April & May 2008

[Cocoa]

Hey Babyb - I am so sorry that you feel as if you have had another dream shattered. It's always most difficult for the first few moments and since you are still suffering the loss of your sweet baby girl these "few moments" may last a little while. And guess what? THAT'S totally OK!

To be honest I wanted to know the gender of my son who is now 14 but since my DH did not I had to wait. We had only a boy's name chosen but my mom convinced me the baby was a girl so when they said "It's a BOY!!!" my heart actually sank. There was no relief that he was OK after such a difficult and dangerous delivery... no... there was grave disappointment. I still feel guilty over it especially since I wouldn't trade having a son for anything in the world. Boys so adore their moms that I couldn't imagine having a cranky adolescent girl (I have a "somewhat" cranky adolescent boy though ) And Woodcliff is so wise in saying that this may actually be what helps push you past the sadness of your loss and bring extreme joy to you with no comparisons or compromise - with just love for who these precious boys are in themselves.

For now, grieve, grieve like you haven't yet allowed yourself to grieve. Grieve your angel girl, grieve the loss of being able to use your own eggs, grieve not being able to share your angel girl's belongings with a new baby girl... allow it... you are loved very much both here and where you are. As a mother of a boy I can guarantee you that you will find such joy in your boys that you will wonder what you ever did without them. And remember, you get the mother/son dance at the weddings!

xxxCocoa (remember - I TOLD you that you were pregnant! This was all meant to be my love)

[woodcliff]

xxxx

[Cocoa]

WC...good to hear from you!!! I totally get the "better to incubate" especially since I do think I am doing too much. I collapsed last night after having our karate holiday party, cleaning up the studio and then cleaning up here... My legs looked like tree stumps ABOVE my socks

I do have all my Christmas shopping done with only a couple of more things to wrap and then I have to pay bills, clean up the house a little and then just lie back and let Christmas come. Don't think I'll make it to midnight Mass so I think we'll be going to the children's pagent eariler.

Believe me, I do spend time on the couch AND I got myself a belly cradle. I feels good when I'm on my feet but not when I am sitting or laying down so I will use it when I get too big to sit or lay down comfortably.

I think I am going to make an appt for a 3D/4D U/S. They recommend twins for 22-26 instead of the normal 28-36 so I can make my appt at any time. I like the facility and what they offer and its reasonably priced (they have different pkgs). Anyone else going to do the 3D/4D? It comes with pictures and a CD and is 30 minutes. You can invite friends/family too - the rooms are big.

OK... is anyone else having episodes of peeing every fews minutes? I can't empty my bladder all at once and its driving me crazy!!!

ABOUT MOVEMENT:
Who is feeling constant movement? I feel my baby B - my boy - almost all the time! He's feet down and seems to find my cervix, bladder and rectum just fine (even hits a nerve periodically) but my baby A - my girl - doesn't move as often though she is head down and so I guess her positioning may have something to do with it. What about you ladies?

OK, really got to go and just have some rest...

xxxCocoa

[Vlada]

Hi ladies,
Cocoa, my 20 week US was in 3D, I gues that is how they do it for everyone and the insurance pays for it. Also, I got a CD, lots of pics of my baby and it was about 30 min or may be more.
I started feeling my baby at about 18.5 weeks and now she is kicking and moving around all the time, very active!!! I can also feel it everytime she moves ( sorry TMI )in my rectal area a lot, which is extremely uncomfortable. Why is that?
Peeing is another thing, I don't go every 5 minutes but I go about 3 to 5 times a night, uhhh , I don't like that!!!! So far I have gained 10 pounds, i will be 21 weeks tomorrow, so I guess it is OK. My belly is still very small and I thought that with girls women usually will baloon up right away, I guess not yet, I am sure it is coming though
Well,
HAPPY HOLIDAYS for everyone!!!!
Much Love,
Vlada

[woodcliff]

xxxxxx

[woodcliff]

xxxxx

[Babyb]

Hi all:

Thank you so much for all of your kind and supportive words. I've been off the board for a few days with a migraine from hell. It started on Tues eve and just ended about 5 hours ago (Thurs. night). Couldn't keep anything down yesterday which only resulted in more issues - dehydration headaches on top of it all. DH has been absolutely amazing catering to my every whim -- rubbing my head, holding my head over the trash as I puked (sorry, TMI I know), feeding me, getting liquids down me, bathing me, the list goes on.

