stepmoms and ivf

[weezie]

I was just wondering how many of you going through IVF are stepmothers? And how do you deal with skids that hate you and ex-wives that constantly harrass you (to the point the police have to get involved)? I am trying to go through my cycle "stress" free and yet I find myself crying or out of control with anger because of these people. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[TammyS]

Wow Weeszie! That is very tough. I am sorry that you have to deal with that. Can you stay at a family member or friends for a couple of weeks? Or can the kids stay at their moms for a couple of weeks? Can their dad simple tell them under no circumstances can they say or do anything stressful? Wish I had better advise. Good Luck. Keep us posted.

[weezie]

Hi Tammy: Wish I had someplace else to go. But no one knows we are even doing this. His ex has sole custody of all his kids. Usually he only gets them for summer and Christmas. The only reason he sees them more frequently is becuse we are living 20 miles away right now. And she doesn't even know it. Things are so horrible that the kids and his ex think we live 250 miles away!
I was so looking forward to writing my first journal entry tonight. But now I guess I will have to put that off. I would hate for page one to be sad and negative because of her demands! Times like this I would typically pour myself a drink and have a smoke. No more ~sigh~

[Magic Magin]

Hi Weezie, oh yes I know exactly where you are coming from!!! Although I have a good relationship with my step daughter her mother is such a big thorn in my side. The last time we went to court she stood up in front of the judge and said my DH wasn't interested in her but as I was unable to have children I was treating her as my surrogate

How flippin rude!!! My DH is a fantastic father and loves her so much. I found her comments so out of order especially as 2 months before I had gone through my 2nd m/c. She also accused me of having her daughter with her for my own needs the weekend my Father died of cancer last year. Although it was expected we did not expect my Father to die quite as suddenly as he did. All this happened over a period of 6 months last year!

Anyway in respect to IVF I feel this just puts extra pressure on me to fall pregnant when I already want it so much already. My S/D lives with us half the holidays and every other weekend so fitting IVF in was tricky but we managed it without her knowing in November. My E/T was on a weekend we had her but my Sis in law had her for the night so we could go to hospital in secret. Trouble was she was also with us when I got my BFN and so I had to hide my feelings all weekend - very tough but no way was her mother going to find out!

At the end of the day the wicked witch isn't going to disappear in a puff of smoke (unfortunately) so I am trying to rise above it. My DH and both our families are very supportive but I still wish she would be out of my life.

Let it out when you need to, do you have a friend you can have a good old bit of character assasination with?

Best of luck to you and feel free to vent my way any time...

MM
xxx

[waitingforMia]

Weezie, I am so sorry you have to go through this! I had lots of stress my first IVF due to problems with dh's family, and I know you don't need any added stress! I will pray for you. - And if you want to visit San Antonio to get away, you can stay with me .

MP

[riogirl71]

Hi weezie and Magic!

I am glad you opened this door for all of us to vent. It is a delicate situation. My DH is a wonderful man who was married to the evil b*** from hell. Of course she got pregnant right away and had a girl, now 11. Then my DH had cancer and she told him "why don't you go ahead and die already" so he left her a few years ago and we met. He is amazing and unfortunately the chemo made his count go down so now (I checked out ok for everything) we have to go through IVF and ICSI.

So I am very happy that he is here and survived cancer, but I get furious thinking about how easy it was for that miserable b*** to have his baby. Luckily, my stepdaughter doesn't hate me but she can be difficult. His ex hates us both and told him that "his death was going to be her retirement plan so now wants life insurance on him cause now she wants his death to be his daughter's college fund" never mind that she stole all of her college fund and cashed it out, money his parents had set aside for the daughter.

I know these people add a lot of stress to our already stressful situation. All I can say is concentrate on the beautiful family you are going to have with your DH. You can raise wonderful, respectful children. The exes just thrive on misery and let them be miserable people, don't let them infect you with it. Every time you get upset, they win. Every time you are happy with your DH - they lose big time. The worse thing you can do to them is be happy and have a happy family. I work hard at thinking this and trying not to get consumed.

If all else fails - kick their fanny and blame it on temporary insanity due to hormones JUST KIDDING!!!!

[weezie]

rio: Sounds like we are in the same boat. Does BM live nearby? And yes!!!! I hate the fact that they had 3 kids together. My DH just called me and heard the saddness in my voice and said he would handle her the minute he gets home. Shoot me an email and we can vent about this from time to time. What do you do to not let her get to you? Your BM sounds about as bad as the one I deal with. Money hungry to no end. She spends like she has millions (and maybe she is screwing around with some oil tycoon) but will rake us for every dime we have. This goes over and above child support.

