Too old and too young both at the same time!

becky · Post by **becky** » Thu Nov 06, 2003 10:00 pm

Well what a few weeks! I have been logging on everyday and reading all of the posts..never knowing what else to write..but always thinking..that is so true and I really feel like that too. I must say I really feel 100% right for this part of the board. You may know but DH and I have ended our journey along the IVF route - 2 ICSI attempts and no money, no sanity left so decided 6 months or so to go through adoption - no easy option ..the hardest thing yet that we have come across. The reason for my title? Well although on 27 I have the fertility of a 40 plus so I am 'too old' to have much of a chance and with a history of previous lack of responce and egg quality. Whilst we have been going to all of the information evenings and interviews for the adoption we have discovered that our biggest hurdle is being too young! We are waiting to hear how our interview went on Tuesday and if it was ok then we will go to a preparation group weekend next weekend and start the home study after Xmas. Also have to add that I am really being put to the test of late to see if I am improving and dealing with the whole process and things..I think that I am as I have changed jobs from a part time office job paying double what I will earn working full time in a nursery but it will help our adoption application! My new boss is pregnant from IVF and having twins. My best friend tonight announced that she is 6 weeks pregnant and I am really pleased for her (but It still hurts like hell!) Sorry for the rambling but I have had a few glass of red wine and needed to type out those emotions and trapped feelings. - I knew that you guys would understand me! love Becky B Just read through this post and realised that it is all over the place..abit like my mind today..sorry but what the hell I am hitting that send button!

Natalie100 · Post by **Natalie100** » Fri Nov 07, 2003 12:41 pm

Becky I dont post that much on this site, although things have now changed and I find this one really good for "life after IVF". My story seems quite similar to yours, I am only 28 years old and have been told that my enbryos are that of a 35+. I have had 3 failed ICSI.......we did manage a miracle pg 2 years ago that we lost at 10 weeks. After many decisions we have also decided to adopt, not only as we dont stand a good chance with IVF but also the lack of funds.........sounding very familiar to you now eh!. Anyway I just want to ay how sorry I am that you have been messed about so much. We have been to the open evening and have had an initial meeting with the social worker. She called us last month to say they would like to invite us onto the prep group as long as all our police checks ect were clear. We filled thos forms in and handed them in nearly 4 weeks ago. We have been told that they onyl run prep groupd every 3 months so we have missed Novembers but we can attend the February one (they also only have 8 couples per session). We just hope now that they get the forms and checks back in time as I have been told they can take a while. So far our age hasnt been mentioned, and they havent seemed at all concerned about us as we are both 28 years old. How can that say you are 2 young, that really stinks. We have been trying for 5 years so far for a child, many of my friends all have kids and I am the eldest out of all of them. One minute they ay that people leave to late then this.......its all wrong. It would be nice if we could keep in touch, it does sound like you are a little step ahead of me, but I could do with the company....not that im a loner or anything but most of the friends I have made through the IVF route have all ended up with ++'s. Did you end up finishing the rest of your red wine by the way, sound slike a great idea to me! Love natsxx p.s where do you live?

becky · Post by **becky** » Fri Nov 07, 2003 3:14 pm

Oh my god!! A real mate ..that REALLY understands where I am coming from!! Thank you..Thank you ..Thank you. I live about 10 mins away from Gatwick Airport. I must ask where you are based and also where you are going through for the adoption..is it Bromley? I think that we are at the same stage with the adoption ..just doing things in a different order. Are you near Brighton as there is a massive adoption day tomorrow at the uni there which we are going to - has all of the local adoption groups there. My Dh is 29 (30 in Feb) and had mumps when he was 10 or so so he has a very low count and little motility and most have 10 heads and wonky tails!! lol..have to laugh sometimes to let off steam hey? I am 28 in May and we have been trying since we got married in May 2001 ..making it 2 and a bit years..so not as long as you . We had 2 ICSIs at the Bridge Center in London and what a stress that was..just so little response and spent every day thinking the cycle was going to be abandoned. The first cycle we got a weak positive and had to retest 48 hours later (hell!) and then found out that we must have lost it..or what ever happens in those early days. The second time I started AF just a few days after ET - we were told that the chances of it working were lower as we had a short protocol on the second one. Would love to tell you more and will when I get home as I am at work at the moment!! Please email and tell me a bit more about you. So pleased to have found you!! Love Becky B p.s not a loner either!! lol

