down to my appointment with Dr Feelgood, so busy until then! Have meetings and workshops and ethics committee stuff and parents are visiting next week - life is going at top speed lately, slow down!
Right then bubblers, take it easy!
Love, Lola
xxxxxxxx

[Jen1d]

Love Jen x

[Inhale, Exhale]

Thatta Girl Loops!!! only good news from this point on I say! no, I demand it for all the Tubers.... good news on genetics, good news on gall bladder, good news for Jen adoption and am going to say good news from Littles too! cause we are the good news train all of a sudden... rollin with the homeys! Good news will continue with Jens snow bunnies and freshy-fresh Loopy cycle too. It only gets better from here girls. This group deserves it more than everyone else.. and as I am only member of this one and not the others I can say that I am allowed to play favorites!

Where oh where is walshy.. did she discover secret fertility gods whilst away and is trying to stash them in little case to bring back to all the tubers? but how do you get them through customs and airline security? and how do they feel about being put in little case? good luck walshy!

Jen- you sound slightly more back to powerhouse Jens that we know and love. I think that moving ahead is great plan... all though, still have lovely snow bunnies waiting for moms. whichever way it works out will be fabulous because it will be meant to be! Aren't you excited! you are going to be mums in just a little bit longer now. one way or another. I am so excited for you!

Loops- you sound as crazy bunky busy as I am.. to top it off thanksgiving (well for us) and christmas are on the way.. which means nonstop plans on the weekends and no time to chill, lay like brocolli. my sister and I are having a girls holiday "stand still with us" lunch. all of the women in our family and our girlfriends are invited.. no boys allowed! we are going to relax and eat and drink.. girlstyle. can't wait!

off to travel again....

Yippee-Ky-Aye
Steph

[Jen1d]

Woohooo i like when everyone is coming back to play

Loops - Did you like your celebration smilie, thought he was very cute. So glad you have god news, so hope this continues for all of us.

Steph - Glad you are popping in more and not working to hard. How is that gorgeous girl OctoFaith doing, think its time for another photo.

Well littles sent me a tx and she has her scan on the 25th, so balloons and flags at the ready for another celebration.

Yep i am a bit excited now, thinking that i can maybe be a mum before next Christmas BUT you wont believe this girls. I spent all last night sleeping badly and worrying about things like
what if a child breaks up my marriage, causes problems
what if i cant bond with it
what if it doesnt like us
what if we cant get shifts shorted for child care
what if the kid goes to look for its own parents at 18
what if it doesnt what us then
what if it has behavioural problems
what if i am stressed about it mucking up my house, lol (thats a daft one)
what if i cant be bothered to be a mum after all this
what if i still grieve for my own and reject it
what if friends dont treat it like its mine as its not biological
what if its UGLY---you know i dont do uglies lol (sorry another daft one)
THE LIST GOES ON.

Steph, did you feel lots of anxiety when you fell pregnant, is it normal to worry. My friend has always said if the ivf ever worked then its still natural to be shocked that you are pregnant and to feel lots of emotions about the changes that will happen.

Maybe i am just being daft but i think i would prefer another 2ww lol

Anyway still a long way to go and i'm still praying i can have my own little bundle, thats what i really want, so have to focus on the frosties first.

Ok off to do a sleepover tomorrow then out with the girls to watch Scotland and Italy and have a few lemonades---should be a laugh.

If i dont get back, have a good weekend.
Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Buenos girlfriends

So Jen - sounds like you've got the fear. Thats normal chick. As for the manifold "What if's..." baby girl there are a million trillion ways that things can go wrong in all parts of life, all we can do is weather the storms and bask in the sun's. You are an experienced young lady with infinite strength and chutzpah - nothing will be so bad it is ungetoverable. Trust me.
I'm sure we all worry like this, we are all so focused on getting up the duff that the reality of it WHEN it happens is mental scary. How's your chrsitmas shopping? You are always so organised with that stuff.

Steph - I would love to be in your family - you have such a good time on your big get togethers and cook outs. Do you have any brothers I could marry? Preferably rich and handsome? How come you're so busy? How's Faith??? More pictures please.

Littles - I hear your scan is on the 25th? How are you feeling? Please try and post more, I get nervous when I don't hear from you.

Well, I've had an ass few days. Sil finally gave birth and remember I said that I was fine about it? Well apparently I'm not. Its so hard! Just don't feel up to visiting. Still can't forgive her for the utter lack of anything when I lost the baby. My old due date approaching fast, sigh. I don't know how that'll go. So, onwards. Appt with The Lav a week tuesday and plan next fresh cycle - reckon I'll be starting christmas day or something like that. Scary. Hope my old ovaries are up to it. Until then, distraction techniques a go-go.

Right my loves, I'm off to clean and tidy and prepare for my parents visit - the flat is a complete tip.
Take it easy
Lola
xxxxxxx