Heart’s Desire – Finding Strength and Direction from God

[kbat]

wishing the best for everyone. It's a difficult journey.... I've prayed and begged God to help me out. We won't do donor eggs and my dh isn't too keen on the adoption aspect of it, so this was our only hope. I know that God has a plan for all of us and that I would trust HIM in whatever he decided, but it doesn't make the disappointment any less....

[IndieBlue]

Hello everyone Well, we left here at 6am on Thursday for my appointment at 9am and we barely made it!!! Traffic was AWFUL! I was so flustered....but really once we got there it's very straight forward and I don't think I'll have any issues driving it myself

Well, I went in thinking it would be basically a meet and greet type visit. Boy, was I wrong. First I met with the doctor that I would be treated by, went over IVF and talked about ET...etc. She mentioned my age....ughhh, I'm not that old LOL (33). Then I went in to a room and they did a vag. Ultrasound of my ovaries and uterus. Then dressed and in to another room where I signed 22 pages for the study, watched a video on it and was given the log book...etc.

After all that, I went into another room and had the STD test ran (for the study), and she went ahead and redid my PAP, although my other one was only 3 months old....My Cervix THANKS You!!! OWWWWW!

By now it was 11:00 and I hadn't eaten all day, knew my husband was waiting patiently in the car (watching Pirates of the Caribbean actually LOL) so I was like "CAN I PLEASE GO LOL". She told me they needed some blood work and then they'd see me back at the end of March for my day 3 blood work, then back in April for BCPs and Lupron.

So.....they took 7 vials of blood and signed me out. By the time I'd ridden the elevator back to the main floor and made it in to the parking garage I was soooo nauseus! Not smart to take all that blood on an empty stomach...hope the fact that I'd not eaten won't mess them up, they didn't ask.

So, looks like I have to wait till the end of March for my FSH (wished I'd done that myself on that Saturday so I wouldn't have to wait....I did ask but they said to wait ) Then mid cycle in March/April for my saline Ultrasound. So I guess I won't officially start anything until May? I'll have to wait on AF in April (due sometime near the end of the month) and then be on BCP's for 2 weeks, then stims...etc. So May looks like it for me

Pray that all those blood works come back okay I did have a few places in my uterus that she pointed out (to the medical student that was with her) but she told the study coordinator that everything looked GREAT and she didn't anticipate any surprises. Praying that there are no surprises.

Oh and she said that they can transfer 3 on a fresh 3 day cycle and 2 on a day 5 for a woman of my 'age'.....which is what I'd planned on anyway!

[Hope644]

Hi Dear Sisters!!

I think I have finally caught up... (for now!)

Indie - Wow. that's a big day for a 1st meeting! Sorry about the wait til May, I was thinking that as I was reading... But best to have all the testing and bw done properly and out of the way. This is a good first step - I found for myself that each appt was a good thing and one day closer to my goal... even the HSG. Hang in there, it will be here before you know it!!

Kbat- I'm so sorry, dear. I wish there were something we could do to make it better or make it work. Continue to lean on God. Praying that he gives you peace and comfort as you deal with the hurt and disappointment. You're in our prayers.

Mia - You got to see the HB!! That's fantastic news. So sorry to hear about your other little one. How is your m/s? Any better? Praying that you will be able to eat!! We need you healthy for your little one! keep us updated on your job options! And thanks for the birthday wishes It was a good one. The boys were here and we went out for Japanese food (always fun with the kids!) and then on Sunday (my actual bday) we were able to go to the lake (4 hrs away) and my folks and 2 of my sisters were able to come up to meet us for dinner along with some friends from the lake at my favorite Mexican restaurant down there. Very nice. Only bad thing, we had to drive back that night (got home at 130!) and then had to get up for RE appt at 8!

Iccin - Welcome to our thread. Praying that you will get good news today. Is this your first cycle? Glad to see you've got a positive attitude and your focus on the right One, no matter what.

Nikki - How are things going?? What's new with you?? thinking of you, hon.

Chriss - How was the ER?? Praying all went well for you.

Kildean - How's our other little momma!?! When is your next scan?? Having any m/s??

