moral issues

[krista]

Has anybody had any issues with people you work with that think you should not be pregnant due to invitro? I am a teacher and another teacher at my school gave me a guilt trip on Monday in regards to being pregnant since we did not conceive in Gods way. This is actually a woman that I have never talked to (besides saying hello to in the morning and through passings) and I certainly did not tell her my good news. I was completely unprepared for the comments she made and ever since it has been bothering me. I was a wreck on Monday and Tuesday. Just curious if this has happened to anyone else and if so how did you handle it?

[Sue Hu]

Krista - I have not experienced this or anything similar but I really just wanted to encourage you to NOT let this woman -that barely knows you and that does not know your situation- upset you!
How dare she?! She needs to keep her personal beliefs to herself, especially when it comes to something so sensitive and important to you. She made me mad
You know what is right for you in your life.
Sue

[Lizzae]

I'm so sorry this woman overstepped her grounds. When we told my husband's brother we were going to be doing IVF a few years ago he told us basically that we were going to Hell. He is very Catholic (so are we) and he believes in what the church teaches about IVF. We however do not agree. Needless to say we don't talk to them much anymore. Oh and when we sent them our e-mail saying we got our referral for our adoption they never responded..we just can't win with them. Good ridence.

[Kabillion]

Here is a previos post I am just copying and pasting. This happened w/ a girl on these boards. Her neighbor made the same kind of comments and this is what I wrote....


Excuse my French but your neighbor sounds like a B****. How is it that we are playing God? And what if you didn't believe in God, would you have to live by her standards? So if she gets cancer she should just let it run it's course, refuse chemo because that would be playing God? I mean if God wanted her to get cancer than I guess she shouldn't fight it right? I can't stand meddling people like that. So because we were dealt this terrible hand of infertility then I guess it means were aren't meant to have our own children. That was sarcasm of course. Tell her to mind her business.

[courtney]

krista- Something like that did happen to me at work. My boss is extremely religous. i had to tell him what was going on bc of all the doc appts. On several occasions after our initial discussion he would ask me questions or make comments to let me know (in an indirect way) he didnt agree with our choice to move forward with IVF. To the point he questioned if I really even have an IF problem.

I was so mad I could barely look at him. But realized it isnt worth it to carry his hangups. I was getting so worked up...and for what??

We cant change anyone's opinions. And trust me...I live in the South, lots of people have their minds made up about IVF!!!! Their ignorance will not cause me stress during my IVF cycle and shouldnt cause you stress during your pregnancy. Very easy for them to sit and judge when all it took for them to get pregnant was a five minute romp!!!!!!

Hang in there!!!!

[Ghost]

We are each free to believe as we choose. When some use their religion to judge others, and to tell others how to believe or behave, that really irks me. How dare they presume to be in such a position?

It's inappropriate and rude. It also reflects some lack of understanding at several levels.

Don't let it bother you. There are many fools in the world. Such has it always been and always will be.

[tennisgurl]

I totslly agree with Ghost...100% well said

[Mbre]

I had a similar situation at work. My coworkers and I ( 2 other females under 35) were talking about pregnancy and having a baby. One of the girls has 2 kids and the other girl doesnt have any, (me im pregnant 6 weeks via IVF ). So when i told them i was prego they were so happy and one way or anotehr we got on the subjecy of JLO and Halle Berry and one of the girls said and I quote "oh those dont count becuase its not natural!" I said excuse me what did you say? ans she repeated herself, and when i tell you that I was in total disgust with her a person, I immedialtry began to feel sorry for her kids becuz their mother is not only predjudice shes ignorant! And these are the very people who can have kids so easily! In any event I think people arent intentionally mean and I think that some people who have never experience a problem such as this or any other major life dilhemma whe cannot expect them to come into our world. With that being said, some people just dont think. A older good friend of mine said to me "Why do they call it common sense, when so few people have it?" ..............That about sums it up!