[kellym]

Oh my goodness, a thread that I can relate to completely! My DH and his ex split in 2001 and we met shortly thereafter. He had 2 kids with her (now they are 16 and 18) who have good days and bad and the Ex from hell. In fact my DH and I only refer to her as "Lady From Hell" because that is who she is... the devil!
We've been TTC for 3 years and during that time my stepdaughter has attempted suicide twice (mostly because of her relationship with her mom), gotten involved in drugs and started drinking at 14 years old. The Ex is such a control freak that she tries to manipulate her children and control my DH - even though they split 7 years ago. Up until September 2007 we had the kids 50% of the time, now my stepson is at university so we have my stepdaughter. She has calmed down after a lot of therapy to help her deal with her mother.
This whole situation used to cause me unbelievable stress and caused my DH and I to argue far more than we typically would. We now have been able to work with each other so that our arguing has lessened and the impact of Lady From Hell and the stepkids is virtually nothing. If there are tough days, I just call up a friend and get out of the house for some fun! If no one is available then off for a massage I go! I figure that I can choose not to let the stress get to me!
Hang in there. These exs are nasty because they see us having a great life and relationship with the person they were unable to sustain one with!
If anyone needs a break from their stressful ex/step situation you are always welcome to come to Toronto, Canada for a visit and stay with me!!! I know sometimes you feel like getting the heck out there!
Kelly

[weezie]

Kelly: So does life get even a tad bit easier now that your skids are getting older?
Our SD's seem to be traveling down the same road. My SD15 is into drinking and is having sex. She has been since about 13 or 14. She is now dating a 20 year old and her mother doesn't really care. And DH and I have vowed not to get involved (other than him having father/daughter talks with her) because this is the SD that in the past was physically abusive to me. And BM has sole custody. Watch her get pregnant before me. That would really freak me out
BM and DH got into it last night because BM wanted DH to take the kids for 2 weekends this month and he flat out told her NO. She screamed and carried on. But oh well. She will have to get a sitter. DH and I agreed to make this month, OUR month. We want my life to be stress free and that means SKID and BM free.
We call his ex PITA (pain in the ass) that's how it's even listed on our phones

[kellym]

Weezie,

I have to tell you that is does get easier - SO MUCH EASIER!!! Each year as the kids get older, the need for communication with LFH (lady from hell) is less and less.
Good for you for making this month your month. It is great that your DH can stand firm and tell her no.
And I can't believe how badly your SD treats you. While my SKids have been nightmares for different reasons and emotionally challenging, they've never been abusive. You are a saint to even allow her in your house.
Its amazing what we can put up with for love... isn't it?
When is your cycle?
I am going overseas for donor eggs for the first time. We leave in 9 days so I am getting pretty excited. I think the transfer will be on Jan 25 or 27. I sure hope it works this time because its been way too long!!!
Kelly

[weezie]

Kelley: glad to read they get better with age. Well maybe not better, but if it means less contact with BM then that's a blessing in it self. SD15 hasn't come for summer vist or christmas in 2 years. She hates me and we are both happier if she is not around me.

I started my lupron and Dex Monday and I will start the Gonal and Menopur on the 19th. My ER will be the week of the 28th and we are doing 5-day blast.

Overseas? Wow. I really hope that this works for you. I will add you to my prayer list. {{{{hugs}}}}

[riogirl71]

weezie - so glad you are making this your month! Hope things are going well, I sent you an email yesterday.

kelly- too funny how we all have the little names, we have one too, EFC, evil friekin and her initial. she is even listed like that in our phones too! Where are you going overseas?

Well girls, this shole thing just makes us stronger, right? Imagine how we will piss off the exes when they find out we are all preggo soon!

Had to sprinkle some:

[weezie]

Piss of the ex's...mine stays pissed at me. She constantly refers to me as the "mother F*&king C*#t wife" (what a lady) And what I hate the most is that she and the skids are always trying to find out if I'm pregnant or not. And NO one even knows we are trying, much less ivf. But according to his ex and kids I have been pregnant for over 1 year. Last year I only saw BM 2x and I went to the extent of wearing a push-up and babydoll blouse just to keep her guessing. And the other time I didn't get out of the car when we'd drop off the kids and I had the newspaper all over my lap LOL. She is always threatening that when she is done with DH, we won't even "have any money to buy our baby diapers!"
I hate her!!!! Calling her a broom pilot is a compliment. She is PURE evil.

[kellym]

Hi Riogirl,
We are heading to Czech Republic and I can hardly wait to get there. We have a doctor's appointment on Jan 21st, then ER for the donor is Jan 22nd and then the transfer either on the 25th or 27th depending on how many embryos there are. The clinic is in Zlin which is about 4 hours from Prague so we are going to go to Prague to tour around Jan 22nd to Jan 24th! We even splurged on a nice hotel so I am really looking forward to that!
I am hoping that this works for us. And yes, there will definitely be some great satisfaction to know I am pissing off the ex once I am pregnant!
All the best!
Kelly

[riogirl71]

weezie - that's funny to keep her guessing, it is fun to mess with them

Kelly - I hope you have a fabulous and fruitful trip! If you get a hold of a computer there, please update us on how you are doing!!