Natalie100 · Post by **Natalie100** » Fri Nov 07, 2003 3:42 pm

Hi Becky I feel all happy now that im not the only person in the world dealing with all this crap!! Quite scary really, im 28, 29 on May 21st and we got married 6th May 2000!!....seem to be just a year out on those dates!!. Dh is 28, 29 on 1st Dec so is just 6 months older than me!! Dh has sperm antibodies, started off not oo bad but now it is really bad, thought it was just him but after crap eggs on all 3 cycles we arent left with alot. Have thought about egg donor but costs laods and at least 2 years waiting list. I have a thyroid problem, although its steady now can be related to other immune issues which if we want to investigate will cost around £1000. Have spent £12,000 this year alone and have coppers in my purse.....no gold coins left!! I live in Essex......not a true Essex girl but a country bumpkin. I live near Colchester and have been attending Essex Fertility Centre at Buckhurst hill. Meant to be in the top 5 clinics in the country. Im sorry for the loss on your first go and for the failure on the 2nd one aswell. After 3 it has taken it out of me, found it really hard this time round!. We often joke about dh's sperm being abnormal and lazy, I often say it sounds like him all over. We can laugh about it now as there sint much else you can do. Still feel really sad that we wont have the pleasure of our "own child".....have all the fears that I wont be a good mum to the adoptive child and scared I may not love them!!...do you feel like that at times or is it just be being a mad woman again! Seems so mad that I have found someone else like me, sort of felt that i didnt belong anywhere for a while!. Felt like a right failure and drop out but now on the long road to recovery. How long do you have to wait until they decide if you are too young?...I still cant get over that, it makes me sick to think they could say that. Everyone is different but you knwo when you are ready and you would go through such along process if it wasnt what you wanted. Dh and I have been togther for nearly 11 years, so half our relationship has been trying to get pg, it really feels like that long aswell! I dont have a computer at home so just use it during work. If you reply and you dont hear back until Monday then you know why. It entirely up to you but you can e-mail me on natalie100@btopenworld.com if its easier for you. Im no mad woman or stalker either.........or at least I hope im not!! Think im gonna hit the Pimms tonight, 3 months without a drink drives any sane person mad!. Gotta dash now as I have to run the banking up town and reach the bank before it shuts. Hope you have a good weekend........look forward to chatting more...now we can be 2 sad loners together!! Love natsxx P.s We are with Essex County social services.

becky · Post by **becky** » Fri Nov 07, 2003 4:48 pm

This is just so wierd..my birthday is May 11th and we got married 19th May !! I must say I have always wanted to call a little girl Mae too!! (just one of those little wishes that we all have!!) Colchester is not too far from me really..I know that if you would like to meet up my Dh would be delighted to drive us to say hello (sounds like I am a stalker too now!!) I so understand what you are saying and I too agree that our life has been on hold for far too long - we have known each other for 7 years and 2.5 of it has been trying! To make is even stranger they have done tests on my thyroid and think that everything is ok..but I do have a family history and they still believe that there could be some issues as I have a high FSH..last readings were 10, 12,14.5 and 8.5!! I must say that we never looked at donor egg..for so many reasons..but we did consider DIUI for ages. In the end we realised that we were clutching at straws and that adoption was the way forward - it just took time to come to terms and deal with lots of issues..so pleased I don't need to explain them to you as I know that you know anyway! It is so cool that we have found each other and can go through the next 18 or so months through adoption and hopefully the many years of being mummys..my email is bjenks@freeuk.com if you would like to email me. What a better week to find an adoption buddy than National Adoption Week! Any idea what ages and numbers etc that you would be put for ? We are hoping to be matched with 2 0r 3 under 5s (prob between 2 years and 4 years though!) I know what you mean about not having any money left..we have spent so much on making babies..or at least trying.. Will catch up on Monday Have a fab weekend love Becky B

