Pissed Off! Sad! And not going to take it anymore

LostGirl · Post by **LostGirl** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 3:33 pm

It's official. I'm losing it. I was so positive and upbeat until last night, three days into my two week wait. I'm thinking that maybe the progesterone is getting to me? I am either unbearably sad (been depressed before so I know how that feels) or angry.

I mean seriously I don't even know if I'm pregnant or not, but I'm still angry for all that we've already been through. Shots! Doctors visits! A canceled cycle! Sensitive nipples! Days without coffee! No exercise ! Incredibly fertile friends! Incredibly fertile parents! Not being able to have sex with my dh! I swear it's torture.

And all for possibly nothing. It just doesn't seem fair that we have to go through all this, and for some, the deed is done in a 4-minute romp!

GRRRRRRR. How do I get over the anger? I hope my embies aren't being effected by my toxic mood...

not hopeless yet · Post by **not hopeless yet** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:54 pm

Oh Lost Girl-

Hang in there! Maybe you'll get a BFP in 11 days... you must stay positive.

I, too, don't think it's fair that those of us who want a family so badly have to go thru this rigamarole. I have friends getting preg left and right while we've been trying for 3 years and getting poked, prodded, injections, blood tests up the whazoo.

Please keep us posted as to your 2-week wait. We've been on an emotional rollercoaster as well and done Clomid and IUI 4 times so we're actually going to meet with our doc again next week about starting IVF.

TammyS · Post by **TammyS** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 8:15 pm

Hang in there! Chin up...Positive Thinking! You can do this! The progesterone made me feel very angry and depressed too. Just keep telling yourself that you are not going to let some stupid progesterone get the better of you. Take it easy and be good to yourself. If you can... go stay at a lodge this weekend...or get a massage....go out to eat....or buy yourself a new pair of shoes. Anything that makes you feel better and make it a point everyday..... to tell yourself that you are going to make it through this!! Keep us posted....and I hope you feel better real soon. Smile ...you may be pregnant already!

LostGirl · Post by **LostGirl** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 8:31 pm

My heart skipped a beat when I got to the line "you may be pregnant already". Crazy to think about.

Thank you for all the encouragement. I'm still low, but just had a nice lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, who is a great woman. It just made my day to be able to vent. She's an incredibly upbeat person. It was looking at a non-progesterone-ridden version of myself.

I also made plans to see a dear best friend this weekend. I hope that cheers me up too.

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 8:46 pm

If you want comfort, consider this. My kids fight with each other all the time. The 2nd one has cost a quarter million in hospital bills due to a severe heart defect. They are noisy, messy, and demanding.

If your cycle works, and those embryos may just now be implanting, then you'll be happy. If not, think of all the grief you won't have to deal with.

Okay, that probably won't work.

Try this. You have this unborn child out there and you are doing your best to bring him/her into the world. If it fails, you won't ever have to blame yourself for the rest of your life for not trying your best to make it happen.

Okay, that probably won't work either.

But we get ahead of ourselves. You could very well have a live birth from this attempt. Relax. Stress can come from an inability to exert control over things we cannot control.

LostGirl · Post by **LostGirl** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 8:51 pm

What's funny Ghost is that I planned a trip today to head to visit a dear friend this weekend who has a terrible two right now. Surely I want to be comforted by an old friend, but also I want to remind myself what it's like to parent a child. It's hard work. She never gets a rest, and is 5 months pregnant with her second, all while holding down a job, and her husband's three-week work -abroad stints..
I should just be grateful for these years just me and my wonderful hubby. Soon it may be awfully crowded in our house.

thank you

LostGirl · Post by **LostGirl** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:49 pm

Thanks for every one who wrote me a sweet note yesterday. You buoyed me, especially Edel, so thank you.

For the record, I still feel mean as sin, but my head only got foggy at 3, and no uncontrollable crying jag - yet.

Take care and a relaxing weekend... lostgirl

tinaO · Post by **tinaO** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:02 pm

LostGirl - Hang in there!!! As the others have said, you may be pregnant!!! You MUST adopt the mantra of "I am PREGNANT until proven otherwise"!!

