2ww...

[kbat]

IrishHope--I hear you. I do think it sux because sometime I look at the people who are teenagers or live life styles that don't seem suitable to family lives (no jobs on welfare,do drugs or whatever) and they have no problems getting pregnant w/ lots of kids and many of us who would give a right arm to have one have problems. I don't want to be judgemental and say that teenagers or whoever don't love their kids, but sometimes it just seems unfair.

I am kind of struggling to know what to do. With us, even without worrying earlier about the financial part of this, we never lived extravegently. Unfortunately, a few years ago, my dh got into a situation where we had to pay out a settlement, so we already have an extra home equity loan on the house to pay for that. That along w/ our mortgage, student loans, and basics for life, we don't really spend a lot of money--just a lot going out to pay regular bills. The car I am driving is from 1990 (if it were a kid, I would be getting ready to send it off to college soon.) We don't really take vacations. Last year we did 3 long week-ends. This year we'll probably do 2 long week-ends away. One is to Maine from a Thurs-Mon. and we are renting a little cabin and take and cook our own food. So it's not like we spend a lot of money foolishly.

I did go on a website for a DR. Sher (sp?), but I know they don't report their stats to SART, only on their website. I am not sure if that would be a place for me since I like the idea of a 3rd party reporting the numbers. I tend to be a little bit of pessimisic myself, and I am trying to work on having a pma and a good outlook on this whole thing as I am sure that it would be beneficial to me.

I've done acupuncture w/ the last 2 cycles, and it's relaxing, but just don't know if it's helpful to getting better results. Heard yoga would be good too, but just don't know if it increases the chances--just perhaps is relaxing. I don't necessarily mind trying new things if I know it helps. Anyone out there try yoga?

[brs888]

There must be something in the air...I have felt particularly anxious and desperate this time around.

There is a small glimmer of hope left in my heart, but I really feel that it will be a BFN. I have severe endometriosis, and I have pain from that and have had pain from that since 4dpt. I did do some research that some women do feel discomfort from endo even while pregnant due to scar tissue and all of the stretching...even early on. I didn't feel any of this when I got pregnant with my daughter, though.

However, I still talk to my belly every day and tell those little embies how much they would be loved by us and that I hope they choose us to be their parents. I also try to visualize the embies implanting and continuing to grow. It can't hurt, right?!

CornyBaby, any news from you?

Brandy

[brs888]

Oh, and one more thing. I know what you mean about the difficulty dealing with others. I would never wish anyone not to be able to get pregnant or to have a family, but it is really hard to justify why we can't and others (not all, but the ones who probably shouldn't) have no problems at all. I guess we can't think that way. So...


PMA and baby dust to all!

[RunnerKate]

Brandy, Kbat, I often wondered how all these people with 3, 4, 5+ and counting kids who conceived and lived recklessly could have so many children and I have to struggle to get one so badly. I often thought about just snatching one up...thinking that they probably wouldn't notice.

Just got my 3rd beta: 2331, which is double my last one and makes me feel better. Now I just have to wait for the ultrasound. The soonest the RE could see me is 3/20. I am hoping to get it moved to an earlier date.

[IrishHope]

kbat/brandy - I think it's natural to feel/think those things - yesterday I had to walk downa totally different aisle in Target away from a hugely pregnant woman/w a little boy in tow...I cldn't help but wonder - why does she get kids and I don't? it really is not where I am going to channel my energy though...there is no answer really so I have to focus on me and DH and our future...nobody else really matters!

Brandy - when do you test? ENDO SUCKS! you live with pain, it hinders your fertlity - do you guys notice the endo girls have more BFN than any other issue? My RE tried to tell me it's not true but I'm not buying it - I think it's such an understudied, mysterious, awful disease...hence why I am demaning immune testing when I see my RE next...

[indie_rad]

IrishHope - So sorry about your BFN. Its good to know that you have some frosties and would be able to start that right away.

Has anyone seen "raising arizona"? Sometimes I think that maybe thats what I will have to do The emotional rollercoaster we are in really hard, we have also nearly put our lives on hold for a baby. DH and I are open to adoption, sometimes I wonder if I should just jump to that and save us some heartbreak. But then again I feel like I would regret later if I didn't give IVF a chance. Anyway.. guess we are in for a tough ride. My test is tomorrow morning and I am very nervous. We don't even have any frosties, so will have to do a whole new cycle!

arizonakiwi - The 2ww was pretty hard. I tried to keep my stress level down as much as I could, did acupuncture and occasional massage just to pamper myself. The acupuncture is supposed to help implantation etc, but I guess there is no real proof or guarantee! Try to have a PMA, its hard and ofcourse probably has no impact on the results.. but atleast it makes it easier to get through the 2ww. Good luck to you with your wait.

