Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[lolajones]

Oh my god, could this be it for our jemla!!!!
That would so perfect!!!! I have everything crossed for you.
Thanks for checking up on me, I've been fine just really busy at work, crazy busy - this week has gone like the clappers.

So will you do a poas or a blood test? I so hope this is it for you jemla!

Camilla - nothing for months and then 4!!! fantastic to hear from you and glad you're having a lovely time with miss Bella. Your support and cheering on is always welcome!

Steph - can understand your thinkings regarding numero dos. but a miracle happened once and so can happen again!

Littles, walsher - how's tricks dudes??

Well I started the stimms on monday and thankfully the hot flushes have now stopped and so can sleep, woo hoo! the bleeding finally stopped too - that was wierd, never had that before in all other cycles. With stims comes the good mood - i swear they've put a shot of SSRIs in that there puregon, I suddenly have mega energy! Had my blood test yesterday - things going ok, carrying on with same dose, have scan on tuesday for first look at follicles. Life is so busy, haven't had time to think about all of this. good!

So its the weekend, amigas! Weather is lovely here in london so off out for a walk in park and a mega hot choccie treat.

Keep it locked, compadres!

And a GOOD LUCK JEMLA!!!!!!

Love, Lola
xxxxxxx

[Jen1d]

Loops

Glad your ok. Got your message on Facebook----you must have known i was double worried
So the sweats have gone and your scan on Tuesday will say your follies are in tip top condition good lcuk

Dont plan ahead for anything, my girl. Just because i have no feelings, it means absolutely zilch---------but thanks for the PMA
Am feeling very chilled this time though, think its just a case of what will be will be

Have to have bloods taken at 11am on Monday then i normally do a hpt in the afternoon so i can deal with the neg before the nurse rings to confirm the news----dont want her telling me the news.

Just need to wait more

Have a good weekend in the sun ---you can think pof me stuck at work

Love Jen x

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

Just a quick post as i'm at work

Well i'm fine and chilled---dont know why but just think i am ready for the inevitable AGAIN. The only thing that makes me feel a little postive is that i have had no af feeling this time, which usually happens in every cycle 2-3 days before test day---but as we all know this means nothing.

Tomorrow will tell---god only knows why i feel so calm but i'm sure this will be the end for us?????

Will get bloods done at 11am then do a hpt in the afternoon so i know the result before the poor nurse has to deliver the bad news.
Ohh this is so shit eh

Thanks for being there for me, hugs to you all, speak later

Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Hola my lovelies.

So the weekend is nearly over - arrgghh! But, that means we are one day closer to getting Ms Jemla's results!! Woo hooo!

Good luck Jen!!! Am praying that this time will be the one for you! I'll be checking in regularly while I'm at work.... so exciting!!!

OK, sweet dreams youngster

Love, Lola
xxxxxxx

[Jen1d]

Thanks Loops, knew you would be around to cheer me on.

Will get bloods done at 11am but result wont come in until around 6ish although i will do a hpt in the afternoon. Will let you know as soon as possible.
See if you had sent me your mobile number i could have text you

Hope your doing ok, good luck for your scan.

Ok off to chill

Love Jen x

[Jen1d]

HPT IS NEG SO THE BLOODS WILL BE THE SAME

[lolajones]

Jen. I just don't understand how this hasn't worked.
Remember, you are a brave strong lady and I know this is "kick in the stomach" ache but you will feel better.
I'm so so sorry. I wont start on about other options because I know you don't want to hear that right now. We'll leave tomorrow until tomorrow.
Sending you big hugs and comfort
lots of love
lola
xxxxx

[camilla]

Oh Jen sorry darling. I must confess I saw your post earlier because I've been thinking about you since this morning but I was a coward and didn't leave a message because I didn't know what to say. I have found it so hard when it hasn't worked for you and I can only imagine what you're feeling. Thinking of you.
Camilla xxxxx

[Walshy]

Quick one just to pop in to see Jens results - I am so sorry that again you have again been dealt a horrible BFN. I can not for the life of me work out how life can be so cruel.

Like the other ladies said there is really nothing I can say that will make you feel better but please know that I am thinking of you and your DH at this time. Take care of yourself and I will send you an email soon.

Hi to Lola - I hope that the stims work quickly for you I'll back in to check in a few days time to see when your egg collection is.

Hi Camilla, Steph and Littles.

Love me xx

[Jen1d]

I'm struggling and dont know how i come to terms with never being able to experience pregnancy or having my own child but i am grateful i have the chance to adopt although its not the same.
I just feel so sad that i will never see dh face light up when i announce i am pregant---the pain is to much to think about.

Thank you girls for keeping me going

Loops - Hope your scan went well today.

Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Hi guys

Jen, it is so sad to read your message. I know the pain must almost be too much to bear right now. However. You will be a mum and a great one at that, I am sure that once you have the child destined for you and dh, all this pain will fade away. I know, not the same as having your own but and that is a mega but, a child, thats what you want, right? Imagine how wonderful it will be Jen, because its not an if, its a when! Sending all my love xx

Hey octos - ass wipe! Was hoping Littles would herald a new beginning of positivity for the group, damn that karma lady.

