Need Advice, Waiting to Miscarry...

[Hoekey]

Has anyone else had to do this? I went for an U/S yesterday and my baby has died. The RE wants me to miscarry naturally, and I guess that I am okay with this. However, I am really scared. I am afraid of the blood loss, the pain, and what I may actually see. I do not want to see anything that looks remotely like my baby and this is a real fear of mine. I am also afarid to go out of the house for the fear that it will happen so suddenly and I will miscarry in a public place. My Dr. said that I would have A LOT of blood and large clots for a couple of hours and to prepare myself for that. Much more than any regular period.

What I really want to know is how severe is the cramping and pain, and will I have any notice? And is it possible that I will have to see anything that looks human?

Here is a little background. I had a clot at my first U/S and was put on baby apsirin daily and light duty, but not bed rest. When we went back for our 2nd U/S at 8w4ds the baby measured the right size but there was no longer a heartbeat. The clot was not the cause, most likely a chromosone abnormality. By the second U/S the clot was 100% gone and the placenta for the baby looked good too. This is very encouraging news because it means that my uterus was in very healthy shape to be able to absorb the clot and continue to grow a baby that was not viable. This is what my RE is telling me anyway. Does this sound plausable?

Any advice would be appreciated, and I apologize if this churns up some unwanted memories.
Thank You

[PMApsy]

Dear Hoekey,

I am truly sorry to hear the sad news; you must be devastated. *hugs* This is so cruel, having to go through our treatments, rejoice at the good news and then have that disappointment a few weeks later. Plain cruel.

I have never had a miscarriage, but I can tell you that it's very unlikely that you'll see something human. At 8 weeks, your baby only measures 8 to 11mm. It's far more likely that it will go unnoticed among the blood clots that will come out.

As for what your RE said about the good news despite this tragic event, yes, it makes a lot of sense. What is also nice is that, given that your uterus has already been pregnant once, it increases your implantation chances for future attempts. Somewhat, it "remembers" what to do when ET is done; a lot of IVF moms will confirm that.

I'm truly sorry that I can't say more, other than hug you again. Hang in there... I hope it's over soon. Maybe you can call a nurse at your clinic who could give you advice as to how to prepare for a miscarriage and how to ease the pain?

Good luck,

Sophie

[beachbaby]

Hoekey, I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you. Both my bio-chemicals ended before 6 weeks, and all i can say is it was like a heavy period with more cramping. I am sure at 8 weeks the embryo is tiny so you will not be able to tell among the clots. I hope you won't have long to wait, hang in there.
Good luck for the future, do not give up hope, you can get pregnant. It took me 3 attempts to get one to stick, hard going but so worhtwhile in the end. hugs
Jayne

[kholtan]

I am so very sorry for you loss! I have pictures of my ectopic pg that ended 3 years ago and the baby was somewhere between 7-11 weeks and it was not really human looking yet at all. I hope that helps to eleviate your fear there.
What a hard thing to be dealing with I'm sure. Just know that although you will never forget this baby, the pain will lessen every day. All the hugs and baby dust I can gather are headed your way. You seem very strong and I have great faith that you will be a mommy sooner than later.
Take care of each during this time.
HUGS!
Kimberly

[Hoekey]

I called my Dr.s office this morning because I could not sleep last night with the fear of what is going to happen and not knowing. She gave me a very detailed description of what is to happen. I will not go into detail because I don't want to disturb anyone. I think I will hold out as long as I can handle it for the natural process. I know that if a D&C is done right that there should be no lasting effects or scarring. But I just do not want to take that chance if I can handle it. I will be trying again once I have my body and mind back in shape to do so.

Thank you all for your kind words and stories. God Bless you all.

[21bat]

Hoekey -
I found out today also that I am no longer pregnant. I would have been 7 weeks pregnant today - my yolk sac measures about 6 weeks but there's nothing in it. They told me to wait for me to miscarry on my own also, or do a D&C if i want. I am also scared to miscarry but I think I'd rather have it this way than have another surgical procedure. You definitely won't see anything human-like at this point - i wouldn't worry about that at all.
Are you going to try another IVF cycle soon? We're going to try again in 2 months.

Best of luck to you! Take some time for yourself and let your body heal up and rest a bit. Try to get away for a while if you can. Whatever happns, it's meant to be - even though I know it doesn't seem that way right now.

[Hoekey]

bat I am so sorry. I was really hoping that everything would go well for you today. The nurse told me that I would have some tissue and that it may look like the pictures of the embryo at the eight week stage. But she said it would not look human. I am hoping that I pass it with a clot and cannot see it. She also said that I would feel it, and that it would probably be "uncomfortable". It measured just over an inch and it's thicker tissue than a clot. She was very graphic, but I wanted to know exactly what to expect so that I was not bowled over. I was so thrown that my baby died, I really was not expecting it at all. I mean I was nervous, but I really thought that everything was okay. I know that there is nothing that I could have done to prevent this, Dr. thinks that it was a chomosone abnormality, though I am not getting the "tissue" tested. But, I just keep looking back and wishing that I could have done something different. The crappy thing is that my body still thinks I am pregnant so I still have MS and bloating and everything. I have cried so many times in the last 24 hours. Sometimes I am okay and I can accept it and others I just want to turn back the clock and do anything I can to prevent it. I am just lost. It is so hard to finally get something that you want so badly and then when it's in your grasp it's taken away. The nurse did tell me that if I could not handle waiting to miscarry naturally then I could schedule a D&C at any time and that they were just giving me the two weeks as a guideline. But, I think that I am going to hold for as long as I can and do what is best for my body. Again, with that sometimes I'm okay, and sometimes I just want to have it over with. I am sorry, I have been ranting when all I wanted to do was tell you how sorry I was for you. Please accept my deapest condelences.