ogr1 · Post by **ogr1** » Sat Nov 08, 2003 12:08 am

i am so glad that you guys have found each other. adoption is great. we have adopted to of are foster boys. in july we will adopt another one. i feel bad because we were already suposed to have adopted him but then we had the mc and know we have to wait until july. let us know how it all goes ogr

caz1 · Post by **caz1** » Mon Nov 10, 2003 7:18 pm

hi guys - just wanted to add, so pleased you guys have hooked up - you'll be such a huge support to each other - keep us in touch...take care Big x to ya Becky..,,and you too Natalie - altho that may seem a bit familar as we've never "chatted" before!!!! cazx

becky · Post by **becky** » Mon Nov 10, 2003 8:52 pm

Hello Girlies big hug to Becky..you are such a strong inspiration, I often try to imagine your ranch and all of the children playing around in it. Caz big hug for you too..I have been reading your posts and can see that you are heading in the DIUI direction..kind of wierd that we have headed in different directions..just think we can compare notes when we are mummies how different it is from a diu mum and an adoptive mum..I am sure that many of the issues will be the same. I am so happy to have found Natalie and have printed off the thread to show DH (No chance that he would come over and read it off the screen!!) and he is so excited too about meeting up with her and her dh.. Sorry Natalie - speaking to you like you do not exist!! I have checked my email tonight..but I guess that you left work before it got to you...and now you are probably thinking that I ignored you..but believe me I rushed into work and checked this thread first to see if there was a reply and then work kicked off..and it was 5.15 before I saw your reply!! Dh is cooking a nice meal tonight and it goes so well with a glass of red wine..so time for another one! Becky B

Natalie100 · Post by **Natalie100** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 9:04 am

Hi Caz-dont worry about being too familiar even thou we havent chatted before......Becky and i seemed to stalk each other and now get excited to see if we have rec'd mail from each other!!. I understand from Becky's message that you are going through DIUI...all I can say is that I wish you every success with that! Becky- Thank you for your post, I am so chuffed to have ventured to this side...it was a huge step but now realise that I was meant to be here. We will definatley keep you posted! BeckyB- My fellow mate!!.....Fancy taking so long to read my e-mail, I mean it was only about 2 pages long!. Lucky for me that work takes a back seat and let my work get behind!. I got your e-mail at 5.20pm and im sorry but I dont stay late for no one!!. Will e-mail you today! Love Natsxx

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Wed Nov 12, 2003 8:03 am

Just wanted to stick my oar in as usual. Becky - great to see you moving forward with things - if only the adoption process could go smoother for you. A friend of my DH has just adopted - she is 29 and started at 28 - no age problem there -they did comment that most are older but that was it. She now has two and is run ragged! Natalie - great to have you posting and fab that BEcky has a friend.We all need all the mates we can get. BEcky in the States - I have posted for you on your thread. We all have a tricky month - I still await the Post Mortem - now 10 weeks and am looking at the next tmt. We are getting our puppy today. I have passed the "baby would have been 6 months old lark" last week and now have the baby (one we lost recently as opposed to last year's ectopic) would be born in January to get through. Love Tracey xxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Wed Nov 12, 2003 9:36 am

Hi Tracey - I'm sticking my oar in to your thread now ... just to say Hi really and to wish you a lovely day getting your puppy. How adorable will he be - bet you'll melt every time he looks at you (or she of course!!) Don't they have blue eyes when they're pups, or am I wrong? Anyway, enjoy !! Lots of Love - Jo. XXX

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