HRobinson - Glad your kids' test day is over. Wow... what a hard day that must be - for adults, much less kids!! What little troopers they must be. How are things going for you otherwise? Hangin in there??

Apdean - Praying all goes well for your cycle and you will find yourself blessed to be pg with your sister! What a blessing that will be!

Where's our Sonu?? Miss you, sweetie - thinking of you.

Everyone, please let me know where you are in tmt or in life in general, if you haven't done so recently and I will update the prayer list with our latest info.

As for me - Looks like my ER is pushed back to Thursday (from Sun or Mon) my follies are growing and there are plenty of them, but they are growing very S--L--O--W--L--Y.... As of Friday am, I had 14 follies, the largest of which is 14 mm. (for those of you unfamiliar, I have to have several at 18mm before they will trigger me). So a few more days. They don't seem worried about it at all. Just saying sometimes it takes a little longer. It has thrown me for a loop, as I have never taken such high doses of meds before and always stimmed much faster... weird how the body can change. I don't REALLY think it's because I turned 35... but it was weird that I was stimming over my 35th bday! Who knows... I am just praying that I don't go nutty during the process and that all will be fine with my little eggies when they get "hatched"! I don't think there is any worry about overstimming - as of yesterday I was only at 707 - which is still low for this stage of the game. Thank you to all who have prayed for me - God is handling me one day at a time and I am relying on Him to get me through this... and I know He will!!

As for the Bible study - I feel so bad, I haven't picked up the book yet, but I am going to check out the website in a bit. We should set a date or plan of some kind, I need a schedule to get my butt on track! Any suggestions?

Prayers for all of you at each stage in journey. God loves us all and isn't that an amazing blessing!!??

[waitingforMia]

Woohoo- My friend is getting back in town today and I can hand her back her kids Actually it hasnt been bad - but I hate not being at my house (and near internet!!).

Hope: I got to HEAR the hb, not just see it I wsa suprised I could hear it so early!! It sounded like a train! Glad your bday went well! Sorry about your stubborn follies! So Thursday ER, huh? Ugh I hate waiting! Are you keeping busy your last few days not Pupo? REally praying this is your time!

Indie: Wow that sounds like a busy meet and greet! And dh was in the car?? Is he afraid of drs?? Glad you got lots done and there is at least a schedule - something you can count down to even though it is far away. BTW I was reading the bulletin at hurch and it looks like our church has a get together for homeschooled kids- so they can go to camp together and trips together - kinda cool. I had never noticed it before. Sounds like a good idea though. I think it is called LIFE: Loving something family educators..

kbat: Hey girl. My dh was anti adoption as well ( ) Sorry you are feeling down. It is a rough journey. Praying for peace wisdom on your next steps! We are here for you!

I havent had m/s at all the last 3 days! I have eaten lots! I also havent taken my vitamins in the last 3 days (I forgot to take them with me to my friends!) I wonder if they are making me sick?? but I have taken them for a month before I was pg - and felt fine.. Dh feels much more confident about me being pg now that he heard the hb! We have actually almost slipped a few times to friends.

I hope everyone is doing good. I think we should start the Bible Study next week - everyone can have until next Saturday lets say to get the book. Now Indie you are prob 3 weeks into the study by now... maybe we should find something else. Something that is not very time consuming for those of us that are in other studies, but something that would just help us grow together. What do yall think??

Ok girls that is it for now. Take care everyone!

MP

[IndieBlue]

Hello:)

Well, just got through with schooling today and we took some time outside It's sooo nice lately! Anyhow, today I got a call from the RE's office and she said that my blood work showed I was anemic so they are calling in a prescription strength Iron supplement...YUCK! Glad I eat a few prunes a day as it is....I'll just up those and hopefully things will keep moving LOL

Mia: I've heard about the Prenatal vitamins making you sick before, most people say taking them before bed is the best way to get them in your system while avoiding the MS. I've been anemic for EVER, so I always am sure to take the vitamins when I'm pregnant....but then I had MS for a long time with both of my pregnancies too, so who knows if that was the cause or not? I wasn't Internet savvy then LOL and my doctors just gave me Phenegran to compensate....not a great pill if you have to work though, which I was at the time.