P.S. I do have an appointment tomorrow with a counselor at the IVF clinic so maybe I won't go into these tangents anymore. I keep wishing I would wake up and this is all a terrible dream!

[21bat]

I'm glad you're seeing a counselor! That should really help. The nurse said that a counselor will be calling me as well. Mine was probably a chromosomal abnormality as well, but like they told me, there's nothing that could have been done differently. I also feel like it's my frault and I let people down - my husband and my parents and stuff. But i know i can't think that way. Take time to heel and let the counselor help you. I am so sorry for your pain!

Is there a reason you're not having the tissue tested if you have to have D&C? We'll have ours tested but it's only going to rule out one thing - and if everything's normal then we're back to not knowing what caused it. My doc said it was just bad luck....that's hard to take.

If it's any consolation - IVF worked for both of us, so it means that you and I can get pregnant again. This made me feel a bit better.

[Hoekey]

We were not given the opportunity to have the tissue tested. I have had two children before with my ex-husband. So, maybe that is why they are not offering it. I don't know. Now that I think about it maybe I should ask while I am there tomorrow what they think. Maybe my DH and I are just not compatable. Is that possible? Maybe it was just a bad embryo because it was frozen. I don't know. We have four embryos left in cryo so we will try again. I think I will try to get a few more answers before we do.

Good luck to you and I will be looking for you on your next cycle. Maybe we will be cycling together?? Who knows.

Hoekey

[Hoekey]

Well I just couldn't take it any more. I have absolutely no signs that this is going to happen naturally. I have had no cramping, no spotting, and I still have just regular white discharge. This not knowing when it was going to happen or when it was going to be over is just ruining me. So, I called the office today and scheduled a D&C for Wednesday. There is still a chance that it may happen on it's own before then but at least I know that I won't have to wait any longer than Wednesday next week. I am having the fetus tested for chromosone abnormalities just to put my mind at ease. It really messes with your mind knowing that your baby is still inside you but it's not growing, that it's not alive. I guess I am just not as strong as I hoped I could be. My fertility Dr. is doing the D&C and he knows that we very much want a baby so I am sure that he will be very careful not to cause any permanent damage to my uterus. Thank you girls for all of your stories and your kind words.

[riogirl71]

Good luck on Wednesday Hoekey, I am here praying it all goes well. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you right now. You are indeed a strong woman. Take some time for yourself, let DH and DD spoil you a bit. Good luck!

[gori]

Hi Hoekey, you did the right thing by scheduling D&C. For me the same thing happened, in the sense that I had slight spotting around 15 weeks [which turned out to be a m/c when we checked at emergency] but the m/c had happened 2-3 weeks earlier [at 12 weeks] & I just didn't know about it. So when they scheduled the D&C [it was required in my case], it was 2 days after I was told I had miscarried. And you are right, that feeling is crazy when you know the baby is not growing inside. I can totally relate to it & wish & hope you get thru it quickly & easily. But I can tell you from experience that the pain does lessen with time. You do feel better with time. And you hope for a better/brighter tomorrow with renewed hopes of having a baby soon! Since you are still early, I am pretty sure it would be easier. They are very careful. I was farther along, technically 15 weeks when they did my D&C but I got my periods within 2 months. Everything came back to normal & my gynae said we could try within a total of 3 months from D&C. We did just that. Of-course there were fertility issues so it took longer to conceive but it happened with time. Hopefully this success story will make you feel better. Good Luck!!

[gori]

And, we also wanted to test for abnormalities... it was my first m/c & I was really worried why it happened. But they didn't come back with anything on the fetus. They said that usually they do not do any detailed analysis, unless God-Forbid miscarriage has happened 2-3 times. So you can try but I am not sure if they will come back with anything, esp since it was early on. The chances of m/c are higher in the 1st trimester anyway. Regardless of when it happens, it's nerve-wrecking. It's harder for us than for others who conceive naturally since it is a struggle for us to conceive in the first place!! The picture of my baby on the u/s is etched in my brain for-ever
You will get thru it. Just hang in there. Our prayers are with you. Take Care!

[geckogirl]

Hoekey - I am glad that you made the decision to do the D&C. I hope that once that is over your will heal quickly. I have heard that you actually have less pain and the recovery is very quick with the surgical proceedure. I hope that is the case for you. I miss you on our board so much! Take care and you are in my thoughts.