I get my beta test on Friday for my first full cycle of IVF. I have been killing myself, not drinking coffee, obviously not drinking alcohol, and really paying attention to my diet as this link suggests, but my DH still drinks. He drinks plenty, 16 drinks a week for sure, over 4 nights.
Here's my question? How do I convince him that drinking effects his sperm quality? I haven't been able to yet. I bring it up with him, but he doesn't change. He says he'll cut down. The same thing happened with smoking, and finally one day he stopped and hasn't smoked since (the trigger: our life insurance salesman said we'd pay a lot more if he kept smoking.)
The ironic thing is that it is his sperm are the ones that are causing our only known issues. I've been checked for everything, but so far nothing coming up on my end.
If things don't go well on Friday I'll be heartbroken, but I also want to take three months off before the next cycle and during that time have BOTH of us cut out alcohol and caffeine completely.
I say if he's committed to becoming a father he should be able to do it. And I'm willing to go to the mat over this one. The thing is he's the most supportive husband in every other way. He really has been there for me thr all the bumps of this process. So in a way, I feel bad being a stickler, but the time has come.
Me: 37 DH:40 TTC since 2005. First IVF cycle canceled. 2nd cycle BFP 1/11. DS arrived late 2008. 3rd cycle, U/s 3/7. Devastated. NO fetal pole or HB.
It is very good that your dh is very supportive but on the other hand his drinking really doesn't help
Is he aware that the drinking affects his fertility???
Maybe he needs somebody (a doctor preferably) to tell him that. Sometimes when we (dw) say it they don't listen because they might feel it is just wife nagging....lol.
Ask your doctor to have a word with him and to explain that he should reduce/quit drinking and why.
You can also google and print articles where it says that drinking too much affects men fertility and give him to read.
Try to talk to him about this. That you are willing to go to all this turmoil to have a baby but you also need him to help you by doing his part (quit/reduce drink).Explain that it is not easy for you all this process...
Moral support is good but it's not enough...
Hope he realizes all this.
Wishing you a BFP all the way.
Anie
Anie :) Me 32, DH 34
1st IVF : Aug/07 - 6eggs but no fertilization :(
2nd ICSI: Oct/07 - test:22/Nov=BFN :(
3th ICSI: July/08; Testing:5th Sept-BFP :D
Anie,
Thanks for your advice. I've tried pointing out articles, and emailing them to him. I think what we make it hit home is if we are not successful this time. That, and then I'll talk to our doctor before our followup appointment so that he gives us his thoughts on how lifestyle changes could or could not improve our sperm quality.
Another thing that has me puzzled is why so few of our eggs fertilized. 14 eggs were retrieved, 12 mature, and yet, only 6 fertilized with ICSI. Bummer. Three were put inside me (2 8-cell, 1 with less cells). And none were able to be frozen.
Lost girl
Me: 37 DH:40 TTC since 2005. First IVF cycle canceled. 2nd cycle BFP 1/11. DS arrived late 2008. 3rd cycle, U/s 3/7. Devastated. NO fetal pole or HB.
I don't know the reason why only some eggs are fertilized. I had 18 eggs, 17 mature and 12 (or 10) fertilized. 2 8cells put inside and 2 blaysto frozen. The rest just gone to the bin
I read that when they do ICSI there is 5% chance of eggs getting damaged in the process. This could be one of the reason. Other could be the egg and/or sperm quality. Although they choose the best ones, they may not know what it is like from inside.
It never occur to me to ask the doctor why the others could not be fertilized!!
Hope you get BFP on your next cycle
Anie
Anie :) Me 32, DH 34
1st IVF : Aug/07 - 6eggs but no fertilization :(
2nd ICSI: Oct/07 - test:22/Nov=BFN :(
3th ICSI: July/08; Testing:5th Sept-BFP :D
Lostgirl I COMPLETELY understand your frustration. During my first IVF Dh smoke and drank. And though we are unexplained - his sperm are not the strongest. I really think he wasn't ready for kids, and was just going the IVF route b/c that is what I wanted. I was able to have a heart to heart with him a few months ago and I expressed how much it hurt me that I had to give up and go through so much while he acted like it was just another day! I also explained the hurt I felt not having a child and he really listened. He was really surprised. Even though I had talked to him at the time it didn't sink in (men can be so daft at times!) This IVF is much different. He quit smoking back in April. He still is drinking a little beer (maybe 8 a week). But I don''t worry about that. With ICSI they are able to choose the best specimen and use it. Me stressing over dh's habits really did not help me.
And BTW I mentioned dh's smoking to the nurse during our 1st IVF and she told him that it is best NOT to quit smoking now b/c that can cause more stress that would affect the sperm!!! I was in shock!!
All of that said, it was really our heart to heart and me waiting a couple of years for dh to want this, and want this bad enough to make some sacrifices and support me like I needed to be supported. I would encourage you to not worry about his drinking for now. If you get a BFN wait a bit and then just have a heart to heart and ask him if he is ready to give it 100%. Sometimes guys look at their friends and say well he has kids and smokes and drinks. But they aren't thinking that they already have damaged goods, and the smoking and drinking worsens the problem!
Any way, talk to him, but try not to blame the results on him. that will only tear ya'll apart.
I hope you get your BFP and won't even need any of my advice!! Baby Dust to you!!!
I was in shock!!