I think this latest realization about my boys has made me further realize that I haven't appropriately dealt with my grief over my little girl. I'm having a harder time now than I did a year ago. I think the holidays and being pregnant again are raising all sorts of difficult memories. I don't think I ever gave myself time to miss her. I immediately started to work on rebuilding a family -- no matter how. I knew this would be our only form of healing. And indeed, when we found out we were pregnant, I saw a joy in my DH that I hadn't seen in ages. What I didn't realize is how focused we were on having another little girl. Sure, we knew nothing would replace our little girl, but I think we were so focused on having another experience with a little girl, with completing the experiences that we never had with our Sienna, that we never even thought about not being able to have another girl.

I know I will love these boys -- it is an adjustment, though. I reached out to a grief therapist and intend to handle some of my unresolved issues before these boys are born. You are right, they deserve a FRESH start. We still haven't given up hope on one day having our girl, but in the meantime, I'm going to do my best to be a great mom to these boys and will impress upon them the importance of their big sister in all of our lives.

Thank you all again for being so understanding, supportive and loving.

Have a wonderful holiday. We are going to Vegas. Hope to win the slots so I can afford all that I'm going to need to purchase for 2 new ones.

xoxo


PS -- I pee ALL THE TIME!!!!

[Mandy J]

I got a huge long lecture from one of my patients yesterday, she saw me carrying a large Amethyst geode (quite heavy), this was after I told her about me trying to clear a blocked drain outside our front door.

It does make me realise that I am being a bit silly trying to do to much, but it is so hard, when I have been so used to just getting on with things. I've always said that I don't need a man...I can change a plug myself!!!!!

So this mis my new promise to myself, not to lift anything heavier than a baby,and not to do any job that would take more than 20 minutes at a time! Another thing I will try to think about, is the shopping, when we do our weekly shop, I help unload the car and carry about 6 bags of shopping, to save running backwards and forwards....I need my own personal relaxation trainer!!!!

This baby has become the most important thing in my life now, what was a desire and a dream is finally becoming a reality, and I would just shrivel up, if something happened due to my own stupidity now.

I have been having problems with my left nipple this past week, if I go out in the cold (even for just a few minutes)....I get stabbing and burning pain in my nipple for the next hour or so, it has been agony...and yes I do put on clothes to go outside! With going up to Scotland for Christmas ( a lot colder than here) I really didn't want it to ruin my holiday, I knew it wasn't an infection or it would be sore all the time, so I rang the midwife...although this is not common, she has heard of it before, and recommended putting animal wool inside my bra.....well, what a life save that has been, my first day without any pain....bliss! Of course it makes sense....you don't see sheep shivering do you!

I have been feeling movements since week 17, they are now getting a lot stronger and happen more often, usually around 6 -7 times a day, with much more activity in the evenings (or at least thats when I notice them more!) Baths make babymore active, needless to say I am having baths so often, my skin is starting to resemble a ripe passion fruit!

Babyb: I am pleased you have sorted some therapy, and have realised that there is a way forward for you and DH, you have taken the hardest but strongest step....good luck!

Well, Christmas will never ever be the same again, me and DH have been on our own for the last 19 years, becoming very selfish in the process! SO this is the last year that it will be all about us.....BRING IT ON!!!!!

Off to Scotland tomorrrow....can't wait,really hopewe get some snow! Have a wonderful Christmas everyone, speak to you in 2008!

Mandy xxxxxx

[Cocoa]

Hi Ladies:

I hope you are all doing well and looking forward to Christmas. I hope you all have family to spend it with...

I am currently spending some time on the couch. My Christmas break started today and I had a lot to do - clean, pay bills, pick up last minute things, wrap a few last gifts... I think it was the vacuuming that did it though. I get back pain and some cramping just from doing regular things. I feel like such a beached whale... but I'm truly ok. I can't believe how well this old body of mine is doing with this pregnancy (though I am the same size now at 21w as I was at 30w with my singleton son). I sure hope I will be able to breathe in another few weeks

Well WC - I sure did have that testasterone in my system when I was pregnant with my son! and we did have sex ALL THE TIME!!! until the last 3 weeks when I was so big I couldn't get comfortable in any position! This time I have no libido... don't know why except maybe its that I've gotten so big so fast and its not comfortable. I put on 23lbs already but its all belly with of course fluid retention.