[riogirl71]

Agreed! Someone should not pass judgement in this way. Is it better then if a 16 year old gets pregnant "naturally" then neglects her baby at the first hospital she can turn him into? Or is it God's way that women like us who love our DHs and want to be mothers, go through so much much stress and pain to finally have a baby that we will cherish and love forever? I honestly think that the science is there for a reason. Look at the horror stories of child abuse that are in the papers, children abused by their parents and even killed. I commend you on not slapping her cause my hormones are going so crazy I would probably bite her head off!
We had to do in vitro because my woderful DH survived cancer but his count got compromised (it was normal before, no time to freeze, immediate surgery). He is a blessing to me and I am lucky the chemo kept him alive, now we have to do in vitro to conceive, I am pregnant and in vitro brought us our miracle - it is definitely God's work!

[Aliann09]

Krista, If you get a chance hope over to the General board and read the posts "My mother compares invitro to Abortion" I think you will read some really good stuff. Also remember that if God didn't want us to concieve this process would have never been invented! Good Luck!

[Love Bug]

Amen to Aliann! My belief is that God created wonderful men and women and equipted them with the knowledge, talent, and science to discover and implament a wonderful procedure like IVF.

They OBVIOUSLY dont know how many of us prayed time and time again for a miracle to happen to have a baby.

They dont know how many times our husbands had to console us becuase we were in tears looking at another negative pregnancy test with no reason as to why.

They have no idea how it sends many of us to breakdown every time a commercial comes on with a baby, or we see a toddler at the super market.

The bible says "He will give you the desires of your heart", any " religious person knows that!

Can you tell this made me upset. Stay stong! Dont let the ignorance of one person bother you or have any place in your heart and/or life!!!

LOVE YOU!!!

[kbat]

I am a practicing Catholic. Although my religion/church does not agree w/ this method (I think mostly for the "leftover" embryo "dilema" but probably also b/c it's not "natural". But they are a bunch of old men who aren't married who make up these "rules" ). I have no qualms about doing it. First of all, I do not think God will judge us based on some manmade rules. Also, I think in our circumstance God would be understanding--after all He's PRO FAMILY--and some people only have this option (the "leftover"embryo thing was never an issue for me because I never have any left over). My dh and I have decided not to donor eggs because if we have biological kids, we want them to be both of ours. But doing it this way doesn't mean anything less--just that we need an extra push to get there. God had to give someone the idea of having kids this way.... Most of the Catholics I have encountered don't even know it's against the church preaching.

I find that people who say such insenistive things are just very ignorant. Probably insecure also if they have to worry about others and put them down for doing this.....

[Neffi211]

Krista--

I dont know how bold of a person you are...but if I was in your situation I would tell them to shove it up their ass.....they have no idea what you are going through, and until they are in your situation, they have no reason to judge you! Stand up for yourself....dont let anyone let you think that you are doing anything wrong! Thats like telling people with cancer that God gave it to them, so they shouldnt treat it...and just let it take their life! I hate people! Sorry, that just really bugs me....I hope you dont spend one more mintue worrying about ignorant people!

[Rileydee]

Krista- I'm so sorry that this "lady" is causing you so much grief. Like so many people on here have stated, How can you call yourself religious and then judge someone else. Judging others has got to be up there with the worst of sins right? I have struggled with the issue just within myself alot. I still have 5 frozen embies waiting for when we want to try again, and I stuggle with that. But then................all I have to do is look at my beautiful miracle who is almost 1 now, and I am instantly comforted by the fact that THERE IS NO WAY SHE WAS A WRONG CHOICE! AND NO ONE CAN CALL HER OR ANY OTHER IVF BABIES A MISTAKE! And damn rights, that if God thought it was wrong, he wouldn't have invented ivf. We all have or don't have our own personal relationship with God, and that is all that matters. Good luck girl!

[kholt]

I agree with everything that has been said!! They might sing a different tune if they were in the situation themselves. Also if they believe in God, then don't they believe that 1st God wouldn't have allowed IVF to be invented if it were so bad and 2nd that if you got pregnant by IVF that if you weren't supposed to have that child/children then you wouldn't have them!! That is just the way God works. If you aren't meant to have them then you won't!! Some people have to put their hands in science, it is simply the way it is. We all go through struggles in one thing or another, this simply is one of our struggles, and how dare them judge our choices. I don't care who you are you shouldn't judge people!!