That's great that you got to hear the heartbeat, another wonderful memory I have from my 2 bio children They have such fast heartbeats...but it made me so happy to hear them My SIL is a Sonographer so I anticipate a few trips to her office to hear heartbeats and such.....LOL

Well, off to give baths....hating this new time change LOL

Oh and any bible study is fine....maybe we can find a daily devotional for TTC mothers?

[chriss]

Hi guys, just read up on everyone. Wanted to say hello. I am not on for much longer, want to rest. Transferred 4 embies. Now relaxing and thinking good thoughts. Thinking of you all. Thank you for your strength and kindness. Sorry I haven't posted much. I'll try more. -chriss

[Hope644]

Chriss - congratulations on transferring your 4 little ones!!! When is test day?? Praying for a big ol' BFP for you!!!

Good morning to everyone else!!! Hope all are doing well!!!!

I am up super early, waiting for DH so we can go for my ER today!!

Trusting in Him that I will have a good little crop of eggies this afternoon! Thank you all for your prayers. I hope to check in this afternoon with an update... and I want to update the prayer list, so if you have dates or special prayer requests, please let us know!

[kildean23]

Chriss: I just feel that you are going to get a BFP out of this cycle. I am praying for your little ones!

Hope644: I can't wait for the report. Make sure you update!

As for me, I really haven't had any m/s which is good. I have had some problems with a tender naval, but I seem to be doing better. Just very tired and hungry all the time and sore bbs. My next ultrasound is this coming Monday.

[hrobinson]

Hope- Will be praying for lots of good quality eggs. Please let us know as soon as you know anything. Lay low and take care of yourself today.

[nicaliw]

Hope. Good luck with your ER today. Praying for you and lots of follies. I really hope this is a good day. Can't wait to hear how it went later today.

I haven't been writing many messages lately but I'm still here. I'm watching how you are all doing on a daily basis, just not much to report here yet. I'm on lupron and took my last BCP last night, so my bleed will confirm the date of the transfer. I guess I don't think about it all too much, trying to stay positive though. Maybe this will be the one since I'm so relaxed/indifferent.

Much love to all my sisters

Nikki

[kbat]

Thanks for all your kind words. I have decided to take a break in this before deciding if I should go for a 3rd and final opinion. Even if I do, I might not proceed--assuming everything was done that could be done. If not, then I would be in a dilemma as to how to pay for it. Part of me thinks I should maybe pursue, and part of me thinks that this isn't in God's plan for me. I know in his infinate wisdom, He'll do what's right, but it's hard to understand sometimes.

I think I will try some tcm--continue w/ acupuncture and try Chinese herbs for a few months. This way it'll help me settle down to try to figure out what the next approach will be. I really don't know if I am barking up the wrong tree w/ this tcm, but I figure it's worth a try and right now it's much cheaper than doing another ivf cycle. I've heard the herbs can be helpful as long you aren't taking stim. drugs, and should I decide to continue, perhaps it'll be useful should I do another ivf cycle. It's been around for thousands of years, so there must be something about it that's useful!!!!

God Bless.
Kara

[waitingforMia]

kbat: I know it is a tough decision. I took a three year break never thinking I would be back on this road - but God called me back. I hope you will still be around here even though you are taking a break! I think you have a great attitude about this, and I pray for God to continue to give you peace in what ever is His will for you!

Nic: Yeah it is easier not to be obsessed with the IF tmts when not posting regularly so I understand. Thanks for checking in

Kildean: will this be your 2nd u/s? That is when I got to hear the hb - it was really amazing! Praying for continued protectionover you and your babies!

Hope: Cant wait to hear from you!!! Praying you get a nice "crop" Please God let this be Hope's time!!

Chriss: enough resting tell us how you are doing Hope you dont have any pain after transfer!! Stick embies stick!!!

Inde: Anemic yuck! Did you know you were anemic before??? iron supplements... fun... Glad everything is moving along for you! What is the next step??

No news here - still feeling good (which is a bit disconcerting). Been busy hosting my dh's cousin and getting ready for a new class that I am teaching. Hope everyone is having great day!