What I want to know from you twin moms-to-be is if you are having difficulty with eating. I have a huge aversion to sweets and find that I don't crave anything but when I get hungry I know I have to eat. Then, when I do, I feel like a bloated cow... Its never comfortable. To get in some calories I will suffer through ice cream or some crackers and cheese at night when I can... I don't know how I put on 23lbs but it must be all baby and fluid.

And what is this with - drink, drink, drink so you don't have contractions but DON'T hold your pee cause that could CAUSE contractions?!?!? I mean how much time do the drs think we have to stop and pee or even FIND a toilet?!?!?!?!? I can't do anything without having to spend half my time looking for a toilet!!!! It makes me cranky!

WC, I understand your feelings about the 3D/4D but my anatomy scan video was choppy and not complete since its "hospital policy" not to take video. My tech was wonderful and looked the other way but my camera memory ran out and my friend who was videoing didn't know that the stop and start would open a new page each time so there's no "flow" with what I do have. And anyway, I'm old and impatient about seeing these babies so I want to see them again...

Vlada - you are so fortunate to have had a 3D for free with a copy and all... my hospital is cheap... we get the regular B/W grainy looksee but no CD

I feel the babies ALL the time with minor periods of time when they are napping... I work on not worrying myself if I am not feeling them since if something were to happen there would be nothing I could do about it - it's truly in God's hands.

Mandy - Hope you have brilliant time in Scotland and to all you lovely ladies...have a Merry and a Happy!!! Stay warm and comfy and stay in touch when you can!

xxxCocoa

[rebeccaj]

Just wanted to wish everyone a very merry Christmas/happy holiday and a truely wonderful 2008. It's going to be a major one for all of us!! I'm sure like many of you, we've had many christmas's feeling a little sad as there were no children to share it with which makes this year really special. It also makes me wonder what Christmas 2008 will be like!!

I'm doing really well, babies are moving about and that makes me happy. Just keep telling them to hang in there for another 15 weeks!!

I went to see Juno at the cinema last night - I spend the last part of the film in tears, so much so that I was really embarrased when the lights came on - don't know whether it's teh hormones or the fact that it was a little close to home in places but I was very glad that I didn't know anyone else at the cinema other than the hubby!!

Tons to do so will sign off - having 10 for Christmas lunch - seemed a good idea at the time, was probably a stupid move (especially as I can't even pick up the turkey!!).

have a great day everyone!

XXX

[Aliann09]

Hello all I hope you had a very Merry Charistmas, and everyone has a very exciting new year. fun to think that we will all be entering the year our babies will actually be born.
COCOA, I am feeling movement now in the last 3 weeks, it is by no means constant, no worries. I read somewhere last week that the babies should be moving about 50 times a day right now but mom will likely not feel even half of that. Due to timing ie day/night, our movement helps it blend, and the babies position if they are facing inward and not out. I usually feel my little O about 2-3 times a day she gets very active for spirts sround 10 minutes at a time.

[Cocoa]

Hi Ladies!!!

I feel I need to "bump us up" as its almost like we are falling apart!!! Where is everyone?!? I would believe that its the holidays except for the fact that we've had quite a few lulls here with posting in the past when it was not the holidays... I am sure there are "issues" we could discuss with which we could help each other out - you think?

I had a nice Christmas eve with church and then dinner at a friend's house. Her husband is from Poland so we had a traaditional Polish Christmas eve dinner. It was yummy... most of it was made of sauerkraut and mushrooms to the point where it got funny when I just exclaimed as a new dish came out... "don't tell me!!... sauerkraut and mushrooms?" Christmas Day was quiet and we went to the movies. My DH just had to see "Legend" - totally not a Christmas Day movie but whatever... it wasn't awful. I had some in-law family here Wed and other than that I have been on the couch or in bed.