Had my day 9 scan today, have 6 good sized follies each side and a host more tiddlers on their way. Have another scan on Friday and then, if all goes to plan, EC Monday I reckon. Wooooosh - all going so quickly.
Just had acu - mmmm, all the zen it gave me robbed by Central Line suspension.... pan pipe breaths....

OK my sweet ones, I'll keep you updated

Love, especially to Jemla

Lola
xxxxxxxx

[Jen1d]

Loops

Glad everything went well today, sounds like you will have a bumper crop by Friday. Good luck

Jen x

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

Told work last night that i was staying off and still in my dressing gown. Just dont have the energy to do anything and just lay on the bed and had a good cry. Dh is fantastic, i keep asking if he is ok but he just keeps saying he only wants me and if we have a baby---whatever way---then its a bonus. After the first 2 cycles he never got his hopes up and we just plodded along throught the last 2 2ww's expecting the same neg result. My mum just tx and asked if i was feeling better today and if i was in work---poor thing she just got told that its going to take more than 2 days to get over the news of never being able to have children----not her fault eh.

I feel angry now to,
angry with IM,
angry for dh
angry with other pregnant people,
angry i will have to go through life always trying to live with this pain,
angry at anyone who tells me they are pregnant,
angry with anyone who moans at their kids,
angry with the crap 14yr olds who get pregnant,
angry with the druggies/alcoholics who get pregnant,
the list goes on and on----------but mainly angry with my body, which has let me down for years.

How do i move on and learn to accept it. There will be pregnant people around until the day i die, do i have to feel sad and have others pity me when they break their news to me. I keep thinking that i wont see our child, what would it look like, would it like the same things as us. Then i think about an adoped child and know we can bond and give the same love but worry it will go and look for its parents and not stay with us or that people treat us 'not as proper parents' as i havent given birth and its not our biological child. God my head is all over the place.

Sorry girls, know you are all having probs of your own but i just cant get a grip. Its strange as i thought i was so calm in the 2ww and that i was prepared but i think its because we are at the end of the road. I always knew we would be one of the couples who had a list at the end of their name and were in the % of it never working----i said that to dh from the start.

So after my selfish rant---i hope you are all feeling better than me and thank you for being there to support me not just on this cycle but through them all. You are the only people who truly know how me and dh are feeling. Others just take pregnancy for granted and they dont know how lucky they are.

Have to go and get dressed and put on a face as the social worker is coming over at 4pm.

Speak soon

Love Jen x

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

All went well with the social worker. She was here for 2 hrs and given how i'm feeling at the moment, i was exhausted.
We have so much paperwork to do now, basically writing a story about our lives, it will take up to May. Then we attend the Panel who read all our info and they make a decision if we are to be accepted to be adopters. Then when we are accepted, the social worker starts to match us with a child. Even the social worker is surprised the Panel is in June, its earlier than expected but thats a good thing---nearer to a baby.

Went to medical and as expected i came out in a hot sweat when i saw the ear booth. Passed everything and my lungs are even above average for my age but my ears---well thats another story. My right ear is not so great and although a little lower on the chart than the left, the nurse said its at the level for a pass BUT she wants to run it past the Dr, who wont be in until Wed, so i have to sweat it out until then. This is just what happened when i went for the Met and the Dr said no----time will tell---yet again.

Have had a pounding headache all day, just stress and tired but me and dh are off for 3 days now. Got a meal out with sis and mum as its our birthdays (me and sis on same day but she is 4 yrs older) then me and steve out by ourself for a chilled meal-----in between all that, its adoption paper which i think i will be sick of by the time the Panel comes round.

STILL waiting on af---its strange as i usually have af feelings at the end of 2ww. Have had a few twinges but nothing so far---think it will be a corker when she arrives---*****.

Just feel so tired, down in the dumps and stressed out but hopefully i can move forward, it will be tough but has to be done even though i will have a painful heart all my life.

Loops - Good luck for your scan tomorrow, pop in soon and let me know how your doing?

Hi evyone else, thinking of you all, have a fab weekend

Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Hola ladies!

Jen - how're you doing? I'm glad things are moving forward with the adoption process - it all seems to be going really quickly which is just what you need - forward motion! And your birthday... 38 soon, let me tell you, 38 is wonderful..... Did you have a nice dinner? what gifts did you get more importantly???

My other octo lovelies - where are you? Hope you are all happy in your worlds

Had my 2nd follie scan yesterday, I have about 20 follicles all about 14 mm so I need to stim for a couple more days than planned so they get beyond 17mm. Doc was happy that they're all about same size and uterine lining good n thick. So have another scan tomorrow and maybe EC on tuesday.

Its a lovely day again here, cold but bright and delicious. I'm off out for a walk.

Take it easy sweeties!

Love, Lola
xxxxxx