MP

[IndieBlue]

Hello all Checking in before bedtime. Just a small (tiny really) update, nothing new to report except my doctor wanted to see the records where I was a donor 9 years ago and so I tried to get those but that clinic said they destroyed them....hmmm, okay??? So guess I'll be starting from scratch, hope my RE is okay with that. I've been taking the Iron pills, they are strange...the package is sort of like BCP, you pop out one a day and then the last week they are purple and are different. Anyhow, eating lots of prunes and drinking TONS more water We've been busy studying, as we have standardized test set up for next week, and then my 4 year old is having TONS of appointments scheduled for his issues...so again, busy busy I have to tell you all, tonight I was organizing the closets (yea....boring) and I had purchased a lot of colored coat hangers for the girls room. Well, I got done and had a BUNCH of the little sized hangers left, my 5 year old said "Mom, I sure do wish we had a baby so we could use these hangers" LOL I hope she meant to hang things up and not in the Mommy Dearest way LMBO!

Mia: Aren't you glad you followed God's leading and came back to IVF What a blessing!!! I'm glad you're feeling so good.....AWESOME! Oh and yes I knew I was Anemic.....I always have been? Not sure why really and no doctor has ever told me....they just always say "you're anemic, take some iron". I don't eat red meat, but I do eat a lot rich veggies and such...so who knows.

KBat: I am sending you prayers....I think that following your heart and listening to your body is a wise choice. You will have time during the break to see God's leading and then you'll be revived and ready to begin that journey.

Nicaliw: Congrats on the last BCP...I'll be so glad to be at that point. I keep PRAYING for an early AF LOL....let this be one of my short cycles, come on 26 days! It'll be one of those that goes on forever though, never fails. When I was in the office on day 9 of my last cycle, she kept saying "yep, you're fixing to ovulate as your cervix is way way back there" ???? It was day 9....seriously? I haven't noticed a change in CM though....or as Elliot says on Scrubs "Icky Sticky" LOL

Kildean: Great sign....sore bbies I remember that well....one of the first signs that I was pregnant. Great that you're skipping the MS so far too....awesome! I can't wait to hear about your next ultrasound....won't it just make you melt to see 2 little beans in there

Hope: Funny that you were up waiting on DH. How did the harvest go? Praying for lots and lots of little eggies. And I'm loving the FROG flashy....so cute!

Chriss: Congrats on the ET....wow 4!!!! I can't remember, is this day 3 or 5? Take it easy, and just keep a PMA during that 2ww....although I'm sure that is easier said than done I am not going to enjoy that part of my IVF.

Iccin: I'm praying for you....I can not imagine working myself through all of that. Please keep us updated and I'll keep you in my prayers

Well, off to bed....been up way way too long today without a break, so glad tomorrow we have no appointments and no music lessons....YAY! Praying for everyone and their ER, ET, Beta, Ultrasounds and for others like me...that are at some boring stand still part of the IVF cycle.

Faith

[Hope644]

Wow! So much to catch up on in such a short time. I promise I will respond more later...

For now, just wanted to check in real quick to give an eggie report - I slept most of the day yesterday, so I never made it on here!

The ER went well. No problems or complications. We got 11 eggies. Which is exactly what my Acupunturist wanted us to have (between 10-12). It is the lowest number I've ever had, so it seems a bit low to me, but we only need 1 perfect one, right!?!

No news on the fert report yet, will get that call today.

I'm still a bit sore, but nothing a little tylenol won't help. I'm off to work now. Sending hugs your way, dear sisters and lifting each of you up to God in prayer.

He is

[Hope644]

Quick update -

Of our 11 eggs, 8 were mature enough to perform the ICSI procedure. Of the 8, 4 took the fertilization. (our numbers & percentages always drop at fert due to sperm issues). (Thursday's report).

And today (Friday's report) - we still have 4 strong embies. 3 are at 2-cell, which is where they should be today (day 2) and my little overachiever is at 3 cells. We are set for ET tomorrow at 0900. Still don't know how many we will transfer. DH is not budging. He is terrified that we will have trips. So he only wants to transfer 2.

Please pray that we will make the right decision with the transfer number and that they will continue to grow strong into the little baby(ies) that God has already planned.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16