WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE ...........LOST TWINS THIS WEEK

[LisaPa]

hi,

I lost my twin boys last week due to ic at 20 weeks and i am wondering if anyone else went through this ...... How do you pick yourself back up again? I feel like my life has fallen apart and i do not know where to begin to piece it back together again.

[Hope644]

Lisa-

I am so sorry for your loss. Words seem so small at times like these. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

[LisaPa]

Hope,

Thank you so much......Sorry to read of your loss as well. Life is just not fair at times....... It seems to be a slow moving board around here I look at that as maybe a blessing .........Hoping people are not losing children so they have no need to lurk around this board for those of us that have its great to have the support......I go to the OB/GYN in the morning for my follow up appt. i am dreading walking in there with all the preg. people I am sure you can understand how i feel.........Well i must go get some rest. Thanks again

[Hope644]

Lisa-

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I know it will be a difficult visit. I hope you won't be going alone... is your DH going with you? My heart truly breaks for you. Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts.

I realized that my first transfer was just about week before yours. We're also about the same age. I'll be 35 in a few months. And the same time zone. You're right about it being quiet on this side. I also hope that means a lot of people are getting good news. I'll be here, though, if you need an ear... just let me know

[JesJes]

Lisa,

My thoughts are with you. You will get through this, you will. It will get easier but it will never go away. I lost my twins this summer at 22 weeks so I know how you feel. I had a terrible pregnancy and in the end found out I have a blood clotting disorder that terminated it. We were devestated, first time I saw dh cry is after delivered them.

You need to figure out what you need to do and start again. The ONLY thing that got me through it this far is starting another cycle as soon as I could. I just pressed foreward and things are working out for me so far, and they will work out for you too.

Going back to the doctors afterward will be hard, but you will get through it. Everywhere I went afterward all I saw were pregnant women, now I barely notice them. The pain will go away but will not be forgotten.

Please let me know if I can do anything to help!

Good luck to you,

[ogr1]

my heart goes out to you.
be prepared for your milk to come.
no one told me after i mc that my breast would fill with milk and
the pain inside my heart was awful.
i so many of times wanted to go and bring our son back.

but some how life keeps going.. i found comfort in god and friends here
helped me. and all the differnt poems helped.
i still cry and miss my children
i will keep you in my prayers
and i am so so sorry that you are having to go threw so much pain.

[JesJes]

[quote="ogr1"]
be prepared for your milk to come.
no one told me after i mc that my breast would fill with milk and
quote]

No one told me either about that. I didn't even think it would happen delivering so early but it did and hurt like hell on top of the emotional pain.

[LisaPa]

Thank you all soooo much for your kind words and prayers...... as far as my milk coming in I do think it happened already my OB/GYN warned me about it I wore a tight bra everyday and avoided any breast stimulation possible including hot water in the shower i was told that is a big no-no. Its been only a week since my brandon was born and it feels like i have been living a lifetime missing both him and Matthew...... My life will never be the same....... I have a question for anyone who cares to reply.... WHY DO PEOPLE SEEM TO ACT AS IF MY BOYS WERE NOT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WERE BORN SLEEPING.................... Dont they know they are still my sons......... Maybe i am just going through my anger stage but people say really dumb things sometimes................. Dont they know that they had life the moment they were made in that dish.......... and placed soooo gently inside of my womb........ I sometimes think i still feel them kicking about inside talk about a cruel dose of reality........ Everything went well at my follow up appt. My cervix is closed again.... and everything looks good as far as my insides are concerned.... My Doc said when i get preg again GOD WILLING I WILL ........SHE will do a cerclage in my 12th week. I can only hope and pray this will not happen to me again.........Hope all is well with everyone and thank you all again soooo much for all your support.....................

[ogr1]

alot of people dont understand. and how could they know if they have never had to go threw what we have had to go threw to get pregnant.
we know our babies before they are even put in there little dishes.
we have little photos when they are still little eggs.

i have more photos of our twins and our son then my sister inlaw has of her 4 year old..


and it has been for yeaars for me and i at different times have dreams of my children being in me.


i was told by a very dear friend on here that your wound well heale put there will always be a scar.

[Hope644]

Hi Lisa-

I'm glad to hear that the dr appointment went well and that your body is beginning to heal. People can be so cruel. I think that many people take so much for granted and become so insensitive as result. Of course, there are probably other reasons as well... But like ogr1 said, they don't have to go thru what we do to get pregnant, even that much is taken for granted by most people. It's sad really, that they cannot see the value in life.

