We have just got back from spending christmas with my family - I am glad to say it was better than I thought. My family were their usual kind and loving selves and I think they understood that sometimes I smiled and sometimes I cried!
New year ripped my heart out as I knew it would. I have spent too many New years praying that this year will be the one - so I knew having to face another would be upsetting, I knew this one would be worse though, knowing that there is no more treatment planned and that all hope for a baby is now gone was too depressing for words.
But still this is a new year and so I hope there will be a new kind of hope.
DH and I have made a different wish list this year - we have made promises to one another and made new goals but this time at least we know these are achievable and ARE within the realms of possibilty!
There is still so much to conquer (battling this depression and getting back to work wpould be a start!) and this road is so very long but at least today I have a "new start" kind of feeling and I hope that it lasts!
I have been thinking of you all and wondering how the holidays were for you. I lit my candle for you at mass on Christmas eve, I said a prayer looking at the crib and wished us all HOPE.
I look forward to seeing you all back on the board. I love the updated site - its so much more friendly!
Lorraine
so when I have had 2 x FSH one for Jan and one for Feb also all these tests results we will know wether or not we are able to go for my own eggs again , We have booked a fantastic holiday in Mexico in September so if we are allowd TMT before then if it works we cancell the holiday but if it doesnt then we have that to look forward to on the other hand if the out come on feb is that of using donor , we will have the holiday first and think long and hard about going for it , its tough to make the final decision to give up and I so admire all of you that have done so , I feel like I really want to give up now but my head is saying not yet , its so difficult. I went through a rough time when my last partner left me 8 weeks before our wedding and I was suicidal I gave him 150% as a strong person I never dremped I could get so low but I got through it and am a bit frightend I suppose if I give up too quick when Im not 100% sure then I would have that to face again , bit of a coward really but I think you know when the time is right .