Need Advice, Waiting to Miscarry...

[Hoekey]

Has anyone else had to do this? I went for an U/S yesterday and my baby has died. The RE wants me to miscarry naturally, and I guess that I am okay with this. However, I am really scared. I am afraid of the blood loss, the pain, and what I may actually see. I do not want to see anything that looks remotely like my baby and this is a real fear of mine. I am also afarid to go out of the house for the fear that it will happen so suddenly and I will miscarry in a public place. My Dr. said that I would have A LOT of blood and large clots for a couple of hours and to prepare myself for that. Much more than any regular period.

What I really want to know is how severe is the cramping and pain, and will I have any notice? And is it possible that I will have to see anything that looks human?

Here is a little background. I had a clot at my first U/S and was put on baby apsirin daily and light duty, but not bed rest. When we went back for our 2nd U/S at 8w4ds the baby measured the right size but there was no longer a heartbeat. The clot was not the cause, most likely a chromosone abnormality. By the second U/S the clot was 100% gone and the placenta for the baby looked good too. This is very encouraging news because it means that my uterus was in very healthy shape to be able to absorb the clot and continue to grow a baby that was not viable. This is what my RE is telling me anyway. Does this sound plausable?

Any advice would be appreciated, and I apologize if this churns up some unwanted memories.
Thank You

[lauradc]

Hoekey- I wish I could offer you some advice, but I'm really not sure about this but I did want to say I'm really sorry you have to go through this and I will say a prayer for you to have the strength to handle this.

Laura

[nicaliw]

I am so sorry, your story just made me feel so sad for you. You must be gutted.

I had a miscarriage but I was only 5 weeks 3 days. For me it was like a heavy period with some strong menstrual cramps. I don't know how it will feel at 8 weeks. I'm sorry.

It helped me to take the positive with me....knowing that you can become pregnant is a good thing. I was told the most likely reason was a chromosome abnormality, too. Chances are there won't be a chromsone problem with every embryo......so we move forward.

Big hugs to you. Take care of yourself.

Nikki

[esperanza]

I'm really, so, so sorry for such a big loss. The most important thing right now is for you to take time to grief and heal.

I, unfortunately, had a miscarriage at 10 weeks (although the baby had stopped growing a couple of weeks before). We also let nature take its course, so my body did it naturally without the help of any drugs or anything. I didn't know what to expect (even though the doctor had explained it to me, it still seemed a bit abstract, and I guess I was in shock when she explained it so...) so I was a little bit surprised when it was time for the embryo to come out.

When we first got the bad news, I was physically fine (except from the emotional pain) for about a week, and then I had VERY painful cramps, nothing I had ever experienced before (but I normally don't get bad cramps with my periods anyway). When my dh and my brother saw me crying they called the doctor and she said that I could take a large dose (can't remember right now...800 mg??) of Ibuprophen for the pain. I felt asleep and woke up feeling fine, to the point that I decided to do some cleaning around the house (since I had neglected it for about 2 weeks); I went to do the laundry and I when I picked up the basket from the floor a rush of blood came right out and a big piece of something...I rushed to the bathroom, and there it was...my baby...I think it was the complete sac, etc. It didn't look "human" but it was definitely in the shape of the pictures we see, a bit abstract, bean shape. I was told that it was a bit unusual to get such a complete piece...most women just get large clots and don't get to see what I saw. I had to take it to the lab to confirm that it was the "tissue" (as they called it)--duh! it was obvious to me that it was. In any case, they called me to say that I had given them most of the "tissue"...

Yes, after the baby (as I like to call him/her) came out, there was A LOT of blood and clots that came out for about an hour or so.

Sorry if this is too graphic or painful to read. I just thought I would answer your question with a straight/honest answer. But know that my experience is not universal, I'm sure some people have different experiences.

Big hugs to you in this difficult moment for you and your partner.
Much luv...

[LostGirl]

Hoekey,
I am so sorry that you are miscarrying. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I have the same fears you do about seeing the baby and or the sac.

Esperanza, I admired you even more now, after having read what you went through.

I really hope that 2008 brings you both a new leaf.

Lostgirl

[riogirl71]

Hoekey - Again, I am so sorry. Keep your fath that your uterus recovered from the clot and that you grew a baby in you for 8 weeks, which means you can do it again. They do say most miscarriages are because of an abnormality so I am praying that you get through this ok.

Esreranza - you are a strong woman, I can't imagine what you have gone through. Good luck in this cycle - praying for healthy baby!

[lolajones]

Hoekey

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this and understand your fears.
I found out my baby's heart had stopped at 9 weeks. I had all the same worries as you. I did not miscarry in the following weeks and I couldn't wait any longer for nature to take its course - it was too emotionally painful and I felt I couldn't start to heal until it was over. I ended up having an ERPC. Its a very short procedure and not painful.
Miscarrying "naturally" is probably better for your body but if you find you can't bear it, there is always this option.

I hope you're ok and send lots of love

Lola

[Hoekey]

I called my Dr.s office this morning because I could not sleep last night with the fear of what is going to happen and not knowing. She gave me a very detailed description of what is to happen. I will not go into detail because I don't want to disturb anyone. I think I will hold out as long as I can handle it for the natural process. I know that if a D&C is done right that there should be no lasting effects or scarring. But I just do not want to take that chance if I can handle it. I will be trying again once I have my body and mind back in shape to do so.

