Can I have a DRUM ROLL please...!
I've pulled my finger out and decided to go straight to DE!!!! What a revelation - I feel so free now and feel a weight has been lifted off our shoulders!!
I don't know what it was that made me decide so suddenly but last night my DH and I were begrudgingly at yet another Doctor's appt, which happened to be running 4 hrs late! By 9pm, I had had enough and was grumpy, hungry and tired. We started arguing in the waiting room - DH got chest pains and walked out. In the end, we had to cancel our appt - both exhausted and p*ssed off with life and just everything. I think it just sunk in at that moment that we have both reached a new low and just want to get on with our lives now.
Yes, I think I will go through some sort of mourning process about not having a biological child of my own, but I know that over the last 4 painful years I have given it every chance with my own eggs and will find peace in that.
I have had 6 IUI's, 3 FET, 5 ICSI's - (I have an abbreviated signature below as I didn't want to bore anyone!) so a new cycle would really have been my 15th ART procedure, not to mention a laparoscopy in between all that nonsense! We also did some really depressing sums and figured we've spent $160K on all this as unfortunately as we are both working abroad we don't qualify for medicare, NHS or US insurance benefits.

(Now THAT really hurt!)
Anyway, the plan is FET with DE in our clinic's egg sharing scheme as soon as Jan 08 or change clinics next month to one associated with an overseas egg donor agency, and we'll go from there!
I am now going to relax and enjoy the rest of this year and start afresh in 2008! I was really looking forward to being cycle buddies with Amy, Chriss, Grace, and Sonia this month - but hey I'll be cheering you all from the sidelines!
Amy, Catharine and all the other helpful ladies who gave me information on DHEA - I've stopped taking DHEA and the herbs as well for now. I feel I don't want to tempt myself to change my mind and go ahead with a fresh cycle(!) and want to give my body a complete break. It's a shame tho, as my FSH had dropped down to 15 (still not good but falling anyway) and my lining etc was looking great. But was still completely paranoid about my overall egg quality.
Thanks again to everyone for being there for me!
A huge Hi to all!!! (Will check in later with personals)
Andrea
DOWN BUT NOT OUT...
4 rollercoaster yrs of IVF using own eggs, then -
1st IVF (DE fresh) Jan 2008 - BFN
2nd IVF (DE frosties) May 2008 - cancelled