I don't know about all the others carrying twins but I have had some low back pain and tight contractions when I walk around and it doesn't even have to be a lot of walking. Today was bad... the contractions began at 5am and went on and off all day with back pain. I must have drunk 2 gallons of water by now and it does feel like baby boy B has moved lower and is laying across my pelvic bone. He kicks up a storm. Baby girl A is on my right, head down and her placenta must be in the front cause I can feel a small punch down below every now and again and I can feel her kicks near/just above my belly button a little more often than her punches but nothing in between which is where the placenta would be. I did call my Obs office - she's on vacy until the second but the girl (nurse?) covering told me to go L&D if the contractions were that bad but I decided that not to go because what I would WANT them to check (my cervix) they won't check unless I have contractions there and while there they have you laying down and that's when the contractions stop - hence my decision to wait until my next appt on TH 1/3. Anybody else having contractions?

I have also been a b!@#ch on wheels... I just don't want to talk to anybody. I want company but I want quiet company - am I being b!#chy? I'm sure I am but I can't help it... I have this week off from work and its very hard because without being busy I start to worry about getting to week 26. I know viability is 24w but I have read that with twins its 26w. I can't seem to buy anything for the babies until I get there and I'll bet that when I get there I will convince myself I have to wait until week 30. Anyone else worry? I feel so guilty for not being excited and I am almost angry that I can't get excited. I wasn't crazy about being pregnant 15 years ago but I really don't like it now - too much to worry about AND I have been unable to DO the things that I wanted to enjoy with my son on our last Christmas with him as my only baby...that makes me sad too... I'm just a wreck... I need to share with you all here because I am sure my friends are getting "done" with me since I don't have a great attitude (esp about the babies given 2 of my friends want babies...they are excited for me and get annoyed that I'm not excited - yet).

OK - enough b!@chin'... I miss you all!!! Come back and update...


LISAPA - please forgive me if you read this... I think about you and Jeff all the time and I pray for your BFP... I miss you honey and hope you can write in now and again to keep us updated.

xxxCocoa

Vlada - 4/23/08 (schdeuled c-section)
Mandy J - 4/29/08
Cocoa - ~4/9/08 (4/30/08 is 40w); TWINS
Hayley - 5/5/08; TWINS
Rebecca - somewhere around 4/15/08 (5/5/08 is 40w); TWINS
LisaPa - Loving Matthew and Brandon from our Hearts to Heaven
Sciteacher77 (Michelle) - 5/21
Babyb - due June 5, 2008 TWINS
Kelley77 - May 30th (40 wks) TWINS

[LisaPa]

OK LADIES............WAKE UP AND START TYPING.......... YOU ALL CANT TELL ME YOU ARE TOOO TIRED TO WRITE IN NOW AND THEN.........

How is everyone? I must confess I look in on all of you a few times a week seems even now i cant stay away.... TRUTH MUST BE TOLD I MISS ALL MY FERTILITY BUDDIES . So is everyone getting HUGE or what? I have decided that we are going to start going to meetings for parents of stillborns the hospital where the boys were born offers meetings once a month so we are going to go. Also i caved in and started looking for a job i have a interview on Jan 2 at a hospital about 15 mins from my house. So ladies keep your fingers crossed for me.. I hear they have GREAT MEDICAL BENIFITS AND MAY COVER SOME OF MY IVF COST SHOULD I NEED IT AGAIN...... While we are on the subjects of prayers THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS........


COCOA------ What would i do without you.....Your kind words are so great for me THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeff and I are hangin in. One day at a time. How are your contractions? you are in my prayers i hope everything is ok with you. I can appriciate the fact that you will not rest till you reach 30 weeks I can tell you that i have told many people that when i get preg again AND I SAY WHEN CAUSE I HAVE FAITH.........I am not telling anyone till i hit 28 weeks...............I am soooo afraid I thought i was bad then wait till it happens again....Ok i must go eat dinner.........

LOVE TO ALL ......LISA

[Cocoa]

Hey Lisa!!!

I am so glad to see that you are still with us!!! I wrote this whole long post to you and somehow pressed the wrong keys and my whole internet browser closed and POOF the message went with it! I will recount quickly... I hope you and Jeff were able to have a nice Christmas together... I am so happy that you have found a great job to interview for! I will be praying for God's Will - Even if this is not the job, you will definately wind up where you need to be. There's so much I want to say but I am sleepy... Guess the other girls have sore fingers from all the "ribbon pulling" from their gifts so they can't type huh?

Stay with us and keep on those girls heels!!!! I will post soon!

xxxCocoa

[woodcliff]

xxxx