I remember finding out after my ET that I only had one embryo that ended up getting frozen - we started with 12!!! I remember crying to my husband about it and he looked at me and said, "But you are pregnant now"! I had to laugh because he looked at it so simply and in the end, he was right!! He was so positive all the way through and just kept telling me that it worked. When I questioned only having 1 embryo frozen and if we would have to go through another fresh cycle, he said why are you even worrying about that when you are pregnant now? I thought "whatever, easy for you to believe". I remember also going to my accupuncture appt that day and somehow broke down all over again in the room and told the accupuncturist that I was just so upset because if this didn't work, what was I going to do? But you know, the whole time....I WAS pregnant! I cried when my college roommate got pregnant, then my neighbor calls to say she is pregnant, and then my grad school roommate calls to say she is sorry but she hasn't told me that she is 6 months pregnant with her 2nd (she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me). Oh, I cried. Then I cried again. And then....I am now pregnant! So girl - just enjoy the moment for now because you are pregnant until proven otherwise! Hopefully it all works out for you! In the mean time, just smile and think positive. You are pregnant until proven otherwise!!!

TammyS · Post by **TammyS** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:28 pm

As a friend once called me. PUPO. Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. I love that. PUPO.

chriss · Post by **chriss** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:38 pm

Hi, believe me I can relate. I am pissed off at times too. I had to go to ANOTHER baby shower yesterday. UGH! Everyone around me is pregnant, friends, family eveyone at the freakin mall. There's no getting away from it. If another person tells me that all I need to do is relax, I'm going to punch them. How's that? Ok, I'll relax now. It's just really helps to know that you guys are out here and we are not alone. Friends and family mean well, but NO-One could really understand unless they have walked in our shoes. I am ready for new shoes. 2008 is our year. Hang in there. If anything, IVF is teaching me to become a more patient person, a more faithful person and I will be soooooooo grateful when I am holding my baby in my arms. You will too. -chriss

gori · Post by **gori** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 2:35 pm

Hi everyone! This is a tough journey... as you can see from my details below, we have been through a lot too. But the way to comfort yourself is this: NO-ONE & I mean NO-ONE in this world has it all. Some have health issues, some with financial issues, some with family problems etc etc. It's not like that should make us feel better but the reaility of life is such that we all have to go thru some tough times in life. The only way to up-lift yourself is by trying to think positive...by comparing your life with some-one not as lucky & fortunate as you, by thinking 'it will happen sooner or later', by trying your Best, but other than that trying to occupy your life with some other things so you are not reminded of this all the time. Sometimes God has His own ways, which we cannot question but we realize, with time, that our life has been worth living!! I have myself gone thru really difficult, emotional periods & it's hard, really hard but just hang in there...it will happen!!!

LostGirl · Post by **LostGirl** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 2:52 pm

I agree completely! And frankly, I'm much more levelheaded today. That was just an awfully low day. I've got an amazing husband who is so kind, and intelligent, and we are completely on the same page about 85 percent of things. So I am grateful that my marriage is strong, and that this storm has only made it stronger.

So I get that, it's just tough some days. Tomorrow I get my beta test for my second IVF. Wish me luck.

If we are not pregnant, we have decided that I'm going to take a long break (3 months off??) to be able to feel good in my body again, and then we'll go back for more IVF.

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:11 pm

Best of luck with your hCG test.

LostGirl · Post by **LostGirl** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:27 pm

Thanks Ghost
I'll need it! Everyone keeps saying think positive. But all I can imagine is either having no embryos take. Or 3.

So much for positive thinking... But today I feel good... First time in forever, so even a few hours of that is enough to put a smile on my face!

nicaliw · Post by **nicaliw** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 12:35 am

Lostgirl.....Hang in there, you can do this! Glad you're feeling more positive. This emotional rollercoaster is one of the worst things we'll have to endure but it will be worth it in the end and your tlittle baby or babies may be getting cosy in your uterus right now!
Good luck with yout beta. When is it? Keeps us posted, I just said a little prayer for you.

Nikki

Pissed Off! Sad! And not going to take it anymore

Pissed Off! Sad! And not going to take it anymore

Hi

so true...

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