Thank you all for your kind words and stories. God Bless you all.

Esperanza My nurse described pretty much the same thing you did as to what I am to expect. She did warn me that it is possible, and probably likely, because I was a little over 8 weeks along that I will see what we see in the pictures. She assured me that it would be very tissuey but would not look like a baby per se. She even said that I may have to "push" it out. The expalnation she gave me was very detailed which is helpful, but does not make it much easier.

I am okay. I am very sad to say the least, but I have not given up. This just wasn't the baby that God planned for me.

[kbat]

I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I can tell you that before even trying to conceive in this way, I got pregnant naturally. At around 9 weeks, i started bleeding and having cramps. We went to the emergency room and had discovered that I was miscarrying. I too miscarried naturally. I remember them saying if you go through a pad an hour, then you are bleeding too much, but I didn't have that scenario. That day I found out I was ok physically, but the next 2 days were very painful. I got awful cramps, was clotting and bleeding a lot. I think it's almost like going through a mini-labor when your body is going through this. At times during the day, I would be doubled over then I would be ok. I did pass some tissue during the course of a couple of days, but I think they tell you to try to take tylonel if necessary.... It's a painful experience physically, but I think the emotional side is painful too and kind of lasted a while for me. I basically remember taking the week out of work. I also remember being told to wait 2 full periods before trying again.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[kholt]

Hoekey I am SOOO sorry for your loss. Nothing can really take the pain away completely from that.

Esperanza-I am sorry for your loss as well, it isn't an easy thing to go through. GOOD LUCK!!

My experience with miscarriages have been different. The very first one was by far the most painful. I was probably 11 weeks or so and I had been spotting off and on when the dr did an ultrasound he said I wasn't as far along as I was and then two weeks later I went in again and he told me again that I wasn't as far along as he had said two weeks before. Knowing now the things that I do, I should have put two and two together and realized that I was going to have a m/c, but I was young and this was my first pregnancy. I had started to bleed again, but my dr didn't seem concerned and just said take it easy. So, I just took it easy. But then my cramping and bleeding started to get worse and I had no idea that it was already happening so I wasn't taking anything for the pain. I was told later that the pain that I felt was like a contraction that you would have when you have your baby. Which makes sense because the pain would be so severe and then would subside for a few minutes and then it would come again. Then I went to the bathroom and as soon as I sat down a big clot came out and a rush of blood with it. I was heavily bleeding after that. That was when the embryo came out. I couldn't see human shapes either. It is something that I will never forget, but at the stage that I am at now, I am at peace with the fact that it was the way it was meant to be. I am truly sorry for your loss. As far as knowing in advance that you are going to miscarry and you can take something for the pain, I think it will be more like a hard period. But you will have a lot of blood since you are as far along as you are. My other miscarriages that I have had were just more cramping than a normal period and maybe a little bit heavier flow. But I haven't been as far along on any of them as the first one. I hope that this will just help you and not scare you. I didn't write this to scare or anything, just to be helpful. GOOD LUCK with all that you do!!

[21bat]

kholt - i'm doing an FET cycle in May too. Will yours be FET?
I was supposed to be 7 weeks along today but they found an empty sac. Today was actually the second u/s to confirm no pregnancy. I'm waiting to naturally miscarry also.

Good luck to you!

[kholt]

21bat-I am so sorry for your loss. Keep up the courage!! That is what it takes to get through this!! I will be doing a fresh cycle in May. There weren't any good quality eggs to freeze the first time. But, I have luckily been able to get into a study so that helps a ton with the cost (since it is all out of pocket for me, except bloodwork). GOOD Luck with everything! Keep us posted.

[asante]

I am so sorry.. I hope everything will go well.. You sound pretty strong.. I am very encourage by that.. Hang in there.. The IVF game is brutal.

[Hoekey]

Well I just couldn't take it any more. I have absolutely no signs that this is going to happen naturally. I have had no cramping, no spotting, and I still have just regular white discharge. This not knowing when it was going to happen or when it was going to be over is just ruining me. So, I called the office today and scheduled a D&C for Wednesday. There is still a chance that it may happen on it's own before then but at least I know that I won't have to wait any longer than Wednesday next week. I am having the fetus tested for chromosone abnormalities just to put my mind at ease. It really messes with your mind knowing that your baby is still inside you but it's not growing, that it's not alive. I guess I am just not as strong as I hoped I could be. My fertility Dr. is doing the D&C and he knows that we very much want a baby so I am sure that he will be very careful not to cause any permanent damage to my uterus. Thank you girls for all of your stories and your kind words.

[Samara1]

H,

I had a D&E yesterday (@ 8 weeks).

I thought I would be having a D&C, but my Dr went for an evacuation instead. Basically they remove the pregnancy and you bleed on your own without the curretage(sp)

I felt much better having it done rather than waiting. The pain was mild, I really only took pain killers in case the pain got worse during the night.

I am up and around today...ironing, doing housework etc. For me, I think the mental anguish of what you described helped me decide it was better not to wait.

Best of luck.

p.s. I have had 2 D&Cs in the past and it has not impacted my ability to get pregnant. Your Dr is a fertility specialist I would think he has performed 100s of D&Cs and therefore your risks of scarring will be very low.