A New Beginning

Sal · Post by **Sal** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 1:50 pm

We never thought we would turn the corner and be able to talk openly to others about our infertility without getting emotional, nor did we think there could possibly be a future without a family - but we have and there is. We have been married for 7 years and having fertility treatment on and off for the past 6 years (IVF and ICSI) we self-funded 3 of our treatments with our 4th treatment cycle on the NHS. The last cycle was the worst, my body was primed to its limits but unfortunately none of the eggs fertilised so the treatment ended - that truely had to be the worst feeling ever, I had not been warned this might happen and I felt robbed both physically and emotionally. I don't know exactly when it happened, but a few months after our last failure I suddenly realised that there could possibly be more to life - that will sound very harsh to some but for us that proved to be the start of a new beginning. We decided to move house and are ploughing all our energy into doing it up - its a long process but we have our whole life together to appreciate it. We are strong as a couple but had we carried on down the road we were going, we may not have survived the stress both financially and emotionally. I do honestly still look at pregnant women and wonder how it must feel to experience pregnancy and motherhood, but not with the same longing as before. I feel very much for my own parents, they have been extremely supportive throughout and have suffered too as they may never have grandchildren. Many, many people have said "it may happen naturally when you least expect it" - if it does ever happen for us then it was obviously meant to be and it'll be our little miracle.

hayley · Post by **hayley** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 2:27 pm

hi sal your post has brought tears to my eyes, you & your dh must have a very strong marriage and after all you have been through deserve nothing but the best life together. we have alot in common- married 7yrs ttc 6yrs-with one failed ivf (30 eggs - NONE fertilised) in aug 01 and im now sniffing for cycle two ,this time with isci. we can only give it our best shot and try to remain positive but we are already discussing what if it never happens? how will we cope and like you our marriage is rock solid and would love to think that we can pick ourselves up (once again) and enjoy life. im not sure if the pain ever goes especially when close friends and family announce "their news" but i know that i can cope alot better after 6yrs that i could at the start, so i hope that may continue. anyway sorry for the long post and best of luck with the new house & whatever joy life brings you. love hayley xo

Sal · Post by **Sal** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 3:15 pm

Hi Hayley Bless, little gestures of kindness/sadness seem a huge deal when your going through a cycle! I only wish I'd known about this site when I was going through the mill. It is/was difficult when it happens for family, my sis-in-law was very hard faced during her first pregnancy. I was initially very upset (but never around her) she openly told her friends/family that I wasn't going to put the dampener on her pregnancy! If you knew me you'd know that I am the last person to do anything like that, I always worry about what people think of me and I am a very thoughful person and treat people the way I would like to be treated. I did my upmost to be "normal" around her and spent a lot of time and effort making up a "goodie box" for the new baby. I don't expect people to treat me with kid gloves and never have, but a little compassion wouldn't have gone amiss. Need I say more! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you, keep your chin up and most importantly take care of yourself. Love Sal X

hayley · Post by **hayley** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 3:37 pm

hi sal as if its not hard enough but when you get comments like that it makes things 10 time harder!! my younger sister announced her pregnancy last xmas and now has a gorgeous baby boy and when she told me her news i jumped up and hugged &congratulated her as was delighted and then my heart broke and i cried for about a week ( worst time of my life!) this was the first gran child and my sis wasnt married very long and wasnt trying!! she wasn't very understanding and told family members that i was just jealous that i wasnt getting attention and i was taking the glory away from her pregnancy as my mum was concerned about me!!! anyway i've got over that now and have a beautiful godson/nephew. no-one understands what its like unless they have been through it themselves and i find sites like these my lifeline at the moment. its lovely to talk/type to you love hayley

Zed2003 · Post by **Zed2003** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 8:13 am

Hey girls, Just wanted to say 'Hi'. Sal, you have made a brave decision and one that sounds very right for you at the moment. Who knows what the future will bring. My faith in all things 'happen for a reason' has been severly tested over the years, but maybe its true... Hayley, I SO understand about your younger sister. We too have been trying for 6 years, and mine is now 27 weeks preg - having got pregnant 3 months after meeting her guy - a bitter pill to swallow at the time, but it's amazing how you deal (although funnily enough my husband it finding it hard to cope with). Anyway, just wanted to say I was thinking of you both. Good luck, health and much happiness in your lives from now on. Zoe x

hayley · Post by **hayley** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 11:29 am

hi zoe sometimes we forget about our hubby's! i know i rely on mine to be strong and always a shoulder to cry on but i only realised how much it was affecting him when one even we were out for a meal with his brother & wife who we are really close to and the conversation came round to our situation and dh completely broke down and had to leave the table!! the only time i had seen him cry was his mum's funeral so now i am trying really hard to be more thoughtful. here's hoping for wee miracles for us all. love hayley

Zed2003 · Post by **Zed2003** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 11:51 am

You're so right Hayley, and many people not actively involved in the process do to. When I m/c last year I felt so bad for my husband as attention was a lot on me. Steve couldn't be any closer to this except if he was actually doing the drugs etc and he is truly amazing. Every day he renews my faith and makes me feel lucky that I have him. He is there every step of the way, at every appointment - important or not. In fact, when I went in for the E/T this time, he was away 'doing his thing' as they say, and the first thing our Dr said was 'where's Steve?' lol. This time, we have had lots of problems (even more than usual!) and he is great, my biggest fear is letting him down... I wish you all the very best this time and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you both. I see from your profile you're a lecturer - don't you just wish you could give up work? lol. I teach too (secondary) and am really struggling although my school are great and very supportive at the moment. Anyway, keep in touch Zoe x

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