You hang in there...

You will continue to be in my prayers...

[nwquiz]

Well i guess am the new sheep here. I just lost my lovely baby this weekend. Its so had. we went in for a u/s and the doc coulc not find a heartbeat. just an empty small sac. i almost dropped dead at that point. we have been trying for so long and had 3failed cycles before this one. my husband is sad but i dont think he really understands the pain in me at this time. i can stand going to partys and all that yet he wants me to go with him. all i do is cry. i wonder will i get over this? and what are my chances. but again i know i need to be strong and push on for the best since god has plans for his people.

[LisaPa]

nwquiz,

So sorry to read of your loss...... I am finding that as each day goes by i have diffrent days,..... Some days I am able to live and others i dont even want to leave my house. I cant seem to deal with seeing anyone that is pregnant yet. well not every preg lady just the 17 year old ones.... I saw a GIRL looked about 16 or 17 walking through town the other day with a ciggarette in her mouth a huge belly appered to be about 8 months and i thought to myself....WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD.............. LIFE IS NOT FAIR... HERE I AM HEALTHY I TOOK GREAT CARE OF MYSELF EVEN PRIOR TO GETTING PREG.... I AM A ADULT HAVE A HOME I CAN PROVIDE FOR A CHILD ... AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO US.... ITS NOT FAIR.... I just keep telling myself to have faith and everything happens for a reason maybe all of us have a silver lining and this HUGE BLACK CLOUD will leave us all alone......... Ok enough for now as i need to do all my laundry.......

Hope everyone is getting through the holidays ok as for me i did not even put a wreath on my door........

[Dagny]

hi,

I lost my twin boys last week due to ic at 20 weeks and i am wondering if anyone else went through this ...... How do you pick yourself back up again? I feel like my life has fallen apart and i do not know where to begin to piece it back together again.

Hi Lisa

I am so sorry you have gone through this terrible time. I have just read your post (I don't come on here often even though I got this Babies loved and Lost part of the board up and running after my baby girl Katelyn died) and I was just about to go to bed but had to give a quick reply and will do a longer one very soon.

As you can see from my profile at the bottom of my post that I have gone through some awful times too and it has got to be the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. My heart ached for so long and it still does when I look at photo's of my angel children but my heart wouldn't give up the dream and I did get the miracle baby in the end.

At the time of all my losses I wanted to die. I was depressed and on anti depressants etc but I knew that my DH had lost his babies too and to lose his wife as well would have been just un thinkable so I carried on through the dark days and hurt and it does get easier, in time - I promise.

You will never ever forget Matthew and Brandon. They will always have a special place in your heart and life.

I was given some very good advice when I lost Katelyn and it was to take small steps - you can't rush grief and some days will be better than others but you have to take things slowly.

I really have to go now but I promise I will post to you again and if you want to talk please feel free to private message me.

I'm thinking about you at this time and will light candles for your little boys and say a prayer for them.

Love Dagny xxx

[Hope644]

Lisa-

Just wanted to drop in and let you know that I'm thinking of you.



you're still in my prayers... hugs.

[LisaPa]

Hi ladies,

Hoping this note finds everyone well and in good spirits. As for me things are as well as can be expected. I started working again fulltime so it is keeping my mind busy. I got a new job with medical benifits and they will cover 10-15,000. for fertility so that should get me 1 ivf again. We will most likly try again in the early summer. I am taking things one day at a time and i must admit I MISS MY BOYS.............................. I would do anything to have them both in my life. I also went to a support group last week with my hubby. it was a nice group i must say but sadly alot of people with losses its soooo sad...... As bad as I may feel I was looking around the room at these couples who have lost multiple pregnancys and i thought oh my how horrible........ I lost 1 and i feel like my world crashed I could NEVER imagine what it must be like for those poor people or the people who go full term. MY HEART ACHES FOR ALL THESE PEOPLE.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND SUPPORT IT REALLY MEANS ALOT TO ME AND I CANT THANK ALL OF YOU ENOUGH.

DAG-----If you dont mind sharing . What was the cause of your losses? I am looking into cerclages now and was wondering if you had any expericance on the subject. You can PM me if you would like to keep it private. Thanks.

LOVE TO ALL, LISA