[kbat]

well got af right on schedule. I've been toying w/ idea of getting "final" opinion from one final doctor--not even necessarily trying again. Just getting a 3rd opinion to make sure that I shouldn't try again. Ghost recommended either UCONN or Cornell in NYC. Atlhough when I went to the SART website, the stats for UCONN didn't seem so good for my age group. I really haven't come out and said this to dh b/c seems like he's ready to move on w/ life--don't think he wants to pay out of pocket b/c of all the failures and we don't have that kind of extra money lying around anyway. But I think he's just ready to give up. And I don't necessarily mind retesting everything, but I don't think he wants to. It's hard because it's not like I can't get pregnant--do so on my own and was around 8-9 weeks when I miscarried. But of the 3 IUI and 6 IVF--every time I got a bfn except for the one time it was etopic.


I hear you not thinking about those others. Just more wondering why some people have it so easy while others don't for no apparent reason. But there is no answer to the question--only GOD knows why this happens. I do trust in his judgement and I know that GOD has a plan for all of his--just not easy to comprehend.

Since adoption and egg donation is not an option I guess I just have to move on w/ my life.

Good luck to the rest of you still waiting to transfer

[IrishHope]

kbat - I hope you can determine what to do over the next few days/weeks. The ping pong game of "do I stop or try again" must be difficult...hopefully even if DH is ready to move on he will support you if you decide to pursue another opinion etc.

AF arrived yesterday - actually earlier than usual so fine by me...working out the "kinks" w/ Nurse - she was nicer today (I'm sure she feels bad for us)...I still had to help her w/ the logistics of our next few steps... which today I can actually laugh about it's so backwards...

I also wrote an email to my company's insurance broker who is contracted by us to negotiate our plans/listen to employee issues etc. I know her well since I'm in HR - I hesitated b/c of the "stigma" infertility has but then said "who cares" if it can get me and or another couple a fair/better benefit for infertility it's worth it...I felt I owed it to myself to point out what "sub standard" coverage we have...and I'm sure there are people who would say "be lucky to have any coverage" but that is so 1990's ignorant ...infertility is covered by the ADA now and we all deserve care to have a full productive life...why should the guy down the hall smoke 3 paks a day get "unlimited lifetime coverage" to lead a full productive life and not those of us who struggle thru no fault of our own w/ diseases and issues that cause infertility...yeah I went after it!!!

[casey]

IrishHope - sorry to hear about your BFN. Hope you can start your next cycle right away. And good luck with the immune testing. I had it done and it's not so bad.

RunnerKate - congrats on the strong third beta. The ultrasound date does sound a bit far out so hopefully you can move it up. Good luck with that! I go in tomorrow for an early ultrasound. My clinic does them very early after 3 betas. Feeling very anxious...as usual!

kbat - best of luck with what you and your DH decide to do next. It's really not fair and I know how you ladies feel when you see all these women living recklessly with so many kids. I have one in my neighborhood with six kids and sometimes it really does bother me as to how these women take it for granted.


Indie_rad and all the other ladies testing this week...sending positive thoughts and BFP's your way!

Casey

[IrishHope]

Thanks Casey - is it blood tests or more involved? I'm trying to research but teh web has sooo much info I'm confused...Thanks.

[casey]

IrishHope...mostly blood tests for the immune testing. The Internet has so much stuff out there. Best is to check with the doc. They may not do the testing directly but can send your blood out to other labs that specialize in that. Good luck with that!

[kbat]

I heard about doing the test for immune kind of problems. I wonder if this is my problem and why it's not tested for after so many failures I've had--but w/ the obvious thing of being able to get pregnant.

[phillips79]

we just had the E/T of 2 embryos on 3/09
me 30, dh 28
male factor low count/morphology
ivf-icsi 1st attempt, ttc for 2 years

we are looking forward as the re was really hopeful of a positive outcome, however its going to be a long two weeks, i stayed in bed yesterday and most of today, bed is boring, so i've been taking it easy around the house, and recommendations for the rest of the 2 weeks, we have 1st blood test this friday 3/14 for progesterone levels, and 3/21 for preg test.

thanks

[kbat]

ARIZONAKIWI--hope we didn't scare you away.
HI PHILLIPS 79!!!
I find that the easiest way to help w/ 2ww is just to stay busy as much as possible--doing hobbies, shopping, working, whatever you can do to try to keep your mind off of it. Overall, it went pretty quickly the last couple of times for me. Although a couple of days before it goes by slowly. I think if possible stay away from the hpt--just because they may not always be the most accurate things and from what I've read--they can really drive people crazy.

As for me, I think I may try a natural approach for the next couple of months--trying chinese herbs and staying w/ the acupuncture through my acupuntrist. Don't know if it'll help, but it'll allow me to regroup and decide if I should get one final opinion or move on--I think it would be good to take some time off. My job will end the 1st week in May and we are heading up to Maine at the end of May, so we wouldn't do anything until after that anyways. Although it ended in a miscarriage at 8-9, the best result I ever got was conceiving naturally (the only "success" w/ IVF, didn't really last long since it was etopic from the start). Don't know if it would help, but I am willing to give it a try anyway.

[Babysoft]

Hello All,

I hope you don't mind me joining. I just have my iui done today so I'm on the dreaded 2ww. I was a frequent poster before, but I took a year off from ttc and now I'm back at it!

I haven't had a chance to read through this thread, but I will and I will post more after that!

I just want to spread the PMA and hope for a lot of BFP's!